Single women ignored in churches through ignorance?

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maxwel

Senior Member
Apr 18, 2013
8,586
1,798
113
#41
Hi Lynx thanks for your consideration.
I didn’t expect everyone to agree with me, I just think there is a
problem generally, if brothers and sisters in Christ are so suspicious of each other,
that it hinders someone getting the professional counselling
they need.
Suspicious of other Christians?

1. If I'm a pastor and you come into my office for counseling, I have NO IDEA if you're actually a Christian.
There is just no way to be certain of another person's heart.
We've all met fake people pretending to be Christians.

2. Even if you're a committed member of the congregation, I still don't know.
Statistically, about 50% of members in orthodox denominations are not saved, and about 80% of professing Christians are unsaved at large.

3. Even if you ARE a member of the congregation, and I'm POSITIVE you're saved: you can still be mentally unstable, or you can be dangerously immature, or you can be completely overcome with any number of egregious sins that cause you to be a threat to me.
Read the book of I Corinthians... Christians can be very screwed up.
I'm sure Paul never left himself alone with any women in THAT church.

Look, like it or not, the world is so messed up that pastors actually have to carry "counseling insurance", in case someone sues them for getting advice they don't like.
Seriously.

If you can SUE ME for giving unwelcome advice, I'm leery to even SPEAK with you... forget wanting to be alone with you, lol.

This stuff is not a joke.

People in modern culture are very messed up.


Conclusion:

The Bible COMMANDS us, over and over to be PRUDENT.

The Bible COMMANDS us, over and over, to be VIGILANT and WATCHFUL.

The Bible COMMANDS us, over and over, to LOOK AHEAD and FORESEE THE EVIL coming at us.



Western culture is a moral disaster, and even western Christians are a disaster because of that...
you should NEVER ask your pastor to be LESS prudent, and LESS wise...
you're asking him to IGNORE GOD'S COMMANDS.


If your pastor's wisdom inconveniences YOU... that's just too bad.

..
 

maxwel

Senior Member
Apr 18, 2013
8,586
1,798
113
#42
Miri,
These issues bother me too, and they make me emotional, so I apologize if anything sounds snippy.

I don't have any bone to pick with you.

I know you're a nice person, and you're just genuinely upset that things have to be this way.
It upsets me too.

But the truth is, things DO have to be this way... the world dictates the culture and ethical environment within which pastors have to prudently operate. Pastors are only doing their best to navigate dangerous seas. It DOES have to be this way.

Pastors really are accused of nonsense all the time.... a wrong look, a wrong word... every little thing is analyzed and attacked.
And they're often accused of things they never did.
I've been accused of things I never did.
Most men in ministry have experienced this.
It's a real thing.

It's not a joke.
And it's not a rarity.
This happens every day.

Pastors are constantly attacked for every little thing, real or imagined.

..
 

Miri

The Thingy Member
Jul 22, 2012
9,104
2,085
113
UK age 51
#43
Miri,
These issues bother me too, and they make me emotional, so I apologize if anything sounds snippy.

I don't have any bone to pick with you.

I know you're a nice person, and you're just genuinely upset that things have to be this way.
It upsets me too.

But the truth is, things DO have to be this way... the world dictates the culture and ethical environment within which pastors have to prudently operate. Pastors are only doing their best to navigate dangerous seas. It DOES have to be this way.

Pastors really are accused of nonsense all the time.... a wrong look, a wrong word... every little thing is analyzed and attacked.
And they're often accused of things they never did.
I've been accused of things I never did.
Most men in ministry have experienced this.
It's a real thing.

It's not a joke.
And it's not a rarity.
This happens every day.

Pastors are constantly attacked for every little thing, real or imagined.

..

I’m sorry Max if you have been falsely accused of things, that most be awful for you.

To my knowledge no one in my church has ever been falsely accused of anything.
My church has an adult congregation of over 1000, plus all the kids and teens.
It has numerous small groups, house groups etc.

It contains people from nearly 70 different nationalities so in theory it should have
more problems than your average church, due to misunderstandings etc, but it doesn’t.
The leadership is made up of people from different walks of life and nationalities.
Many are professional people and many staff from the two main hospitals attend, as do
people from the police, teachers, lecturers, IT folks, musicians, etc.

My friend is well known and has been going to the church for 20 plus years longer than
I have and has been involved in various small groups and other ministries herself.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
3,386
1,338
113
#44
Too bad.
Because Ive witnessed people being healed and delivered from mental illness.

Shame you havent. No amount of talking counselling will cure it.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
3,386
1,338
113
#45
Miri,
These issues bother me too, and they make me emotional, so I apologize if anything sounds snippy.

I don't have any bone to pick with you.

I know you're a nice person, and you're just genuinely upset that things have to be this way.
It upsets me too.

But the truth is, things DO have to be this way... the world dictates the culture and ethical environment within which pastors have to prudently operate. Pastors are only doing their best to navigate dangerous seas. It DOES have to be this way.

