Pursuing a Relationship
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M
In even-numbered years, during odd-numbered months, men should make the first move.
In odd-numbered years, during even numbered months, women should make the first move.
During the in-between times, nobody should ask anyone out or propose, and instead we should all eat cake.
...or something. I mean, if you don't like cake, there are always other options. Ice cream. Cookies.
Why am I still talking?!
In odd-numbered years, during even numbered months, women should make the first move.
During the in-between times, nobody should ask anyone out or propose, and instead we should all eat cake.
...or something. I mean, if you don't like cake, there are always other options. Ice cream. Cookies.
Why am I still talking?!
S
I do? Wow, I had no idea I wanted that. Thanks for letting me know! All this time, I thought I was sick and tired of the chase. I thought I was kind of fed up with the time, effort, and money expended in the fruitless chase. I thought that I just didn't have time to do anymore pointless chasing, so I should focus on God more. Man, was I ever wrong. Glad we straightened that out. I guess I better start hunting and chasing again, since I like it so much that...I...kind of...gave up on it?
You actually just accurately described the scenarios in which I have honestly, truly fallen in love. I was blessed (and perhaps cursed) in that both of those women also loved me back.
At first glance, I read this as, "Sometimes I'll feel the guy up and just try..." Yeah, that's a whole other level of female-pursuing-male that wasn't even on the poll.
You actually just accurately described the scenarios in which I have honestly, truly fallen in love. I was blessed (and perhaps cursed) in that both of those women also loved me back.
At first glance, I read this as, "Sometimes I'll feel the guy up and just try..." Yeah, that's a whole other level of female-pursuing-male that wasn't even on the poll.
C
Well... That is definitely true... The friend-zone isn't a fun place to be, and it happens. So yeah you have a good point. I guess it just depends on the situation.
The thing is spouses should be best friends in my opinion. A husband should be his wife's best friend, and a wife should be her husband's best friend. A relationship needs to be built on some type of friendship, because that's what keeps you together. Not just the physical attraction or the interest to date the other person. That's how I see it anyway.
And I like what you said about not being able to make the first move... I've been thinking about this since I saw this thread. Making the first move is not an easy thing to do... You're the only one that has issues with it, many guys are scared to death to do it. It seems like to me that most women want the guy to make the first move, because they don't want to have to deal with the stress to do it themselves. In my opinion it seems pretty unfair to put all the stress solely on the guy to do it, since it can be so intimidating.
Just something i've been thinking about...
The thing is spouses should be best friends in my opinion. A husband should be his wife's best friend, and a wife should be her husband's best friend. A relationship needs to be built on some type of friendship, because that's what keeps you together. Not just the physical attraction or the interest to date the other person. That's how I see it anyway.
And I like what you said about not being able to make the first move... I've been thinking about this since I saw this thread. Making the first move is not an easy thing to do... You're the only one that has issues with it, many guys are scared to death to do it. It seems like to me that most women want the guy to make the first move, because they don't want to have to deal with the stress to do it themselves. In my opinion it seems pretty unfair to put all the stress solely on the guy to do it, since it can be so intimidating.
Just something i've been thinking about...
Anyway, there are of course going to be different perspectives on this topic. Everyone seems to have good insight. Even though I know I have to do some of the work (whether I make the first move or not), God's the one that I really want pursuing for me.
S
Hey, speak it man. I said the same thing. Women who want to be pursued are in for a surprise. The only men good at pursuing are those who do it for conquest. The rest of us just want to be normal human beings. If a man enjoys the thrill of the chase, he's probably not into a woman for the right reasons.
And if a woman prefers to be chased instead of talked to like an equal, I don't like it either. It's not a good sign.
And if a woman prefers to be chased instead of talked to like an equal, I don't like it either. It's not a good sign.
M
I voted that I think the man should pursue, however...
I don't mean that I think it's all entirely on the guy to initiate a relationship. I mean, I think the man should be the one asking a woman out on a date, or doing the proposing if things progress that far, but I don't see any problem at all with a woman letting a guy know she is interested in him.
Women could make things a lot easier for men if they would quit with the "playing coy" or "hard to get" crap, and just say, "Hey, you know something? I'd totally go on a date with you, if you were to ask..." (OK, I know, not QUITE like that...but you get the idea).
Give guys a clue, if you want them to ask you out.
On the other side of this...if you DON'T want a guy 'pursuing' you, don't be sending mixed signals, either.
You know what? I'm just going to stick with the cake idea. Let's all just eat cake, that's easier.
I don't mean that I think it's all entirely on the guy to initiate a relationship. I mean, I think the man should be the one asking a woman out on a date, or doing the proposing if things progress that far, but I don't see any problem at all with a woman letting a guy know she is interested in him.
