As I spill my thoughts onto a page, dundundun.
As I sit here with my tortilla chips and green tea, I am very happy.
I am excited for the New Year and am still living it out like it's still Christmas.
I also believe that this is the year of action and not mere talk.
I am beginning to know the hardwiring behind my stressors, and what is taking me from not enjoying life in the way that I want to...and that little thing is called fear, doubting God (number one), and idolatry.
What I have been misplacing in my life that has been effecting my life in the negative way that spirals me down into the chamber of madness is.....the disconnection of God and love of the things that seperates me from him.
I have also been realizing that this worry and fear thing that I am combatting is really the thing that is misplacing the courage, strength, and steadfastness, that God provides with the Holy Spirit.....and RELYING ON HIM.
Yes, capslock. this is what happens when you encounter an amazing revelation.
DOUBT.
CAUSES.
YOU.
TO.
put a roadblock between you and the Will of God being placed and completed in your life.
And I'm not talking about a non-chalant occasional fear type thing, I'm talking every single thought that crosses your mind that is full of doubt, a flickering message that impedes into your brain and makes you question God. That thought right there, is still sin.
And we can't stay there, we can't keep pressing rewind
We have to switch tapes (yes I made a vcr reference, lol).
And when I say switch tapes I mean, take them out to the burn pile.
Burn that doubt up.
Jesus came to give life and abundantly.
Why is it so easy to withhold our whole self from him?
When in reality
What we want is to give ourselves completely to him
Even as our desire still stands
.....
All while we not realize that Jesus is that true craving of desire within us
And I don't mean that in the mediocre way, with how people say this, in that in the middle of their life they realize a huge revelation or that they have been thinking really hard about nothing but...this mindset every single day. dependent on your knees to him. Giving your all to him. In service.
Not settling.
And if we're 'alone', it's because we began to doubt already. (maybe i'm just weird) but that's how I feel lol.