Reasons You Should NOT Date Me

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Y

Yahweh_is_gracious

Guest
#1
*This thread is satirical, presented in fun, and the stomping ground for those of us who appreciate and can implement self-deprecating humor*

*If your intent is to crap all over this thread with your holier-than-thou attitudes, please consult your map and make your way back to the BDF where you belong*

In this thread, you share the reasons why people should NOT date you. Not a pity party; not fishing for compliments from the other respondents; not a way to take swipes at other members or the other gender. Granted, nobody will follow the rules, and this thread won't make it past page one without some old fart jumping in beating on all of us with his twisted interpretation of Scripture, but we'll give it a go anyhow.
 

toinena

Senior Member
Mar 10, 2017
2,037
334
83
#2
You shouldn't date me, because I rather have my bassoon reed in my mouth than your tongue.
 
Y

Yahweh_is_gracious

Guest
#3
You should not date me because you would be further down my list of priorities than things like:

Painting my Warhammer 40k miniatures
Reading sci-fi novels
Endless hours of YouTube
Sleeping, naps, dozing off for a bit
 

toinena

Senior Member
Mar 10, 2017
2,037
334
83
#4
You shouldn't date me because the only sci-fi character I can like is Marvin the Paranoid Android.
 

toinena

Senior Member
Mar 10, 2017
2,037
334
83
#5
You shouldn't date me, because I serve rotten fish on the first date.
 

Susanna

Senior Member
Jan 21, 2013
2,584
67
48
#6
You shouldn't date me because I'm the kind of woman your mother prayed you shouldn't meet.
 

toinena

Senior Member
Mar 10, 2017
2,037
334
83
#8
You're Norwegian? This is a reason TO date you, if only they knew :D.
Guilty as charge. Yes. I am Norwegian. And rakfisk that is so mature that it spreads on your potoato bread like butter, is as close to culinaric heaven I can get. I should then rephrase my statement:

You shouldn't date me because I am Norwegian.
 

Tinuviel

Senior Member
Jun 6, 2015
4,748
248
63
#9
Guilty as charge. Yes. I am Norwegian. And rakfisk that is so mature that it spreads on your potoato bread like butter, is as close to culinaric heaven I can get. I should then rephrase my statement:

You shouldn't date me because I am Norwegian.
Oh good! Maybe you're someone who can answer my question: I have been told that rakfisk is close in taste to lutefisk. Is this so?
 
Jun 24, 2017
368
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#10
You shouldn't date me because I'm the kind of woman your mother prayed you shouldn't meet.

A potsmoking, pagan, lead singer of a punk rock band with a fondness for alcohol and tattoos who only likes me for my motorcycle?
 

toinena

Senior Member
Mar 10, 2017
2,037
334
83
#11
Tinuviel. Lutefisk is just like jello with a nasty taste of something that reminds of fish. No! Not like lutefisk at all! More like a stinky French cheese. If you are ever in Norway, I hope you will stop by. I will be happy to serve you rakfisk with all the trimmings.
 

Tinuviel

Senior Member
Jun 6, 2015
4,748
248
63
#12
You shouldn't date me because I'm a great cook. Yes, that's a problem. You'll never be skinny again!











(I'm actually not a great cook, but you had to admit it was funny :p).
 

Tinuviel

Senior Member
Jun 6, 2015
4,748
248
63
#13
Tinuviel. Lutefisk is just like jello with a nasty taste of something that reminds of fish. No! Not like lutefisk at all! More like a stinky French cheese. If you are ever in Norway, I hope you will stop by. I will be happy to serve you rakfisk with all the trimmings.
If I'm ever In Norway, I might just take up on that offer. Though not being a huge fan of fish I can't promise that I'd enjoy that part of your hospitality. But at least I can promise that the very idea wouldn't scare me away as it would some people :p.
 

toinena

Senior Member
Mar 10, 2017
2,037
334
83
#14
Well... I could serve you sheep's head instead.... I will not eat it with you... I have my limitations. But we could perhaps snack on some reindeer hearts together afterwards.
 
Y

Yahweh_is_gracious

Guest
#15
You should not date me because I don't share my feelings, I don't share anything else either, and I DON'T CUDDLE.

Ever.
 
M

MollyConnor

Guest
#16
My ex was abusive and we broke up just three months ago. I am an emotional mess. I have daddy issues and a low self-esteem.
I can laugh about it now...but I'm also being honest. :p
 
Aug 10, 2017
18
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#17
My ex was abusive and we broke up just three months ago. I am an emotional mess. I have daddy issues and a low self-esteem.
I can laugh about it now...but I'm also being honest. :p
I am very sorry to hear that. You will be in my prayers.
 

NotmebutHim

Senior Member
May 17, 2015
1,491
97
48
#19
You should NOT date me because I crack my knuckles. :)
 

WineRose

Senior Member
Jan 3, 2017
3,524
191
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16
Row A, Column 9
#20
*3 year time skip*

If you don't like dating dead people, don't date me, because I'm already dead inside.

(Also, I'm not real...)