It's good to be single.

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SomeDisciple

Well-known member
Jul 4, 2021
793
382
63
#41
I dunno... I have seen some families that ARE what it's cracked up to be.
Well, I've heard someone say from the pulpit that you can't really understand the image of god without being married, because god created us in his image male and female. Part of me wanted to confront him and ask him to explain how Jesus didn't truly understand the image of god. And I've heard assertions from people here and there trying to say that marriage makes you a better person- but while it might have helped make them a better person, all you have to do is take a look around to see that it's not marriage itself that does that.
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
38,472
14,935
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Tennessee
#42
I am not a scripture- wise sir but this is how I understood it
..
third fold could be the Holy Spirit who has bound the man and the woman in oneness (marriage) making it God the center of the marriage... It is like God,the wife and the husband(threefold cord)
This is very much scripture-wise.
 

OneOfHis

Well-known member
Mar 24, 2019
1,430
2,206
113
#43
I wasn't ready for someone to evoke the 90's like that, you've got to warn people!

I might have understood that video when it came out if it wasn't so creepy looking. It's legit though; there are so many people in this world, attractive people that look and act happily married... until they don't. I definitely pray for them and hope things change for them; the Lord can restore them; but I'm glad that it's not me. I have some problems of my own design, but that isn't one of them. Loneliness or any kind of incompleteness or envy towards married people, I don't remember any better than Ace of Base- which I had almost forgotten about, until now.

When you hear a preacher that is exalting marriage as something higher than what it really is; trying to get their Sunday schools filled out, sometimes you need a reminder that it's not always what it's cracked up to be. Or if it's not a preacher it's some married person talking about "Look, I have a wife and kids, see how much more I have going on in my life?" But outside of church and their Sunday-best, it's not all smiles. Like Paul says, even Christians will have their struggles. So, unless a marriage is going to somehow make my walk with god better, where is the necessity?


Marriage itself is wonderful. God made it as part of His design for great reason.


Before I was a christian, I actually had a bias against marriage and women in general. I had only seen how evil and selfish and destructive worldly women can be. Even my family.
When I ended up dating in unbelief I was hurt in the same ways I saw all those around me hurt by women. The men and children and anyone they could take advantage of or use for gain.



When I became a christian I still had a chip on my shoulder unknowingly.

After starting to fellowship and try to share what I was learning in scripture and any questions that I didn't feel I had answers to, I had the pleasure of meeting many of Gods daughters who may not be perfect but would shine brightly and remind me so much of the changes He made in me.


It was then I knew I COULD marry God willing, the fear and disgust I had was ... not applied to all women anymore but to the evils of our own hearts and flesh. Just as God can change us, He can change anyone and correct them.


If you happened to find a woman who looks to Him for correction and accepts proper leadership, I think it would be a good time to pray for growth so you can not only be ready to lead but appreciate what a blessing marriage really is and not take it for granted as it seems you would now.



In my only relationship as a christian.... I remember praying often.

I would pray and pray and pray and ask God, "Is this woman right for me Lord? Can you show me so I know Father?" and similar prayers sometimes for hours...


After months of this on and off and me worrying or maybe us needing to work through things... I remember an instant understanding and sense of... guilt. I felt convicted.

I was praying wrong. I never once asked if I was right for this woman in those first few months. It brought me to tears but I then wanted to be better for her. I wanted to care as much for her future, as our future or my future.


Marriage isn't the problem. It is everything God made it to be. If we are so blessed with a chance to marry, I hope all of us can remember how precious it is and not take it, or our other half for granted.
 

SomeDisciple

Well-known member
Jul 4, 2021
793
382
63
#44
Marriage isn't the problem. It is everything God made it to be. If we are so blessed with a chance to marry, I hope all of us can remember how precious it is and not take it, or our other half for granted.
Never said marriage was the problem- this thread was never about condemning marriage or married people. What it is about is about is casting down an imagination that marriage and married people are somehow superior to being single or single people. It's an imagination that the enemy puts in the face of single people to try and make them feel inadequate and doubt their completeness in Christ AND an imagination that he puts in the face of married people to try and get them to treat singles with contempt. But why should we let him steal our joy?
 

