I meant avatar-wise, not physically. She's much prettier than I... and also a woman. Good to see you back, mate!
LOL I know. XD But I didn't pay attention to the username, I just assumed it was Arlene. XD But I'll agree, while you're pretty, TinTin, Arlene is WAY prettier.
(Beware, HUGE derailing here.)
Also, thanks!! It's good to be back and get some rest, though I'm also very sad. The place I came back from holds a special place in my heart...I grew to love it the first year I went there. God just keeps calling me back. Every year I'm there, I'm attacked with feeling sick and tired. This week I barely ate I felt so sick at times. I have not regretted going there, though. EVER. Especially this year. This year...I NEEDED to be there. I know for a fact it was God's will for me to be there. He taught me to trust when I was there. That I can trust people...and if I can trust fallible people, I can trust an infallible God. I still have a long way to go for healing...such a long way. But even when I went to the amusement park with the youth group, God was teaching me trust. My youth leader played a huge part in that. He'd tell us all about the rides in the park since he's been there a lot. I remember the one ride he really loves and he told me and another friend, "This one just goes back and forth, it's a really relaxing ride." So we went through the line and stuff, sat down and got buckled in and everything, and then the person running the ride told us how fast we'd be going, and I started to freak. I was like, "Hold up!! This is faster than the drop zone (yes I went on a drop tower), what'd we sign up for?!" And he simply kept saying, "Just relax, it's okay, you're fine." throughout the ride (I freaked maybe once or twice...or three times). Though he had his hands full because he was sitting beside my other friend who was freaking out too (he told me he screamed the whole time he was on there! LOL) and my youth leader was telling him the same thing.
That ride ended up being the one I enjoyed the most (though I only went on three, but that was because I was REALLY SUPER TIRED and the lines were SO LONG.) and I'd actually go on it again. I truly enjoyed it and it didn't even feel like we were going the speed that we were going. My youth leader proved that I could take him at his word. So, if I can trust him, how can I not trust God? My youth leader has flaws like everyone else. God doesn't.
In an attempt to reel it back in...God knows the plans he has for you, Shouryu, and you can trust that He knows what He's doing. If He truly wants you to marry and have children, however that looks, then you'll have children. It won't matter if you're "missing" something. God calls us to do the unexpected sometimes, and while we might not believe we're qualified or have what it takes, God knows different. If He truly doesn't want you to have children, you won't. While humans do have free will, there are some things where God will make sure that on certain opportunities, the doors are completely closed and you will not be able to go that path because He knows that path would not be the best one for you, and we have to trust that He closed or open those doors for that very reason - that He wants the best for you (while it may not look like that in worldly terms, such as an expensive house or car or stuff like that).
...And with that I think I just found my answer, too.