Just because you like the same music, it doesn't mean you should be together
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At one time, I refused to consider a woman whose parents were divorced. I ended up marrying a girl at church, parents still together, homeschooled, all that modern Christian stuff. We're divorced now. I don't know that all that stuff matters. I think getting with a Christian does matter, so that makes a terribly small pool of prospects, then you'd likely be cutting it in half by demanding that their parents are still together.
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Like I said, it's not a "must". But whatever their personal feelings on divorce, a person's background influences them, consciously or not. It doesn't have to be divorce, either. I have some friends who are from very different backgrounds who married. They are still together but I have heard both of them say "I wish I had paid attention when someone told me this could be a problem." For example, growing up her family moved around a lot. Basically, this meant that they never really had to resolve things. An annoying situation came up, it was natural to move away from it without even realizing they were doing so. The husband grew up on the family farm and had only been away for 4 years for college. Unintentionally, they were both influenced by this way of living. When the going got tough her reaction was to move away. His reaction was to hunker down and weather it out. It caused arguments and problems. Not incompatible, but something to know about.
After reading the last several posts... I just wanted to toss in a thought that even when two people have been married a long time, it doesn't that their marriage is stable or even moral.
Some of my friends had parents that stayed together for decades and are still together, but they're in abusive situations or are having affairs and looking the other way.
I had one friend whose mother caught her father with his secretary, and he announced that he was going to do whatever he wanted, with whomever he wanted, and that she was just going to have to live with that because he brought in all the money. He thought he had her trapped-- he was bringing in a 6-figure income and she was a stay-at-home mom for their 4 kids, and she only had a high school diploma.
Her answer to him was basically, "You've got to be kidding, and so she left him, got custody of their kids (he had no interest in them because he wanted to keep all his money for himself), and raised them all on her own.
In contrast, I had another friend whose parents stayed married until the end--but their kids were regularly traumatized when they would come home from school and catch either parent with someone else, always with a warning that they were not to tell the other parent about the new "friend" who had been over to "visit."
Both of these friends were terrific people but I honestly have to say that the one from the divorced home seemed to be in a much better place emotionally.
Some of my friends had parents that stayed together for decades and are still together, but they're in abusive situations or are having affairs and looking the other way.
I had one friend whose mother caught her father with his secretary, and he announced that he was going to do whatever he wanted, with whomever he wanted, and that she was just going to have to live with that because he brought in all the money. He thought he had her trapped-- he was bringing in a 6-figure income and she was a stay-at-home mom for their 4 kids, and she only had a high school diploma.
Her answer to him was basically, "You've got to be kidding, and so she left him, got custody of their kids (he had no interest in them because he wanted to keep all his money for himself), and raised them all on her own.
In contrast, I had another friend whose parents stayed married until the end--but their kids were regularly traumatized when they would come home from school and catch either parent with someone else, always with a warning that they were not to tell the other parent about the new "friend" who had been over to "visit."
Both of these friends were terrific people but I honestly have to say that the one from the divorced home seemed to be in a much better place emotionally.
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And this might be the largest part of why I have never bothered to actively look for a spouse. My parents divorced and both of them have married other people... and gotten divorced again... No thank you, I'll pass on that.
Mind you, if I happen to meet Mrs. Right and we hit it off, yay! But in the meantime I have better things to do than intentionally seek out situations that will probably damage my heart. I can't psychoanalyze myself very well, but I'd guess my parents' divorces are a factor in that.
Mind you, if I happen to meet Mrs. Right and we hit it off, yay! But in the meantime I have better things to do than intentionally seek out situations that will probably damage my heart. I can't psychoanalyze myself very well, but I'd guess my parents' divorces are a factor in that.
I have to like any woman who loves sappy old 70's love songs and wants to live in a Carpenters and Bread songs themed life... 
[video=youtube;__VQX2Xn7tI]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=__VQX2Xn7tI[/video]
[video=youtube;__VQX2Xn7tI]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=__VQX2Xn7tI[/video]
So true. If they've had a litany of past relationships, been married already, have already had a family with others, their education and work, you only have to look at their choices and experiences in life to ascertain whether or not your values align with their's and what kind of future would be told as a result.
