So here's my story...

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Willie-T

Willie-T

Banned
#21
Feb 7, 2015
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#21
RickyZ said:
Here's an experiment for you that will prove this point... get a woman (or a man) to make a detailed list of everything they want in a mate. Go find the person who completely embodies these traits. Arrange for them to innocently 'run into each other'. My money says they won't give each other the time of day.
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Normally, I would agree. That is........ IF it was a "list" the person compiled, cold, just thinking of what they, themselves, see as their preferences.

However, if the questions were surreptitiously asked in the manner of, say, an MMPI Test, they might quite accurately pin-point an attractive match.
 
PoetMary

PoetMary

Banned
#22
Nov 25, 2014
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#22
RickyZ said:
Here's an experiment for you that will prove this point... get a woman (or a man) to make a detailed list of everything they want in a mate. Go find the person who completely embodies these traits. Arrange for them to innocently 'run into each other'. My money says they won't give each other the time of day.
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Part of the reason this (often) happens is because we erroneously believe that a perfectly compiled set of traits will somehow make us happy. Basically it boils down to people being certain about what they want and maybe missing what they actually need in the process.
 
PopClick

PopClick

Senior Member
#23
Aug 12, 2011
4,056
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#23
Hand_Of_God said:
to some extent I feel as although maybe not necessarily being "punished" per se, but 'tested' for following church instruction and keeping it in my pants for years.. which in retrospect may not have been the right thing to do.
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Are you saying that you think it might have been better to sleep with her all along? Do you really think that would have made the situation somehow better, or would you just have gotten even more attached to (and possibly had a child with) someone who would ultimately leave you anyway?

Or did you mean that you should have gotten married sooner? I'm not sure the outcome would have been any different or better. There aren't very many details here to go on, but I think your only option is to learn and grow from this in every way that you can, and otherwise do your best to put it behind you.
 
Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#24
Aug 13, 2014
27,300
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#24
Hmm... Gotta say I can't blame the OP if he feels lambasted in this thread. Some of y'all jumped on him pretty hard, pretty fast, based on a hunch.

Not that hunches are bad things, but maybe we could hang back and make sure of our target before we fire at it.
 
seoulsearch

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
#25
May 23, 2009
16,450
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#25
The thing I always loved about the Singles forum is that it seemed we could share what we were going through and find several others who were going through the same thing/and or could offer positive insights to our situations. I always came here for the discussions.

Unfortunately, over time, that seems to have disappeared almost completely, probably because for some reason, whenever someone posts a personal problem now, they are always psychoanalyzed to the point of emotional implosion.

While I agree it can be hard to write an upbeat reply to some posts, whether due to hurt feelings that are obviously being projected/displaced onto others, or scant, cryptic details that doesn't give someone much to work with, immediately implying that someone is a sexual deviant is obviously not a very welcoming or encouraging response.

The CC crowd always changes and flows... I keep hoping we'll get back to a point where we read these stories in a mind frame of wanting to encourage the original poster rather than analyzing them to death and tearing him or her apart. Not that I don't have my own analyses of some situations myself, but at least asking for more information from the original poster first before seemingly declaring that their thought processes are part of abnormal sexual behavior might be a bit more helpful.
 
L

Little_Woman

Guest
#26
#26
Charm is deceptive
&
Beauty disappears.​
 
RickyZ

RickyZ

Senior Member
#27
Sep 20, 2012
9,635
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#27
Kinda like beauty is skin deep but ugly goes all the way to the bone
 
S

sc81

Senior Member
#28
Dec 17, 2013
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#28
it's pretty naive to think a persons sexual past will have no bearing on future relationships

so no I would not consider a woman who has had multiple partners.

if someone has been eating at the buffet all their life, would they be content to be restricted to the salad bar.

women who went out and "had their fun" then came back to the church later in life, I have no interest in them, if that reduces my dating pool to almost nothing then so be it, but it's a sad reflection on todays church
 
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Luckysmyle

Guest
#29
#29
sc81 said:
it's pretty naive to think a persons sexual past will have no bearing on future relationships

so no I would not consider a woman who has had multiple partners.

if someone has been eating at the buffet all their life, would they be content to be restricted to the salad bar.

women who went out and "had their fun" then came back to the church later in life, I have no interest in them, if that reduces my dating pool to almost nothing then so be it, but it's a sad reflection on todays church
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But where does that leave you when you fall for a woman before you find out her past? Would you be ready to walk away from a woman who is perfect for you in every other way?

Luke 6:37English Standard Version (ESV)

Judging Others
37 “Judge not, and you will not be judged; condemn not, and you will not be condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven

Most importantly, where does it leave you with God?
 
H

Hellooo

Guest
#30
#30
sc81 said:
women who went out and "had their fun" then came back to the church later in life, I have no interest in them, if that reduces my dating pool to almost nothing then so be it, but it's a sad reflection on todays church
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How powerful is God, that he can call those who "went out and had their fun" and subsequently turn away from that lifestyle.

