SOMEBODY needs to do the asking :)

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J

Jullianna

Guest
#1
#1
From Green's thread, it is apparent that a lot of guys are scared to do the asking. Some to the point that they just don't. So, suggestion time...

LADIES: If you were a guy, how would you ask yourself out?

MEN: For those of you who say you would be okay with a woman asking you, how could she ask without having you feel that she was being overly aggressive?
 
J

Jullianna

Guest
#2
#2
MY answer to my own question:

Have an actual conversation with me first about something funny or interesting. Get to know me as a friend first. Most women won't date strangers.

Guys who ask a woman out without actually knowing her are usually only asking her because of the way she looks, which usually means that the expectation of the relationship will be no more than of a physical nature. At least in my experience.

(Yes, I know that if a woman hits on you without actually knowing you, it's usually because she's more interested in having you as an eyecatching accessory on her arm rather than looking to have a meaningful relationship with you. It most certainly DOES work both ways. :) )
 
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niceguyJ

Senior Member
#3
Feb 5, 2011
520
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#3
For me, ideally we'd have some sort of friendship in place already. In which case, I wouldn't mind her just simply bringing up the topic of exploring being more than friends. There are no magic words to use on me or anything like that. ha. It might be a bit too much to propose right away though. :p I'm not generally a fast mover, to say the least. I couldn't imagine being with anyone that I couldn't be great friends with first and foremost.
I think it's different for everyone though. Even if a lot of guys or girls answer the same way, there are always exceptions.
 
LightningClap0002

LightningClap0002

Senior Member
#4
Feb 10, 2008
3,371
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#4
niceguyJ said:
For me, ideally we'd have some sort of friendship in place already. In which case, I wouldn't mind her just simply bringing up the topic of exploring being more than friends. There are no magic words to use on me or anything like that. ha. It might be a bit too much to propose right away though. :p I'm not generally a fast mover, to say the least. I couldn't imagine being with anyone that I couldn't be great friends with first and foremost.
I think it's different for everyone though. Even if a lot of guys or girls answer the same way, there are always exceptions.
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I'd agree with this. I really dislike how forced society (especially the media) make relationships seem. Relationships naturally grow as you spend time with people and get to know them. If there aren't enough things that both parties enjoy doing that they can't find time to spend together without dating, then it's going to be a rough relationship anyways.
 
M

Matthew

Guest
#5
#5
Jullianna said:
From Green's thread, it is apparent that a lot of guys are scared to do the asking. Some to the point that they just don't. So, suggestion time...
Click to expand...
The more I think about guys being scared the more I think it's actually nothing to do with fear but the simple dis-interest that grows out of a muted reaction.
Many guys who do make the effort don't get a rejection but rather a nonchalant agreement to have a coffee or see a movie.

However much it is our place women need to be aware that it's not an easy thing, so if you agree, agree with some enthusiasm to build our confidence in pushing forward, if you don't, questions come pouring down the mountain such as why did she barely make eye contact while saying yes? is it just that her preffered plans fell trhough or are yet to be confirmed etc....

Simply put, women expect too much from men, and men expect too much from women, so we get almost nothing from each other.

I've no desire for a woman to ask me out, I'm glad to do it, but if she did decide too then a smile and the offer a walk while we have a real conversation would be plenty enough for me.
 
J

Jullianna

Guest
#6
#6
Sounds like we are all in agreement so far. :) Becoming friends first is absolutely key.
I really can't see myself ever asking a guy out. Kinda creepy just thinking about it. :)
 
C

Catlynn

Guest
#7
#7
I'm gonna jump on the friends first train as well. For me, I need to feel comfortable and able to completely be myself without the expectation of something more in the beginning. When I've just gone on dates from the get-go without really knowing or being known by the guy, it's almost like I feel as though I'm trying out for something. I need to trust the guy's relationship with God before I can trust him with more than friendship....if that makes any sense whatsoever.
I do enjoy dates. I just don't want to "date" in order to get to know a person. And, in my current situation, taking care of all these children and the special needs boy and being a single parent, I don't have the option of leaving to go on a date once or twice a week. So if someone wants to get to know me they pretty much have to be ok with emails, phone calls and coming out here and spending time with me+a ton of other people. LoL
 
Oncefallen

Oncefallen

Idiot in Chief
Staff member
#8
Jan 15, 2011
6,031
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#8
Although I answered in "the other" thread that I'm chicken, I will admit that asking a woman out that I have known for a while and am comfortable with is by far easier then asking out someone I'm not that familiar with. Of course it seems to me that being an "older" adult, the idea of dating someone I'm not familiar with is a lot less appealing than it was in my younger years. If for no other reason, I don't like the surprises that come with strangers.
 
electricbluesman

electricbluesman

Member
#9
Feb 1, 2007
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#9
Friends first is a must. Most people I know disagree, but it is important for me to know something about her before wasting both our time. Unfortunately, without exception, every woman I had once thought I might be interested in before I knew her well, proved herself quite unattractive after getting to know her better, so I have asked very few out. It is very discouraging.
 
