Modesty: A Man's Perspective on Ladies Clothing

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ChandlerFan

Senior Member
Jan 8, 2013
1,148
102
63
#21
My basic view on this is that guys need to be about minding their eyes, hearts, and minds and pursuing purity in that way. Women need to be about integrity and honoring themselves, God, and their brothers in Christ in choosing how they dress. Generally, men need to be the ones lovingly holding their brothers accountable to honoring their sisters in Christ and avoiding lust. Women need to be the ones lovingly holding their sisters accountable to dressing in a manner that is pleasing to God. When you start getting a criss-cross of policing, things tend to go south. A man will say, "You women need to quit dressing so immodestly," and the women will fire back and say, "Maybe you should control your eyes and your urges." In the end it just works better of ladies police ladies and fellas police fellas. The reality here is that everyone is responsible for their own actions, but to say that you're going to do whatever you want with no regard for the spiritual welfare of your brothers and sisters in Christ is selfish.

As far as modesty itself goes, it's pretty subjective as it relates to clothing. Everyone has different thoughts and what is modest and what isn't. But when I think of the word "modesty," it's more of a state of the heart than anything. Modesty can be practiced in the way you talk about yourself, talk about other people, the way you love and serve others or choose not to, the way you dress, etc. I think if someone wants to examine whether or not they are being modest as it relates to clothing, consider why you're wearing that thing that might be just a smidge revealing. Is it to draw attention to yourself? If there's a question in your mind about it at all, could there be a better alternative?

The last thing I'll say is that one of the things I've admired most in women I've been interested in over the past several years is that they dressed well and looked really beautiful, but never in a way that was even remotely revealing. My attention and interest was drawn to their heart first rather than their body.
 
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cmarieh

Guest
#22
Thank you all for the great responses:) I try to consider myself very modest in how I choose clothing. Although, it is really hard trying to find modest shorts or skirts because most of them are extremely short.

Now, I don't know how many of you have little girls, but lets say for the sake of argument you do. How would your responses change when it came to modest clothing with them?
 
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MollyConnor

Guest
#23
Thank you all for the great responses:) I try to consider myself very modest in how I choose clothing. Although, it is really hard trying to find modest shorts or skirts because most of them are extremely short.

Now, I don't know how many of you have little girls, but lets say for the sake of argument you do. How would your responses change when it came to modest clothing with them?
I heard a saying once that said something like this.
"Marry the type of girl you would want your daughter to be, because she will be raising her." In other words, if you don't want your future daughter to be wearing short shorts or showing her cleavage, then make sure your wife isn't either. That goes with personality and spirituality too.
 
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jeremyPJ

Guest
#24
I think ChandlerFan hit it on the head...and cmarieh and MollyConner summed it up. I have a 14 yo daughter, and I have a hope that she continues to grow up with some integrity, the kind I would prefer to date.

Don't get me wrong, she's my daughter and I will always love her no matter what. And I'm not a total prude, but I like Chandler's assessment of the big picture. very sensible, and most likely what the Lord expects of us as men and women.
 
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Shouryu

Guest
#25
In the end it just works better of ladies police ladies and fellas police fellas.
THIS. This here. Completely this.

The only woman who will be dressing the way I tell her will be the one God brings to me, and that's only if it's His will. *cough cough TENNIS SKIRTS*

(That last bit is an inside joke, so for those of you about to go all nuts on me, chill out. Chat people are laughing right now, and Forum-only people are not. Move on.)
 

IBDesmond

Senior Member
Jan 25, 2013
148
3
0
#26
I think Muslims got it right
 
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Chey60

Guest
#28
hmmmm I think glamour as long as the inside of the heart is the first to be groomed is fine.. kind of like polishing your wood furniture or shining a diamond... nothing wrong with it... To pick a woman because she is the least glamorous is kind of petty but that's just my opinion. The glam woman might be very unglam at home but I guarantee after seeing her in sweats for the first year of your life, every single day.. you would probably want glam sometimes I am thinking :)
 

Test_F_i_2_Luv

Senior Member
Jan 24, 2009
1,601
31
48
#29
I think this is a good question to ask CMariah. I've been trying to change my style a little lately. It's a challenge for me because I hate trying things on. I've always had a very relaxed style, I don't like dressing up, but latley I've felt the urge to dress more grown up. I'm not even sure what that means, so it's a struggle. I always gravitate to the jeans, v neck shirts and sneakers. I'm a boring dresser.
Your "boring" attire was basically what I was going to suggest...but not because it's boring.

A gal wearing jeans and a loose fitting t works great for me. Toss a baseball cap in there(and long hair) and she's got my attention.

I've also noticed that loose fitting sweatpants on a woman will grab my attention.

I guess it's attractive without the sensual aspect.

 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
27,216
9,289
113
#30
Perhaps it's attractive because it indicates the nature of the person in the clothes. The human brain is constantly gathering and collating information that the brain's owner isn't even aware of. Maybe when you see a lady dressed like that your brain rings up "stable, balanced, got her head on straight."
 

JFSurvivor

Senior Member
Jan 20, 2015
1,184
25
0
#31
This flowchart reminds me of my late grandma who never'd let go of an opportunity to make sure that the younger ladies in her family dressed like they should...she had this fun saying about seeing all the way to the promised land or something...anyways...you really didnt wanna hear her hollering that from the porch lol;)
I laughed so hard I snorted and I usually don't snort so then I laughed about myself snorting. XD Thank you for posting this!!
 

melita916

Senior Member
Aug 12, 2011
10,464
2,692
113
#32
finally had time to read those flowcharts lol

may need to use them for sunday school class!! lolol
 
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jennymae

Guest
#33
finally had time to read those flowcharts lol

may need to use them for sunday school class!! lolol
Don't...these flowcharts almost made me go fetch my old wedding dress just to make sure my outfit was fitting...on second thought...what is more not-so-fitting than a wedding dress on Monday morning????
 

