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You aren't defective Shour. You may have a personality that places little value on warm fuzzies and emotional interaction but that doesn't make you defective. I love kids, but having some of my own (which I'm starting to realize is getting more and more unlikely due to life circumstances) has never been super important to me either. I want to look at other ladies like they have two heads when they tell me all they want out of life is to be a wife and mother, but knowing that God calls some people to that, I try not to discourage them either.
One thing you said interests me though:
Exactly how does this differ from the main ways that a father takes care of his children? If you are thinking about this anyway, it might be worth considering that God may have put it in you to be a spiritual father to many and your fathering instincts are alive and well and just spread to everyone instead of limited to specific children. And should you ever be the father figure for some children I'm sure you will do a great job, even though you won't be the most emotionally demonstrative father out there.
One thing you said interests me though:
Exactly how does this differ from the main ways that a father takes care of his children? If you are thinking about this anyway, it might be worth considering that God may have put it in you to be a spiritual father to many and your fathering instincts are alive and well and just spread to everyone instead of limited to specific children. And should you ever be the father figure for some children I'm sure you will do a great job, even though you won't be the most emotionally demonstrative father out there.
Shouryu, I have a friend who for the longest time wasn't sure she wanted children. She had her daughter when she was about 40, and let's just say, her momma Genes kicked in big time. That being said, I believe that God will give parent's the skills they need for that time period, if they depend on him. (That goes for you too Fenner. I saw that comment. Back to Shour now.) But at the same time, God also gives certain people the desire to not have children. Are you defective, nope. Not one bit. Unless you consider sin being defective, and in that case, we all are. But not desiring to have children does not make you defective. It just makes you different from the norm. And your brother is wrong when he proclaims it to be your duty to have children. Your duty is to Glorify God with your whole life. That's it.
T
Shouryu, I can't identify with you in this, because, for as long as I can remember, I've always wanted a family. But if you're not interested in having children, you're not interested in having children, or maybe you'll change your mind a little latter down the track. Who knows? God does. But there's no reason to feel guilty or like you're defective, you're not. God made you the way you are. He's growing you sure, but the essence of who He made you to be, that's just going to continue to be refined into the likeness of Christ. But on a silly note, I think you'd make a great detective.
LOL I know. XD But I didn't pay attention to the username, I just assumed it was Arlene. XD But I'll agree, while you're pretty, TinTin, Arlene is WAY prettier. 
(Beware, HUGE derailing here.)
Also, thanks!! It's good to be back and get some rest, though I'm also very sad. The place I came back from holds a special place in my heart...I grew to love it the first year I went there. God just keeps calling me back. Every year I'm there, I'm attacked with feeling sick and tired. This week I barely ate I felt so sick at times. I have not regretted going there, though. EVER. Especially this year. This year...I NEEDED to be there. I know for a fact it was God's will for me to be there. He taught me to trust when I was there. That I can trust people...and if I can trust fallible people, I can trust an infallible God. I still have a long way to go for healing...such a long way. But even when I went to the amusement park with the youth group, God was teaching me trust. My youth leader played a huge part in that. He'd tell us all about the rides in the park since he's been there a lot. I remember the one ride he really loves and he told me and another friend, "This one just goes back and forth, it's a really relaxing ride." So we went through the line and stuff, sat down and got buckled in and everything, and then the person running the ride told us how fast we'd be going, and I started to freak. I was like, "Hold up!! This is faster than the drop zone (yes I went on a drop tower), what'd we sign up for?!" And he simply kept saying, "Just relax, it's okay, you're fine." throughout the ride (I freaked maybe once or twice...or three times). Though he had his hands full because he was sitting beside my other friend who was freaking out too (he told me he screamed the whole time he was on there! LOL) and my youth leader was telling him the same thing.
That ride ended up being the one I enjoyed the most (though I only went on three, but that was because I was REALLY SUPER TIRED and the lines were SO LONG.) and I'd actually go on it again. I truly enjoyed it and it didn't even feel like we were going the speed that we were going. My youth leader proved that I could take him at his word. So, if I can trust him, how can I not trust God? My youth leader has flaws like everyone else. God doesn't.
