I have yet to read beyond the post quoted above (post #40)...
I am thinking that what is at the crux of the matter is the idea that - if/once a woman is used to acting-and-operating 'independent' - if/when she gets married, will she totally immerse herself truly-and-fully into the marriage as being one-of-two of a codependent couple? Or, will she [want to] continue to act-and-operate 'independent' [of her husband] - reaching outside of - or beyond - the way a codependent marriage relationship should act-and-operate?
Something along those lines...
Valid concern, but couldn't the same be said for a man who is accustomed to "flying solo"? 🤔
And I realize that husband and wife would and should come to rely on each other, but is codependency ever completely healthy? 🤔
Thanks for clearing that up.... I frequent a lot of psychology media so was only thinking of codependency in the unhealthy definition. But I'm sure there's a proper, healthy way that married people would and could rely on each other. 🤔
My use of the word 'codependent' was/is intended in the proper healthy way. It means to understand and accept the responsibility that comes with being in a marriage - always having regard for the spouse - not taking opportunity to act-and-operate outside of that responsibility.
In the context of my statement in post #105, the word 'independent' takes on the "unhealthy way" in a marriage. It is perfectly okay when you are single (man or woman); however, that same kind of 'independence' in a marriage is unhealthy - because, it 'disregards' the spouse.
Sorry if I used a "loaded" word (
"Ain't English wonderful!" ) - I was merely referring to a husband-and-wife couple who naturally normally honestly depend on each other - in a healthy way - to make the marriage work. Because, that is what marriage is about - sharing [in] life together - is it not?
And, when
sharing is accompanied by the proper kind of
caring - 'codependence' can be a very good thing...
And, I mean 'codependence' in a good healthy way.
There is nothing wrong with the husband at times doing things with men friends or the wife at times doing things with women friends - as long as you have the right kind of friends. There is nothing wrong with having some different hobbies - it can even be a good thing for the marriage.
The kind of 'codependence' I am referring to does not
restrict one spouse from doing [something] without the other spouse - nor does it
confine one spouse to the [whims] of the other spouse. On the contrary, it is the exact opposite.
What I am talking about is the bringing-together-and-organizing "what both bring to the table" for the 'increase' that may be had in the marriage - to keep it functioning consistently and continually with stability and security.
I am talking about husband and wife being in complete-and-full agreement concerning the "roles" they will take on in the marriage. In so doing, they create a 'codependence' between them that actually allows for a greater "freedom" in the marriage - for the-two-as-one.
I may try to explain what I mean by this later - for now, I want to keep this post from becoming a book...
There is a certain kind of 'independence' - "being able to handle something on your own" - that both husband and wife need and should have. Otherwise, the 'codependence' (the healthy one that I am talking about) will fail miserably - and, the marriage will be
dysfunctional and in chaos.
In any case, what I was trying to say in post #105 was that - from the perspective of a man with regard to an 'independent' woman - the concern is perhaps one of
uncertainty about if-and-how the woman will "integrate" into the marriage.
How will she
transition into the marriage?
Will she transition into the marriage? How will her previous 'independence' experience affect the marriage relationship?
Lots of uncertainty. A great deal of risk for a man. And, honestly, a very possible regret for a woman if she does not want to let go of some of that 'independence' within which she has gotten very used to acting-and-operating.
Needless to say, when a man and woman get married - both of them must be willing to make changes to their lifestyle habits - otherwise, they are just two different 'independent' people living together. And, I am thinking, a 'codependence' (the healthy one that I am talking about) is
essential for a stable and secure marriage relationship - or, at the very least, brings "a whole new level" to the marriage relationship.