So here's my story...

[PoetMary]

Jesus clearly said marrying a divorced woman means you are committing adultery with her

it's ok though, no one reads their Bible anymore

Yeah...not the full story AND also not necessarily what was being referenced. There is a biblically acceptable reason for divorce...namely, adultery. Also, when you mentioned a woman having "multiple partners" that doesn't have to mean that she was married to those men.

Technically, this has nothing to do with your personal preferences. It has more to do with the concepts of repentance, forgiveness, and sanctification.

Being a virgin doesn't give you an automatic level of virtue. I've known virgins who would make TERRIBLE partners in a marriage. And having a past doesn't automatically doom a marriage. If people have experienced the grace of Jesus and are allowing God to sanctify them, then THAT is the makings of a successful marriage.

A lot of the virginity stats out there are to encourage people to maintain virginity AND a kind way of feeling more in control in regard to areas of great uncertainty (like marriage). However, it's no guarantee. Look at that poor woman who married Josh Duggar....her virginity didn't protect her from suffering in her marriage.

 

[blondieindahouse]

probably the most misquoted passage in history, it's talking about judging others while you've done the same things.

I can judge peoples sexual pasts and hold them to a higher standard because I have none.

Isnt that scripture referring to those still in sin? Yes,I read my Bible. Ty...
Do people judge your past ? You do have one! It may not be sexual but it involves SINNING.

What if it was always being thrown in your face? What if their sexual sin was before they came to Christ? I think that is what we should focus on here. How can you hold a blind person accountable for not being able to see?

Did Jesus forgive YOU of all the sins you sinned? Yes. Does Jesus remember any of them? No. Does Jesus keep reminding you of your past before you surrendered your life to him or would that be the condemning from the accuser of the brethren?

Christ gives us a new heart and he changes us. Some of the women who had sexual pasts are new creations in Christ. I say some because I dare not think that all have truly surrendered. The [changed hearts] wouldnt dare live as they did before because they are changed. Now they are who you desire because they no longer walk as they once did. Christ has CHANGED THEM.

Dont you see that you are unwilling to forgive these changed hearts of their past whereas Christ forgave them freely? If they are free of STD's and they havent been playing musical marriage chairs as "christians", what is the problem?

Those women who came to Christ were broken and had contrite hearts. They already felt how dirty their sins were and they cried out to Jesus.

You want to keep them in that dirty shaming place.
Christ atoned for their past. They are washed clean and pure white.

Now I could fully understand if these women are still sleeping around while saying that they are christians. That is possible because I have come across more men than I can count that wear the label but they still fulfill the desires in their pants. Seems like we are taught in scripture to judge current fruit and not that of pre regeneration arent we?

But again, I am referring to those women who are changed. Their fruit bears witness. Those women should not be reminded of their past because you have appointed yourself the one who will not forgive a past.

The consequences you speak of is that they will not end up with a man like yourself. Those women need to be rejoicing!! Christ paid the price. Its nonsense for them to keep paying because you are thinking you are whiter than the driven snow.

I pray the Lord softens your heart towards those whom have been changed. Amen....

 

[PennEd]

Isnt that scripture referring to those still in sin? Yes,I read my Bible. Ty...
Do people judge your past ? You do have one! It may not be sexual but it involves SINNING.

What if it was always being thrown in your face? What if their sexual sin was before they came to Christ? I think that is what we should focus on here. How can you hold a blind person accountable for not being able to see?

Did Jesus forgive YOU of all the sins you sinned? Yes. Does Jesus remember any of them? No. Does Jesus keep reminding you of your past before you surrendered your life to him or would that be the condemning from the accuser of the brethren?

Christ gives us a new heart and he changes us. Some of the women who had sexual pasts are new creations in Christ. I say some because I dare not think that all have truly surrendered. The [changed hearts] wouldnt dare live as they did before because they are changed. Now they are who you desire because they no longer walk as they once did. Christ has CHANGED THEM.

Dont you see that you are unwilling to forgive these changed hearts of their past whereas Christ forgave them freely? If they are free of STD's and they havent been playing musical marriage chairs as "christians", what is the problem?

Those women who came to Christ were broken and had contrite hearts. They already felt how dirty their sins were and they cried out to Jesus.

You want to keep them in that dirty shaming place.
Christ atoned for their past. They are washed clean and pure white.

Now I could fully understand if these women are still sleeping around while saying that they are christians. That is possible because I have come across more men than I can count that wear the label but they still fulfill the desires in their pants. Seems like we are taught in scripture to judge current fruit and not that of pre regeneration arent we?

But again, I am referring to those women who are changed. Their fruit bears witness. Those women should not be reminded of their past because you have appointed yourself the one who will not forgive a past.

The consequences you speak of is that they will not end up with a man like yourself. Those women need to be rejoicing!! Christ paid the price. Its nonsense for them to keep paying because you are thinking you are whiter than the driven snow.

