Should a Christian man always be provider in a modern women's rights-oriented world?
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I always butt heads w/ my family over this. Growing up, I was taught the same thing. That whenever I get married, that my husband will be the provider and I'll be the house wife dealing w/ the children and taking care of the house.
I personally NEVER liked that scenario and in my mind disagreed w/ that outlook from an early age (i think i was around 12).
And as I grew, the more I disagreed with it. I was like why should guys be the provider. If I'm w/ someone, we should both be doing our part. It shouldn't be a 1 way streak. It shouldn't be placed on the husband to provide the money and share his money w/ his family. He worked hard for his money and should be able to do w/ it as he pleases and not always give it away to his wife or to the house or what not. Yes, I understand responsibilities but, I don't see it as being fair.
When I got my first job, I started to save my money and, whenever I go out w/ friends, we either pay our own way or, sometimes we pay for each other and take turns in that as we know the other person will catch us the next time we do something. It's easy that way. It's fair that way. It's not one person paying for Everything.
That's why when I hear of people dating and the guy is always forced to pay for his gf whenever they go out to eat or do something fun, my question is why?? or how is that fair to the guy? If both the guy and the girl is working, they should Both pay -- split the bill or the amount in half no matter what it is. Share --- not make 1 person always pay. It's not fair and can sometimes drive people apart.
Although I've never had a bf yet (yes i feel like an idiot admitting that and its frustrating) but, when I hang out w/ my guy friends, I will often times pay for them or we split down the middle. I find it's the fair thing to do.
Same in marriage. I believe that all expenses should be split down the middle. Nothing should be 1 sided especially if both people are working. As with expenses being split down the middle, I also believe house work should be split down the middle too. It shouldn't Always be placed on the wife to take care of the house and clean and what not. I think both the inside and outside work should be split btwn the husband and wife. It should be equal all the way around. Sure, I know guys are normally known to do the outside work and women the inside work but, what if the woman likes to be outside and do the outside work? Sorry, that's a whole other topic but, I hate how the world is saying women take care of the inside housework which seems to be non-stop work and men take care of the outside which isn't non-stop work. It's like men are Allowed to have it easier when women aren't and are forced to work all day and aren't allowed to relax and have fun. I don't agree w/ that.
But, let me stop there since I'm changing the topic sorry.
I personally NEVER liked that scenario and in my mind disagreed w/ that outlook from an early age (i think i was around 12).
And as I grew, the more I disagreed with it. I was like why should guys be the provider. If I'm w/ someone, we should both be doing our part. It shouldn't be a 1 way streak. It shouldn't be placed on the husband to provide the money and share his money w/ his family. He worked hard for his money and should be able to do w/ it as he pleases and not always give it away to his wife or to the house or what not. Yes, I understand responsibilities but, I don't see it as being fair.
When I got my first job, I started to save my money and, whenever I go out w/ friends, we either pay our own way or, sometimes we pay for each other and take turns in that as we know the other person will catch us the next time we do something. It's easy that way. It's fair that way. It's not one person paying for Everything.
That's why when I hear of people dating and the guy is always forced to pay for his gf whenever they go out to eat or do something fun, my question is why?? or how is that fair to the guy? If both the guy and the girl is working, they should Both pay -- split the bill or the amount in half no matter what it is. Share --- not make 1 person always pay. It's not fair and can sometimes drive people apart.
Although I've never had a bf yet (yes i feel like an idiot admitting that and its frustrating) but, when I hang out w/ my guy friends, I will often times pay for them or we split down the middle. I find it's the fair thing to do.
Same in marriage. I believe that all expenses should be split down the middle. Nothing should be 1 sided especially if both people are working. As with expenses being split down the middle, I also believe house work should be split down the middle too. It shouldn't Always be placed on the wife to take care of the house and clean and what not. I think both the inside and outside work should be split btwn the husband and wife. It should be equal all the way around. Sure, I know guys are normally known to do the outside work and women the inside work but, what if the woman likes to be outside and do the outside work? Sorry, that's a whole other topic but, I hate how the world is saying women take care of the inside housework which seems to be non-stop work and men take care of the outside which isn't non-stop work. It's like men are Allowed to have it easier when women aren't and are forced to work all day and aren't allowed to relax and have fun. I don't agree w/ that.
But, let me stop there since I'm changing the topic sorry.
C
You see this a lot in Holland. Split the bill. Both work. My sister does the yard. They both suck the dust. Dutch men suck the dust. Even my 80 year old dad who always thought it was my mom's job to clean up, since they retired he also cleans. She cooks, he can't do that and if she wants to help him clean up afterwards, the dishes etc. he gets mad. No that's my job LOL.
Yes, I realize providing is more than money, but the problem is that money is almost always not only included, but also the main subject, when it comes to the providing topic, at least in the realm of churches. Let me put it this way: If I can go fishing and catch good fish, and clean the fish properly, and put food on the table every day for the rest of our lives, and have an ok place to live, and work at a low income job, vs. a guy who has it all together, has a 4-bedroom house with 2 bathrooms, has money for meals at every turn, can go out to eat, can do the expensive romance thing--are both not providers? But inevitably, at least 90% of the world is going to say the second is the provider, and the only reason is he has more money. But the problem is, when he loses it all, through his own mistakes or through natural disaster or unforeseen circumstances--he no longer knows how to provide. See the difference?
I'll just say that I would expect both myself and my potential wife to be working. I don't buy into this housewife or stay at home and take care of kids/clean nonsense. How bad are we that she would need to be home everyday cleaning lol? We can clean together on the weekend or after work. And kids? If we had them, after the the leave taken for newborns, that's what family or nannies/day care, and eventually school is for.
