re-visiting the scene of the crime - getting back together with an ex

[just_monicat]

this is inspired by a recent thread about "do you pray for your ex?". it reminded me of something i've pondered in my own life recently.

as i mentioned in that thread, i'm friendly with my exes, especially one in particular. part of the reason i broke up with him (and canceled our engagement) is because of issues that he has now overcome and is, in some ways, the man who i wish he'd been when we were together. it's been interesting to watch that progression.

i've never been one to "get back together with exes" as i've seen others do. in fact, i refer to it as revisiting the scene of a crime.

but it made me curious about you:

have you ever considered returning to your ex if the issues that they contributed to the relationship's demise were resolved (assuming availability)?

have you gotten back with an ex? what were the compelling factors that brought you back? and how did that work for you?

 

[maxwel]

An ex is like an experiment that failed.

I'm a very thorough person...
there's no reason to run the experiment again.

: )

 

[wisebeardman]

I don't have any ex thing. and if somehow I ended up with one.. id have no use for her. as she would be an ex for a reason.

 

[Descyple]

I once got back together with an ex, because she owed me $50. But she paid it to me in pennies, so I immediately broke up with her - again!!!

 

[MissCris]

I've done the whole yo-yo type thing with a couple of exes, as a teenager. And then with my marriage. Aside from being utterly exhausting, it was pointless- neither of us had changed in the ways we would have needed to in order to make the relationship work, and when we ended up breaking up for the second (or third...or fourth...) time, it just felt worse and worse. Messier. More bitterness.

I think sometimes it can work out great for people. It just never did for me, and as far as I can tell, usually doesn't for most people.

 

[Desdichado]

Like many things that have come out of story book romances, the lesson of the long-lost love returned is folly.

 

[maxwel]

A girl pal wanted my advice, she asked if she should get back with her ex.

I said, "You don't need any advice from me at all. If you get back with him,
you'll break up soon, and you'll be right back here where you started, single,
having some alone time, which is what I would have recommended to begin with.
So whatever you do, you end up in the same place.
Problem solved! YOU DON'T NEED MY ADVICE!"

 

[zeroturbulence]

Its been so long since I've seen any of the women I dated that I wonder now if they were real or just a dream.

 

[GodIsSalvation]

I think if it be possible to have your husband or wife take you back that is a blessing. I have prayed many times for many of the people I know in person and on here that if God wills it to happen that they can reconcile with their spouses, and in fact some have actually!

If God wills it not, it's still okay to just remain a Christian single soldier.

 

[Nautilus]

I have gotten back with them mostly for terrible reasons and well nothing was any better the second time around.

 

[MartyrNdaMaKn]

Oh, no no no. That ship has sailed into the wild blue yonder.

 

[MartyrNdaMaKn]

Oh, no no no. That ship has sailed into the wild blue yonder, never to be seen again.

 

[IloveyouGod]

Depending on how deep and serious the reasons why we left each other. I'd say my answer is a big NO. But there are exceptions to all rules sometimes.

 

[Oncefallen]

In my lifetime I've re-dated (for lack of better terms) 3 ladies. Quite obviously 2 of them didn't work out the second time either. Currently I am engaged to the third and if I could figure out long term finances (read this how to pay for her medical expenses) we would be married already. The first time around was rocky and didn't end well, but a couple of years and changes in life circumstances can make a lot of difference in how a relationship functions.

 

[Rachel20]

The success of getting back together with an ex is kind of subjective.

It depends on the reason why the two of you broke up, how much time has passed and whether it was sufficient , how much the two of you have changed and whether you are able to view each other in the same light of respect and love....

Mostly, this doesn't happen. When a relationship ends, it almost has some crashing and burning, at least on one side.

Personally, I am not even in touch with my ex.

I think it's unfair to the present people in your life if you are hung up over someone in the past. There are more beautiful and wonderful things to find in the future.

