Met a guy online....need advice

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Mel85

Daughter of the True King
Mar 28, 2018
10,875
6,863
113
#21
I met a sweet guy who I really like. We met on a Christian dating site. At first I have to admit I wasn't into him. He's not the type of guy I would date/ see myself with. But I wanted to give him/us a chance. We haven't been on a first date yet
We've been chatting. I notice things about him when we chat. The conversation tends to go in a more sexual direction. I fell for it a couple of times. I got pulled in and felt so convicted within. But he doesn't seem to be bothered by it. I see this as a red flag. Maybe I shouldn't pursue a relationship with him. Plus he's into a lot of things that as Christians, I don't think we should do. Like yoga. He doesn't go to church often. He seems to be more into putting himself first (jogging, hiking on a Sunday morning when he should be in church worshipping the Lord). I told him how I felt today about it and he totally brushed me off. He keeps saying he is a Christian. But if we don't see the fruit being produced. He admitted he doesn't read the bible as much. I don't know.....should I run? I know my duty is to pray for those who are lost. Which I am. I don't know if I should continue seeing him or let it go. I really like him. I know I can't change him. Only God can change the human heart. Need advice
Hello there sister. I think some here already have given some great advice, and also, it seems like you have been given some red-flags about this guy already - I believe it’s the Holy Spirit warning you, otherwise you wouldn’t have mentioned some of the ungodly things that he’s said or done. I would now, give this to God :) like you said, only God can change him, but also know that this guy could not be the one for you as well.

God will direct your path when you trust in Him (Proverbs 3:5-6).

All the best and praying for you sis ❤️
 

RickyZ

Senior Member
Sep 20, 2012
9,635
786
113
#22
I met a sweet guy who I really like. We met on a Christian dating site. At first I have to admit I wasn't into him. He's not the type of guy I would date/ see myself with. But I wanted to give him/us a chance. We haven't been on a first date yet
We've been chatting. I notice things about him when we chat. The conversation tends to go in a more sexual direction. I fell for it a couple of times. I got pulled in and felt so convicted within. But he doesn't seem to be bothered by it. I see this as a red flag. Maybe I shouldn't pursue a relationship with him. Plus he's into a lot of things that as Christians, I don't think we should do. Like yoga. He doesn't go to church often. He seems to be more into putting himself first (jogging, hiking on a Sunday morning when he should be in church worshipping the Lord). I told him how I felt today about it and he totally brushed me off. He keeps saying he is a Christian. But if we don't see the fruit being produced. He admitted he doesn't read the bible as much. I don't know.....should I run? I know my duty is to pray for those who are lost. Which I am. I don't know if I should continue seeing him or let it go. I really like him. I know I can't change him. Only God can change the human heart. Need advice
So, what part of this says anything besides walk away?
 
Jul 29, 2018
55
45
18
42
NYC, NY
#23
Hello there sister. I think some here already have given some great advice, and also, it seems like you have been given some red-flags about this guy already - I believe it’s the Holy Spirit warning you, otherwise you wouldn’t have mentioned some of the ungodly things that he’s said or done. I would now, give this to God :) like you said, only God can change him, but also know that this guy could not be the one for you as well.

God will direct your path when you trust in Him (Proverbs 3:5-6).

All the best and praying for you sis ❤️
I believe it's the Holy Spirit too. I've been back and forth with my feelings. I've been praying since I started talking to him. Something didn't seem right. I just allowed myself to get distracted. And yes part of me wanted to stay with him because I hate being so lonely. (Typical human behavior I guess) but I reminded myself that God loves me amd wants the best for me. And this isn't it. Till then I just keeping waiting praying and serving him 😊

Appreciate you❤
 

RickyZ

Senior Member
Sep 20, 2012
9,635
786
113
#25
Bless you too sister. I hope God brings you someone to love.
 

