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Sorry I missed the blowup about farmers. Sleeping gets in the way of a lot of fun stuff. Or maybe y'all shouldn't have so much fun when I have to sleep.
We have plenty of farmers here, they don't seem inbred at all (large selection in southwest TN) and they appear to be getting along just fine without a website. They usually find a date at church, or at the fair, or at the grocery store, or wherever they happen to strike up a conversation with someone and it develops into a friendship which develops into something more.
We have plenty of farmers here, they don't seem inbred at all (large selection in southwest TN) and they appear to be getting along just fine without a website. They usually find a date at church, or at the fair, or at the grocery store, or wherever they happen to strike up a conversation with someone and it develops into a friendship which develops into something more.
My only thoughts on this:
1) The idea that every demographic needs a dating website is silly to me.
2) I think people tend to think of farmers as unintelligent because they lump them in with hillbillies in their mind--people with missing teeth who talk with thick southern accents and exaggerated inflections. It's amazing how much childhood cartoons influence us. I doubt there are that many people in the world who actually fit that description.
3) gypsygirl brought up a good point and it wasn't even a biblical discussion. If Singles is at all accused of being like the Bible Discussion forum, it's because of a few select individuals who take over a few select threads with miles-long posts, but it's not anywhere near Bible Discussion Forum status here.
4) My grandfather was a farmer. Supported a wife and eleven children (five adopted--four girls from Korea and one African American boy) with that trade. I loved running around the farm as a kid. It was mostly shut down by then, but I still enjoyed it. I stayed overnight at my grandparents' house all the time out of my own choosing.
1) The idea that every demographic needs a dating website is silly to me.
2) I think people tend to think of farmers as unintelligent because they lump them in with hillbillies in their mind--people with missing teeth who talk with thick southern accents and exaggerated inflections. It's amazing how much childhood cartoons influence us. I doubt there are that many people in the world who actually fit that description.
3) gypsygirl brought up a good point and it wasn't even a biblical discussion. If Singles is at all accused of being like the Bible Discussion forum, it's because of a few select individuals who take over a few select threads with miles-long posts, but it's not anywhere near Bible Discussion Forum status here.
4) My grandfather was a farmer. Supported a wife and eleven children (five adopted--four girls from Korea and one African American boy) with that trade. I loved running around the farm as a kid. It was mostly shut down by then, but I still enjoyed it. I stayed overnight at my grandparents' house all the time out of my own choosing.
And so it begins, another semester of insanity. My Google calendar is filled up once again.
Also, it's kind of annoying when my dad has piles and piles of paper on his desk because he won't make the effort to organize it, and then makes a ton of noise and gets all exasperated when he can't find something he needs. It's easy for me to think about how silly it is for someone to get frustrated and exasperated over a problem they've created for themselves, but I'm sure I do that way more than I think.
Also, it's kind of annoying when my dad has piles and piles of paper on his desk because he won't make the effort to organize it, and then makes a ton of noise and gets all exasperated when he can't find something he needs. It's easy for me to think about how silly it is for someone to get frustrated and exasperated over a problem they've created for themselves, but I'm sure I do that way more than I think.
I think that many of us could relate similar experiences from one time or another in our lives. I left the church that I grew up in at 18 because of a similar circumstance. There is a lot of truth, unfortunately, in the saying, "the army of the Church is the only one in the world that shoots it's wounded."
Maybe the farm boys in Iowa need to take a lesson from Tennessee.
Chris Soules by - The Bachelor - ABC.com
Maybe the farm boys in Iowa need to take a lesson from Tennessee.
Chris Soules by - The Bachelor - ABC.com
K
Yeah! It's on RFDTV all the time. FarmersOnly.com. Have you ever watched Big Joe's Polka Show? If you ever watch the Big Joe, then you'll see FarmersOnly.
[video=youtube;u8JW3DeEaTo]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u8JW3DeEaTo[/video]
Matter of fact, if you WATCH the Joe at all, you're probably going to need every dating site available to you. Like me. But if you watch this show - something hilarious ALWAYS happens. I watch it all the time. it's on right after the cattle auction. There a darling little girl who's going to grow up to be a complete knock out, I know it, but right now she's got one serious unibrow.