You're doing these women a favor by avoiding them. Who needs the condescension with their repentance.
 
PennEd

PennEd

Senior Member
#31
Apr 22, 2013
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#31
Hand_Of_God said:
Went out with this girl for 7 years... I had my air force career and I was waiting for her to finish college. We never had sex because we were trying to do "the right thing" and wait for marriage. We got engaged. She ends up leaving me for some other guy.

Ever since then I have tried to move on but realized I have an issue with women who have slept with hundreds of guys. I seem less excited knowing that there has been a plethora men who have had free reign over the woman I am with.

Anywhoo, I am now 38. No kids. No family. No wife. I have prayed over my situation and have tried to move on but it pretty much looks like it's never going to happen.

There is no easy answer here. I must move on and accept my situation.
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I hear you brother. I can only say about myself that the ONE thing I despise that I do above all else is to look back at the sins and mistakes I have made. For me, I find it easier to look past mistakes my wife has made. Maybe that's because she looks past MINE as well.

Try not to dwell on a person's past. I'm sure the Lord is working in them to sancify them. Try and look forward to what you could have. I can tell you with certainty that there are no perfect women, or men out there. Only sinners. I'd recommend finding someone who has been made new, (Not Perfect Yet) through Jesus Christ.

Peace, Grace and Love to you.
 
P

pwrnJC

Banned
#32
Dec 1, 2014
1,430
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#32
IT's not your 'situation"...it is their situation....There are very few people sitting in pews today who have not had sex, before marriage. It comes with the turf. It reflects modern day society's attitude. What we have is a Sodom & Gomorrah going on. A pastor friend of mine took a personal vow years ago to not perform a wedding ceremony if he knew that the couple were living together or were having sex. HE has not performed a wedding in over 12 years so far. What a sad 'situation", indeed.
 
Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#33
Aug 13, 2014
27,300
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#33
pwrnJC said:
IT's not your 'situation"...it is their situation....There are very few people sitting in pews today who have not had sex, before marriage. It comes with the turf.
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*Lynx clears his throat and raises his hand.

And my church is full of young people who are the same. It's not as rare as you might think.
 
S

sc81

Senior Member
#34
Dec 17, 2013
152
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#34
Luckysmyle said:
But where does that leave you when you fall for a woman before you find out her past? Would you be ready to walk away from a woman who is perfect for you in every other way?

Luke 6:37English Standard Version (ESV)

Judging Others
37 “Judge not, and you will not be judged; condemn not, and you will not be condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven

Most importantly, where does it leave you with God?
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probably the most misquoted passage in history, it's talking about judging others while you've done the same things.

I can judge peoples sexual pasts and hold them to a higher standard because I have none.
 
S

sc81

Senior Member
#35
Dec 17, 2013
152
0
0
#35
Hellooo said:
How powerful is God, that he can call those who "went out and had their fun" and subsequently turn away from that lifestyle.

You're doing these women a favor by avoiding them. Who needs the condescension with their repentance.
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life has consequences
 
L

Luckysmyle

Guest
#36
#36
sc81 said:
probably the most misquoted passage in history, it's talking about judging others while you've done the same things.

I can judge peoples sexual pasts and hold them to a higher standard because I have none.
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Mark 11:25 ESV
And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.”

Matthew 6:15 ESV
But if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

Ephesians 4:32 ESV
Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

1 John 1:9 ESV
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

Matthew 18:21-22 ESV
Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven.

Matthew 6:14-15 ESV
For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

James 5:16 ESV
Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.

Colossians 3:13 ESV
Bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.
 
melita916

melita916

Senior Member
#37
Aug 12, 2011
10,464
2,692
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#37
i'll be honest. when i was younger, i wanted to be with someone who was like me: never married, no children, etc.

in my late 20s, i realized that if i were to date someone (a born-again man) around my age, there is a greater possibility he has a past, whether he is divorced, widower, or someone who already has children. is he less of a person because of his story? is he less of a christian? no. am i a better christian because i "haven't been around"? nope. we all need Jesus. if Jesus doesn't hold their past against them, then why should we? :)

p.s. there are still those who are saving themselves for marriage. we do exist lol :)
 
S

sc81

Senior Member
#39
Dec 17, 2013
152
0
0
#39
PoetMary said:
I guess that schtick about "making all things new" and "washed whiter than snow" is just a pretty myth, then.
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Jesus clearly said marrying a divorced woman means you are committing adultery with her

it's ok though, no one reads their Bible anymore
 
DuchessAimee

DuchessAimee

Senior Member
#40
Apr 27, 2011
3,922
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#40
Has anyone considered this may be a trolling thread? Or an outsider looking to create strife among believers? We take the bait waaaay too often folks. Use discernment. The guy is full of venom and control issues.
 
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