Speaking of dreams...
I had a dream last night that I was on a trip, and in the car, there was a guy, a guy who I like in real life (I guess it's sorta creepy that I dreamed about him. Whoops). I dreamed that we both liked each other, and that when I put my head on his shoulder, he leaned his head onto mine. And I could just feel, even in this stupid dream, that we both liked each other and felt those content butterfly feelings.
And then later I woke up.
It sounds so silly when I put it down, but sometimes dreams do that to you.
And when I woke, I felt that yearning, that longing. To be accepted and loved, cherished and held. And I
was doing so well this week at being content in my singleness! But then that started the spiral, where I thought, "I don't deserve to be married. I'm too ______ , not enough _____, too much of a mess, not good enough in this way" and so on and so forth. That insecure, self-defeating spiral. I know marriage isn't a bed of roses or a basket of kittens, and I also know some of my selfish reasons for wanting marriage, I'm working through those, and I'm also working with making God my priority and not what may or may not be in the future. It was just a bit...disappointing, I suppose, that I was doing so great and then I have this stupid dream that takes me back to step one.
I caught myself halfway through it, though, so I'm "proud" of myself for realizing it this time and taking steps to not keep sliding down.