I pray the Lord softens your heart towards those whom have been changed. Amen....

Wow. I look at that man, and his Pharisee-like heart, and it reminds me of how I was. That's why I'm optimistic the Holy Spirit WILL soften his heart.

I'm wondering if he EVER looked at a woman with lust in his heart, because JESUS says HE committed adultery.

 

[blondieindahouse]

Wow. I look at that man, and his Pharisee-like heart, and it reminds me of how I was. That's why I'm optimistic the Holy Spirit WILL soften his heart.

I'm wondering if he EVER looked at a woman with lust in his heart, because JESUS says HE committed adultery.

Amen PennEd!
If we are truly seeking and continually desiring humility, Christ does pull us through those stages of our walk where we stump our toes and we adhere to some wrong thinking doesnt he?

I am thankful that God is the author of my faith. Christ has been so merciful to me in the midst of my learning curves and will continue to do so because I certainly will not have all the answers until I am glorified.

" I'm wondering if he EVER looked at a woman with lust in his heart, because JESUS says HE committed adultery."

Id like the OP to answer this question !!

 

[NukePooch]

Hmm... Gotta say I can't blame the OP if he feels lambasted in this thread. Some of y'all jumped on him pretty hard, pretty fast, based on a hunch.

Not that hunches are bad things, but maybe we could hang back and make sure of our target before we fire at it.

The thing I always loved about the Singles forum is that it seemed we could share what we were going through and find several others who were going through the same thing/and or could offer positive insights to our situations. I always came here for the discussions.

Unfortunately, over time, that seems to have disappeared almost completely, probably because for some reason, whenever someone posts a personal problem now, they are always psychoanalyzed to the point of emotional implosion.

While I agree it can be hard to write an upbeat reply to some posts, whether due to hurt feelings that are obviously being projected/displaced onto others, or scant, cryptic details that doesn't give someone much to work with, immediately implying that someone is a sexual deviant is obviously not a very welcoming or encouraging response.

The CC crowd always changes and flows... I keep hoping we'll get back to a point where we read these stories in a mind frame of wanting to encourage the original poster rather than analyzing them to death and tearing him or her apart. Not that I don't have my own analyses of some situations myself, but at least asking for more information from the original poster first before seemingly declaring that their thought processes are part of abnormal sexual behavior might be a bit more helpful.

Yep.
Ditto.

 

[sc81]

Isnt that scripture referring to those still in sin? Yes,I read my Bible. Ty...
Do people judge your past ? You do have one! It may not be sexual but it involves SINNING.

What if it was always being thrown in your face? What if their sexual sin was before they came to Christ? I think that is what we should focus on here. How can you hold a blind person accountable for not being able to see?

Did Jesus forgive YOU of all the sins you sinned? Yes. Does Jesus remember any of them? No. Does Jesus keep reminding you of your past before you surrendered your life to him or would that be the condemning from the accuser of the brethren?

Christ gives us a new heart and he changes us. Some of the women who had sexual pasts are new creations in Christ. I say some because I dare not think that all have truly surrendered. The [changed hearts] wouldnt dare live as they did before because they are changed. Now they are who you desire because they no longer walk as they once did. Christ has CHANGED THEM.

Dont you see that you are unwilling to forgive these changed hearts of their past whereas Christ forgave them freely? If they are free of STD's and they havent been playing musical marriage chairs as "christians", what is the problem?

Those women who came to Christ were broken and had contrite hearts. They already felt how dirty their sins were and they cried out to Jesus.

You want to keep them in that dirty shaming place.
Christ atoned for their past. They are washed clean and pure white.

Now I could fully understand if these women are still sleeping around while saying that they are christians. That is possible because I have come across more men than I can count that wear the label but they still fulfill the desires in their pants. Seems like we are taught in scripture to judge current fruit and not that of pre regeneration arent we?

But again, I am referring to those women who are changed. Their fruit bears witness. Those women should not be reminded of their past because you have appointed yourself the one who will not forgive a past.

The consequences you speak of is that they will not end up with a man like yourself. Those women need to be rejoicing!! Christ paid the price. Its nonsense for them to keep paying because you are thinking you are whiter than the driven snow.

I pray the Lord softens your heart towards those whom have been changed. Amen....

matthew 5:32
But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, makes her the victim of adultery, and anyone who marries a divorced woman commits adultery.

your post has no bible verses, just your own opinion based on feelings

 

[A_Friend_In_Christ]

CC is getting really weird?

 

[Lynx]

Nope, just very argumentative. And nit-picky. And fault finding.

Okay, yeah. It's getting weird.

 

[blondieindahouse]

matthew 5:32
But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, makes her the victim of adultery, and anyone who marries a divorced woman commits adultery.

your post has no bible verses, just your own opinion based on feelings

Are we forgiven of our past sins? Thats pretty basic christian knowledge. Do you need a scripture for that?
I was speaking of fornicating. Which is done out of marriage .Not my feelings. You didnt even read my post did you?
I was speaking of women that have not been married before I was speaking on PRE REGENERATED life.
Why cant you forgive as Christ has?

