So here's my story...
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G
I agree. After a couple dates, my guy asked me how old I was and I told him....he was stunned because according to him I was mature and had the elegance of a woman in her thirties and thats when he told me his age and honestly it hasn't changed one thing. If anything it brought us closer and when we have one of our date nights, he always tells me that he likes the fact I make him feel young 
R
I hope he realizes what a treasure you are and doesn't let you go! You're going to make some man a good wife. Tell him your internet friend said so.
I also know you will make a treasured wife someday, just keep on trusting God
This thread is gross - not the OP and not his issues/questions. They are fair enough. The recent posts are gag worthy. (albeit under the tag "fair enough")
It seems all well and good that some young women find older men to date. There is no law against it.
But yuck. I would never advise any woman in my age group ( I am in my 20s ) to marry a much significantly older man.
Neither would I suggest sleeping with him before marriage and think its ok.
(True, there are exceptions to dating older men and woman and there are pros/cons to everything. I get how it would be beneficial for an older man with the OP's issues to date younger women. Love transcends age, blah blah. Again, that is all fair enough. So finding it gross should also be reasonable and to be expected.)
Reading this thread underlines this question - what's the use of being religious, spouting tons of verses and biblical shticks about life if you can't follow its precepts. Absolutely useless.
It seems all well and good that some young women find older men to date. There is no law against it.
But yuck. I would never advise any woman in my age group ( I am in my 20s ) to marry a much significantly older man.
Neither would I suggest sleeping with him before marriage and think its ok.
(True, there are exceptions to dating older men and woman and there are pros/cons to everything. I get how it would be beneficial for an older man with the OP's issues to date younger women. Love transcends age, blah blah. Again, that is all fair enough. So finding it gross should also be reasonable and to be expected.)
Reading this thread underlines this question - what's the use of being religious, spouting tons of verses and biblical shticks about life if you can't follow its precepts. Absolutely useless.
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Most women my age have a bunch of kids, usually by several men & for 'medical' reasons cannot have anymore kids. Many have also had abortions.
I just wanted to be someone's first choice...
but I am usually the 20th, 30th, or 60th+ choice.
I am pretty sure that I am done. There is probably no viable solution.
I messed everything up.
Maybe next life will be better.
I just wanted to be someone's first choice...
but I am usually the 20th, 30th, or 60th+ choice.
I am pretty sure that I am done. There is probably no viable solution.
I messed everything up.
Maybe next life will be better.
Honestly, no one can help you if you have that attitude about your life.
If there is any comfort, in the next life there probably is no concept of marriage.
That aside, there were some good points raised in this thread that others have posted.
There are several people, in your age group, who have been celibate out of a need to honor God, despite their past - some of which happened out of their control (divorce, widowhood, in some cases sexual assault).
How does this notion of being an enumerated choice (as you described) matter in a relationship? What are you even looking for in a relationship and what does this concept accomplish in your life?
Have you considered if this was an area in your life that God is asking you to ascertain for yourself if this was a correct approach to living?
These are questions you may need to ask yourself and whatever conclusion you reach might help you reach some closure on this topic.
If there is any comfort, in the next life there probably is no concept of marriage.
That aside, there were some good points raised in this thread that others have posted.
There are several people, in your age group, who have been celibate out of a need to honor God, despite their past - some of which happened out of their control (divorce, widowhood, in some cases sexual assault).
How does this notion of being an enumerated choice (as you described) matter in a relationship? What are you even looking for in a relationship and what does this concept accomplish in your life?
Have you considered if this was an area in your life that God is asking you to ascertain for yourself if this was a correct approach to living?
These are questions you may need to ask yourself and whatever conclusion you reach might help you reach some closure on this topic.
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G
The older a man gets - not ever having had a partner -- he may get to the point to where he doesn't care nearly so much about her age as he does whether he can have a good 'partner'-based relationship with her. Because, he is lonely and wants a partner. Needless to say, maturity and other factors come into play if the relationship is going to succeed - a certain level of compatibility is a must.
Personally -- I do not want a 'mother' ( if you know what I mean ); nor do I want a 'daughter' ( if you know what I mean ) -- I want a [ full ] 'partner' relationship -- "best friend and companion" ( for life ) -- whatever her age.
A 'mother' is incompatible. A 'daughter' is incompatible.
A woman who wants more than anything to "make it work" - with me as her life-long partner - with truth and honesty at center-focus - and, no giving up on the relationship no matter what - because our relationship is so highly valued...
"Now we're talkin'..."
Whether people have been married before seems to make a difference.
Whether people have had children before seems to make a difference.
A man who is married and has children - especially daughters - may not fully understand the larger-than-one-generation-age-gap thing - and think it is totally 'disgusting'.
However, it is somehow different if you have never been married and never had children of your own.
For several reasons, I have decided that it is vitally important that my future wife be a woman who has never been married nor pregnant.
Why? Well -- that would take many more paragraphs to explain... ( And, this post is long enough already. )
The point is -- other-than-average experience in life ( i.e. - you didn't get married when you were twenty-something, have kids, climb the corporate ladder, and all of that - until, you became grandparents, etc. - the 'average' experience ) can and will make you see things a little bit differently.
And, the way I figure it -- if I can find just one good woman whose perhaps-not-so-average experience is compatible with mine ( having determined and being convinced of that compatibility ) --- I will consider it to be a most amazing blessing of God, and do everything in my power to "make it work" ( if she is also willing to do the same ) - "until death do us part"...
I truly can identify with the OP. It is a familiar story...
