Leonard (Nimoy) vs. Leonardo (DiCaprio) [Guys, What are Your Insecurities?]

[ChristopherMichael]

Also, I think height is a big thing for guys. Luckily, God made me tall, but a lot of my friends weren't as lucky. I think girls and the height of their guy is a bigger deal than guys and the weight of the girlfriend. Kind of unfair though. You can lose weight, but you can't change your height.

- Topher

 

[seoulsearch]

Also, I think height is a big thing for guys. Luckily, God made me tall, but a lot of my friends weren't as lucky. I think girls and the height of their guy is a bigger deal than guys and the weight of the girlfriend. Kind of unfair though. You can lose weight, but you can't change your height.

- Topher

I do have to admit to being a bit guilty in this department.

I tend to like a little height... but since I'm 5'2" myself, it's not that hard to be taller than me. (I figure I need to marry someone at least taller than me so that if we have kids, they'd have a fighting chance for height!)

But I do try to stay open-minded to whatever God has for me.

 

[dovey]

Do you guys pray for confidence?....know this is silly, but I read this thing in a book..."pray He will beautify you with the beauty of His holines"...and I am very attractive, and think God did a nice job putting me together, but anytime I don't feel that way I just pray that....and feel every so lovely!!....just thought maybe guys didnt pray for supernatural confidence....and I know God cares about that stuff

 

[Groundhog]

Do you guys pray for confidence?....know this is silly, but I read this thing in a book..."pray He will beautify you with the beauty of His holines"...and I am very attractive, and think God did a nice job putting me together, but anytime I don't feel that way I just pray that....and feel every so lovely!!....just thought maybe guys didnt pray for supernatural confidence....and I know God cares about that stuff

Maybe some of you ladies could explain this confidence thing. To be honest, I've always thought the pressure for guys to be "confident" was just as superficial as pressure for women to have good looks. I mean, I understand that people in general need to have a certain amount of confidence to function well in society, but beyond that, i don't know what sort of special confidence women expect out of men, and whether that expectation is fair (just as whether it is fair for men to expect women to look a certain way).

 

[seoulsearch]

Maybe some of you ladies could explain this confidence thing. To be honest, I've always thought the pressure for guys to be "confident" was just as superficial as pressure for women to have good looks. I mean, I understand that people in general need to have a certain amount of confidence to function well in society, but beyond that, i don't know what sort of special confidence women expect out of men, and whether that expectation is fair (just as whether it is fair for men to expect women to look a certain way).

This is an excellent question, Groundhog. I once had a conversation with a guy who told me he'd read that women hated insecurities in men... then proceeded on to tell me how "good-looking" he was, that tons of women wanted him, and that he was a "mack daddy." Ahem.

For me, at least, this is NOT the kind of "confidence" I'm looking for.

I would like someone who is fairly comfortable with who he is and is able to trust other people. For example, if I were in a relationship with someone and I told him about something that had happened at work, such as, a male co-worker saying something that made me laugh, I would want him to be confident enough to be like, "Oh, that really was funny," instead of, "What are you doing talking to some other guy? Are you cheating on me? Are you thinking of leaving me?" etc.

I know it works both ways (women can be like this too) but over time (and unfortunately, experience), I've learned to run from anyone who has this kind of low self-esteem.

 

[jakartafemale]

Hmm... wrong room... I'm not a man. But then I can see that guys have insecurities too....
A
Apparantely guys have I
nsecurities too...

 

[Jennifleur]

This is an excellent question, Groundhog. I once had a conversation with a guy who told me he'd read that women hated insecurities in men... then proceeded on to tell me how "good-looking" he was, that tons of women wanted him, and that he was a "mack daddy." Ahem.

For me, at least, this is NOT the kind of "confidence" I'm looking for.

I would like someone who is fairly comfortable with who he is and is able to trust other people. For example, if I were in a relationship with someone and I told him about something that had happened at work, such as, a male co-worker saying something that made me laugh, I would want him to be confident enough to be like, "Oh, that really was funny," instead of, "What are you doing talking to some other guy? Are you cheating on me? Are you thinking of leaving me?" etc.

I know it works both ways (women can be like this too) but over time (and unfortunately, experience), I've learned to run from anyone who has this kind of low self-esteem.

YES! This is exactly it! Guys also look for women who are confident, because dealing with jealousy and insecurity is both frustrating (as no amount of consoling is ever enough to relieve those fears of whom you're dating) and suffocating as someone who is insecure is likely to be clingy. You have to be comfortable being yourself. If you're not, than any front you put up with fall to pieces at some point, and you will have lost the trust of the person you are with. In that sense, men and women are looking for the same kind of confidence in a potential future partner.

