Men or Women?

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Men or Women happier as singles?

  • Men who say its Women

    Votes: 0 0.0%

  • Women who say its Women

    Votes: 1 11.1%

  • Men who say its Men

    Votes: 1 11.1%

  • Women who say its Men

    Votes: 1 11.1%

  • Equally Miserable

    Votes: 2 22.2%

  • Equally Happy

    Votes: 4 44.4%
  • Total voters
    9
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#41
Mar 13, 2014
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#41
cinder said:
Going to have to disagree with this, if marriage was just friendship plus sex then there would be no such concept as emotional cheating and emotional affairs. I think marriage has to be a level of companionship and intimacy beyond friendship at a depth that it is not possible to sustain with multiple people. That whole forsaking all others and till death do us part level of commitment that you just don't quite have in the same way with friends. Friends are great and wonderful and awesome, but they're not spouses and friendship has its limits.
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Speaking my own marital experience I fully concur with your entire post. Friends generally don't make a vow to each other till death do they part. A man and a woman about to enter into marriage say this type of vow.
 
R

Runningman

Banned
#42
Mar 4, 2020
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#42
GaryA said:
I am not suggesting that you are/were. You may have intended that all of what I am talking about is included in the idea of 'intimacy'; however, there is such a thing as "a close intimate friend" that is purely platonic. So, the question becomes "Where do you draw the line?"...

The word 'intimate' is like the word 'intercourse'. There is actually a broad range of definition for both words including "honest innocent wholesome non-sexual" contexts.

And, I believe there are "honest innocent wholesome non-sexual" contexts for love and affection to be shared with someone who is not your spouse. But, to illustrate my point more clearly -- how you hug someone - and, how long you hug someone - may be interpreted by the person you are hugging - and society at large - in a broad spectrum of ways. And, this is largely because - at some point, you cross over from the realm of 'friends' into something more "intimate" that is still not overtly sexual but has a deeper 'emotional' content. (I am quite sure that women understand this even more than men. Perhaps a few of them will explain this further from a woman's perspective.)
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You seem like you actually get what I am saying and I definitely agree with you.
 
K

Kim82

Guest
#43
#43
Runningman said:
Do friends and spouses both deserve the following: emotional, psychological, material support? Occasional validation, encouragement, and assurance they are valued and loved? Should they both receive prayer and unconditional forgiveness? I think the answer is yes. There is only one thing left a spouse is entitled to that friends aren't.
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A spouse is entitled to special treatment. They are to be loved, and cherished, and given more of your time and efforts than your friends. The closeness of a spouse is not to be rivaled by friends. If you can't understand all that, then you do well to remain single.

Friends have their place, and they are important. But the lines between friendship and spouse should not be blurry.
 
R

Runningman

Banned
#44
Mar 4, 2020
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#44
Kim82 said:
A spouse is entitled to special treatment. They are to be loved, and cherished, and given more of your time and efforts than your friends. The closeness of a spouse is not to be rivaled by friends. If you can't understand all that, then you do well to remain single.

Friends have their place, and they are important. But the lines between friendship and spouse should not be blurry.
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Going to have to disagree with that.
 
K

Kim82

Guest
#45
#45
Runningman said:
Going to have to disagree with that.
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I can bet you a million dollars (in any currency) that you will never, never, never find a woman to marry, that will agree with the views you expressed in this thread. So take my blessings, and remain single as long as you thou shall live.
 
R

Runningman

Banned
#46
Mar 4, 2020
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#46
Kim82 said:
I can bet you a million dollars (in any currency) that you will never, never, never find a woman to marry, that will agree with the views you expressed in this thread. So take my blessings, and remain single as long as you thou shall live.
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That sounded more like a curse to be honest with you. No thanks. Your opinion is both unwelcomed and unvalued to me.
 
K

Kim82

Guest
#47
#47
I thought the fact that I mentioned the million dollar part, would make it obvious that I was joking :rolleyes: and the fact that I said "never, never, never"

Of course anyone can disagree or disregard my opinions. I don't need anyone's validation in that way:love:
 
K

Kim82

Guest
#48
#48
And I didn't know that singleness was a curse :censored: I must remember not to joke about it as such again. Out of fear that I myself will remain single for as long as I thou shall live.
 
L

LittleMermaid

Guest
#49
#49
I think most people are unhappy actually whether they are single or married. I don't know any married couples who are happy. I do know some singles who are happy. So what does that mean? :O
 
Lanolin

Lanolin

Well-known member
#50
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
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#50
it means...singles are happier than marrieds. There are more of us.
or it could mean one married person is happy but the person they are married to is not that happy about it.
 
Lanolin

Lanolin

Well-known member
#51
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
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#51
not sure about the men vs women who is happier.
they could be happy one day and sad the next. Its not actually so clear cut. I know you throw a big party when you are married and its meant to be a celebration. But single people can throw parties as well.