 

[zeroturbulence]

Went out with this girl for 7 years... I had my air force career and I was waiting for her to finish college. We never had sex because we were trying to do "the right thing" and wait for marriage. We got engaged. She ends up leaving me for some other guy.

Ever since then I have tried to move on but realized I have an issue with women who have slept with hundreds of guys. I seem less excited knowing that there has been a plethora men who have had free reign over the woman I am with.

Anywhoo, I am now 38. No kids. No family. No wife. I have prayed over my situation and have tried to move on but it pretty much looks like it's never going to happen.

There is no easy answer here. I must move on and accept my situation.

I don't really have any advice to give you, but I just want to say thank you for your service. And I hope that one day you will meet the right woman.

 

[Hand_Of_God]

It's hard to believe I wrote this thread 2 years ago and my situation has not changed.

Next life will be better.

 

[GaryA]

it's pretty naive to think a persons sexual past will have no bearing on future relationships

so no I would not consider a woman who has had multiple partners.

if someone has been eating at the buffet all their life, would they be content to be restricted to the salad bar.

women who went out and "had their fun" then came back to the church later in life, I have no interest in them, if that reduces my dating pool to almost nothing then so be it, but it's a sad reflection on todays church

But where does that leave you when you fall for a woman before you find out her past? { A wise man will not allow himself to fall for a woman before he knows enough about her past. } Would you be ready to walk away from a woman who is perfect for you in every other way? { What worth is it, when the most valued 'virtue' ( as the OP may be indicating ) is "so far from perfect"...??? }

Luke 6:37English Standard Version (ESV)

Judging Others
37 “Judge not, and you will not be judged; condemn not, and you will not be condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven

Most importantly, where does it leave you with God?

Since you took a bible verse a-bit-out-of-context to make your point, I will do the same:


Galatians 6:

[SUP]7[/SUP] Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap.


Has my point been made?

How powerful is God, that he can call those who "went out and had their fun" and subsequently turn away from that lifestyle.

You're doing these women a favor by avoiding them. Who needs the condescension with their repentance.

Consider the possibility that a statement such as that which is made in post #28 - is NOT meant to also say that those women referred to do not deserve to have or find happiness in a good relationship later in life. But - let them have that relationship with another who has had similar experiences - so that, they are "on the same page" with each other - and that, unnecessary marital conflicts do not arise from such widely-diverse expectations due to such widely-diverse experiences in the lives of the two people involved.

It is somewhat like saying "let divorced people marry other divorced people"...

It is not a crime for someone to desire to have a life partner who has the same marital status as them. It is not a crime to desire to "start fresh" with someone who also has had the self-discipline to "preserve" themselves for such a marriage - and, in experiencial terms, who is "on equal footing"...

This is wise and 'righteous' marital planning -- and will, in the majority of cases, set the stage for a much more 'comfortable' marriage that experiences much less 'conflict'...

All-in-all, "like-with-like" works the best.

 

[GaryA]

It's hard to believe I wrote this thread 2 years ago and my situation has not changed.

Next life will be better.

"I hope your math improves, also..."

 

[Hand_Of_God]

"I hope your math improves, also..."

 

[GaryA]

November 5th, 2015

Went out with this girl for 7 years... I had my air force career and I was waiting for her to finish college. We never had sex because we were trying to do "the right thing" and wait for marriage. We got engaged. She ends up leaving me for some other guy.

Ever since then I have tried to move on but realized I have an issue with women who have slept with hundreds of guys. I seem less excited knowing that there has been a plethora men who have had free reign over the woman I am with.

Anywhoo, I am now 38. No kids. No family. No wife. I have prayed over my situation and have tried to move on but it pretty much looks like it's never going to happen.

There is no easy answer here. I must move on and accept my situation.

December 14th, 2016

It's hard to believe I wrote this thread 2 years ago and my situation has not changed.

Next life will be better.

"I hope your math improves, also..."

I was only teasing. If you were truly offended, I apologize.

 

[Galatea]

I didn't read this thread, only your OP. Why not date young women in their early 20s who have had no or few sexual partners? Seems the practical solution to your problem.

 

[CaptainGoat]

Has anyone considered this may be a trolling thread? Or an outsider looking to create strife among believers? We take the bait waaaay too often folks. Use discernment. The guy is full of venom and control issues.

As I write I dont discern anything either way so I ask "Is your discerning from God, or from your own thinking?"

 

[Hand_Of_God]

Will God provide me a 20 yr old..? :/

 

[GaryA]

Will God provide me a 20 yr old..? :/

Is this just out-of-the-blue? Or, is it a reply to a specific post?

 

[Hand_Of_God]

It is a reply to a suggestion that I date younger women.