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NodMyHeadLikeYeah

Guest
#10
#10
If i asked my self out, i would be really boring at first as not to think or wonder why someone like myself would want to go out with me. Then when me and myself are actually on the date.... thats when i would be more comfortable to be myself, me and me would go to pizza hut ( because myself reaaaally has a thing for pizza) then watch a sci fi movie! If i really wanted to impress me though i would bring the pizza TO the sci fi movie.However this is all really dependent upon if i even say yes to me in the first place.
 
zeroturbulence

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
#11
Aug 2, 2009
24,581
4,269
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#11
NodMyHeadLikeYeah said:
If i asked my self out, i would be really boring at first as not to think or wonder why someone like myself would want to go out with me. Then when me and myself are actually on the date.... thats when i would be more comfortable to be myself, me and me would go to pizza hut ( because myself reaaaally has a thing for pizza) then watch a sci fi movie! If i really wanted to impress me though i would bring the pizza TO the sci fi movie.However this is all really dependent upon if i even say yes to me in the first place.
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No way, Pizza hut is my favorite too! :)
 
zeroturbulence

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
#12
Aug 2, 2009
24,581
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#12
I'm always afraid to ask but I ask anyway. The only thing is that she has to seem interested in me first. If she says no, its no big deal. I mean it stings a lot and for awhile I think I'm a complete failure with women, but I know it isn't the end of the world.
 
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GreenNnice

Guest
#13
#13
NodMyHeadLikeYeah said:
If i asked my self out, i would be really boring at first as not to think or wonder why someone like myself would want to go out with me. Then when me and myself are actually on the date.... thats when i would be more comfortable to be myself, me and me would go to pizza hut ( because myself reaaaally has a thing for pizza) then watch a sci fi movie! If i really wanted to impress me though i would bring the pizza TO the sci fi movie.However this is all really dependent upon if i even say yes to me in the first place.
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LOL, Nods. That does though almost sound like paranormal activity :D
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How can a girl ask without being overly aggressive?

Hmm, not ask all, but INSTEAD , IF she is going to ask, do the next thing to asking. Seriously, seriously, let me know she likes me, like telling a joke or saying something she thinks is funny and proceeding to playfully slug me. Gently, of course. :D
 
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Siberian_Khatru

Guest
#14
#14
*laughs at the unnecessary complexities of romance in modern society*
 
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Jullianna

Guest
#15
#15
okay....who let the gecko out? :D:p

We absolutely DO make it far more complicated than it needs to be, don't we?
 
Ritter

Ritter

Banned
#16
Jul 25, 2005
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#16
I see plenty of people saying the prefer friends first, but in my experience people tend to avoid this. Perhaps I have met the wrong people.
 
A

asd101

Guest
#17
#17
Looking at the best pick - up lines... LOL!!! I can't believe some girls actually fall for these !!! :D!!!
 
Oncefallen

Oncefallen

Idiot in Chief
Staff member
#18
Jan 15, 2011
6,031
3,269
113
#18
asd101 said:
Looking at the best pick - up lines... LOL!!! I can't believe some girls actually fall for these !!! :D!!!
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Wonders how pick-up lines got introduced into this thread? :confused:
 
seoulsearch

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
#19
May 23, 2009
14,943
4,587
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#19
NodMyHeadLikeYeah said:
If i asked my self out, i would be really boring at first as not to think or wonder why someone like myself would want to go out with me. Then when me and myself are actually on the date.... thats when i would be more comfortable to be myself, me and me would go to pizza hut ( because myself reaaaally has a thing for pizza) then watch a sci fi movie! If i really wanted to impress me though i would bring the pizza TO the sci fi movie.However this is all really dependent upon if i even say yes to me in the first place.
Click to expand...

Pizza AND a Sci-Fi movie???!!! Wait a minute... Pizza AT the Sci-Fi movie???

*Swooning and feeling faint*

Nod, I'd like to date either you, or yourself. It doesn't matter. Both of you(s) sound awesome, so whichever one(s) of you(s) would be willing to answer my post, I'm game. :D

If you('s) all bring the pizza, I'll bring the Junior Mints and miniature Reese's Peanut Butter cups... :)

Wow, I just asked two people(s) out, I think, and it was relatively painless(essess)!!! Thanks, CC. My confidence is growing with every thread. ;)
 
jamie26301

jamie26301

Senior Member
#20
May 14, 2011
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#20
If I were to ask myself out, I would start by taking it slow, just being friends. I would get to know my likes and dislikes through friendship. Then once we know each other better, I will ask myself out on a date having to do with one of my likes. For example, if I like bible study, I would invite myself to bible study at my church. Or if I liked animals, I would take myself of an animal shelter.
 
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