Gideon300

Well-known member
Mar 18, 2021
2,872
1,774
113
#45
I think there are great things about being a free spirit. Its not for everyone but as a Christ follower I do value my freedom.

Those who are married are bound to their spouse, even when they get divorced, or their partner dies some of them are still bound and weighed down by their partner, or in worse case scenarios, chained. Especially if they are unequally yoked and their spouse doesnt believe.

I think the plight for men and women is when they dont agree on anything. What tends to happen is one will make the decisions and the other will go along with it even if they dont want to, and often to their detriment. You can only do that for so long.

I think children are undoubtedly affected by what happens when their parents split up, but also when they stay together even if the parents dont like each other. Its very rare in marriage for couples to still like each other after 5, 10, 20 years. Maybe if they were the only ones on earth they would have to make do. But I think its rare. When people,marry that doesnt mean temptation automatically stops either.
Christians can be different. What kills relationships in most cases is unforgiveness. Offending one another is inevitable. It's how the offence is dealt with that matters. We MUST forgive. It is not optional. It applies as believers anyway, but the consequences for marriage are severe.

Researchers have found that a good marriage can turn sour in a year or so. It's not a long time. I know couples who are best of friends after decades of marriage. Some are not believers.

Unforgivness will fester and turn to bitterness and resentment. It can have physical effects, including arthritis. If you have trouble forgiving, let me know. I have a link to an article that will enable you to forgive anything, not matter how deeply hurt you may be.

My other suggestion is that anyone contemplating marriage check out Mark Gungor. Any married couple who wants to know why men and women are different should also check him out. As a bonus, he's very funny and entertaining.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
16,445
5,573
113
#46
i personally dont have problems forgiving.

I think some married people do have problems forgiving though and just stay bitter and resentful then take it out on their children. I dont like seeing that, if you have problems in your marriage you both sort it out, like adults but you dont then start abusing or neglecting your children.

I think the worst cases Ive seen is where children start becoming violent or bullying and its because of their parents troubled marriages.
If parents dont love each other enough to talk to each other or even be in the same room, children are not going to learn forgiveness in their lives at the most basic level. I think its a given that men and women are different, no two people are exactly the same, even if they are twins.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
16,445
5,573
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#47
i think praying that God changes you to be a good husband or a good wife is better than praying that a good wife or husband will be given to you if you want to be married.

The qualities of being a wife (helper) or husband (caretaker) can be had even if you are NOT married to anyone. for example anyone whos worked as an assistant is a helper. Its like being a wife.

likewise if you look after animals, you become good at animal husbandry. Thats part of being a husband, looking after things, people, animals, land.
 

GiveThanks

God Will Make A Way
Dec 6, 2020
408
330
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#48
I found out she had 10 kids all by the same man! That's something to praise God for... And she's out there working harder than some 20 year olds to keep her household going ... but I was definitely inspired.
Why does that inspire you?
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
38,472
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Tennessee
#49
i think praying that God changes you to be a good husband or a good wife is better than praying that a good wife or husband will be given to you if you want to be married.
I fully concur. I pray each day to be a loving and faithful husband.
 

Nehemiah6

Senior Member
Jul 18, 2017
18,267
9,293
113
#50
...marriage and married people are somehow superior to being single or single people...
What if that is in fact true? The very fact that married life takes sacrifice, commitment, hard work, multiple skills, and dedication, all adds up.
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
13,869
3,886
113
#52
What if that is in fact true? The very fact that married life takes sacrifice, commitment, hard work, multiple skills, and dedication, all adds up.
Whether or not the apostle Paul was formerly married or not, he choose to stay single.

Anna in the Bible was married 7 years, then became a widow for the rest of her life, serving in the temple.

And yet God deemed her as being worthy enough to be one of the handful of people who were able to see, hold, and recognize God's Messiah as an infant.

No, married people are not superior.

I am in a position where I have literally given up my entire life's direction to care for the married in my family because I am always seen as easy collateral damage that can be sacrificed.

Despite my decades of earnest pleading, God chooses to keep me single, and has told me to go and take care of my family.

I know many singles who give up their lives for their married friends and family, and are never even acknowledged.

I absolutely do not believe in any way that God sees singles as inferior to the married.