[video=youtube;u8JW3DeEaTo]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u8JW3DeEaTo[/video]
Matter of fact, if you WATCH the Joe at all, you're probably going to need every dating site available to you. Like me. But if you watch this show - something hilarious ALWAYS happens. I watch it all the time. it's on right after the cattle auction. There a darling little girl who's going to grow up to be a complete knock out, I know it, but right now she's got one serious unibrow.
one of my problems with organizational stuff is that i'll create these elaborate systems that are too elaborate. like i'll have multi-tiered layers of folders three deep (yes, actual folders) because they speak to the hierarchy, but not the simplicity. and it falls apart.
so then i go back to my simple system, and a pile of what i call "loose change". things that are important but seem to be unable to be categorized. so then, they go into the loose change folder.
this is why i tend to rely on memory whenever possible. if i memorize it, i can't lose it. : )
ok, that was awesome. it was like a blast from the past.
in the flavor of, saturday night at the grange hall. : ) the only thing missing was the tractor (or gun) raffle!
side note: growing up, it seems like our winter PE was entirely cross country skiing and square dancing. the guys seemed to really relish the opportunity to do-si-do the girls right onto the floor. one year, all bruised and frustrated, we girls banded together and decided we'd only dance with each other.
i clearly remember my fifth grade self presenting our case to the PE teacher. the PE teacher, for whatever reason, allowed this.
interestingly enough, it only took one day of the guys having to dance with each other. the next day, we were expressly promised that no girls would be flung onto the floor in the future (say that three times!). : )
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M
It's been a rough couple of weeks. I don't know if it's just that deflated feeling after Christmas that I get, or the seasonal depression thing, but I feel like I've been fighting to keep my head above water.
My light therapy box helps, when I remember to use it.
Vitamins help, when I remember to take them more than once a week.
An iodine supplement helps, and that's easier to remember, because I put it in the first cup of coffee of the day.
I get...overwhelmed...easily. I'm not particularly good at compartmentalizing stuff in my brain, so it's not just one thing that gets to be too much, it's ALL OF THE THINGS. Instead of just having, for instance, a mountain of laundry taunting me from the laundry room...it's more like a mountain of laundry mixed with troubles with kids and the mess from other parts of the house plus things I've had to put off for now plus things I've put off that I didn't have to plus...you know, everything.
When I look at life from that perspective, it's really difficult to just pick a single issue to start working on.
Soooo, I try very hard NOT to look at life from that perspective. I didn't use to realize I did this, that I let everything get all tangled and mooshed into such a big pile of things to solve or fix or change or clean up. When I didn't understand this about myself, it was easier to let it just bury me and I'd end up doing the only thing I felt I could do- run away. But knowing it happens...that's a big step in being able to avoid just allowing it to "get me".
That's one of the things I've been working on, since I came home. Recognizing when things are starting to be too much, and taking a step back to see where I need to start whittling away. That, and knowing it's fine to ask for, and accept, help. That's sort of a major thing in a marriage- working together- and it's amazing how much I let my own silly pride get in the way of that.
Anyway, it's all kind of feeling like an uphill battle, but at least it doesn't all look impossible anymore.
In other news...
Just kidding, that's all I had.
My light therapy box helps, when I remember to use it.
Vitamins help, when I remember to take them more than once a week.
An iodine supplement helps, and that's easier to remember, because I put it in the first cup of coffee of the day.
I get...overwhelmed...easily. I'm not particularly good at compartmentalizing stuff in my brain, so it's not just one thing that gets to be too much, it's ALL OF THE THINGS. Instead of just having, for instance, a mountain of laundry taunting me from the laundry room...it's more like a mountain of laundry mixed with troubles with kids and the mess from other parts of the house plus things I've had to put off for now plus things I've put off that I didn't have to plus...you know, everything.
When I look at life from that perspective, it's really difficult to just pick a single issue to start working on.
Soooo, I try very hard NOT to look at life from that perspective. I didn't use to realize I did this, that I let everything get all tangled and mooshed into such a big pile of things to solve or fix or change or clean up. When I didn't understand this about myself, it was easier to let it just bury me and I'd end up doing the only thing I felt I could do- run away. But knowing it happens...that's a big step in being able to avoid just allowing it to "get me".
That's one of the things I've been working on, since I came home. Recognizing when things are starting to be too much, and taking a step back to see where I need to start whittling away. That, and knowing it's fine to ask for, and accept, help. That's sort of a major thing in a marriage- working together- and it's amazing how much I let my own silly pride get in the way of that.