In an attempt to reel it back in...God knows the plans he has for you, Shouryu, and you can trust that He knows what He's doing. If He truly wants you to marry and have children, however that looks, then you'll have children. It won't matter if you're "missing" something. God calls us to do the unexpected sometimes, and while we might not believe we're qualified or have what it takes, God knows different. If He truly doesn't want you to have children, you won't. While humans do have free will, there are some things where God will make sure that on certain opportunities, the doors are completely closed and you will not be able to go that path because He knows that path would not be the best one for you, and we have to trust that He closed or open those doors for that very reason - that He wants the best for you (while it may not look like that in worldly terms, such as an expensive house or car or stuff like that).
...And with that I think I just found my answer, too.
(Beware, HUGE derailing here.)
Also, thanks!! It's good to be back and get some rest, though I'm also very sad. The place I came back from holds a special place in my heart...I grew to love it the first year I went there. God just keeps calling me back. Every year I'm there, I'm attacked with feeling sick and tired. This week I barely ate I felt so sick at times. I have not regretted going there, though. EVER. Especially this year. This year...I NEEDED to be there. I know for a fact it was God's will for me to be there. He taught me to trust when I was there. That I can trust people...and if I can trust fallible people, I can trust an infallible God. I still have a long way to go for healing...such a long way. But even when I went to the amusement park with the youth group, God was teaching me trust. My youth leader played a huge part in that. He'd tell us all about the rides in the park since he's been there a lot. I remember the one ride he really loves and he told me and another friend, "This one just goes back and forth, it's a really relaxing ride." So we went through the line and stuff, sat down and got buckled in and everything, and then the person running the ride told us how fast we'd be going, and I started to freak. I was like, "Hold up!! This is faster than the drop zone (yes I went on a drop tower), what'd we sign up for?!" And he simply kept saying, "Just relax, it's okay, you're fine." throughout the ride (I freaked maybe once or twice...or three times). Though he had his hands full because he was sitting beside my other friend who was freaking out too (he told me he screamed the whole time he was on there! LOL) and my youth leader was telling him the same thing.
That ride ended up being the one I enjoyed the most (though I only went on three, but that was because I was REALLY SUPER TIRED and the lines were SO LONG.) and I'd actually go on it again. I truly enjoyed it and it didn't even feel like we were going the speed that we were going. My youth leader proved that I could take him at his word. So, if I can trust him, how can I not trust God? My youth leader has flaws like everyone else. God doesn't.
In an attempt to reel it back in...God knows the plans he has for you, Shouryu, and you can trust that He knows what He's doing. If He truly wants you to marry and have children, however that looks, then you'll have children. It won't matter if you're "missing" something. God calls us to do the unexpected sometimes, and while we might not believe we're qualified or have what it takes, God knows different. If He truly doesn't want you to have children, you won't. While humans do have free will, there are some things where God will make sure that on certain opportunities, the doors are completely closed and you will not be able to go that path because He knows that path would not be the best one for you, and we have to trust that He closed or open those doors for that very reason - that He wants the best for you (while it may not look like that in worldly terms, such as an expensive house or car or stuff like that).
...And with that I think I just found my answer, too.
H
I must be missing that same chip. Actually God made me unable to have kids and I'm cool with that and am easily annoyed by children, if they are being noisy/annoying and since they are children they usually are haha. I do love my friend's kids though and my tolerance level is higher for them but when I see kids somewhere like the grocery store or bus I think ugh, here we go.
I love kids so much that it would probably make most of you sick. My mothering instincts are almost always on full alert. Smiling kids make me melt, shy kids make me feel gooey, and all kids make me itch to pull them in for a hug. Both of my jobs involve almost exclusively working with children. Spiritually training them, making them feel special, showing them love through a smile or a gentle hand or an encouraging word.
That being said, I can totally understand someone NOT being into kids. I am completely on board with the thought that God gives us yearnings for those things he has planned for us. You don't have kids and don't want kids? Sounds like those two things fit well together. It's all good.
And if you DID end up marrying and having children of your own, I am certain that those proper fatherly feelings would emerge in their very proper timing. Not only because having a child of your own almost always awakens those feelings in even the most unsuspecting people, but because you'll have spent a lot of quality time getting to know this child, learning his personality, watching him grow... and that softens up a heart in a way that spending just a few days with someone else's baby can never really do.