ChandlerFan

Senior Member
Jan 8, 2013
1,148
101
63
#26
I would be very open with him and share exactly the thoughts you described to us. You have a strong (and rightful) conviction against sexual intimacy of any kind (verbal or otherwise) with any man who is not your husband, and you are only looking to be with a man who shares that conviction. If you set a solid boundary and he still tries to go through it, then you need to walk away because not only is it unhealthy that he doesn't respect your boundaries, but it begs the question of how many other women he is talking to this way. The thing about talking to guys online is that it is really easy for them to say nice things to you, but you know that he truly means what he says when you see what he is willing to sacrifice for you.

Also, it is really difficult to backpedal when you have already wandered into sexual talk with someone, but if it is at all possible, don't flirt, don't talk about anything romantic-related, and establish a strong foundation of friendship instead. You know he is genuine if he is willing to stick around because he truly enjoys spending time with you and not because he is trying to get something from you, but friendship isn't meant to be a litmus test as much as it is going to be one of the primary things that holds you both together if you do eventually get into a serious relationship and then things get difficult. Don't rush the romantic stuff.

Also, just as a side note, I would caution against legalism in calling things sin that the Bible does not (aka yoga and running on Sundays). There are ways to do both of those things sinfully, yes, but there are also ways to do them to the glory of God. The difference is in where his heart is at in those things.
 

GodsLuv

New member
Dec 8, 2018
10
6
3
#28
I met a sweet guy who I really like. We met on a Christian dating site. At first I have to admit I wasn't into him. He's not the type of guy I would date/ see myself with. But I wanted to give him/us a chance. We haven't been on a first date yet
We've been chatting. I notice things about him when we chat. The conversation tends to go in a more sexual direction. I fell for it a couple of times. I got pulled in and felt so convicted within. But he doesn't seem to be bothered by it. I see this as a red flag. Maybe I shouldn't pursue a relationship with him. Plus he's into a lot of things that as Christians, I don't think we should do. Like yoga. He doesn't go to church often. He seems to be more into putting himself first (jogging, hiking on a Sunday morning when he should be in church worshipping the Lord). I told him how I felt today about it and he totally brushed me off. He keeps saying he is a Christian. But if we don't see the fruit being produced. He admitted he doesn't read the bible as much. I don't know.....should I run? I know my duty is to pray for those who are lost. Which I am. I don't know if I should continue seeing him or let it go. I really like him. I know I can't change him. Only God can change the human heart. Need advice

What did you decide to do?
 

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
Feb 21, 2014
70,703
9,438
113
#29
First of all, online romances rarely ever work out. You initially didn't see him as someone you'd be with, and you have issues with some of his behavior. Since he always steers the convos toward sex, that's an obvious red flag. Just because he's on a Christian site doesn't mean he's a Christian. Cut the cord now, before you meet for real.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
17,785
5,943
113
#30
Block this guy. This site also sounds bad, drop it.
Sorry you deserve better.
Jesus loves you and will never leave you nor forsake you.
 

Subhumanoidal

Well-known member
Sep 17, 2018
3,155
2,535
113
#31
Block this guy. This site also sounds bad, drop it.
Sorry you deserve better.
Jesus loves you and will never leave you nor forsake you.
How exactly does the site "sound bad"?
 

rong

Active member
Nov 20, 2018
125
121
43
52
china
#32
I have read all the above information, although it is the translation software to help, but I understand most of the content. I also wanted to get married very much before this. I am also a single mother and have been living alone for 18 years. But when I went to the Christian dating site, I found that there were a lot of cheaters or emotional cheaters, or boring people who would be full of bible verses but behave badly, so I quit the site. I understand this sister's feelings very much, fell in love with a person is not easy to separate, so don't listen to each other's honeyed words. I can't give you any advice, but I understand you, because we are all in the same experience, may God guide you.
 

