Should Women Just Accept That Their Future Husband Will Probably Watch Porn?

[crosstweed]

I'm the original writer of this thread, and even I had to check when this was written (almost a year ago.)

Most of my other threads get maybe a couple hundred views, at most... So is it by coincidence that this thread now has nearly 2,500 views? I think not.

When I originally wrote this thread, I was thinking about the fact that at any given moment, you can do a search for threads about members who are struggling with porn and the system will practically go into overload with the number of matches.

It's a fact that many, many Christians are battling an ongoing fight (meaning current and daily) with this issue.

Does this mean that every Christian who is currently fighting to stay away from porn (and often stumbles) should automatically be disqualified for marriage and be seen as unfit material for a spouse?

If that's the case, then according to that thinking, there are a good number of Christians today who are apparently unmarry-able.

This was the discussion question I originally had in mind when I wrote this thread.

I've been around porn addicts and I know what it does to them and the people around them. It's not like it's something static - it's an addiction. The more addicted you get, the more you need something stronger and in greater quantities to satisfy your addiction. The end results are devastating.

The simple fact is, I would not marry a porn addict any more than I would a drug addict or alcoholic, or a different type of addict. It's just common sense to me.

Would I be willing to be the friend of someone who was trying to live above an addiction and try to support them and pray for them and do what I could to help them live victoriously above it? Absolutely... but I can't fix them. Only God can do that, and they have to cooperate with God and work through it with Him.

Would I be willing to marry them? No, and that goes for pretty much any addiction. Not until they've conquered it with God's help and I'm certain that the chance of a relapse (although always a possibility) is minimal, probably with several years of being clean from it.

An addiction is something that comes first in your life and has #1 priority over your will and other desires, and over the will of others for you, including God's will... and it's very important to me that my man puts God first in his life - not any form of addiction.

 

[crosstweed]

Correction: It doesn't have priority over your will. It divides your will. You know you should quit and want to, and simultaneously you don't want to and keep doing it.

 

[Messy]

They just need to be convicted of sin and set free. One prayer and my ex was free, but he was married. It's much harder for someone who's single. He didn't watch it our entire marriage, only when he was temporarily tempted. But he knew it was sin and sought deliverance prayer. Another guy I dated thought it wasn't that bad. Didn't even want deliverance prayer. That's completely different.
One guy on another forum was set free after 38 years while being married. I don't get that. It's just a false belief that you're a sinner and if you really wanted to stop you could kick the tv and computer out. When I just met my ex he was addicted to watching filthy tv. He just threw the tv out of his house.

 

[blue_ladybug]

Never marry anyone who has an active addiction of any sort. It will only get worse before (or IF) it gets better.

 

[jeremyPJ]

I understand that women have a very real hangup about their men watching porn. Maybe some guys are addicted to it...however I still say that if a woman isn't willing to please her man (therefore herself as well!) with some regularity, then they have no real reason to complain if their man needs a release on his own. At least he's not with another woman...I'm not saying I condone porn, however gals need to be reasonable.

We love and appreciate everything about a woman. But if for whatever reason our woman is holding out on us, sooner or later we're going to see an interest in porn. It's really that simple.

My ex had no problem cheating on me, but she didn't like me entertaining myself with porn either. Many, many, many times. So a couple of times late in the relationship I put her in that position (having to take care of things herself). So now she knows how it feels. In my opinion if two people love each other they shouldn't be playing power games in the first place. I'm fairly sure our Lord doesn't see much humor in it.

 

[kaylagrl]

I understand that women have a very real hangup about their men watching porn. Maybe some guys are addicted to it...however I still say that if a woman isn't willing to please her man (therefore herself as well!) with some regularity, then they have no real reason to complain if their man needs a release on his own. At least he's not with another woman...I'm not saying I condone porn, however gals need to be reasonable.

We love and appreciate everything about a woman. But if for whatever reason our woman is holding out on us, sooner or later we're going to see an interest in porn. It's really that simple.

My ex had no problem cheating on me, but she didn't like me entertaining myself with porn either. Many, many, many times. So a couple of times late in the relationship I put her in that position (having to take care of things herself). So now she knows how it feels. In my opinion if two people love each other they shouldn't be playing power games in the first place. I'm fairly sure our Lord doesn't see much humor in it.

Quote "I understand that women have a very real hangup about their men watching porn. Maybe some guys are addicted to it...however I still say that if a woman isn't willing to please her man (therefore herself as well!) with some regularity, then they have no real reason to complain if their man needs a release on his own. At least he's not with another woman...I'm not saying I condone porn, however gals need to be reasonable."

A lot of assumptions in there. Im not sure that that is the reason behind porn viewing, wives not satisfying their husbands.

 

[Grace-Like-Rain]

I understand that women have a very real hangup about their men watching porn. Maybe some guys are addicted to it...however I still say that if a woman isn't willing to please her man (therefore herself as well!) with some regularity, then they have no real reason to complain if their man needs a release on his own. At least he's not with another woman...I'm not saying I condone porn, however gals need to be reasonable.

We love and appreciate everything about a woman. But if for whatever reason our woman is holding out on us, sooner or later we're going to see an interest in porn. It's really that simple.