That confidence can overcome some of your "flaws", be it a quirky personality or less-than-ideal physical traits. I've seen people who aren't the most "attractive" in the world have no problem getting dates because they are comfortable with who they are and they let it show.

For me, I guess I've never thought about the height much. I've read articles about it before, and I know statistics show that shorter guys are usually paid less, passed over for job promotioins, and have less "luck with the ladies". And, I can see how having a guy shorter than me would be a bit awkward. But other things are a lot more important to me than height. Besides, I'm 5'5", and I rarely meet guys shorter than I am. And hey, I could always introduce them to my best friend - she's barely 5'.

 

[dovey]

I think it goes down to our deeper questions....read wild at heart and Captivating...women need to know that they are beautiful..and men need to know that they are strong, that they have everything it takes to be a great man!...it is a core question at the foundation of who we are as men and women...and God is so good at answering it!!! in an individual way!

 

[Groundhog]

This is an excellent question, Groundhog. I once had a conversation with a guy who told me he'd read that women hated insecurities in men... then proceeded on to tell me how "good-looking" he was, that tons of women wanted him, and that he was a "mack daddy." Ahem.

For me, at least, this is NOT the kind of "confidence" I'm looking for.

I would like someone who is fairly comfortable with who he is and is able to trust other people. For example, if I were in a relationship with someone and I told him about something that had happened at work, such as, a male co-worker saying something that made me laugh, I would want him to be confident enough to be like, "Oh, that really was funny," instead of, "What are you doing talking to some other guy? Are you cheating on me? Are you thinking of leaving me?" etc.

I know it works both ways (women can be like this too) but over time (and unfortunately, experience), I've learned to run from anyone who has this kind of low self-esteem.

This makes sense, and this is pretty much what I assumed women meant by that. There is the other aspect of being "confident," though, which has to do with the man initiating the relationship with the woman. That whole argument over whether it's OK for a woman to ask out a guy--and there have been threads on this forum about that question. I think it's that part that I have a problem with. It seems to me that women and men are equal in their need to be stable people; that is, the confidence you've described above is just as important for a man to have as it is for a woman to have; it's part of being a mature person. But why is there a greater expectation on the guys when it comes to initiating dating? I haven't found a sufficient answer to this. I believe that is neither gender's responsibility, but belongs to both of them. I know people who are in wonderful marriages now where the woman was the one who initiated the dating phase, and I'm sure we all know some relationships that were initiated by the man and went terribly wrong. It seems to me that women can too easily hide behind the excuse of "I want a man to pursue me, so he has to be the one to initiate the relationship," and that is considered an acceptable position by some, whereas a man would be considered weak if he held the same position. That position is weak, regardless of the person's gender.I mean, we can't just start making up artificial rules like that. If I were to say, "I'm not going to continue dating a woman unless she kisses me on the first date," I would be putting an unnecessary hindrance on anyone I date, and it would probably miss out on some great women because of it (since so many great ones would probably not kiss so early on).

I think it goes down to our deeper questions....read wild at heart and Captivating...women need to know that they are beautiful..and men need to know that they are strong, that they have everything it takes to be a great man!...it is a core question at the foundation of who we are as men and women...and God is so good at answering it!!! in an individual way!

For the record, I did not like "Wild at Heart" and do not agree with John Eldridge's approach to masculinity. His approach seems based more on what the world says a man ought to be rather than on Jesus' teachings and example. I thought "Captivating" was a little better, but too much like the other book in terms of approach.

Let me just add that in all these matters, I'm just making conversation and speculation. When I am actually in a relationship, I tend to be a pretty traditional guy with a pretty traditional approach to things. I don't, however, think that everyone needs to abide by these traditional roles, or that there is one right kind of relationship. Love is ridiculous!

 

[MahogonySnail]

John Eldredge doesn't really present a Christian worldview that's probably why many Christian guys I know (including myself) don't agree with what he wrote. see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Eldredge

 

[seoulsearch]

In reply to the thoughts about who should ask whom out first, I have no problem asking a guy out if things seem to head in that direction.

I have, however, been told by some church elders that because Adam was made first and God made Eve for Adam, women, as part of their submission, should allow the man to pursue them.

*shrugs*

Obviously, I don't agree. But, that's what I've been told from some of the more conservative Christian viewpoints.

 

[dovey]

All I know is it will take a lot to get me interested...I enjoy being alone, think a relationship is a bit of a rollar coaster ride, and less time for other things...and if God wants me to marry anyone besides just Him, he is going to have to take my breath away! Like it was arranged before the begining of time....and then none of that stuff will matter much.

 

[bigfatsasquatch]

ROFL nice post Sharp.... about the knives being the equilizer... I'm pretty good with a bow staff myself.

