marital idolotry and extremism

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PopClick

Senior Member
Aug 12, 2011
4,056
138
63
#21
I agree that it's not immature to know one's limitations, or how much we can handle for that matter. But to me, the reason those "limitations" are in place is because of immaturity. It would be interesting to hear others thoughts on this, but to me the reason I have those "limitations" are because i'm afraid of the hurt/mess, and because I really can be quite selfish at times. I see those characteristics as being immature. I don't know how others view that.
I do think that we have a choice whether we are "ready for" something in some cases. But doesn't that only apply to the things that we're supposed to do?

If we were discussing something more universally necessary, then I would say yes, we all need to make sure that we're ready, because un readiness = immaturity. But seeking a relationship that you don't really want that much sounds like a recipe for eventual apathy, a rushed decision, or even a marriage that dissolves after thirty seconds. :D
 

Oncefallen

Idiot in Chief
Staff member
Jan 15, 2011
6,057
3,352
113
#22
I agree that it's not immature to know one's limitations, or how much we can handle for that matter. But to me, the reason those "limitations" are in place is because of immaturity. It would be interesting to hear others thoughts on this, but to me the reason I have those "limitations" are because i'm afraid of the hurt/mess, and because I really can be quite selfish at times. I see those characteristics as being immature. I don't know how others view that.
Emotional trauma (this can cover a broad range of experiences) can cause emotional growth to stall at a given point in development and self protectiveness is pretty common in that dynamic. It is apparent that someone (or a series of people) have hurt you deeply over the years and in all honesty recognizing that fear is a good step in the right direction. At least you recognize your deficiency for what it is, since many people (myself included) wasted years of their lives jumping from one bad relationship to the next without a clue that something was amiss.

IMO what determines level of maturity is where you go from here.
 
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