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Is taking responsibility really such a big deal? Why does checking your own work have to be so hard, and why must I do it for you? I know you are capable of handling it, but somehow i've become "your" guy to check your problems. *sigh* It is Friday though.
I have venture through posts where people are depressed..this use to be a painful experience for me to read about, observe... I have learned that in my own ability to help them go from a laying down position to sitting up ,to standing up , to walking ... There isn't much time before they fall down again.. sometimes further then where I first found them ..
the healing in them comes from me not helping them in the sitting up process , the standing up or the waking , it comes from another source .. Not me .. I'm simply there to remind them of what they are not doing , and that is to call out, grasp out, an reach out for God... Being Alone in such a state myselfanyany years ago, way back in highschool.. Sonmany people came , helped me sit up, helped me get out of bed.. Helped me to get dressed and helped me to walk . However it did nothing for the condition my soul was in ..after they left , i would fall right back and sometimes further onto my state, i never left the state I was in, it went with me.. with people who didn't recognize what was happening .. Nor did I..
it was sort of like a domino affect really .. I'd get up and fall on the shoulders of another until the weight got to heavy for them to handle .. Dropping me off no matter where I landed .. as I read these posts .. I see the other side I've where I've come from.. I too, want to do as so Many tried to do for me ..but as I read I can't help but think . As I look back from where I came ...what did I need most back then ? It wasn't somebody putting their hands on me or say" get up It will be okay"
Nor did the passer bys scoffs in their own state of ugly affairs help .. no, what I needed was a gentle reminder .. Someone to tell me the truths as God had told them.. to bring a hope to two listening ears that wanted to hear anything other than " stop acting like that, be the change you wish to see, what change? I don't see any I wish to be like .. At that time I had Lheard about Jesus , but knowing what I know now, I never really heard the truth .. Just knowledge of other people's truth.. Everyone different, none the same .. Anyway .. I was just thinkin upon this as I read through prayer requests ..and now want to be a different kind of light in that type of darkness.. I've been there , I know what that cell and those chains feel like ..
I know how close to death I wanted to be .. So as I read through them today .. what's the best thing to say, looking while my brothers and sisters are on the ground? pass by their cries? not look at their reaching hands for something to grasp onto?
Whats best for them? Not what's best for me to feel like I've done something ..But, what is their need? anyone can stroll by and throw words in a basket to a begger who is writhering in suffering and pain.. Caused by a lack of the same condition I know well.. A separation from a god I knew about , but really knew nothing about Him at all.. Not personally anyway .. Is this what hell looks like? I'm here in a Christian chat room .. and hell is standing right beside me with people actually in it... I just choose to look the other way.. Pretend that I can joke with them enough , encourage them enough..and really.. I can do nothing for them ... I'd like to stay and play in threads but the threads of those souls coming undone .. Draw my attention more.. I feel helpless knowing what is to be done is so simple for them .. but it's about them and God .. getting quiet enough, still enough, helpless enough , shattered enough to even think of God as a last resort to cry out to.. I've been there enough too.. so .... Am I helping or hurting someone struggling in their cacoon? I can't help but stand outside of it, listening to its striggle within.. putting my ear up to it when it gets quiet .. listening for a heartbeat.a breathe... A beat of A soul..
it's like watching a death and a birth at the same time happening ..
the labor pains of it and the joy of it have a very fine tune ..
Sorry I know that was a flood ..
Seems there's a lot of swimming room in the deep pools of God.. Wich leads me to think about the shallow waters ..
Do floods occur because there's more in the shallow areas and less in the deep?
or is it because we are afraid of the deep and feel safer in the shallows? The things that should be less recognizable to us have become more recognizable rather than the other way around? ..
sorry, I had a spurt left in me
I've always wondered why some people HAVE to have all the answers about God and the Bible. I mean, I understand discussing it, but when people start fighting each other...how is that leading them to an answer? I'm pretty okey dokey with not knowing for sure exactly how or why God did something. I actually like the mystery, and picking every detail apart just takes away from the miraculousness for me.
Back from the bank. I really didn't want to go out today. Wanted to have a pity party & whine about my back,whilst puttering around the house all day. So funny that I had to force myself to do things. Pathetic.
I said.."ugh..Lord...just help me bite the bullet & gimmie some strength dude."
"I'VE GIVEN YOU STRENGTH JAMES...RECEIVE IT. IT'S YOURS.ALWAYS HAS BEEN....DUDE."
My Jesus talks to me in a way I can relate to.
Even though I was only born in California & had left there as a baby to grow up the majority of my life in NY...somehow,"DUDE" managed to work it's way into my vocab. Do people in Cali even still say "DUDE"????
Would native Californians openly mock me if they heard me use that word?
I wonder if I will ever have a stove again?
There is something comforting about the sound of clothes in the dryer.
Since I got rid of cable tv 3 months ago I have no idea what's going on in the news. I'm too lazy to even read the news feed when I check my email.
I feel like I don't have much of anything meaningful to say most of the time.
Much of it tends to be jibberish.
I got a package today from a dear friend. I thought she'd only be sending me a note with a check to cover a book she had borrowed and then lost, but not only was there that, but she also sent me a bag of candy and a big picture frame with a couple of pictures of our time together last summer. We met for the first time last summer and she was only there with me for 2 weeks, but we clicked instantly and became very close. I was so touched, that she had put in time and effort to send me something like that when she really didn't have to. It was nice to get mail besides bills, first of all, and second of all it was so sweet. It totally made my day.
Dinner dinner dinner what shall I have for dinner.... I've decided to eat by candle light tonight .. WHY NOT!! After that I'm
Going to put some wood in my chimenea, grab a blanket and watch the stars .., in fact I might just eat my meal outside by that ...I need to do something different ...
Whoa! Umm... everything OK there? <hands you his authentic katana) Based on some of your posts, I think you will have much more fun with that. ;-) I wouldn't recommend using it on the bag though... unless you have a spare. lol