Pastors really are accused of nonsense all the time.... a wrong look, a wrong word... every little thing is analyzed and attacked.
And they're often accused of things they never did.
I've been accused of things I never did.
Most men in ministry have experienced this.
It's a real thing.

It's not a joke.
And it's not a rarity.
This happens every day.

Pastors are constantly attacked for every little thing, real or imagined.

..
Yes and also, false teachers and preachers operate this way thats why in some churches abuse has been covered up. Eg catholics priests, people would go and see them alone, and children esp would be vulnerable. Not just single women. Also in pyschiatry, many phsychiatist abuse their patients because they just get them alone. Theres no check or balance or witnesses.

Jesus says when two or three gathered in His name he is there. He sends out ministers two by two. Nobody should be a lone ranger. This is why, the lady miri meant to help goes with a friend. Miri is meant to be that friend, to go with her to seek help instead she kind of abandons her.
 

CharliRenee

Member
Staff member
Nov 4, 2014
4,331
4,918
113
#46
Too bad.
Because Ive witnessed people being healed and delivered from mental illness.

Shame you havent. No amount of talking counselling will cure it.
I will let you in on something. It is embarrassing for me, but it is the truth. I had some traumatic experiences in my life, like many if not all do. Anyway, for whatever reason as time went on and not dealing with it, my weakend emotional resources left me facing some poor coping skills. Once I faced menopause, it really needed addressing. Yes my Lord has delivered me, often, and yes I am spiritually healed by faith. However, I did seek Christian counseling and she gave me applicable tools how to manage those unsettled moments. Plus, talking it out really was cathartic. I am human so life isn't always roses and sunshine, nor are my responses but I have to say that I believe God directed me to her. I believe that I am much more prone to rest in Him and I am so grateful.

So...mental illness is like other physical illness, it can be treated and managed, sometimes even completely repaired. I do believe our good Lord can heal and deliver completely, but if not His grace is more than sufficient.
 

Kim82

Well-known member
Jun 17, 2018
472
388
63
#47
Miri,
These issues bother me too, and they make me emotional, so I apologize if anything sounds snippy.

I don't have any bone to pick with you.

I know you're a nice person, and you're just genuinely upset that things have to be this way.
It upsets me too.

But the truth is, things DO have to be this way... the world dictates the culture and ethical environment within which pastors have to prudently operate. Pastors are only doing their best to navigate dangerous seas. It DOES have to be this way.

Pastors really are accused of nonsense all the time.... a wrong look, a wrong word... every little thing is analyzed and attacked.
And they're often accused of things they never did.
I've been accused of things I never did.
Most men in ministry have experienced this.
It's a real thing.

It's not a joke.
And it's not a rarity.
This happens every day.

Pastors are constantly attacked for every little thing, real or imagined.

..
Do you remember this one: hqdefault (1).jpg
The pastor at Aretha Franklin's funeral.
 

Kim82

Well-known member
Jun 17, 2018
472
388
63
#48
Did he or did he not act inappropriately with her? The public sure had their say.
 

Nehemiah6

Senior Member
Jul 18, 2017
8,976
2,769
113
#49
Did he or did he not act inappropriately with her? The public sure had their say.
A picture is worth a thousand words, and the picture says it all.
 

Miri

The Thingy Member
Jul 22, 2012
9,104
2,085
113
UK age 51
#50
I will let you in on something. It is embarrassing for me, but it is the truth. I had some traumatic experiences in my life, like many if not all do. Anyway, for whatever reason as time went on and not dealing with it, my weakend emotional resources left me facing some poor coping skills. Once I faced menopause, it really needed addressing. Yes my Lord has delivered me, often, and yes I am spiritually healed by faith. However, I did seek Christian counseling and she gave me applicable tools how to manage those unsettled moments. Plus, talking it out really was cathartic. I am human so life isn't always roses and sunshine, nor are my responses but I have to say that I believe God directed me to her. I believe that I am much more prone to rest in Him and I am so grateful.

So...mental illness is like other physical illness, it can be treated and managed, sometimes even completely repaired. I do believe our good Lord can heal and deliver completely, but if not His grace is more than sufficient.
It’s nothing to be embarrassed about at all. We are body soul and spirit.
Things can go wrong with any of these.
The brain is the most complex organ of the body, but the one that people are
less reluctant to receive help for.

I’m currently on antidepressants, the years of medical emergencies, sleepless nights,
stress looking after my aunt have taken their toil. On top of everything else we are
currently waiting test results in case she now has bowel cancer.


I do feel better since I started medication which increases the seritonine levels in the brain.
My doctor explained that loss of sleep, being on constant alert, getting up in the middle of
the night etc can all impact on seretonine levels. The constant stress also increases
cortisol levels which also impacts on seritonine.

If the anti depressants were called seretonine supplements instead, I’m sure there would
be less stigma.

Lots of things affect brain chemistry which can cause things to happen.
Thyroid problems, low calcium, low, VitB12, stress, lack of sleep, low iron to name
just handful.