rong

Active member
Nov 20, 2018
125
121
43
52
china
#33
I met a sweet guy who I really like. We met on a Christian dating site. At first I have to admit I wasn't into him. He's not the type of guy I would date/ see myself with. But I wanted to give him/us a chance. We haven't been on a first date yet
We've been chatting. I notice things about him when we chat. The conversation tends to go in a more sexual direction. I fell for it a couple of times. I got pulled in and felt so convicted within. But he doesn't seem to be bothered by it. I see this as a red flag. Maybe I shouldn't pursue a relationship with him. Plus he's into a lot of things that as Christians, I don't think we should do. Like yoga. He doesn't go to church often. He seems to be more into putting himself first (jogging, hiking on a Sunday morning when he should be in church worshipping the Lord). I told him how I felt today about it and he totally brushed me off. He keeps saying he is a Christian. But if we don't see the fruit being produced. He admitted he doesn't read the bible as much. I don't know.....should I run? I know my duty is to pray for those who are lost. Which I am. I don't know if I should continue seeing him or let it go. I really like him. I know I can't change him. Only God can change the human heart. Need advice
Jesus loves you, he must give you the strength to make the right choice! I understand you, I have the same experience, Christian marriage network will have a lot of boring people. They are very pleasing to women, but have no fruit of life, they only speak sweet words, will not have good behavior.
 
Jul 29, 2018
55
45
18
42
NYC, NY
#34
Hi everyone! Thank you all for your advice, your prayers, and encouragement. Just an update: I did end it with him. I still am a little bummed about it. I didn't realize how strong of an emotional attachment I had with him. Mind you I have NOT even met him yet. We've just been talking by phone, FaceTime or text. We were supposed to meet up for New year's. I'm in an emotional stronghold right now. I know its my fault for putting my emotions and my heart into it so easily...so early. I'm not looking for criticism right now. I just ask that if you are a true Believer in Jesus Christ, if you know how I'm feeling right now...especially if you are a fellow woman...please help me pray. Thanks and God bless
 
Jul 29, 2018
55
45
18
42
NYC, NY
#36
I would be very open with him and share exactly the thoughts you described to us. You have a strong (and rightful) conviction against sexual intimacy of any kind (verbal or otherwise) with any man who is not your husband, and you are only looking to be with a man who shares that conviction. If you set a solid boundary and he still tries to go through it, then you need to walk away because not only is it unhealthy that he doesn't respect your boundaries, but it begs the question of how many other women he is talking to this way. The thing about talking to guys online is that it is really easy for them to say nice things to you, but you know that he truly means what he says when you see what he is willing to sacrifice for you.

Also, it is really difficult to backpedal when you have already wandered into sexual talk with someone, but if it is at all possible, don't flirt, don't talk about anything romantic-related, and establish a strong foundation of friendship instead. You know he is genuine if he is willing to stick around because he truly enjoys spending time with you and not because he is trying to get something from you, but friendship isn't meant to be a litmus test as much as it is going to be one of the primary things that holds you both together if you do eventually get into a serious relationship and then things get difficult. Don't rush the romantic stuff.

Also, just as a side note, I would caution against legalism in calling things sin that the Bible does not (aka yoga and running on Sundays). There are ways to do both of those things sinfully, yes, but there are also ways to do them to the glory of God. The difference is in where his heart is at in those things.
I never said yoga was sin. I just meant I don't think its something a Christian should do. Because its tied up with other faiths/gods/spirits. But I understand what you mean. Thank you friend
 

Mel85

Daughter of the True King
Mar 28, 2018
10,875
6,863
113
#37
Hi everyone! Thank you all for your advice, your prayers, and encouragement. Just an update: I did end it with him. I still am a little bummed about it. I didn't realize how strong of an emotional attachment I had with him. Mind you I have NOT even met him yet. We've just been talking by phone, FaceTime or text. We were supposed to meet up for New year's. I'm in an emotional stronghold right now. I know its my fault for putting my emotions and my heart into it so easily...so early. I'm not looking for criticism right now. I just ask that if you are a true Believer in Jesus Christ, if you know how I'm feeling right now...especially if you are a fellow woman...please help me pray. Thanks and God bless
Thanks for the update and I’m glad you are trusting in Him. Will keep you in prayers sis.
 