Women could make things a lot easier for men if they would quit with the "playing coy" or "hard to get" crap, and just say, "Hey, you know something? I'd totally go on a date with you, if you were to ask..." (OK, I know, not QUITE like that...but you get the idea).
Give guys a clue, if you want them to ask you out.
On the other side of this...if you DON'T want a guy 'pursuing' you, don't be sending mixed signals, either.
You know what? I'm just going to stick with the cake idea. Let's all just eat cake, that's easier.
I think this article says things nicely. In this day and age, Feminism dominates and tells men AND women that women should be strong, forceful and sexy...take charge. God intended for men to lead, to be the headship, to be strong...so, in my opinion, women shouldn't pursue and chase men or ask men out.
I had to bold it since some of you seemed to think that I was speaking for you and 'letting you know' what you thought. Nope. Just my opinion, as I stated in my original post. Yeah. Sorry...frustrates me how some folks can't state their opinions without being mocked or replied to with snarky comments. So, you know, just for clarification sake, this is my opinion...not yours...not your thoughts, but rather my thoughts, which, last time I checked, I was entitled to.*
*I apologize for my somewhat cranky tirade...sometimes the crazy comes out and shouts at the world, "Look at me! Look at me!" and...well...the world can't help but look.
I had to bold it since some of you seemed to think that I was speaking for you and 'letting you know' what you thought. Nope. Just my opinion, as I stated in my original post. Yeah. Sorry...frustrates me how some folks can't state their opinions without being mocked or replied to with snarky comments. So, you know, just for clarification sake, this is my opinion...not yours...not your thoughts, but rather my thoughts, which, last time I checked, I was entitled to.*
*I apologize for my somewhat cranky tirade...sometimes the crazy comes out and shouts at the world, "Look at me! Look at me!" and...well...the world can't help but look.
C
I think this article says things nicely. In this day and age, Feminism dominates and tells men AND women that women should be strong, forceful and sexy...take charge. God intended for men to lead, to be the headship, to be strong...so, in my opinion, women shouldn't pursue and chase men or ask men out.
I had to bold it since some of you seemed to think that I was speaking for you and 'letting you know' what you thought. Nope. Just my opinion, as I stated in my original post. Yeah. Sorry...frustrates me how some folks can't state their opinions without being mocked or replied to with snarky comments. So, you know, just for clarification sake, this is my opinion...not yours...not your thoughts, but rather my thoughts, which, last time I checked, I was entitled to.*
*I apologize for my somewhat cranky tirade...sometimes the crazy comes out and shouts at the world, "Look at me! Look at me!" and...well...the world can't help but look.
I had to bold it since some of you seemed to think that I was speaking for you and 'letting you know' what you thought. Nope. Just my opinion, as I stated in my original post. Yeah. Sorry...frustrates me how some folks can't state their opinions without being mocked or replied to with snarky comments. So, you know, just for clarification sake, this is my opinion...not yours...not your thoughts, but rather my thoughts, which, last time I checked, I was entitled to.*
*I apologize for my somewhat cranky tirade...sometimes the crazy comes out and shouts at the world, "Look at me! Look at me!" and...well...the world can't help but look.
I too felt funny when I read that, because I don't feel like I want to hunt, chase, capture, or win. To me that sounds like that's what players want to do... So it doesn't seem to be 'natural inclinations' for every guy. That's how I feel anyway.
While I feel like it doesn't matter who makes the first move, i'm not against your opinion that guys should chase the girl. You're entitled to your opinion.
I don't know for sure, but I think they meant this part of your original post: "Men want to hunt and chase and capture and win. So, due to the natural inclinations, men should pursue."
I too felt funny when I read that, because I don't feel like I want to hunt, chase, capture, or win. To me that sounds like that's what players want to do... So it doesn't seem to be 'natural inclinations' for every guy. That's how I feel anyway.
While I feel like it doesn't matter who makes the first move, i'm not against your opinion that guys should chase the girl. You're entitled to your opinion.
I too felt funny when I read that, because I don't feel like I want to hunt, chase, capture, or win. To me that sounds like that's what players want to do... So it doesn't seem to be 'natural inclinations' for every guy. That's how I feel anyway.
While I feel like it doesn't matter who makes the first move, i'm not against your opinion that guys should chase the girl. You're entitled to your opinion.
I knew what they were referring to, so I was being overly obvious about the opinion thing in my response to their response...sadly, I'm a writer and people who aren't writers or aren't more than casual readers, tend to miss my point all the time. All. The. Time.