I think women have more pressure to look a certain way therefore they have to deal with more insecurities based on appearance. However with the advent of the metrosexual and the fact that it seems like women are becoming more superficial (catching up with men) it has started to put more pressure (although less than women) on guys in the way of appearance. For good or bad...... you are not your appearance. You are your soul. God knew you before you were born..... before you were placed in the body that was chosen for you.... that you had NO say in the choosing of.

 

[bigfatsasquatch]

Oh and another thing...... Something to keep in mind. According to the bible Jesus Christ was just an ordinary looking dude!! He might have even been ugly (WOULDN'T SURPRISE ME A BIT IF GOD MADE HIS HUMAN FORM "ugly"!!!)

"He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to Him, nothing in His appearance that we should desire Him.” Isaiah 52: 3

He was no Jim Caveziel... or however you spell his name..... most likely not like the model in the paintings you have seen.

I swear it makes me love God even more.

 

[Sharp]

ROFL nice post Sharp.... about the knives being the equilizer... I'm pretty good with a bow staff myself.

I think women have more pressure to look a certain way therefore they have to deal with more insecurities based on appearance. However with the advent of the metrosexual and the fact that it seems like women are becoming more superficial (catching up with men) it has started to put more pressure (although less than women) on guys in the way of appearance. For good or bad...... you are not your appearance. You are your soul. God knew you before you were born..... before you were placed in the body that was chosen for you.... that you had NO say in the choosing of.

i just youtubed bow staff - had never heard of it before. two awesome videos for whoever is interested. the second one is hilarious:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DqUCC_VJXKQ&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KNlrxCzfgmw&feature=related

 

[Leilaii425]

Oh and another thing...... Something to keep in mind. According to the bible Jesus Christ was just an ordinary looking dude!! He might have even been ugly (WOULDN'T SURPRISE ME A BIT IF GOD MADE HIS HUMAN FORM "ugly"!!!)

"He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to Him, nothing in His appearance that we should desire Him.” Isaiah 52: 3

He was no Jim Caveziel... or however you spell his name..... most likely not like the model in the paintings you have seen.

I swear it makes me love God even more.

I love what you just said. I swear it makes me love god even more. When i see pictures of jesus, i wonder where people came up with the idea that he looks like that. In the pictures he's nice looking. Like you said though in Isaiah "He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to Him, nothing in His appearance that we should desire Him.” God knew what he was doing when he made jesus look ordinary, i know myself if i had lived back when jesus walked the earth, i wouldnt have followed a guy just because of his looks, and that might have been another reason why god made jesus unattractive, he wanted people to follow jesus because of what he taught, not because of the way he looked.

 

[seoulsearch]

Oh and another thing...... Something to keep in mind. According to the bible Jesus Christ was just an ordinary looking dude!! He might have even been ugly (WOULDN'T SURPRISE ME A BIT IF GOD MADE HIS HUMAN FORM "ugly"!!!)

"He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to Him, nothing in His appearance that we should desire Him.” Isaiah 52: 3

He was no Jim Caveziel... or however you spell his name..... most likely not like the model in the paintings you have seen.

I swear it makes me love God even more.

This is a really incredible thought... thank you so much for pointing this out. I'm marking this passage in my Bible and writing it down in my study journal...

Thanks so much for sharing!!

 

[dustyzafu]

I really don't get the idea of pursuit, whether by man or woman. All of my relationships have grown up organically and, by the time I felt comfortable enough with a person to discuss dating, we'd already spent enough time together that it was barely a blip on the radar.

Do people really try to cajole each other into dating? Do people really pursue? We're talking about mates, not errant cattle.

 

[Leilaii425]

I really don't get the idea of pursuit, whether by man or woman. All of my relationships have grown up organically and, by the time I felt comfortable enough with a person to discuss dating, we'd already spent enough time together that it was barely a blip on the radar.

Do people really try to cajole each other into dating? Do people really pursue? We're talking about mates, not errant cattle.

cattle! oh no no, more like a shark. You round them up and eat them.

 

[zeroturbulence]

I personally wish I had more confidence and were 40lbs (18.2kg) lighter and made more money, but I think guys in general, especially younger guys, have a need to feel liked or impressed by everyone around them. You know how guys often try to act cool or loud or "wild"? I think that is the part of them that wants to be liked by everyone around them. Its sort of like when the male gorilla tries to bang his chest to attract a female and prove his masculinity.

Another thing that I think guys are insecure about is their girlfirends or wives. Here is a big secret ladies...most guys are never completely sure about whether they are keeping the woman in their life happy in the relationship and it is often something they take seriuosly because it often weighs on their hearts. There is always that question in their minds about whether they said something wrong or made a choice you didnt like or are going down a path you dont like, or did they not treat you as well as they should have, etc.. And if they fail at keeping the woman happy, then they often see themselves as a failure as a man...at least temporarily, sometimes longer.