Fenner

Senior Member
Jan 26, 2013
7,507
111
0
#34
Perhaps it's attractive because it indicates the nature of the person in the clothes. The human brain is constantly gathering and collating information that the brain's owner isn't even aware of. Maybe when you see a lady dressed like that your brain rings up "stable, balanced, got her head on straight."
That's funny because I'm none of those things. :p
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
27,216
9,289
113
#35
I never said the brain was accurate in its assumptions... :p
 

Fenner

Senior Member
Jan 26, 2013
7,507
111
0
#36
I am sporting the stressed broke parent look.
 
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zaoman32

Guest
#37
Thank you all for the great responses:) I try to consider myself very modest in how I choose clothing. Although, it is really hard trying to find modest shorts or skirts because most of them are extremely short.

Now, I don't know how many of you have little girls, but lets say for the sake of argument you do. How would your responses change when it came to modest clothing with them?
My daughters not dating till she's 35, in which case she'll be wearing sweats over padlocked long johns
 
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cmarieh

Guest
#38
My daughters not dating till she's 35, in which case she'll be wearing sweats over padlocked long johns
That is just so funny.:D I remember my dad thinking a similar way about not dating until the age of 35. Thankfully, my mom calmed him down and so the rule was that we could date at 16, but only be a double date. And at 18 was when we could go out on our own. I never really dated anyway because a lot of the guys were so immature at that age and plus I was a band geek, but proud of it.
 

nate7829

Junior Member
Dec 3, 2014
35
21
8
#39
I guess I have a bit of a different perspective on this from a lot of other guys on here. While not walking with God for a while, I was involved in the whole PUA (Pick Up Artist) community, which puts a heavy emphasis on looks of a woman. I read books that have some philosophies I still agree with, even though I'm now walking with God.

There is no denying that men are attracted to women more visually when compared to how women are attracted to men. This is the exact reason that pornography and lusting with the eyes are such problems for men in general; so I can understand your desire to understand this issue from a male's perspective where men are created to visually find women attractive primarily, followed by personality traits and shared interests.

This is not a politically correct thing to say nowadays, but I don't really care, because I've never been one to just be what others expect me to be anyway lol: If I found a woman I was unattracted to physically, that had all the personality traits and shared interests I had, I would still not choose her, because I would not be attracted to her, and I would believe I was settling. So, I would say that I put quite a large emphasis upon looks, because it's what attracts me to a woman, primarily. Of course there has to be more there than just looks, but the looks cannot be absent either.

So, now that I've covered that, I'll talk a little bit about the answer to your original question. The most attractive women I look at and say to myself, "Wow, she's really pretty" have not been wearing really revealing clothing at all. Usually, there is this aura about them, this energy if you will, that sems to just radiate from them. I think women should dress in ways that accentuate their own personalities (example: if she's a free spirited kind of girl, brighter colors and more creative patterns are good for her, because she will attract the men looking for that kind of woman). However, I really don't think it's all that important what clothes she wears as much as it is that she is the kind of girl she needs to be to attract quality guys

I've dated quite a few women in my life, and there is a huge difference between a woman who has class, elegance, and believes in herself compared to a girl who is just trying to get a guy in order to feel better about herself. So, my answer would be that it really doesn't much matter what you wear. Honestly, I think you could wear a skirt down to your ankles, and a long sleeved shirt that showed no arms whatsoever, and if you were a quality woman that gave off the vibe that you are energetic, positive, joyful, fun to be around, etc. then you would still attract men regardless.

Since women seek to find confident and charming men, I would further suggest that something that makes him have to prove these qualities to you would be a good thing to do as well. An example would be wearing something quite unique and which draws more attention in general (in PUA this is called peacocking), so that there is more competition for your attention. Only a man who does have confidence and charm will likely approach you and start up a conversation (ie: because many people are looking on in your direction).

From a man's point of view, I hope this helps.
 

Test_F_i_2_Luv

Senior Member
Jan 24, 2009
1,601
31
48
#40
Perhaps it's attractive because it indicates the nature of the person in the clothes. The human brain is constantly gathering and collating information that the brain's owner isn't even aware of. Maybe when you see a lady dressed like that your brain rings up "stable, balanced, got her head on straight."
I don't know who you are addressing because you didn't quote the person. It appears that you're responding to what I wrote in response to Fenner.

"Your 'boring' attire was basically what I was going to suggest...but not because it's boring.
A gal wearing jeans and a loose fitting t works great for me. Toss a baseball cap in there(and long hair) and she's got my attention.
I've also noticed that loose fitting sweatpants on a woman will grab my attention.
I guess it's attractive without the sensual aspect."

Women wearing looser fitting t-shirts pretty much forces/puts the attention to her face...her eyes, her mouth...the area where the thinking gets done.

That's to her advantage because it will cause men to concentrate on the more important aspects of her being: her intelligence/brain/thought process.

I suppose a part of me subconsciously does find the apparel I described to be a demonstration of good balance and to suggest that she has her head on straight. I know that when I see a woman wearing a tight t-shirt that leaves nothing to the imagination, I get frustrated because I know it draws attention to her physical body, which, as with everyone else, will not last. She's drawing the wrong kind of attention. I also get frustrated because I have to refocus my thinking and not fall into the trap of inappropriate thoughts.

Attraction to long hair seems to be dominant among men.

As for the baseball cap, I like the game. I find women who enjoy the game to be in short supply. That's probably the reason I am drawn to women wearing baseball caps.


:)