May God see, hear, and have compassion on the plight of singles who give up everything for the married around us, and yet they continuously treat us as lesser human beings.
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
13,869
3,886
113
#53
What if that is in fact true? The very fact that married life takes sacrifice, commitment, hard work, multiple skills, and dedication, all adds up.
Marriage definitely is all of those things and more.
It saddens me that singles are seen as being so worthless within the church.

All the single friends I have know all about these things and more, because they are providing for/raising and caring for family members, whether young children, cousins, elderly parents, etc.

Most do so without any help or support from a partner, no one to listen to it support them, or even acknowledge that they are giving up their own lives for the needs of others, all without any benefits of marriage.
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
38,472
14,935
113
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Tennessee
#54
It saddens me that singles are seen as being so worthless within the church.

All the single friends I have know all about these things and more, because they are providing for/raising and caring for family members, whether young children, cousins, elderly parents, etc.

Most do so without any help or support from a partner, no one to listen to it support them, or even acknowledge that they are giving up their own lives for the needs of others, all without any benefits of marriage.
That saddens me that there are churches where singles are seen having less value than someone who is married. Paul certainly did not recommend that anyone gets married but rather only if you were burning with passion. In a biblical sense a single person, at least in Paul's perception, has the greater potential to serve the Lord.
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
20,295
5,940
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#55
What if that is in fact true? The very fact that married life takes sacrifice, commitment, hard work, multiple skills, and dedication, all adds up.
ERROR: Does not compute --

I know some married people who are "better" than some single people who wish they had a partner but are too lazy to put in the time and sacrifice to make a relationship work...

BUT

I also know some single people who have a lot more wisdom than certain married people who just got married to legitimize sex and don't really try to make their relationships work.

What? Have you never seen married people who lack sacrifice, commitment, hard work, multiple skills and dedication? Man, I sure have!

Have you never seen single people who have all those attributes, but have chosen to not try to hunt down a spouse? Uh... Hate to break it to you, but I'm one. And I know a lot of others.
 

RodB651

Active member
Feb 11, 2021
243
165
43
#56
What if that is in fact true? The very fact that married life takes sacrifice, commitment, hard work, multiple skills, and dedication, all adds up.
Yeah, married life takes all that and then some. I remember it well.

But a lot of single folks I know are doing that and then some also.
 

love_comes_softly

Well-known member
Feb 13, 2019
736
787
93
#57
What if that is in fact true? The very fact that married life takes sacrifice, commitment, hard work, multiple skills, and dedication, all adds up.
Are all these things not true of being single? These things may occur in a different manner, but they are all qualities required when single as well.

I have to wonder if you’re just joking.
 

RodB651

Active member
Feb 11, 2021
243
165
43
#59
That saddens me that there are churches where singles are seen having less value than someone who is married.
Singles, especially older singles, are generally viewed as that odd group of people that meet in that room at the far end of the hall. It's thought that since they are single and don't have lives, that surely they have plenty of time to do things around the church. There's not anything wrong with helping out, but it's almost expected of single folks.
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
13,869
3,886
113
#60
What if that is in fact true? The very fact that married life takes sacrifice, commitment, hard work, multiple skills, and dedication, all adds up.
ERROR: Does not compute --

I know some married people who are "better" than some single people who wish they had a partner but are too lazy to put in the time and sacrifice to make a relationship work...

BUT

I also know some single people who have a lot more wisdom than certain married people who just got married to legitimize sex and don't really try to make their relationships work.

What? Have you never seen married people who lack sacrifice, commitment, hard work, multiple skills and dedication? Man, I sure have!

Have you never seen single people who have all those attributes, but have chosen to not try to hunt down a spouse? Uh... Hate to break it to you, but I'm one. And I know a lot of others.
Lynx is much more modest than most will ever know.

One of the reasons he chooses the single life is because he cooks, cares for, chauffeurs, and helps provide for a beloved family member.

He had a place of his own and independent life, but gave it all up to make sure this relative is safe, comfortable, and able to live in familiar surroundings. Without him, this lovely person could not live this way.

I know because I spent a week with them and saw all the hard work, commitment, and sacrifice he makes for everyone around him but never says a word about it, let alone complains. He counts it as a joy to serve others and does so without hesitation.

May God hear and remember those, both married and single, who are treated with such contempt and utter dismissal.