I don't think it matters who makes more. I do think that both should be contributing(financially) though, especially if we had kids. I personally wouldn't marry anyone that refused to do so.
I don't think it matters who makes more. I do think that both should be contributing(financially) though, especially if we had kids. I personally wouldn't marry anyone that refused to do so.
C
Family nannies and day care? I'm happy my kids never had to go to daycare. I'm afraid they have to now since my ex has to work and his wife is not welcome in Holland for 3 months so she can't pick 'em up after school when they're there. I'll have to buy hours so they don't have to stay there til 7 o'clock. Almost every couple in Holland has 2 jobs (women parttime) and the kids go to daycare 3 days or so. My nephew with 3 months old went to day care.
Why would you take kids if you want others to raise them?
Why would you take kids if you want others to raise them?
They wouldn't be raising them lol. I see nothing wrong with kids being watched by others during the day, especially if it's by family. By the time they're 4 or 5 they're going to be in school anyway, not being watched every second of the day by mom or dad. That's life. Kids aren't cheap and two paychecks are better than one. I personally would find it irresponsible to let my wife stay at home if it wasn't necessary, but that's just me.
Wow. I'm glad my husband didn't feel this way when we were raising our children. I find it ironic that you think your family should have to take on the responsibility of keeping and raising YOUR kids. And yes, when a child is with a caregiver 9 hours every day (that's almost ALL of their waking hours) then THAT is the person "raising" them. I'm hoping you wrote this trollishly and weren't really serious.
(I deleted my rant about your "taking care of kids/clean nonsense" comment... There is simply no way on earth I could describe to you how relentless, tiring and emotionally exhausting it is to take care of multiple young children all day. Potty training alone... *delete delete delete*)
(I deleted my rant about your "taking care of kids/clean nonsense" comment... There is simply no way on earth I could describe to you how relentless, tiring and emotionally exhausting it is to take care of multiple young children all day. Potty training alone... *delete delete delete*)
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I don't really care about any rant you typed out tbh, but I will reply this once. I never said that I think my family should raise my kids lol. If I said that, please show me where. I simply used it as an example of a possibility that grandma could watch kids if she so wanted to while we worked and if they had to be watched during work hours, nothing is better than family. I also used daycare/nanny, as I'd be totally okay with any of those options. Those things exist because believe it or not, not everyone can afford to stay at home and live off of one paycheck, hence why I said I personally would find it irresponsible for me to let happen. And FYI my schedule is not yours. My kids would never have to spend 9 hours with a "caregiver". Even if they did, it would not be the end of the world.
No I am not trolling. I stated my thoughts on the matter and nothing more. I never said it was wrong for anyone else to do things the way they do want to do them. Everything I posted was from my own point of view and for myself, hence why I used words like 'I' and 'personally.' If you did it differently and that worked for you, then good for you. You don't have to like it or agree with me, but my views on the matter are my own. There is nothing wrong with being against having a stay-at-home parent and I stand by everything I said for me personally.
No I am not trolling. I stated my thoughts on the matter and nothing more. I never said it was wrong for anyone else to do things the way they do want to do them. Everything I posted was from my own point of view and for myself, hence why I used words like 'I' and 'personally.' If you did it differently and that worked for you, then good for you. You don't have to like it or agree with me, but my views on the matter are my own. There is nothing wrong with being against having a stay-at-home parent and I stand by everything I said for me personally.
Actually, that's almost exactly what you said:
I will apologize if you felt my response was unfair. I found your statement "I don't buy into this housewife or stay at home and take care of kids/clean nonsense." to be derisive and inflammatory. That statement doesn't imply that this is "just your own personal opinion". Perhaps I am misunderstanding something.
I will apologize if you felt my response was unfair. I found your statement "I don't buy into this housewife or stay at home and take care of kids/clean nonsense." to be derisive and inflammatory. That statement doesn't imply that this is "just your own personal opinion". Perhaps I am misunderstanding something.
T
From the little I know about child development, if I get married and have children (which I'd love to do), I would want them to spend as much of their foundational years (first five) with my wife and I. That's not to say childcare is evil etc. but if the first five years are the most foundational to a person's upbringing, then it makes very good sense for them to spend most of that time with their parents before venturing into the big, wide world with school and university and then the workplace.
No that was not at all what I said or meant, but it really doesn't matter.
And no it wasn't unfair, so no need for any apologies. Maybe I could have used a different word, but that is my opinion which I stand by, and for my own reasons. I was not trying to imply that it is that way for everyone. People have their own views and to each their own. Perhaps I wasn't clear enough or maybe we just disagree, but it's really not something I'm going to dwell on. I was not trying to intentionally offend anyone nor have I ever done so on CC. I will leave it at that.
And no it wasn't unfair, so no need for any apologies. Maybe I could have used a different word, but that is my opinion which I stand by, and for my own reasons. I was not trying to imply that it is that way for everyone. People have their own views and to each their own. Perhaps I wasn't clear enough or maybe we just disagree, but it's really not something I'm going to dwell on. I was not trying to intentionally offend anyone nor have I ever done so on CC. I will leave it at that.
C
What you see a lot in Holland where it's standard for a woman to work is once the kids come she wants to work parttime and he wants a day off a week when they're young. There's one guy at the office. He's christian. His wife works since the first kid was born 2,5 or 3 days. He works 4, but starts early so he can go home at 4 o'clock. Their parents watch the kids the other 1,5 or 2 days.
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