Relationship Expectations

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Conversationand

Conversationand

Senior Member
#41
Jun 24, 2017
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#41
toinena said:
Reading this thread made me lose all expectations of any relationship. *Petting my dog in grief*
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Well, it's nice to sit here on the internet and have a mental understanding of what we want, but when someone you like smiles at you and grabs you by the hand and pulls you to the thing they want to see/do, some of the things we consider to be set in stone in our minds just disappear. I wouldn't worry too much about what's being said.
 
T

toinena

Guest
#42
#42
Conversationand said:
Well, it's nice to sit here on the internet and have a mental understanding of what we want, but when someone you like smiles at you and grabs you by the hand and pulls you to the thing they want to see/do, some of the things we consider to be set in stone in our minds just disappear. I wouldn't worry too much about what's being said.
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Why worry? I have Christ AND a dog. Thanks, though. I am just getting old and realistic ;-)
 
Maka

Maka

Senior Member
#43
Jun 26, 2017
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#43
If you asked me this question a few years ago my answers were more based on an emotional connection. That's still very important but I also want more than that. The state of marriage in our world today is scary. The stuff I read on marriage sites makes me think I'm better off single forever. I want a marriage that last, that's why I have requirements.

I might see a guy and find him attractive but I'm not going to waste my time or his if we don't share a similar outlook on life. Similar interests is also important because I want to spend time doing things together. If he'd rather be golfing or something with his buddies then he's not the guy for me. My list isn't for vanity reasons, I just want a happy and healthy future. Life is full of ups and downs but with God and the right guy by my side I'll be strong enough to get through it.
 
Conversationand

Conversationand

Senior Member
#44
Jun 24, 2017
368
20
0
#44
Maka said:
The state of marriage in our world today is scary. The stuff I read on marriage sites makes me think I'm better off single forever. I want a marriage that last, that's why I have requirements.
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Amen and Amen. And this is why simply calling herself a Christian doesn't make the cut with me. They have to show obedience to Christ because when their good looking coworker is making them laugh and saying all of the things they want to hear I can't be there, but Christ can.
 
C

CaptainGoat

Guest
#45
#45
While I'm not keen on taking on anyone who is on drugs or drinks regularly as for me I'd find the mind games drink and high people play (I know they dont intend to and with drink, have no memory after!) to be too difficult...
Smoking I dont mind. In a way it would be ok as a smoker is not scared of fire... (If you had seen me trying at arms length trying to throw matches into an open fire to get it to start when i used to have a house you would understand why I say this. UK winters can be freezing!), though I wouldn't want smoke to come my way while I'm trying to eat.
Dating a non Christian is easier as the thought of marrying and defiling a child of God... (I know I am a child of God. It just seems I'd be sinning as Gods children are so precious to Him). Maybe I'm wrong in this... :\
Size, shape, hair colour etc?
Well. Prefer natural hair colour, but as in the past I've found it easy to lose people in a crowd, if she had bright pink hair (And no one else did) it would be a blessing!
Weight... Not too thin and boney but only as I wouldn't want to break a lady by hugging her!
Height... Not too fussy except too tall a lady may feel a bit threatening! So as long as she is not too much over six foot I'm not too concerned.
Age... Tend to be naturally attracted to ladies about ten years younger. Not sure this is normal or not.
Prefer someone who does not have children as it would dwell on my mind that they have a dad and need him. Though I know things in life dont always go to plan...

While to be honest I do not know my ideal lady as when love takes over all pre conceived ideas and plans go out the window!

May be easier for God to bring me the right person and the right time! I'd probably mess things up if I decided... :p
So to conclude... I dont really have a clue who the right person will be!
 
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Galatea

Guest
#48
#48
CaptainGoat said:
While I'm not keen on taking on anyone who is on drugs or drinks regularly as for me I'd find the mind games drink and high people play (I know they dont intend to and with drink, have no memory after!) to be too difficult...
Smoking I dont mind. In a way it would be ok as a smoker is not scared of fire... (If you had seen me trying at arms length trying to throw matches into an open fire to get it to start when i used to have a house you would understand why I say this. UK winters can be freezing!), though I wouldn't want smoke to come my way while I'm trying to eat.
Dating a non Christian is easier as the thought of marrying and defiling a child of God... (I know I am a child of God. It just seems I'd be sinning as Gods children are so precious to Him). Maybe I'm wrong in this... :\
Size, shape, hair colour etc?
Well. Prefer natural hair colour, but as in the past I've found it easy to lose people in a crowd, if she had bright pink hair (And no one else did) it would be a blessing!
Weight... Not too thin and boney but only as I wouldn't want to break a lady by hugging her!
Height... Not too fussy except too tall a lady may feel a bit threatening! So as long as she is not too much over six foot I'm not too concerned.
Age... Tend to be naturally attracted to ladies about ten years younger. Not sure this is normal or not.
Prefer someone who does not have children as it would dwell on my mind that they have a dad and need him. Though I know things in life dont always go to plan...

While to be honest I do not know my ideal lady as when love takes over all pre conceived ideas and plans go out the window!

May be easier for God to bring me the right person and the right time! I'd probably mess things up if I decided... :p
So to conclude... I dont really have a clue who the right person will be!
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The marriage bed is not defiled, and you would not be sinning against your wife to take her. As a matter of fact, it would be a sin to marry a woman and NOT fulfill her in this way. Christian women are not different from nonChristian women in biology and desires. The Bible even forbids husbands and wives from keeping themselves from each other. Anyway, this is my opinion. I don't think sex is a sin between husband and wife.
 