Anyway, it's all kind of feeling like an uphill battle, but at least it doesn't all look impossible anymore.
In other news...
Just kidding, that's all I had.
People that throw fits like that need a time-out and a nap.
Really though, sorry that's going on
Does it make it worse if you offer to try to help?
Really though, sorry that's going on
Does it make it worse if you offer to try to help?
He's not given a raise to the office manager in well over two years, she wants a raise and has asked for one, and he refuses to be an adult and talk to her about it because he doesn't want to give her a raise, but he also doesn't want her to quit and he thinks he might say something stupid to her that will cause her to quit. My dad has taken it upon himself to be her advocate over the past couple of weeks, trying to convince him just to do it. So finally the owner basically said, "Fine, just give her what she wants," and put it on my dad to basically choose her salary. He asked her for a number, and she gave him one based on what a business office manager makes. So he set her salary based on that, and now the owner is ho-humming, saying, "Ohh, well she's not really an office manager," and to prove his point he's calling my dad with these stupid little unimportant things and saying in a cheeky tone, "Hmm, I wonder if this is something an office manager would do." Meanwhile my dad is trying to get year-end financials put together, and we have to do this for seven different companies. So it was after one of the owner's stupid cheeky phone calls that my dad was finally driven to a meltdown.
My dad told me that this office manager lady would even be happy with just $1,000 more per year, to which I say, "Why in the bleep are you allowing such a big deal to be made of $40 per paycheck then?" It's not like she's doing poorly financially. Basically, my dad was dragged into something that he never should've been a part of, and he's not assertive enough to outright refuse to be a part of it.
This is just one matter in a long line of stupidity by this owner. A few weeks ago he told my dad, who is the head accountant and vastly underpaid, that someone suggested to him that he hire a CFO and then said, "But we both know we can't afford that." A total slap in the face to my dad. I was pretty mad when I heard about that.
The problem is that if my dad quits, then I'm out of a job, and I have tuition and a mortgage to pay for among other things. I am currently in the middle of going to school full-time trying to get an accounting degree while still working full-time, and my chances of getting an accounting job without an accounting degree are not very good. I've already decided that I want to quit and get another job as soon as I get my degree, but I have also felt like I have my dad in a precarious situation where he's almost a little stuck, feeling frustrated with his job but not wanting to put me out of work. The one maybe good thing, though, is that me having a job helps my dad because otherwise he would have my work to do plus what he already has. So it's not like I'm just dead weight either. Basically we would both need to agree to quit at the same time to make it the most painless for both of us.
Anyways, some good did come out of it because he spent 10-15 minutes venting to me and I had a chance to say some things to him that I've been wanting to say but haven't. He told me he doesn't intend to leave this job, but some things are going to have to change, and we've both identified ways that we can control that will make things better for him, starting with me taking on more work and him getting more organized once this year-end mess is over.
(Extra reading for anyone who cares)
The other thing in all of this is that I'm seeing some generational sin coming through again, and I hate it. I don't know what my grandfather's father was like, but I do know he came from a broken home. And my grandfather was a man prone to being grumpy and having angry outbursts. He even once stood up in the middle of church and yelled at the pastor.
You could say that my dad is an improvement on my grandfather's behavior as he's a pretty patient man, especially with my mom. There are certain things, though, with which he can go from 0 to heated in a very short amount of time. He doesn't understand technology very well so he gets frustrated with that really easily, and I had already mentioned before about how he gets frustrated when he can't find something he needs, which is often. He also gets mad really easily whenever he has to put something together that requires assembly or when we're on some type of family vacation and he can't find where we're trying to go. I've literally sworn off family vacations now because I straight up don't enjoy them. My dad likes to drive so we spend a ton of time in the car, but we also spend time a lot of time in awkward moments where he's mad because he's lost.
And then there's me, and I see so much of that in myself. I had a major temper as a kid, and it wasn't until I made my mom cry one afternoon as a teenager (not out of anything physical, just being angry again) that I swore off letting myself get mad about things. But during my last couple years of college, my positive attitude changed and I started seeing a lot of negativity in my attitudes again. I just get in grumpy moods at times and sometimes I don't even know why I feel that way, and anytime I have to put something together it eventually leads to me getting angry. I probably look and sound exactly like my dad in those moments. And just to confess, I got a bookshelf for Christmas that I had to put together, and because I was by myself, I allowed myself one of those angry outbursts and ended up putting a hole in my drywall. It was momentary, but it happened and I felt horrible about it.