This is what I found in Scripture, it is stated within the bounds of marriage.



1 Corinthians 7:10-11
To the married I give this charge (not I, but the Lord): the wife should not separate from her husband (but if she does, she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband), and the husband should not divorce his wife.


Deuteronomy 24:1-4
If a man marries a woman who becomes displeasing to him because he finds something indecent about her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce, gives it to her and sends her from his house, [SUP]2 [/SUP]and if after she leaves his house she becomes the wife of another man, [SUP]3 [/SUP]and her second husband dislikes her and writes her a certificate of divorce, gives it to her and sends her from his house, or if he dies, [SUP]4 [/SUP]then her first husband, who divorced her, is not allowed to marry her again after she has been defiled. That would be detestable in the eyes of the Lord. Do not bring sin upon the land the Lord your God is giving you as an inheritance.


Jeremiah 3:1

New International Version (NIV)

3 “If a man divorces his wife
and she leaves him and marries another man,
should he return to her again?
Would not the land be completely defiled?
But you have lived as a prostitute with many lovers—
would you now return to me?”
declares the Lord.


(So in this verse, despite the unfaithfulness of his people, God at least wants us to return to Him. )

 

[Donkeyfish07]

There's only one I would take back personally. But only if she's developed and grown into a complete woman. I dated her when I was 20, she was the same age. We had a great time, but the split up was both of our faults. I was immature, she was immature. We never took it seriously but I have a lot of experiences to compare that relationship to now, and we really did have an amazing thing going that neither one of us appreciated very much at the time. If she's grown as much as I have, I would take her back in a heart beat. To put it in perspective, it's like we both had a million dollars and we traded it all for a coke. Just didn't realize what we had. I don't ever expect to see her again and I moved on a long time ago, but I always keep her in mind.

When ever I go out with someone new, she's always my "measuring stick" per se. If you can't compete with her in my mind and our time together isn't as high of quality as it was with her, there's no chance of it working out. I don't believe in settling.

 

[iTOREtheSKY]

Going back to an ex is like going to your refrigerator to get a glass of milk,pouring the milk into a glass & finding out it's spoiled,then pouring the milk back into it's container,putting it back in the fridge,and then the next day returning to said container of milk,pouring yourself a glass,only to find that the milk is STILL spoiled. Shocker,huh?

 

[Loveneverfails]

It depends on the reason for the breakup, and how/if either party has changed during the time of
separation. I think that in most situations it's likely an unwise choice, because most breakups are because the two people simply aren't right for one another. But say, if two people broke up because the timing was wrong, or maybe they took a break because one of them had to move a long distance, or perhaps it was even a prayerful decision to take a break from dating in general and focus on The Lord, then I can see a possibility for a second go at a relationship. I was thinking about this recently because one of my close friends actually just got married to a man she had once previously broken up with. She claims she was going through a rough time in her spiritual walk when she broke up with him, but after some time they both went through positive changes and grew in their relationships with The Lord. After some prayer they got back together, then 4 months later they were married. I guess for them they knew after splitting up once that they never wanted to be apart again.

as for me, I'd likely not revisit an old relationship unless I really felt God was leading me in that direction. I'd probably check with some godly mentors first too just to make sure it was actually God and not my feelings getting away with me.

 

[Donkeyfish07]

Going back to an ex is like going to your refrigerator to get a glass of milk,pouring the milk into a glass & finding out it's spoiled,then pouring the milk back into it's container,putting it back in the fridge,and then the next day returning to said container of milk,pouring yourself a glass,only to find that the milk is STILL spoiled. Shocker,huh?

But what if it's like new wine. It tasted like crap the first time, so you pour it back in the bottle and sit in in the fridge awhile....and it actually tastes pretty good later on?

 

[JustinUK]

Sometimes you need to re-visit the scene of the crime to gather more evidence... but in all honesty, there's no need, as the future is brighter than the past (I believe) :S