Always trying to do "the right thing" - only to have life continually "kick you in the teeth" and tell you "you are not allowed to have that" - can be both very confusing and extremely lonely.
Life is short. And, the older I get, the more-and-more some of the other-than-average "solutions" seem to be more-and-more 'valid'...
If it will heal the hearts of two lonely people who only ask of God to have a "best friend and companion" to share life with ---------- it sounds like a pretty good solution to me!
Personally -- I do not want a 'mother' ( if you know what I mean ); nor do I want a 'daughter' ( if you know what I mean ) -- I want a [ full ] 'partner' relationship -- "best friend and companion" ( for life ) -- whatever her age.
A 'mother' is incompatible. A 'daughter' is incompatible.
A woman who wants more than anything to "make it work" - with me as her life-long partner - with truth and honesty at center-focus - and, no giving up on the relationship no matter what - because our relationship is so highly valued...
"Now we're talkin'..."
Whether people have been married before seems to make a difference.
Whether people have had children before seems to make a difference.
A man who is married and has children - especially daughters - may not fully understand the larger-than-one-generation-age-gap thing - and think it is totally 'disgusting'.
However, it is somehow different if you have never been married and never had children of your own.
For several reasons, I have decided that it is vitally important that my future wife be a woman who has never been married nor pregnant.
Why? Well -- that would take many more paragraphs to explain... ( And, this post is long enough already. )
The point is -- other-than-average experience in life ( i.e. - you didn't get married when you were twenty-something, have kids, climb the corporate ladder, and all of that - until, you became grandparents, etc. - the 'average' experience ) can and will make you see things a little bit differently.
And, the way I figure it -- if I can find just one good woman whose perhaps-not-so-average experience is compatible with mine ( having determined and being convinced of that compatibility ) --- I will consider it to be a most amazing blessing of God, and do everything in my power to "make it work" ( if she is also willing to do the same ) - "until death do us part"...
I truly can identify with the OP. It is a familiar story...
Always trying to do "the right thing" - only to have life continually "kick you in the teeth" and tell you "you are not allowed to have that" - can be both very confusing and extremely lonely.
Life is short. And, the older I get, the more-and-more some of the other-than-average "solutions" seem to be more-and-more 'valid'...
If it will heal the hearts of two lonely people who only ask of God to have a "best friend and companion" to share life with ---------- it sounds like a pretty good solution to me!
Okay, three quick things.
First, stay hopeful, man. You're 40. Today, that's still on the young-ish side of things. Not even at half-time for most people these days.
Second, be open to whatever Providence will throw your way. Especially in the relationship department. Sometimes God fills preferences you know you have. Sometimes your needs are not exactly what you think they are.
Third, and most importantly, cowboy up! Work with God to be the best man you can be. When you're there, you're not going to care about where exactly you stand in line. Nor will she.
I understand why your preferences are the way they are. There is both practical wisdom in them and, I think, good desires if they're not obsessions.
But what I see here overriding everything is just unhappiness wrought from a lack of confidence.
First, stay hopeful, man. You're 40. Today, that's still on the young-ish side of things. Not even at half-time for most people these days.
Second, be open to whatever Providence will throw your way. Especially in the relationship department. Sometimes God fills preferences you know you have. Sometimes your needs are not exactly what you think they are.
Third, and most importantly, cowboy up! Work with God to be the best man you can be. When you're there, you're not going to care about where exactly you stand in line. Nor will she.
I understand why your preferences are the way they are. There is both practical wisdom in them and, I think, good desires if they're not obsessions.
But what I see here overriding everything is just unhappiness wrought from a lack of confidence.
R
Out of all due respect....I never said having sex outside of marriage is okay. It is wrong, but it is also something God can and will forgive you for as long as you ask for forgiveness. All I said was that I did it and something that both my bf and I agreed that we need to wait for marriage to do it again because we have a love and respect for one another. We both repented.
Now, as far as the age thing goes, I didn't know his age going in. In fact if I did, I may not have said yes. He doesn't look or act his age, but let's face it, neither do I, we just mesh together fairly well. I think you won't really know what you would do in the given situation until you come across it yourself
Now, as far as the age thing goes, I didn't know his age going in. In fact if I did, I may not have said yes. He doesn't look or act his age, but let's face it, neither do I, we just mesh together fairly well. I think you won't really know what you would do in the given situation until you come across it yourself
G
I was not in the least offended, and I think you have valid points. Your life experiences matter a great deal. Please don't feel bad at all. I just took it as a differing opinion. I guess my mindset has been shaped by my reading. I've read old books my whole life and May to December romances do not seem outre to me at all. Everyone has their preferences, and that is perfectly fine. I guess I am of the opinion that as long as both parties are legal adults, age does not matter.
G
You can be someone's first choice. It is not impossible. Have you thought about trying to go out with women at your church? If they are Christians, it is less likely they have had that much experience and more likely they are virgins or inexperienced.
Since you don't like the idea of dating younger women, I will tell you that there ARE women around your age or your age who are virgins, but don't exactly advertise the fact because, frankly it is a little embarrassing.
I would suggest trying to find someone at your church or on a Christian dating site like Christianmingle.
It is perfectly fine to have your standards and preferences.
Since you don't like the idea of dating younger women, I will tell you that there ARE women around your age or your age who are virgins, but don't exactly advertise the fact because, frankly it is a little embarrassing.
I would suggest trying to find someone at your church or on a Christian dating site like Christianmingle.
It is perfectly fine to have your standards and preferences.
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