My ex had no problem cheating on me, but she didn't like me entertaining myself with porn either. Many, many, many times. So a couple of times late in the relationship I put her in that position (having to take care of things herself). So now she knows how it feels. In my opinion if two people love each other they shouldn't be playing power games in the first place. I'm fairly sure our Lord doesn't see much humor in it.

I understand what you are saying, and I agree that women should not withhold themselves from their spouse. The Bible tells us that too. However, watching porn can give men (or women) desires that are unrealistic if not totally unattainable, which makes it a lot harder to satisfy those increasing needs. It's a catch 22. Its a downward spiral.

 

[Messy]

I understand that women have a very real hangup about their men watching porn. Maybe some guys are addicted to it...however I still say that if a woman isn't willing to please her man (therefore herself as well!) with some regularity, then they have no real reason to complain if their man needs a release on his own. At least he's not with another woman...I'm not saying I condone porn, however gals need to be reasonable.

We love and appreciate everything about a woman. But if for whatever reason our woman is holding out on us, sooner or later we're going to see an interest in porn. It's really that simple.

My ex had no problem cheating on me, but she didn't like me entertaining myself with porn either. Many, many, many times. So a couple of times late in the relationship I put her in that position (having to take care of things herself). So now she knows how it feels. In my opinion if two people love each other they shouldn't be playing power games in the first place. I'm fairly sure our Lord doesn't see much humor in it.

It goes 2 ways. If he thinks it's normal that he watches porn if she's tired one day, it's so disgusting, I wouldn't want to have sex with a husband with an unclean demon. But yes like Rodney Howard Brown said if you don't care for your husband someone else will. But that's still sin. Don't do that otherwise the devil will tempt you, says Paul.
When I was married I had to give one lesson about sex to those women. It would be weird if my ex did that. One thing was never say no. Well they didn't care. Who was I to tell them anything? They knew better. But one woman listened. Hahahahahahaha her husband was so happy. It was a lesson I got in a marriage encounter in Baton Rouge.

 

[Messy]

One guy in church would let his wife work 5 days a week sorting apples. That's the most horrible job and she cleaned the whole house and he was filthy rich of his own income anyway. Then he complained to us that she didn't want much sex because she was tired all the time. Oh really? How surprising. Use your brain.

 

[Rosesrock]

I understand that women have a very real hangup about their men watching porn. Maybe some guys are addicted to it...however I still say that if a woman isn't willing to please her man (therefore herself as well!) with some regularity, then they have no real reason to complain if their man needs a release on his own. At least he's not with another woman...I'm not saying I condone porn, however gals need to be reasonable.

We love and appreciate everything about a woman. But if for whatever reason our woman is holding out on us, sooner or later we're going to see an interest in porn. It's really that simple.

My ex had no problem cheating on me, but she didn't like me entertaining myself with porn either. Many, many, many times. So a couple of times late in the relationship I put her in that position (having to take care of things herself). So now she knows how it feels. In my opinion if two people love each other they shouldn't be playing power games in the first place. I'm fairly sure our Lord doesn't see much humor in it.

Um, No one drives you to "do" anything. In this situation....porn. We all have choices to make and whether you're "getting it" from your spouse or not, turning to an outside source is wrong. Sex is reserved for marriage.
I'm sorry but I totally disagree with your post. I understand we all hold a responsibility in our marriages, but my main responsibility is to honor my husband as he scripturally in supposed to love me. I can copy and paste verses but I'm sure you know where they are.
I agree with your statement in that is a couple loves one another (and this includes open communication) then there shouldn't be much "holding out" or "letting her know who it feels".

Sounds to me there were SO many other issues besides what you posted about.

My hangup is the line you posted about if a woman isn't willing to please her man he somehow has a license to "entertain" himself with porn. Um no....

 

[jeremyPJ]

Yes there were many more issues than this.

But supposedly, so we've been told by society anyway, men have much more desire for making love than women. Do I believe this? I think it might depend on her upbringing, her hangups, past experiences, her hormones, etc.

And maybe these differences apply to all men as well. I can understand if some disagree, and that's okay. Life would be boring if we were all the same...

I have read of women complaining about their man's lack of libido too. Nobody really has the answers here on this earth anyway. The best we can do is try to work them out as couples. If not, we should seek Godly counseling.

I'm not advocating porn, but if it's easily available and we have a need, guess what's tempting? Sinful? Probably. But the only perfect human to walk this earth is Jesus Christ. We all fall short at some point, he knows this.

 

[Messy]

My ex didn't want sex for 3 years, except once a year to get a kid. When I saw a picture of a normal guy with naked arms in a magazine for a shop where you buy wood and such I got lustful thoughts. It can drive you totally insane when you're married. Once a woman complained to me and my brother during coffee at church, I was 18, that her husband didn't want sex. She had become nuts. Who on earth says that to a stranger? She used to be normal. Well after 3 years I was just as nuts as she was. Ran off with another one within 2 weeks. Now that I'm single I don't care. I just let that die. I asked God. Answer was no. Then not. Can't wait for years. Just yes now or no never. My ex said: Lord I want a wife now. Otherwise I stay alone. Bam he got one. I asked the same way. Answer was no, so I stay alone.