K
I wanted to vote on your poll but you didn't have my option available.
I am a male and to reduce a lot of time and headache, I wish the female would pursue.
I must have the worst timing because every time I get up the nerve to ask a gal out, she is leaving to be on a mission in a country that has no phone or internet, and she has no idea how long she'll be. Our church has a lot of single women dedicated to spreading the Word of God around the world. They're so dedicated that they make a point to tell me when I first meet them. Whenever I see them at church later, even when they are supposed to have left on their mission, they tell me that they must first overcome the temptation of homosexuality before they can go forth, and being around me causes them to stumble. Not wanting to lead any of them into sin, I keep my distance from all of them. In fact, they recommended that it would just be easier for all of them if I just stayed home on Sunday, and listened to the sermon on the web cast.
I am a male and to reduce a lot of time and headache, I wish the female would pursue.
I must have the worst timing because every time I get up the nerve to ask a gal out, she is leaving to be on a mission in a country that has no phone or internet, and she has no idea how long she'll be. Our church has a lot of single women dedicated to spreading the Word of God around the world. They're so dedicated that they make a point to tell me when I first meet them. Whenever I see them at church later, even when they are supposed to have left on their mission, they tell me that they must first overcome the temptation of homosexuality before they can go forth, and being around me causes them to stumble. Not wanting to lead any of them into sin, I keep my distance from all of them. In fact, they recommended that it would just be easier for all of them if I just stayed home on Sunday, and listened to the sermon on the web cast.
Reading through these posts makes it clear that there are so many factors that go into how people would prefer to initiate relationships. I don't think there should be a blanket rule for all people in all situations, but I do have a personal conviction that applies to my own individual actions.
I have never nor will I ever "make the first move".
I fully recognize that it takes courage for a man to initiate a relationship, but that's the type of courage and leadership that I hope for in a potential future spouse. I know it's old-fashioned, but that's my style.
I'm not saying all men need to be like this, because not all women think like I do. If you're the type of man who desperately wishes more women would do the pursuing, then I hope you are encouraged to see here and on other similar threads that there are women out there who aren't afraid to initiate. If, on the other hand, you're the type of man who firmly believes that a man should always make the first move, then rest assured that there are still women out there who agree with you.
My point is that the way a relationship begins often sets the pace for how it proceeds in the long run. If I were to advise my future daughters, I would tell them this: Think about the type of dynamic you want between you and your future spouse. Pray about it, and seek godly counsel from people who know you best before proceeding.
But what do I know. I'm just a young'n with not too much life experience My first and only boyfriend was a friend of mine for a while before he made the first move. For me, it was the first of many indications that he was a keeper.
I have never nor will I ever "make the first move".
I fully recognize that it takes courage for a man to initiate a relationship, but that's the type of courage and leadership that I hope for in a potential future spouse. I know it's old-fashioned, but that's my style.
I'm not saying all men need to be like this, because not all women think like I do. If you're the type of man who desperately wishes more women would do the pursuing, then I hope you are encouraged to see here and on other similar threads that there are women out there who aren't afraid to initiate. If, on the other hand, you're the type of man who firmly believes that a man should always make the first move, then rest assured that there are still women out there who agree with you.
My point is that the way a relationship begins often sets the pace for how it proceeds in the long run. If I were to advise my future daughters, I would tell them this: Think about the type of dynamic you want between you and your future spouse. Pray about it, and seek godly counsel from people who know you best before proceeding.
But what do I know. I'm just a young'n with not too much life experience
My first and only boyfriend was a friend of mine for a while before he made the first move. For me, it was the first of many indications that he was a keeper.
Z
This may come off a little more cranky than I mean it to, so if it does I'm apologizing now before I forget later. As someone else just mentioned, a girl needs to stop with the subtly and should make her interests clear. Flirting is not nearly the hint a guy needs. Most women I meet have a somewhat flirty disposition, and lay it on even thicker if they know they can manipulate a guy with it, even though they have no intention of dating. I've even seen numerous married women flirting with guys just to manipulate them. So, when I notice a woman flirting with me, that tells me absolutely nothing about her interest in me. And before the girls get on the defensive saying that Christian women don't, or shouldn't. I can assure you they are just as guilty.
*cough* ANYway, I'm really kind of all about being up front and honest and avoiding miscommunication. I haven't asked a guy out, but I've definitely done the, "Hey, I like you." thing. Then it's up to them. I'm not much for dropping hints. I can't do it very well. lol Sometimes I'll feel the guy out and just try to hang out with them or talk with them a bit first, however, if I don't get the interest vibe, I don't take it any further than that. But the past couple of guys I've gone out with I usually initiate the whole "you're interesting to me" thing. Maybe I should be more mysterious....I never was very mysterious....