rong

Active member
Nov 20, 2018
125
121
43
52
china
#38
Hi everyone! Thank you all for your advice, your prayers, and encouragement. Just an update: I did end it with him. I still am a little bummed about it. I didn't realize how strong of an emotional attachment I had with him. Mind you I have NOT even met him yet. We've just been talking by phone, FaceTime or text. We were supposed to meet up for New year's. I'm in an emotional stronghold right now. I know its my fault for putting my emotions and my heart into it so easily...so early. I'm not looking for criticism right now. I just ask that if you are a true Believer in Jesus Christ, if you know how I'm feeling right now...especially if you are a fellow woman...please help me pray. Thanks and God bless
Yeah, it's really hard. I've been there before. May God give you strength to overcome!
 
Oct 13, 2018
5
2
3
USA
#39
Hi everyone! Thank you all for your advice, your prayers, and encouragement. Just an update: I did end it with him. I still am a little bummed about it. I didn't realize how strong of an emotional attachment I had with him. Mind you I have NOT even met him yet. We've just been talking by phone, FaceTime or text. We were supposed to meet up for New year's. I'm in an emotional stronghold right now. I know its my fault for putting my emotions and my heart into it so easily...so early. I'm not looking for criticism right now. I just ask that if you are a true Believer in Jesus Christ, if you know how I'm feeling right now...especially if you are a fellow woman...please help me pray. Thanks and God bless
I'll be very honest and blunt with you. You don't need prayer, except maybe to have the strength to die to yourself and let this obviously sinful man go altogether. God makes it very clear from the Bible how to know who is a true Christian, one who truly has a heart for Him. This man bears bad, rotten fruit. You are choosing to hold on due to your flesh.

If you wait on God's perfect timing, Jesus can give you a man who bears good fruit and it will be CLEAR that he is a good man with good fruit, and he will have a true love of God. The devil will throw men your way, don't fall for those traps, and that is exactly what they are. You need to be spiritually strong and know exactly what you need where you will not settle for rotten fruit. If someone held out a nice sweet apple in one hand and a stinking rotten one in the other, which one should you take?

I am not telling you this just from my own reading of scripture, but I have personal experience. I fell for a man very similar to what you are describing yours to be. I got emotionally attached and ended up in a terrible marriage from hell to a heathen man. I saw all the red flags, ones similar to yours, and I chose to ignore what I knew from the Word of God and I followed my own evil heart and flesh. You don't want this burden on your life, that man will ruin you emotionally and corrupt your walk with God.

Don't expect him to change or one day see your good Christian walk and have a miraculous change of heart. This is extremely unlikely! God says light should not to be yoked with darkness. If you break His rules right out, how can you expect him to bless you for that and change that man's heart? It doesn't work like that.

Like others have said, run. And run without looking back. This is like Lot and his wife fleeing from Sodom, don't look back with remorse for what you're leaving behind. I can look back on my life and see how God was repeatedly trying to warn me, letting me see the darkness and evil of my husband before I married him. But, I chose to be disobedient and reaped absolute misery.

I urge you to look up Derek Prince on YouTube for his videos on God being a matchmaker. God brought Eve to Adam, the perfect helpmate. That divine occurrence hasn't changed. If you have a heart truly and fully for God, and you wait on Him and His timing, praying for only His will to be done, He will give you the right mate.

That is the problem with you, same as me 5 years ago, you are seeking for your own will to be done here. God says let HIS will be done.

God says the heart is wickedly deceitful, so don't fall for yours! Put on the mind of Christ, and it all becomes clear. Seek a man who matches your light, don't grasp for darkness.
 
Jul 29, 2018
55
45
18
42
NYC, NY
#40
I'll be very honest and blunt with you. You don't need prayer, except maybe to have the strength to die to yourself and let this obviously sinful man go altogether. God makes it very clear from the Bible how to know who is a true Christian, one who truly has a heart for Him. This man bears bad, rotten fruit. You are choosing to hold on due to your flesh.