If someone broke a leg no one would think twice about getting treatment, yet when things
go wrong with brain chemistry, many Christians automatically assume they need delivering
from demons.

Don’t get me wrong there is a place for deliverance ministries in certain circumstances
but such assumptions cause a lot of harm.

I’m glad you are feeling better.
 

CharliRenee

Member
Staff member
Nov 4, 2014
4,331
4,918
113
#51
It’s nothing to be embarrassed about at all. We are body soul and spirit.
Things can go wrong with any of these.
The brain is the most complex organ of the body, but the one that people are
less reluctant to receive help for.

I’m currently on antidepressants, the years of medical emergencies, sleepless nights,
stress looking after my aunt have taken their toil. On top of everything else we are
currently waiting test results in case she now has bowel cancer.


I do feel better since I started medication which increases the seritonine levels in the brain.
My doctor explained that loss of sleep, being on constant alert, getting up in the middle of
the night etc can all impact on seretonine levels. The constant stress also increases
cortisol levels which also impacts on seritonine.

If the anti depressants were called seretonine supplements instead, I’m sure there would
be less stigma.

Lots of things affect brain chemistry which can cause things to happen.
Thyroid problems, low calcium, low, VitB12, stress, lack of sleep, low iron to name
just handful.

If someone broke a leg no one would think twice about getting treatment, yet when things
go wrong with brain chemistry, many Christians automatically assume they need delivering
from demons.

Don’t get me wrong there is a place for deliverance ministries in certain circumstances
but such assumptions cause a lot of harm.

I’m glad you are feeling better.
Wow, thanks for your honesty and kindness, just yesterday my daughter, a woman faith, was considering antidepressants. She has a year and a half daughter and is struggling. She just said...I think I may need something to help me get over the hump. Love love [email protected] supplements. I think that I'll share that with her.

[email protected] night... I understand and feel your frustrations there.

You are so right about chemical imbalances and it doesn't help when we beat ourselves up for them. I mean this was so spot on...

Lots of things affect brain chemistry which can cause things to happen.
Thyroid problems, low calcium, low, VitB12, stress, lack of sleep, low iron to name just a handful. I read taking one multivitamin a day alone can help avoid many of imbalances.

I think of your aunt and the challenges you must face. Being a caregiver like that is not easy, not at all.

Well thanks Miri, I appreciate your feedback. It was helpful to me. Yes, I am feeling better, but we shall see what's up around the corner. We both are blessed that we have our Lord to help us and comfort us when things navigate through the storms.
 

Miri

The Thingy Member
Jul 22, 2012
9,104
2,085
113
UK age 51
#52
Wow, thanks for your honesty and kindness, just yesterday my daughter, a woman faith, was considering antidepressants. She has a year and a half daughter and is struggling. She just said...I think I may need something to help me get over the hump. Love love [email protected] supplements. I think that I'll share that with her.

[email protected] night... I understand and feel your frustrations there.

You are so right about chemical imbalances and it doesn't help when we beat ourselves up for them. I mean this was so spot on...

Lots of things affect brain chemistry which can cause things to happen.
Thyroid problems, low calcium, low, VitB12, stress, lack of sleep, low iron to name just a handful. I read taking one multivitamin a day alone can help avoid many of imbalances.

I think of your aunt and the challenges you must face. Being a caregiver like that is not easy, not at all.

Well thanks Miri, I appreciate your feedback. It was helpful to me. Yes, I am feeling better, but we shall see what's up around the corner. We both are blessed that we have our Lord to help us and comfort us when things navigate through the storms.
Just so your daughter knows. There are various anti depressants the SSRIs do have side effects for a few weeks but most are gone after 3 weeks. It can take up to 6-7 weeks to get the full benefit from them.
Serotonin is released into the brain then it returns back up the neuro pathway it came. The SSRIs block this return which means there is more serotonin floating around in your brain. Those kind only work in about 30% of cases and only where seretonine levels are genuinely low.

There is no way to measure this so it’s trial and error. In my case they did work really well so I guess I was genuinely low.

There are other antidepressants which work in other ways balancing out different chemical imbalances.

You also can’t just stop antidepressants you have to cut down on them gradually to give chance for your body chemistry to gradually start to work for itself again. Over here in the UK doctors view them as short term only 9-12 months ideally.

I would view them as a last resort rather than a first resort, but there is nothing to be ashamed of if she needs them.

I hope your daughter finds a solution. 🙂
 

Miri

The Thingy Member
Jul 22, 2012
9,104
2,085
113
UK age 51
#53
Ps I’m still me, I’m not a sleep walking zombie, nor am I emotionally stunted. If anything they help me to concentrate better and think things through properly without getting as stressed about things. I’m also sleeping better and have more energy in the mornings and feel better equipped to face the day. Whereas before I had to force myself out of bed. Lol

They have lifted the dark cloud and I feel much more like my normal self.