Maybe I should be more mysterious....I never was very mysterious....
Also a sidepoint question - If you girls - do you tend to throw the guy a bone back?
Aka what I mean is - if he goes up and talks to you three or four times in a group which you are both in, would you go up and say hi back so to speak? Or do you feel the guy kind of should do all the approaching etc?
You're responding to say you're not going to respond?
I would (and have) go up to him and initiate it, after he did the first time. I don't think the guy has to start the talking/what have you every single time. There has to be some give and take, some direct response back from the girl, or else the guy is going to think she's not interested.
I am going to quote Mark Driscoll here:
I think it's okay if a female expresses interest in a male and is direct about that. I do think women need to be clear in their intent as well, and not flirt with anybody and everybody, and also be clear on whether or not they are interestedl. But as far as asking to date, to pursue further, I believe that is a male's responsibility and shows his character of leadership. I know I'm going to get grief for that, on here and in my life. I've just seen it many times where there's just this dance of sorts of "Does he/she REALLY like me or just being friendly?" and neither is direct/upfront/purposefully pursuing, so it just ends up confusing or someone ends up feeling hurt and confused.
Just my thoughts.
ETA: The article from which I pulled that quote from Mark Driscoll also talks about friendship before dating and getting to know her first (not exploratory dating or dating for fun). If anyone is interested in reading the whole article, just PM me and I can send you a link.
I would (and have) go up to him and initiate it, after he did the first time. I don't think the guy has to start the talking/what have you every single time. There has to be some give and take, some direct response back from the girl, or else the guy is going to think she's not interested.
I am going to quote Mark Driscoll here:
I think it's okay if a female expresses interest in a male and is direct about that. I do think women need to be clear in their intent as well, and not flirt with anybody and everybody, and also be clear on whether or not they are interestedl. But as far as asking to date, to pursue further, I believe that is a male's responsibility and shows his character of leadership. I know I'm going to get grief for that, on here and in my life. I've just seen it many times where there's just this dance of sorts of "Does he/she REALLY like me or just being friendly?" and neither is direct/upfront/purposefully pursuing, so it just ends up confusing or someone ends up feeling hurt and confused.
Just my thoughts.
ETA: The article from which I pulled that quote from Mark Driscoll also talks about friendship before dating and getting to know her first (not exploratory dating or dating for fun). If anyone is interested in reading the whole article, just PM me and I can send you a link.
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N
My previous post was sort of a silly response.
My real belief on this issue is that everyone is just waiting on someone else to make the first move so nobody ever gets anywhere! I will not pursue people I don't know but if I'm friends with someone I'm not afraid to show I'm attracted to them. I don't rely on someone else to do it first.
My real belief on this issue is that everyone is just waiting on someone else to make the first move so nobody ever gets anywhere! I will not pursue people I don't know but if I'm friends with someone I'm not afraid to show I'm attracted to them. I don't rely on someone else to do it first.
Well, I don't really know how to put this, but some women are more open to being asked out than others. Guys notice this. I think this is why when a guy can clearly see what a woman is passionate about it makes it 1000 times easier to be honest with ourselves about why we like someone. I think this is also why a few women get a lot of attention from men.
I want to pursue someone Epically, but they have to be the kind of person who is into that sort of thing. They have to be more than just romantic, they have to have the same value for that sort of stuff that I do. Its cerebral and spiritual almost. Its not just saying, I would go to the ends of world with someone but, actually doing it. Its not just getting them flowers, "Because broads like flowers and pretty stuff" Its giving a symbol of something that supersedes the beauty or the physical value of the gift. And not just because its personal.
But they have to value in themselves something more than their objective worth or their physical beauty.
I'm not really saying anything here that I haven't said a thousand times before in a thousand different places here on CC.
The simple facts are A: I am not pursuing anyone until at least December.
B: I'm really not interested in most women that people think I should be.
I want to pursue someone Epically, but they have to be the kind of person who is into that sort of thing. They have to be more than just romantic, they have to have the same value for that sort of stuff that I do. Its cerebral and spiritual almost. Its not just saying, I would go to the ends of world with someone but, actually doing it. Its not just getting them flowers, "Because broads like flowers and pretty stuff" Its giving a symbol of something that supersedes the beauty or the physical value of the gift. And not just because its personal.
But they have to value in themselves something more than their objective worth or their physical beauty.
I'm not really saying anything here that I haven't said a thousand times before in a thousand different places here on CC.
The simple facts are A: I am not pursuing anyone until at least December.
B: I'm really not interested in most women that people think I should be.
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