I don't want to be that kind of husband and father. I don't want my wife or kids to ever be afraid of me because I couldn't keep my cool about something as silly as a bookshelf or a football game. I hope I never do what my dad just did, even though there was plenty of legitimate and justified frustration there.
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M
(Not ignoring the first half of your post- I'm sorry that's happening and pray it will get better/get worked out for you, your dad, and the office manager woman. That all sounds like a lot of stress for a lot of people and I hope it gets resolved sooner rather than later.)
As to what you described as "generational sin"-
This, I can empathize with. It's very similar to what my husband is going through; he is very prone to angry outbursts and being easily frustrated at little things (I specifically recall a time he was trying to fix a space heater that kept making this high-pitched squealing noise, and he got really upset, hit the heater hard enough to break it, and walked out...in front of me and both kids). His dad is the same way, only worse- I've seen my father-in-law get so angry over the silliest things when he could have simply asked for help or took a minute to step away and think about it. I can't say whether his father was this way or not; he was a police officer and was killed during a seemingly routine traffic-stop when my father-in-law was a baby...but I imagine the temper has been passed down through at least a few generations. I already am dealing with it in both of my kids.
So here's what I want to say to you on that-
The fact that you recognize this in yourself, that you already realize how bad of a problem it can be, and that you are already trying to find ways to curb it, or even stop it from happening- that's huge. That's a highly commendable thing, and I know how difficult it can be from watching/helping my husband to get his temper under better control (and it certainly can be done, he's made amazing progress, and it sounds like you have as well, even if it's starting to crop up again).
I would say it's probably not the best idea to simply avoid ever feeling angry about anything- that sounds a lot like bottling it up, which might be why you're feeling the anger coming out again recently. It's not wrong to get angry about things, and it's not even wrong to feel really frustrated at something as silly as building a bookshelf- it's how you release that anger that matters. Yeah, blowing up and putting a hole in the wall...not great. It would certainly be a scary thing for a wife and kids to see (it IS scary to see that kind of outburst). But you can choose to walk away...to go outside...kick an old tire...cool down.
Everyone gets angry or frustrated sometimes. It's okay. And your future wife will probably understand that. But it's important to find a way to deal with those feelings that doesn't scare people, and doesn't require a repair job on your wall. I know you know that already; I hope you keep it in mind though, when you start getting down about letting your temper flare up.
As to what you described as "generational sin"-
This, I can empathize with. It's very similar to what my husband is going through; he is very prone to angry outbursts and being easily frustrated at little things (I specifically recall a time he was trying to fix a space heater that kept making this high-pitched squealing noise, and he got really upset, hit the heater hard enough to break it, and walked out...in front of me and both kids). His dad is the same way, only worse- I've seen my father-in-law get so angry over the silliest things when he could have simply asked for help or took a minute to step away and think about it. I can't say whether his father was this way or not; he was a police officer and was killed during a seemingly routine traffic-stop when my father-in-law was a baby...but I imagine the temper has been passed down through at least a few generations. I already am dealing with it in both of my kids.
So here's what I want to say to you on that-
The fact that you recognize this in yourself, that you already realize how bad of a problem it can be, and that you are already trying to find ways to curb it, or even stop it from happening- that's huge. That's a highly commendable thing, and I know how difficult it can be from watching/helping my husband to get his temper under better control (and it certainly can be done, he's made amazing progress, and it sounds like you have as well, even if it's starting to crop up again).
I would say it's probably not the best idea to simply avoid ever feeling angry about anything- that sounds a lot like bottling it up, which might be why you're feeling the anger coming out again recently. It's not wrong to get angry about things, and it's not even wrong to feel really frustrated at something as silly as building a bookshelf- it's how you release that anger that matters. Yeah, blowing up and putting a hole in the wall...not great. It would certainly be a scary thing for a wife and kids to see (it IS scary to see that kind of outburst). But you can choose to walk away...to go outside...kick an old tire...cool down.
Everyone gets angry or frustrated sometimes. It's okay. And your future wife will probably understand that. But it's important to find a way to deal with those feelings that doesn't scare people, and doesn't require a repair job on your wall. I know you know that already; I hope you keep it in mind though, when you start getting down about letting your temper flare up.