Should women pursue men?

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Lanolin

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Dec 15, 2018
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Questions reveal a lot about us.

If you think BOTH sexes aren't wanting to meet each other, think again. The question is, what are you seeking and why? Are you pursuing a relationship with another person in Jesus for fellowship and mutuality? Do you immediately want to "pair off" and be a "thing"? Are you lonely? Do you have lots of friends of the opposite sex?

We are, Paul says, "..not to be squeezed into the world's mould..." (Romans 12:2a). So what does that look like when it comes to asking others to relate? Lust is the predominant sentiment in the world and has made significant progress in the North American church, IMO. Look at the stats for how many Christian leaders can't stop lusting online or in real life.

Too many North American Christians have the emotional maturity of 13-year-olds (look at the stats gathered by Christian professionals like George Barna and Dr. Jim Wilder). How can we expect they will act maturely with the opposite sex? Look at our marriage retention rates compared to the world system! The problem is we are immature spiritually and emotionally.

Maturity emotionally is based on being loved well and synchronizing with others. Does that sound like you? Can you return from difficult positive or negative emotions quickly and deftly, or do you behave in ways you often need to "clean up"? These are signs you have areas of emotional maturity in which you are stuck. Do you characterize your relationships as based on love or fear, mainly?

If you have the kinds of issues I am describing above, chances are that you may not have the emotional maturity you need to be successful in a marriage relationship. If that's true, you need people who can help because they have that maturity. These people are referred to in the Bible as Elders. And before we jump passed the term "elder," let's make sure we know what an elder is.

An Elder has raised his kids to maturity. They are the husband/wife of one wife/husband. They have time, skill and inclination to help their community grow in emotional maturity. Look at what Paul says to Timothy about needing to pick elders as a young leader. These people don't need a title; they attract attention because they know how to live maturely. You often DON'T see them beetling off to the south in the colder times of the year. Instead, they stick around to support their community.

So yes, seek friends to relate to, and even more, seek people that are "upstream of you in terms of spiritual and emotional maturity so that you can be ready for a possible marriage relationship.
13 year old kids will be in middle school or intermediate, or at the lower end of high school
A lot of teachers do NOT know how to teach this age group, and this is when they are most vulnerable.

For girls who are getting their first periods, its can be a confusing time.
 

Lanolin

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Girls as young as 9 would be getting their first periods, this happens.
They physically mature earlier than their peers and may start attracting boys etc. They often dont know how to handle their bodies at this age. They are also vulnerable to older men who prey on the young.

I see a big difference when they in effect stop learning and have to deal with all their hormones etc and navigate relationships and all the dramas that go with it. Its not really taught in school how to do this.
 

Lanolin

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They have this basic talk in school but sometimes parents do not even talk about it its taboo and children have to figure it out themselves.
 

I_am_Canadian

Senior Member
Dec 8, 2014
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children grow up

so why are you not finding one
you know where a lot of children are...school. Its incredibly noisy. Go help in one.

Also children eventually grow up and leave home. I just saw a thread on CC Family that someone was asking how do I kick children out of the house. ?!
I have, shes looking to get out of prison next year. But I am also realistic in realizing that their is a possibility we may never meet in person because shes in the states.

Plus I am stuck trying to fix my life and all the mistakes my parents made raising me.

My parents never taught me how to have healthy relatiinships, or to build and maintain them. I gotta figure this out on my own.

My parents raised me to sit infront of the tv all day and not do anything so I have to learn to find and hold a job on my own.

My parents never gave me structure or discipline, so when I make changes to improve myself I always fall back to old ways.

The problem is that I know I have things to work on and fix but I know rhat I cant do it alone either.
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
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Your 1 up on me lol, Ive never read the book
It was #1 on the New York Times best seller list for 41 straight weeks. Written by Eric Segal. Very short book. You could probably read the entire book in 2 or 3 hours.
 

Lanolin

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Dec 15, 2018
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I have, shes looking to get out of prison next year. But I am also realistic in realizing that their is a possibility we may never meet in person because shes in the states.

Plus I am stuck trying to fix my life and all the mistakes my parents made raising me.

My parents never taught me how to have healthy relatiinships, or to build and maintain them. I gotta figure this out on my own.

My parents raised me to sit infront of the tv all day and not do anything so I have to learn to find and hold a job on my own.

My parents never gave me structure or discipline, so when I make changes to improve myself I always fall back to old ways.

The problem is that I know I have things to work on and fix but I know rhat I cant do it alone either.
oh ok
I dont know if you kidding me or not.
 

Lanolin

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Dec 15, 2018
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It was #1 on the New York Times best seller list for 41 straight weeks. Written by Eric Segal. Very short book. You could probably read the entire book in 2 or 3 hours.
shall I spoil the ending (skip this if you dont wanna know)

basically if you havent read it or seen the movie - its about a girl who meets a boy, boy is wealthy toff and girl not so wealthy, they overcome that obstacle and get married but then he finds out she is dying of leukemia. So even though he has pots of money, he cant make her live any longer.

This comes the strange phrase, repeated throughout the movie...Love means never having to say you are sorry. ?!

No, never really made sense to me.
 

MsMediator

Well-known member
Mar 8, 2022
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I would be fine making the first step for a shy guy, but I think the guy should pursue afterwards. However, if the guy is not shy, I think he should pursue.
 
Nov 11, 2022
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I think it is acceptable for a woman to pursue a man as long she does not compromise her standards for Godliness.
 

Lanolin

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Dec 15, 2018
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I would be fine making the first step for a shy guy, but I think the guy should pursue afterwards. However, if the guy is not shy, I think he should pursue.
I think the guy should get a dog, and the girl should get a dog as well. and they both throw sticks, and chase after the sticks.
 

I_am_Canadian

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Dec 8, 2014
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what was she in for?

was it for spreading the gospel in Tallahasse Florida?
Does it matter? No I write inmates because I'm board and just want someone to fellowship with.

Besides they appreciate the letters because it makes doing time a little easier.
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
42,655
17,108
113
69
Tennessee
shall I spoil the ending (skip this if you dont wanna know)

basically if you havent read it or seen the movie - its about a girl who meets a boy, boy is wealthy toff and girl not so wealthy, they overcome that obstacle and get married but then he finds out she is dying of leukemia. So even though he has pots of money, he cant make her live any longer.

This comes the strange phrase, repeated throughout the movie...Love means never having to say you are sorry. ?!

No, never really made sense to me.
I don't agree with 'love means never have to say you're sorry'.

If I remember correctly the last words of Love Story is 'He cried'. Not what I would call a happy ending.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,188
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Does it matter? No I write inmates because I'm board and just want someone to fellowship with.

Besides they appreciate the letters because it makes doing time a little easier.
just curious

obviously broke the law, but people can be in jail for various reasons.
 

Dude653

Senior Member
Mar 19, 2011
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If you're a woman who's interested in a man, why not let him know? He may like you too and just be afraid to say anything for fear of rejection or even offending you