Streams of Consciousness & Thoughts~~~

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I always wondered about when Jesus said "You have heard that it hath been said, an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth....but I say unto you, if an enemy smite you on your cheek, turn to him the other (Paraphrasing)". An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth is in the OT. When Jesus said that "You have heard that it hath been said" does that imply that God actually never delivered that philosophy to the Israelites? I think it suggests it. That makes me wonder if some of the things Jesus said about people teaching for commandments the traditions of men are actually true of some OT verses in addition to some of the things people were doing at the same time Jesus was on earth. I never really talk about that but it's something I've thought about quite a bit.
Jul 25, 2012
This vitamin water is good. I'm breaking the rules and drinking three when the label clearly states only 2 should be consumed. It's 20 cents cheaper then the 7UP I used constantly buy. All in all, I likes. But I wonder if I'm over doing it. Seems to me that a placebo effect is happening here. It's been a long time since I had an actual energy drink. And this stuff seems to be my latest mild addiction. *swig* Gosh, that's goood.

I dunno. I never was any good at journals.


Senior Member
Apr 27, 2011
Darius Rucker is a country western singer now?!

I watch Conan.

Don't judge me.


Senior Member
Aug 2, 2009
Angry, frustrated (as usual). Ok so I went to the gym but then I just sat in my car wondering why I was stupid enough to think I would want to work out when I was this tired and sleepy. I then started to ponder how pathetic my whole life is and how hopeless my situation is, then I drove down to McD's and got me a $1 burger and a diet coke. I know its late but I didn't eat much for dinner and I was hungry anyway. It helped me feel better as I ate in my car and listened to an author on the radio being interviewed about the supernatural. Then I drove home in the chilly, quiet night..feeling better but still with a bit on my mind.

I think I'm going to pop into chat for awhile and see what's going on in there..


Oh how I love going out and driving at night while everyone is sleeping. If I am able to be different, even in the smallest ways, it brings me such joy.
Jul 25, 2012
Forgive me Lord for I know not what I do
I've spent my life acting like a fool
For I do not do the good I want to do

Even if it is just one more line, it fits with the over all theme. I hate writing songs. I hate the way I sound. I hate the simple chords I use. But this is a good way to vent and spend all that negative energy on something constructive. Hopefully something else will pop up soon. I curse you writer's block.


Senior Member
Feb 3, 2010

Here is a little bit from me. About Innocence and Speeding.


Senior Member
Aug 2, 2009
I really wish I could reply to Liamson's awesome vlog up there^ but anyhow...

I assumed tonight would just be another dead-end chat room hopping session but I actually found a room with some really cool peeps in it and had one of the best times ever in chat! ^_^ And....someone actually coaxed me into coming on cam and singing for the first time ever lol. You know who you are! :D :p


Senior Member
Oct 23, 2009
I think I deserve a nice trip.


I come here to CC because I crave the company of humans who are taller than 3 ft. I'm not complaining about my life; God has done amazing things for me. It just gets a little lonely, living where I do away from people anywhere close to my age. My husband is fantastic, but he's got one of those "job" things 5 days a week, and he's gone 10 hours a day.

There is only so much of Sesame Street and the Cat in the Hat a person can take before they start to feel a little bit unreal themselves.

I think, since I've been here (or been back, in my case), I've begun to connect with people; here, they accept my words and thoughts and contributions, and that's what I really have been missing...for people to acknowledge that while yes, I am a mom and wife, I am also still just Cristen, with thoughts and feelings that are entirely my own. Ideas that don't have to do with dinner, or bills, or games or bubbles or diapers.

And if I can keep just a little part of me separate, then I can maintain a shred of sanity, and that ultimately helps me to be a better wife and mother.


Get. Inspired.

I spoke with my mom yesterday about alot of what I have been feeling lately concerning my drive, school, feeling trapped, how I have been writing, all that. She thinks that I am burnt out. 4 years of studying and writing papers, 4 years of having very little money limiting what I can do, 4 years of going into debt without a clear vision of the future. She is concerned that if I continue this last year, I will not try anymore, get poor marks or fail, because my heart is no longer in it. Maybe take 6 months or a year off and come back, she said.

I think she is very right about being burnt out. Aside from primary school, 4 years has been the longest period of time that I have been doing the same thing. The most I've been at a job is 2 1/2 years. The most I lived in the same place (aside from my parents) is 2 1/2 years. I am by nature a person that desires change, to renew herself, searching for fulfillment, searching for something new. God made me that way. I was told from a spiritual adviser on campus, that the desire for change is a blessing, a gift from God. And that it is not a bad thing that I cannot emotionally and mentally work a 9-5 job for 10+ years straight.

