Long Distant Relationships

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ISeeWhat4U

Junior Member
May 22, 2014
23
27
3
Bethlehem PA
#1
I was just wondering what people felt about long distant relationships. Is there a certain distance you wouldn't go beyond while trying to talk to someone to get to know them? People that I know usually just stick with people located in their local area nearby but wouldn't searching in areas further away increase your chances of really finding the best one to be with? Me personally I wouldn't mind about distances at all because there's always visiting/vacations & then eventually 1 of the 2 involved would relocate lol.
 

hoss2576

Senior Member
May 10, 2014
552
23
18
#2
We had a thread that might help you get some more insight.

http://christianchat.com/christian-...s-talk-about-long-distance-relationships.html

Personally, I think long distance relationships really depend on the people involved. Some people can do them, and some folks can't. I think you and the other person have to really discuss the pro's and con's of it. It just helps to thoroughly discuss any concerns with the other person.
 

Desdichado

Senior Member
Feb 9, 2014
8,768
838
113
#3
It's a case by case basis. For most people, I would not recommend such a move.

That said though, this is a lonely age. As long as you seek companionship and open the door to people God has put in your way, there is nothing wrong with exploring other avenues.

Really, our time is not unique in that long distance relationships exist. They've existed for quite a long time. They have become easier to establish and maintain though.

If someone thinks they can enter into one of those and see it through from a practical standpoint, that might be just what the doctor ordered.
 
T

Tintin

Guest
#4
Sometimes they work, sometimes they don't.
 

ISeeWhat4U

Junior Member
May 22, 2014
23
27
3
Bethlehem PA
#5
We had a thread that might help you get some more insight.

http://christianchat.com/christian-...s-talk-about-long-distance-relationships.html

Personally, I think long distance relationships really depend on the people involved. Some people can do them, and some folks can't. I think you and the other person have to really discuss the pro's and con's of it. It just helps to thoroughly discuss any concerns with the other person.

Thanks for sharing that link with me I'll definitely check it out right now! I fully agree with you though it does really depend on the people & 2 people on the same side with the same goal in mind relationship wise can make anything work in their favor.
 

ISeeWhat4U

Junior Member
May 22, 2014
23
27
3
Bethlehem PA
#6
It's a case by case basis. For most people, I would not recommend such a move.

That said though, this is a lonely age. As long as you seek companionship and open the door to people God has put in your way, there is nothing wrong with exploring other avenues.

Really, our time is not unique in that long distance relationships exist. They've existed for quite a long time. They have become easier to establish and maintain though.

If someone thinks they can enter into one of those and see it through from a practical standpoint, that might be just what the doctor ordered.

Very true words my friend!!
 
May 3, 2013
8,719
75
0
#7
When I read your post I was reminded of Samson. He chose other people instead of those he was, by law, to have kept in touch to be married or these Esd_9:12 and Neh_13:25

Lev 21:13 If you are the high priest, you must marry only a virgin
Lev 21:14 from your own tribe. Don't marry a divorced woman or any other woman who has already had sex, including a temple prostitute.
Lev 21:15 In this way, your descendants will be qualified to serve me. Remember--I am the LORD, and I have chosen you.

Further references:

Deu 12:30 But that's when you must be especially careful not to ask, "How did those nations worship their gods? Shouldn't we worship the LORD in the same way?"
Deu 12:31 No, you should not! The LORD hates the disgusting way those nations worship their gods, because they even burn their sons and daughters as sacrifices.


Jue 3:7 The Israelites sinned against the LORD by forgetting him and worshiping idols of Baal and Astarte.
 
Z

zaoman32

Guest
#8
I am not anti-long distance relationship, at least for others. If I didn't have any kids it's something I would probably would consider more thoughtfully. Right now my "interest" lives about an hour away, and that's probably as far as I'm willing to go. Even if things do progress with her, I'm not sure how everything would work, but that's up to God, not me.
 
Jun 30, 2011
2,521
35
0
#9
Hmm - long distance - how long are we saying - 10 hours max possibly

Skype, all that stuff - planned time together etc - would have to see a consistent effort on her part - and mine

Not going to lie but a direct plan to move forward in the relationship, but I have a bit different views on things so, who knows
 

ChandlerFan

Senior Member
Jan 8, 2013
1,148
102
63
#10
Sometimes they work, sometimes they don't.
This is really it haha.