My mothering instincts are almost always on full alert. Smiling kids make me melt, shy kids make me feel gooey, and all kids make me itch to pull them in for a hug. Both of my jobs involve almost exclusively working with children. Spiritually training them, making them feel special, showing them love through a smile or a gentle hand or an encouraging word. That being said, I can totally understand someone NOT being into kids. I am completely on board with the thought that God gives us yearnings for those things he has planned for us. You don't have kids and don't want kids? Sounds like those two things fit well together. It's all good.
And if you DID end up marrying and having children of your own, I am certain that those proper fatherly feelings would emerge in their very proper timing. Not only because having a child of your own almost always awakens those feelings in even the most unsuspecting people, but because you'll have spent a lot of quality time getting to know this child, learning his personality, watching him grow... and that softens up a heart in a way that spending just a few days with someone else's baby can never really do.
M
Having kids is not, not, not!! for everyone. Look at the number of people who procreate and then completely fail to be any kind of parent to that poor kid. Kids get abandoned, neglected, abused, killed...by their own mothers and fathers. And I've often wondered whyyyy, in this day and age, these people don't just admit beforehand that they don't want kids, and then take the necessary precautions to avoid that- be it birth control, or you know, Abstinence...or at least giving that baby up for adoption.
Obviously there are people who didn't want kids who had them anyway and found that they're not only good at being a parent, but they kinda really like it, too.
I just don't see why it's wrong to admit you don't want kids. Being a father or a mother isn't "the highest calling"- pretty high up there, sure; any time a person is entrusted with the care and teaching of another human being, I'd say that's a pretty big job God has given them.
But you already DO that, Shouryu. Not your own flesh and blood, but what you do is a huge responsibility and a very high calling and a blessing to you and your students.
I say don't worry about what your family or others think you should be doing at this point in your life and keep doing what you're doing. And if someday God chooses to give you a family of your own, from what I know of you and what you've revealed about yourself here, you'll make a great husband and father.
Obviously there are people who didn't want kids who had them anyway and found that they're not only good at being a parent, but they kinda really like it, too.
I just don't see why it's wrong to admit you don't want kids. Being a father or a mother isn't "the highest calling"- pretty high up there, sure; any time a person is entrusted with the care and teaching of another human being, I'd say that's a pretty big job God has given them.
But you already DO that, Shouryu. Not your own flesh and blood, but what you do is a huge responsibility and a very high calling and a blessing to you and your students.
I say don't worry about what your family or others think you should be doing at this point in your life and keep doing what you're doing. And if someday God chooses to give you a family of your own, from what I know of you and what you've revealed about yourself here, you'll make a great husband and father.
Shour, this reminds me of what Corrie ten Boom's father told her when she had questions about death:
[FONT=ARIAL,HELVETICA,SANS-SERIF]“Corrie,” he began gently. “When you and I go to Amsterdam, when do I give you your ticket?”
“Why, just before we get on the train.”
“Exactly. And our wise Father in heaven knows when we're going to need things, too. Don't run out ahead of him, Corrie. When the time comes that some of us will have to die, you will look into your heart and find the strength you need – just in time.” [/FONT]
I think it's the same way with a lot of life. God hasn't given you a desire that he's not going to provide for, at least not at this point. If in the future He decides to make you a father, then He will prepare you for that task. This is God protecting you from the pain of longing for something that isn't in His will for your life.
[FONT=ARIAL,HELVETICA,SANS-SERIF]“Corrie,” he began gently. “When you and I go to Amsterdam, when do I give you your ticket?”
“Why, just before we get on the train.”
“Exactly. And our wise Father in heaven knows when we're going to need things, too. Don't run out ahead of him, Corrie. When the time comes that some of us will have to die, you will look into your heart and find the strength you need – just in time.” [/FONT]
I think it's the same way with a lot of life. God hasn't given you a desire that he's not going to provide for, at least not at this point. If in the future He decides to make you a father, then He will prepare you for that task. This is God protecting you from the pain of longing for something that isn't in His will for your life.