I've heard from both miserable singles and miserable marrieds, both men and women, mostly divorcees or getting divorced, although some stay and pretend to be happy. But many people arent happy just cos they are married. They are happy because its a nice day or they are still alive and they got food to eat. Or maybe they have a pet whos cuddly.

marriage doesnt always equal happiness all the time. I think people forget, plus when you are married you will go through tough times just like everyone does.
 
Lanolin

Lanolin

Well-known member
#52
Dec 15, 2018
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#52
although Paul implies single women are happier. It actually says so right in the Bible. 1 Corinthians 7:38-40

So you have it on good authority.

who wants to be bound by the law as long as her husband lives. well back then you couldnt do hardly anything if you were married. You had to stay home and serve your husband and look after your children. which Im sure people agree being stuck at home ALL the time can be....boring.
 
T

TheIndianGirl

Guest
#53
#53
A lot of married couples despite being unhappy they still love eachother. Sometimes the spark is gone, or maybe they want different things in life, or one spouse may have to become a caretaker and life becomes difficult, etc. Anyway they still stay together, as the love for their spouse outweighs their unhappiness. They would die for eachother, if need be. Meanwhile the single person may not only be unhappy, but also has no love, so I see this as a downside for singles in this comparison. But, maybe freedom is an equal substitute. The people who divorce, besides due to reasons of abuse or infidelity, probably just stopped loving eachother and stopped caring.
 
T

TheIndianGirl

Guest
#54
#54
TheIndianGirl said:
The people who divorce, besides due to reasons of abuse or infidelity, probably just stopped loving eachother and stopped caring.
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Or maybe they never loved eachother to begin with.
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#55
Mar 13, 2014
41,315
16,302
113
69
Tennessee
#55
Runningman said:
The first sentence is actually just a different way of saying what I said. I said that the only difference between a spouse and a friend is that there is intimacy. So I don't think we are actually disagreeing. Or are we? Did you think by friend I was suggesting a friend with 'benefits'? Because I wasn't.

Do friends and spouses both deserve the following: emotional, psychological, material support? Occasional validation, encouragement, and assurance they are valued and loved? Should they both receive prayer and unconditional forgiveness? I think the answer is yes. There is only one thing left a spouse is entitled to that friends aren't.

Some of the other stuff just seems circumstantial to me. I wouldn't form a relationship with someone who had any issues with me. So most of that wouldn't apply to me. Even the perceived scandals of being with other women, some people are just going to slander and gossip and there isn't anything we can do about it. God knows my heart.
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If a man or a woman are married it would be best not to have friends of the opposite sex period as it is not appropriate. I would make an exception in that it would be acceptable for a married couple to be friends with another married couple. Your spouse deserves all of those things you described and that should be your main focus.
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#56
Mar 13, 2014
41,315
16,302
113
69
Tennessee
#56
Runningman said:
That sounded more like a curse to be honest with you. No thanks. Your opinion is both unwelcomed and unvalued to me.
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Actually, @Kim82 is well respected for her sound spiritual and practical counsel and the counsel she provided is well worth considering. She definitely has a treasure trove of wisdom that is worth tapping into.
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#57
Mar 13, 2014
41,315
16,302
113
69
Tennessee
#57
Lanolin said:
not sure about the men vs women who is happier.
they could be happy one day and sad the next. Its not actually so clear cut. I know you throw a big party when you are married and its meant to be a celebration. But single people can throw parties as well.

I've heard from both miserable singles and miserable marrieds, both men and women, mostly divorcees or getting divorced, although some stay and pretend to be happy. But many people arent happy just cos they are married. They are happy because its a nice day or they are still alive and they got food to eat. Or maybe they have a pet whos cuddly.

marriage doesnt always equal happiness all the time. I think people forget, plus when you are married you will go through tough times just like everyone does.
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The thing about the bad times, in a good marriage you will go through the bad times together.
 
R

Runningman

Banned
#58
Mar 4, 2020
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#58
tourist said:
Actually, @Kim82 is well respected for her sound spiritual and practical counsel and the counsel she provided is well worth considering. She definitely has a treasure trove of wisdom that is worth tapping into.
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Going to have to laugh and disagree with that. Maybe that person has some sound guidance on some things, but as far as I'm concerned severely dropped the ball last time we talked. A line was crossed. I think you just sympathize with her and can see no errors in her so called counseling.
 
R

Runningman

Banned
#59
Mar 4, 2020
8,614
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#59
tourist said:
If a man or a woman are married it would be best not to have friends of the opposite sex period as it is not appropriate. I would make an exception in that it would be acceptable for a married couple to be friends with another married couple. Your spouse deserves all of those things you described and that should be your main focus.
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You're basically parroting what the person who cursed me to a lifetime of singleness said. I already disagreed with that. Are you here to curse me too?
 
Lanolin

Lanolin

Well-known member
#60
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,177
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#60
Mr Happy is happy.
I will have to read the Mr Men books again to see if Mr Happy actually has a wife. I dont recall a Mrs Happy, so may I safely assume he is single?
 
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