Orbiters

[spunkycat08]

This is the definition of an orbiter.

An opposite sex friend who secretly loves their 'friend', and may go out of their way to accommodate their friend. Either the opposite sex friend was rejected early on and was placed in the friend-zone, or he/she never had the courage to ask their opposite sex friend out and inadvertently placed their selves in the friend-zone.

Have any of you had to deal with an orbiter in anyway?

How would you deal with an orbiter?

How does Christianity view orbiters?

How should Christians treat orbiters?

 

[Dino246]

I not aware of having dealt with an "orbiter". I am curious why you would ask the third and fourth questions, given that orbiters aren't identified as such in Scripture.

Anyone whose attraction to another is not mutual must deal with that rejection. Some people handle it well, some handle it badly. As Christians, we do well to take rejection (or acceptance, for that matter!) to Christ and to work through it with Him.

 

[spunkycat08]

I not aware of having dealt with an "orbiter". I am curious why you would ask the third and fourth questions, given that orbiters aren't identified as such in Scripture.

Anyone whose attraction to another is not mutual must deal with that rejection. Some people handle it well, some handle it badly. As Christians, we do well to take rejection (or acceptance, for that matter!) to Christ and to work through it with Him.

For numbers 3 and 4, I do not mean according to the Bible.
How would God want us, as individuals, to deal with orbiters either as a single person not in a relationship or as someone who is in a relationship with someone else?
How would God want us to treat orbiters in either situation?

 

[tourist]

For numbers 3 and 4, I do not mean according to the Bible.
How would God want us, as individuals, to deal with orbiters either as a single person not in a relationship or as someone who is in a relationship with someone else?
How would God want us to treat orbiters in either situation?

If someone were in a relationship with another person it would be unhealthy to continue to desire a relationship with that person and unwise to do anything to destroy such a relationship so that person could now be with you. If you knew that someone truly cared about you but the feelings were not reciprocated to let that person know that you are not interested. It may hurt the other person but would also allow their heart to heal and to move forward.

Of course, in either case you should pray about these matters before deciding to act and for the Holy Spirit to give you the right words to say and time to prepare the moment when it is time to say them.

 

[Dino246]

For numbers 3 and 4, I do not mean according to the Bible.
How would God want us, as individuals, to deal with orbiters either as a single person not in a relationship or as someone who is in a relationship with someone else?
How would God want us to treat orbiters in either situation?

Thanks for clarifying. I think "Boundaries" by Cloud and Townsend would be helpful here. None of us is obligated to return the affections of another person. We are called to be kind, gentle and respectful, but not to submit to another's desire for us simply to be nice. I think clarity and directness would be appropriate, as in, "I sense some degree of attraction from you which goes beyond mere friendship. I want you to understand that the feeling is not mutual, and that I will not be cajoled or manipulated into a romantic relationship with you." Along with that, some physical boundaries may be needed. If they handle the rejection well, the orbiter will grow from the experience.

By continuing to allow the orbiter to "orbit", the target (for lack of a better term) ends up manipulating the orbiter. They continue to benefit from the relationship while investing very little in return. When the orbiter realizes this, he or she may develop a deep hurt which could manifest in resentment or even violence. Better to set and keep a boundary early on.

I suspect I would add more if I gave it some more thought.

 

[spunkycat08]

Thanks for clarifying. I think "Boundaries" by Cloud and Townsend would be helpful here. None of us is obligated to return the affections of another person. We are called to be kind, gentle and respectful, but not to submit to another's desire for us simply to be nice. I think clarity and directness would be appropriate, as in, "I sense some degree of attraction from you which goes beyond mere friendship. I want you to understand that the feeling is not mutual, and that I will not be cajoled or manipulated into a romantic relationship with you." Along with that, some physical boundaries may be needed. If they handle the rejection well, the orbiter will grow from the experience.

By continuing to allow the orbiter to "orbit", the target (for lack of a better term) ends up manipulating the orbiter. The target continues to benefit from the relationship while investing very little in return. When the orbiter realizes this, he or she may develop a deep hurt which could manifest in resentment or even violence. Better to set and keep a boundary early on.

I suspect I would add more if I gave it some more thought.

^^^^^^ This is very true.

 

[Lynx]

For some reason I find the term Orbiter disturbing. It implies the person who is being orbited is the center of the orbiter's universe. That is an unhealthy relationship from the start.

But I don't have much personal experience with relationships, so what do I know? Would it be possible to send the Orbiter to orbit somebody else?

 

[OneFaith]

This is the definition of an orbiter.

An opposite sex friend who secretly loves their 'friend', and may go out of their way to accommodate their friend. Either the opposite sex friend was rejected early on and was placed in the friend-zone, or he/she never had the courage to ask their opposite sex friend out and inadvertently placed their selves in the friend-zone.

Have any of you had to deal with an orbiter in anyway?

How would you deal with an orbiter?

How does Christianity view orbiters?

How should Christians treat orbiters?[/QUOTE


What's wrong with the friend zone? Shouldn't you be friends first and get to know the person?

 

[Adstar]

For numbers 3 and 4, I do not mean according to the Bible.
How would God want us, as individuals, to deal with orbiters either as a single person not in a relationship or as someone who is in a relationship with someone else?
How would God want us to treat orbiters in either situation?

Give the Orbiter the truth when you discover they are one.. Something like "I am not interested in you in that way" Be gentle be soft spoken.. The sooner they know where they stand the sooner they can break away from Orbit and find another person..

 

[spunkycat08]

This is the definition of an orbiter.

An opposite sex friend who secretly loves their 'friend', and may go out of their way to accommodate their friend. Either the opposite sex friend was rejected early on and was placed in the friend-zone, or he/she never had the courage to ask their opposite sex friend out and inadvertently placed their selves in the friend-zone.

Have any of you had to deal with an orbiter in anyway?

How would you deal with an orbiter?

How does Christianity view orbiters?

How should Christians treat orbiters?[/QUOTE

What's wrong with the friend zone? Shouldn't you be friends first and get to know the person?

The problem with the friend zone is that the orbiter wants to be more than friends.

The orbiter stays in orbit around you hoping that you notice them as more than friends.

But if you do not want to be more than friends, then there are problems.

So exactly how can you be friends with someone who wants to be more than friends with you?

 

[zeroturbulence]