I think if you want to get into the practicalities of it, those kind of differ with the couple.
 

violakat

Senior Member
Apr 23, 2014
1,236
21
38
#11
I think a lot of it depend on the individuals involved. I know for me, there has been only one man who lived in another country, that I would have considered talking more with, and getting to know better, but several men state side that have peeked my interest.

Trying to have a long distance relationship is not for the faint of heart. Nearly had a long distance relationship with someone a few years ago, that did not end well. Part of the problem was a communication issue between the two of us, which also caused some additional problems. I ended up having to put a stop to it, because I was getting worn out, not to mention dealing with a lot of stuff going on with my family. He didn't take it very well, and I'll say that was the end of that story.

However, I know that if I met the right person online, then yes I would reconsider attempting a long distance relationship again, but as Creation tutor said: "would have to see a consistent effort on [his] part - and mine"

Sorry Creation, I had to change it to his, as I refuse to use her.
 

Yahshua

Senior Member
Sep 22, 2013
2,753
711
113
#12
I think Long Distance Relationships work at any distance but you must know that they are naturally temporary; they have a shelf-life (which is a unique time frame based on each unique LDR). So there eventually should be a plan to close the distance at least temporarily to reset the LDR and keep it fresh. A physical meet up is crucial in order to "make it real", else the blossoming relationship can quickly stall and eventually die. Now the frequency of physical meetings will depend on the unique people involved and the distance. Physical touch/affection is very important for people...and (on average) more important for women than for men.

In the mean time, both people must be willing to strengthen their bond, slowly building trust with each other across that distance by making sacrifices, sharing things and opening up or being available (by schedule if necessary), which can be difficult and scary at first because of the dangers (and anonymity) available with today's forms of communication (e.g. catfishing, identity theft, privacy invasion & sharing). Both have to be willing to slowly make themselves vulnerable to the other without having a plan for "if it doesn't work out", because keeping them at an emotional distance eventually will be noticed by the other person the more they try to get to know you.

Then, realize that disagreements will occur...it's a relationship after all. But don't be so quick to block or mute the other person or go silent, at least without specifically telling them how long you need to cool off. Sudden silence can be misinterpreted as ending the relationship or (God forbid) tragedy, which can seriously damage the bond if such a message wasn't originally intended. Like others have said, constant communication is so important, but especially during rough times and lulls.

Also, it's a given that you must be faithful in all relationships, but I think it's especially true in LDRs. Because that person is rarely physically "there" with you, your relationship is primarily a mental and emotional one. Now while most people consider cheating to be primarily a physical act, (as Christ points out in his lesson on Adultery of the heart) emotional cheating is still cheating too. So both must show fidelity to the significant other by ending any emotional affairs you have with other people of interest and well as resisting the temptation of starting any new emotional bonds with the opposite gender (even if the significant other would never know). Both must be committed to each other and only each other. Just because your significant other isn't physically there with you doesn't mean you're not always together in spirit. So to test if you're being faithful to your S.O. ask yourself, "if they were right here with me, would I still do what I'm doing now?"

You know...come to think of it, an LDR may be the perfect example of our current relationship with Christ in spirit (until he comes), so we probably should treat an LDR how we ought to be treating our relationship with Christ.


It can be difficult...but it's not impossible. Just also remember what Christ said in his winepress parable, but for this situation: both people seriously must count the costs of the endeavor before engaging in it.
 
Last edited:
D

DCrawshawJr

Guest
#13
I've tried a few LDRs, even one that was 5,000 miles away (so...I was a little desperate). I don't recommend it unless God leads you to pursuing this and you're convinced of this. It takes much more time, energy, and money to turn an LDR into a marriage than a geographically-close relationship.
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
24,943
8,183
113
#14
Well that excludes me. I have very little money. =^.^=
 
D

DCrawshawJr

Guest
#15
Well, most of the "money" I'm talking about is gas money.
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
24,943
8,183
113
#16
Yeah, that. I have enough to get to work until next paycheck. So that would leave me out.
 

Desdichado

Senior Member
Feb 9, 2014
8,768
838
113
#17
When I read your post I was reminded of Samson. He chose other people instead of those he was, by law, to have kept in touch to be married or these Esd_9:12 and Neh_13:25

Lev 21:13 If you are the high priest, you must marry only a virgin
Lev 21:14 from your own tribe. Don't marry a divorced woman or any other woman who has already had sex, including a temple prostitute.
Lev 21:15 In this way, your descendants will be qualified to serve me. Remember--I am the LORD, and I have chosen you.