If you wait on God's perfect timing, Jesus can give you a man who bears good fruit and it will be CLEAR that he is a good man with good fruit, and he will have a true love of God. The devil will throw men your way, don't fall for those traps, and that is exactly what they are. You need to be spiritually strong and know exactly what you need where you will not settle for rotten fruit. If someone held out a nice sweet apple in one hand and a stinking rotten one in the other, which one should you take?

I am not telling you this just from my own reading of scripture, but I have personal experience. I fell for a man very similar to what you are describing yours to be. I got emotionally attached and ended up in a terrible marriage from hell to a heathen man. I saw all the red flags, ones similar to yours, and I chose to ignore what I knew from the Word of God and I followed my own evil heart and flesh. You don't want this burden on your life, that man will ruin you emotionally and corrupt your walk with God.

Don't expect him to change or one day see your good Christian walk and have a miraculous change of heart. This is extremely unlikely! God says light should not to be yoked with darkness. If you break His rules right out, how can you expect him to bless you for that and change that man's heart? It doesn't work like that.

Like others have said, run. And run without looking back. This is like Lot and his wife fleeing from Sodom, don't look back with remorse for what you're leaving behind. I can look back on my life and see how God was repeatedly trying to warn me, letting me see the darkness and evil of my husband before I married him. But, I chose to be disobedient and reaped absolute misery.

I urge you to look up Derek Prince on YouTube for his videos on God being a matchmaker. God brought Eve to Adam, the perfect helpmate. That divine occurrence hasn't changed. If you have a heart truly and fully for God, and you wait on Him and His timing, praying for only His will to be done, He will give you the right mate.

That is the problem with you, same as me 5 years ago, you are seeking for your own will to be done here. God says let HIS will be done.

God says the heart is wickedly deceitful, so don't fall for yours! Put on the mind of Christ, and it all becomes clear. Seek a man who matches your light, don't grasp for darkness.
Thank you. I
I'll be very honest and blunt with you. You don't need prayer, except maybe to have the strength to die to yourself and let this obviously sinful man go altogether. God makes it very clear from the Bible how to know who is a true Christian, one who truly has a heart for Him. This man bears bad, rotten fruit. You are choosing to hold on due to your flesh.

If you wait on God's perfect timing, Jesus can give you a man who bears good fruit and it will be CLEAR that he is a good man with good fruit, and he will have a true love of God. The devil will throw men your way, don't fall for those traps, and that is exactly what they are. You need to be spiritually strong and know exactly what you need where you will not settle for rotten fruit. If someone held out a nice sweet apple in one hand and a stinking rotten one in the other, which one should you take?

I am not telling you this just from my own reading of scripture, but I have personal experience. I fell for a man very similar to what you are describing yours to be. I got emotionally attached and ended up in a terrible marriage from hell to a heathen man. I saw all the red flags, ones similar to yours, and I chose to ignore what I knew from the Word of God and I followed my own evil heart and flesh. You don't want this burden on your life, that man will ruin you emotionally and corrupt your walk with God.

Don't expect him to change or one day see your good Christian walk and have a miraculous change of heart. This is extremely unlikely! God says light should not to be yoked with darkness. If you break His rules right out, how can you expect him to bless you for that and change that man's heart? It doesn't work like that.

Like others have said, run. And run without looking back. This is like Lot and his wife fleeing from Sodom, don't look back with remorse for what you're leaving behind. I can look back on my life and see how God was repeatedly trying to warn me, letting me see the darkness and evil of my husband before I married him. But, I chose to be disobedient and reaped absolute misery.

I urge you to look up Derek Prince on YouTube for his videos on God being a matchmaker. God brought Eve to Adam, the perfect helpmate. That divine occurrence hasn't changed. If you have a heart truly and fully for God, and you wait on Him and His timing, praying for only His will to be done, He will give you the right mate.

That is the problem with you, same as me 5 years ago, you are seeking for your own will to be done here. God says let HIS will be done.

God says the heart is wickedly deceitful, so don't fall for yours! Put on the mind of Christ, and it all becomes clear. Seek a man who matches your light, don't grasp for darkness.
Thank you for your input. I acknowledged all of this already. God bless