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CaptainGoat

Guest
#49
#49
Galatea said:
The marriage bed is not defiled, and you would not be sinning against your wife to take her. As a matter of fact, it would be a sin to marry a woman and NOT fulfill her in this way. Christian women are not different from nonChristian women in biology and desires. The Bible even forbids husbands and wives from keeping themselves from each other. Anyway, this is my opinion. I don't think sex is a sin between husband and wife.
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I'm glad you say that. :)
 
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Galatea

Guest
#50
#50
CaptainGoat said:
I'm glad you say that. :)
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As "straitlaced" as the Puritans supposedly were, they took the marriage bed pretty seriously. A woman in Puritan Massachusetts could divorce her husband if he was not fulfilling her needs, and 1 out of 3 Puritan women were pregnant when they were getting married. So, even the Puritans thought this was important aspect of life, and they were down on Christmas, the theater, and anything remotely frivolous. God invented it, after all. He must think it is a good idea.
 
Conversationand

Conversationand

Senior Member
#51
Jun 24, 2017
368
20
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#51
CaptainGoat said:
I'm glad you say that.
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CaptainGoat said:
:)
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Galatea said:
As "straitlaced" as the Puritans supposedly were, they took the marriage bed pretty seriously. A woman in Puritan Massachusetts could divorce her husband if he was not fulfilling her needs, and 1 out of 3 Puritan women were pregnant when they were getting married. So, even the Puritans thought this was important aspect of life, and they were down on Christmas, the theater, and anything remotely frivolous. God invented it, after all. He must think it is a good idea.
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I would add to that, if you're worried about sex in marriage, there is a really steamy book floating around out there called Song of Solomon. Be warned, it's pretty racy.
 
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CaptainGoat

Guest
#52
#52
I remember when I was a young teenager when my dad said "Make sure you dont mess about with the girls". I kept them at arms length for years as at the time I didn't understand. I do now! :D
I was thinking (As the school I went to was mixed) " Why are my not allowed to play with the girls?"
Haha. Was puzzled for a few years! Not to say my body had not developed. Just didn't put two and two together.
 
C

CaptainGoat

Guest
#53
#53
Conversationand said:




I would add to that, if you're worried about sex in marriage, there is a really steamy book floating around out there called Song of Solomon. Be warned, it's pretty racy.
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Yes. It certainly opened my eyes! Haha! When one first reads it one just assumes it was the King James translation.... Then one reads it in a modern translation instead and ones eyes almost pop out of ones head!
 
Y

Yahweh_is_gracious

Guest
#54
#54
I'm cognizant of the fact that what I think I absolutely have to have in a relationship is really more of a guideline. As much as I honestly don't want a relationship now or ever again, ultimately it might not be up to me. I might be fat, graying, ornery, angry, confused, lazy, confrontational, and about 2 inches taller than "manlet", but I do have some redeeming qualities as well (you'll just have to trust me when I say that). I "might" one day meet some woman who just takes my breath away. I had always imagined something like that could happen, but after so many years of not meeting anyone even close and just settling time after time, it's kind of hard to keep that "dream" alive.
 
Harkins

Harkins

Member
#55
Jul 16, 2013
87
1
0
#55
Galatea said:
One expectation only: Complete and total adoration.
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Whoever started the phrase "Love is blind" wasn't doing the world a favor, only perpetuating a myth.

In my experience, women test men because they want to be called on their crap - not have it excused away. Oh wait, was that supposed to be a secret? Hehe.
 
Dino246

Dino246

Senior Member
#56
Jun 30, 2015
25,414
13,760
113
#56
When I was looking, I had only two non-negotiables: Christian and non-smoker. I did, however, have a long list of preferences.
 
Desdichado

Desdichado

Senior Member
#57
Feb 9, 2014
8,768
838
113
#57
THANK YOU

One of my pet peeves is the adjective "puritanical."

If anything those manners we slap with the label could be more accurately described as Victorian, ascetist, or even medieval.

Galatea said:
As "straitlaced" as the Puritans supposedly were, they took the marriage bed pretty seriously. A woman in Puritan Massachusetts could divorce her husband if he was not fulfilling her needs, and 1 out of 3 Puritan women were pregnant when they were getting married. So, even the Puritans thought this was important aspect of life, and they were down on Christmas, the theater, and anything remotely frivolous. God invented it, after all. He must think it is a good idea.
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Desdichado

Desdichado

Senior Member
#58
Feb 9, 2014
8,768
838
113
#58
Puritans also carried long-guns in church. Another fun fact about them, Galatea ;)

*zing
 
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Galatea

Guest
#59
#59
Desdichado said:
THANK YOU

One of my pet peeves is the adjective "puritanical."

If anything those manners we slap with the label could be more accurately described as Victorian, ascetist, or even medieval.
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Ah, NOT Victorian. Victoria even journaled about her satisfaction with Albert. She had a plaque put on her bed, commemorating their first and last nights together in their bed at Osbourne. Victoria enjoyed marriage.
 
G

Galatea

Guest
#60
#60
Harkins said:
Whoever started the phrase "Love is blind" wasn't doing the world a favor, only perpetuating a myth.

In my experience, women test men because they want to be called on their crap - not have it excused away. Oh wait, was that supposed to be a secret? Hehe.
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You misunderstand me. Complete and total adoration does not mean I think he is perfect and he thinks I am perfect. That would be intolerable. Complete and total adoration means knowing the faults and adoring anyway.
 
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