Further references:

Deu 12:30 But that's when you must be especially careful not to ask, "How did those nations worship their gods? Shouldn't we worship the LORD in the same way?"
Deu 12:31 No, you should not! The LORD hates the disgusting way those nations worship their gods, because they even burn their sons and daughters as sacrifices.


Jue 3:7 The Israelites sinned against the LORD by forgetting him and worshiping idols of Baal and Astarte.
What is your definition of "tribe" for all practical purposes?
 

Desdichado

Senior Member
Feb 9, 2014
8,768
838
113
#18
I think Long Distance Relationships work at any distance but you must know that they are naturally temporary; they have a shelf-life (which is a unique time frame based on each unique LDR). So there eventually should be a plan to close the distance at least temporarily to reset the LDR and keep it fresh. A physical meet up is crucial in order to "make it real", else the blossoming relationship can quickly stall and eventually die. Now the frequency of physical meetings will depend on the unique people involved and the distance. Physical touch/affection is very important for people...and (on average) more important for women than for men.

In the mean time, both people must be willing to strengthen their bond, slowly building trust with each other across that distance by making sacrifices, sharing things and opening up or being available (by schedule if necessary), which can be difficult and scary at first because of the dangers (and anonymity) available with today's forms of communication (e.g. catfishing, identity theft, privacy invasion & sharing). Both have to be willing to slowly make themselves vulnerable to the other without having a plan for "if it doesn't work out", because keeping them at an emotional distance eventually will be noticed by the other person the more they try to get to know you.

Then, realize that disagreements will occur...it's a relationship after all. But don't be so quick to block or mute the other person or go silent, at least without specifically telling them how long you need to cool off. Sudden silence can be misinterpreted as ending the relationship or (God forbid) tragedy, which can seriously damage the bond if such a message wasn't originally intended. Like others have said, constant communication is so important, but especially during rough times and lulls.

Also, it's a given that you must be faithful in all relationships, but I think it's especially true in LDRs. Because that person is rarely physically "there" with you, your relationship is primarily a mental and emotional one. Now while most people consider cheating to be primarily a physical act, (as Christ points out in his lesson on Adultery of the heart) emotional cheating is still cheating too. So both must show fidelity to the significant other by ending any emotional affairs you have with other people of interest and well as resisting the temptation of starting any new emotional bonds with the opposite gender (even if the significant other would never know). Both must be committed to each other and only each other. Just because your significant other isn't physically there with you doesn't mean you're not always together in spirit. So to test if you're being faithful to your S.O. ask yourself, "if they were right here with me, would I still do what I'm doing now?"

You know...come to think of it, an LDR may be the perfect example of our current relationship with Christ in spirit (until he comes), so we probably should treat an LDR how we ought to be treating our relationship with Christ.


It can be difficult...but it's not impossible. Just also remember what Christ said in his winepress parable, but for this situation: both people seriously must count the costs of the endeavor before engaging in it.
Great practical advice here. Again, practicality must be emphasized. If you think you can get a job and build a life in their area, they think they can and yours, or you both intend to move to the same area (roughly), fine.

Another factor is that dating is this- doing life together. You know you want to be with that person when you have watched them deal with situations in their personal lives. Anyone can put on a good face for the camera.
 

violakat

Senior Member
Apr 23, 2014
1,236
21
38
#19
Great practical advice here. Again, practicality must be emphasized. If you think you can get a job and build a life in their area, they think they can and yours, or you both intend to move to the same area (roughly), fine.

Another factor is that dating is this- doing life together. You know you want to be with that person when you have watched them deal with situations in their personal lives. Anyone can put on a good face for the camera.
This ^^^^^^^
 

Reborn

Senior Member
Nov 16, 2014
4,087
216
63
#20
Need two CC examples?

Reborn- not going to work. :(
Tintin- worked out groovy!! :D

Now of course, each of our stories are completely different, with totally different situations....
Reborn- 1600 miles apart= A LOT of gas money.:(
Tintin- Just a hop, skip and a jump away. ( I assume they travel by Kangaroo down there,..... much, much cheaper!!:D)