I have been at it for 4 years, I think this desire is catching up with me. And everything within me is screaming for change. I don't want to be here anymore. And when I start feeling that way, it is very hard not to feel trapped if I force myself to keep going. It is very hard not to feel emotionally exhausted. If I keep going, it is very hard to apply myself and care about what I am doing.

Sometimes I wonder if the married life will be for me, given this desire for change. Perhaps it is best that I remain unmarried. But that is another subject altogether.

Maybe all I need is 6 months off, or 1 year off, or maybe the summer will renew me enough to keep going.

I asked my mom, as we were about to hang up, if you could give me two words about what I need to do with my life, what would they be? Her reply, Get. Inspired.


Here's something that's been bugging me lately. My workplace always has HLN on in the breakroom, and they've been covering a murder trial extensively. Now, isn't it supposed to be innocent until proven guilty? And yet every person doing the coverage is not only stating that the person on trial is guilty with no question, but they completely smash and do everything in their power to downplay and discredit every defense, despite the fact that some of the defense arguments did check of the crazies?


I have never liked the term "God is my co-pilot!" When I see that on a bumper sticker or something
I think to myself...,"Ahhh no wonder your life's a mess,maybe you should let God be the pilot & switch seats,moron!"
Of course then I am quickly reminded of the giant plank in my own eye,at how many times just on a daily basis I don't even allow God to be my co-pilot,but how I make him sit in coach...heck,even sometimes leave him at the gate to wait for the next flight.
The older I get the more I realize how fast time has come & gone. I'm only 42,but sometimes I feel like I've lived a thousand lives. I look back to when I was a kid & think,how can that be so vivid in my mind,yet it seems like a dream. Where has the time gone? What have I done...what am I doing now? It's very easy for me to get caught up in the blame game. Not blaming others,but blaming myself. I wish at times I could go back,knowing what I know now & make some changes. LOL I'm sure there's not a person in the world that hasn't felt that at least once or twice in their lives.
I really would love to hear the voice of God...I mean like how as a mortal I hear someone else speaking. What would it sound like? Would it terrify me? Is it soothing...reassuring?
I used to have these silly thoughts as a kid,imagining myself somewhere like a McDonalds or something having coffee (yeah I know..strange & a happy meal) just hanging out talking to Jesus,shootin' the breeze. No one but me knew it was him & I'd find it funny 'cause it was like our own little secret,that he was just chillin' with me,not even disguised,but people just had no idea who he was. I'd ask him stuff about dinosaurs,and time travel...and all this stuff about heaven & angels. Of course he never would give me a straight answer...he was always coy with me. LOL I think even in my imagination as a kid I knew my mind was too tiny to comprehend 99.99999999999999999999% of the things God has,can & will do...or what he really is. I think that we have the bible...and that is quite enough for now!
I suppose that's why when we die & leave the physical realm,things will finally be revealed. Our physical versions of our brain,cannot grasp the spiritual,hence taking everything on Faith.
I think I'm soooooooooooooooo deep sometimes. Then I look out the window for 2 seconds & realize how basic I am.
What a strange balance my life is of being a humble narcissist.
Thank God for his longsuffering with me.
I thought this morning,what if all this is a dream..what if there's no heaven or hell? Then I thought,meh..better to be safe than sorry,I'll stick with believing in Jesus,thanks!
42 years old & still thoughts like that pass on thru...sigh.
I think I need some lunch. Prob not a good idea to only drink coffee all day.
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Sometimes... I feel like I'm a big faker, a walking lie, because people take one look at me and assume I'm just like everybody else (aside from being quiet and introverted), that I have common talents and weaknesses, but I just haven't "exercised them" enough. And that may be partly true, but not in the way they think they mean. I feel like I'm wearing a clever "regular person" disguise at times, like I'm fooling everyone without trying...

I wonder why God made me different. Is it because I'm supposed to force my square pegged self into the round hole of society? Am I to master the art of being a big fat faker just to appear half normal? Does God expect me to sell my soul to mankind in order to be a "good Christian"? Seems like an oxymoron that I just can't wrap my head around. So I'm scared to even move at this point.

Does everyone feel this way? Or has everyone just learned to excel at being fake, but are really secretly miserable inside? It's hard for me to tell sometimes.

These are some of the things I ponder to myself a lot.


Senior Member
Oct 4, 2011
How'd they wipe their butts in the garden of eden? Did they just scoot across the ground? Late nights are rough. Are mornings wiser than the evenings or simply more deluded by the sun's promises of a better day? The male gender has a tendency toward self-destruction. He must prove himself to himself. If he does not at least suffer a little he will destroy himself in the end. Trying to keep him from risking his health or suffering a moment in his life turns him into a dog - not a man. It simply ensures his destruction or someone else's. I feel that women do not understand this. When I was a kid I wanted to grow up looking like a fat, old biker with scars on his face and a gray, full beard.


I have faced flying bullets, but stepping out in faith regarding my livelihood is kinda scary. God is pushing me to let go of the old (the safe thing) and begin something new...move on to a new stage of life. Oh well.....He's been surprising me alllllllllllllllllllll of my life and encouraging me to do more than I ever would have dreamed possible...sooooooooooooooo....*step*

(bahahaha @ Aristocat)


Senior Member
Aug 2, 2009
I'm really sleepy. Stayed up til 4am in the chat rooms then got up at 7:30 to drive someone to the doctor's, then got home just now (12 noon). Thank God for caffeinated diet soda :p


Senior Member
Oct 23, 2009
My mind is racing, but my heart is calm. Thank you, Jesus.


I used to keep a blog. I deleted it last week. This is the 2nd time I have deleted it.
Both times I was fairly faithful to write on it daily,or at least bi-weekly.
This last year was a mess. So much pain...lots of sarcasm...just a huge mess that is me.
I created the blog as sort of a journal really. No one would ever read it but a handful of friends,so what did I care?
Maybe I'll start one via CC. This will keep me in check from using profanity.
I like to use profanity in funny ways...not really as for when I'm upset.
I'm not justifying it. Just keeping it real.
I never liked typing..or computers until I was out of work for 6 months & basically housebound.
I was in a car accident in my twenties & I had a broken hand for that 6 left hand of course.
To pass the time I borrowed my Mom's electric typewriter & began to write poems,stories,thoughts...2 fingers at a time.
I still type that way. I can out type anyone with 2 fingers.
I am proud of this.
I can't believe tomorrow is Friday already & that the year is flying by.
My Mom said to me when I was a kid...once you hit 18 life is gonna go by so quick,you won't know what hit you.
I laughed at her.
Turns out she was right.
She ended up being right about a lot of things.
I am pathetic lately.
Anytime I think about her I start to tear up.
I hate crying.
I blame having to put my dog to sleep for that. Having to make that choice was the most heartbreaking thing I've ever done.
I never could relate to pet owners who'd drone on & on about how they had to put their pet asleep or losing their pet. I would think in my head.."what the heck dude...? it's an animal,it's not like yer' kid died."
I was always.
I felt so sick. Keep spending thousands of dollars on an animal who cannot be cured & is in pain or kill him?
Wonderful options.
It took me about 3 months to stop blaming myself for that.
To this day I cannot watch anything (especially with dogs) where the animal gets abused.
I can,but it get's me so angry,and then sad.
I AM LEGEND. The scene where his dog got bit & infected and was going to change & mutate. Him having to kill her,in his arms...that scene destroys me completely every time I see it. Brings me back to the day at the vets.
Guess mankind is just one big murdering machine.
I thank God for his mercy,but we so deserve nothing but death.
Amazing to think Jesus has taken all that we deserve...the pain,the horrors of all the atrocities we've committed & are yet to commit against one another & the planet,bore them upon himself...just because...just because he could!
Amazing grace,how sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me.


right now I'm looking out at the pond that has gathered water ..
Thinking " I think I'd like to speak with a blind person who has never seen the world as I see it "
I wish I could spend some time traveling in the seatbelt of Their mind ..
I think of all the things I've given labels too, as I look at the grass, water, birds, everything ..
to stop and think " they have no concept of what green looks like, or have ever known the whiteness in a cloud... seen a rainbow or colors in a sunset. Theyll never know their pure innocence of making someone's eye sparkle or what a crush or blush looks like ..Or ever in this lifetime , see what dirt on their hands or clothes
Looks like ...
I'm thinking. I'm pretty blessed , as I stop and really try to wrap my mind around all of it . but I can't help but think of all the natural blessings they've received because of it ...