Streams of Consciousness & Thoughts~~~

[Markum1972]

My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?
Yet I know that you have not forsaken me even in my most troubling hour.
How could I have become so tricked and blinded to the truth? How could I have been so deceived and not seen past the many lies? What wisdom did I forsake that caused me to stumble into that pit?
Will it be only you, Lord, that I will ever trust all of the days of my life?
If so, then how am I ever able to establish relationships with others?
Did you not say that it is not good that the man be alone?
Is it then your Holy Spirit that is to be my only comforter and my only helper?
Am I not strong enough to serve no other before you? For this is my desire and if it be necessary that I walk only with you, then so be it. Not my will but your will be done. Yet I do not know if this is your will. Only that I am willing to sacrifice all for you, Lord.
Will you not stop me from making this sacrifice beforehand, like with Abraham? Even so, I know that you are able to even raise the very dead. So then, I will do as I see fit to give my whole self to you and put my full trust in you to keep me in your ways.

That is about as personal and transparent as I think I can get and is more than I was actually comfortable sharing. Not sure how many others can relate in some way. Maybe I should have posted to the "Being Different" thread (I have been wanting to post more there), but maybe I am not so alone in this as I think.

 

[shae0104]

u aren't and I won't apologize for responding

My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?
Yet I know that you have notsaken me even in my most troubling hour.
How could I have become so tricked and blinded to the truth? How could I have been so deceived and not seen past the many lies? What wisdom did I forsake that caused me to stumble into that pit?
Will it be only you, Lord, that I will ever trust all of the days of my life?
If so, then how am I ever able to establish relationships with others?
Did you not say that it is not good that the man be alone?
Is it then your Holy Spirit that is to be my only comforter and my only helper?
Am I not strong enough to serve no other before you? For this is my desire and if it be necessary that I walk only with you, then so be it. Not my will but your will be done. Yet I do not know if this is your will. Only that I am willing to sacrifice all for you, Lord.
Will you not stop me from making this sacrifice beforehand, like with Abraham? Even so, I know that you are able to even raise the very dead. So then, I will do as I see fit to give my whole self to you and put my full trust in you to keep me in your ways.

That is about as personal and transparent as I think I can get and is more than I was actually comfortable sharing. Not sure how many others can relate in some way. Maybe I should have posted to the "Being Different" thread (I have been wanting to post more there), but maybe I am not so alone in this as I think.

 

[wisebeardman]

I've wondered how I'll actually do as a nurse. I fear causing someone harm and I especially fear working with mostly women. Womenz be cray cray!

women can be totally wonkers...... so can dudes >_>

I could never do anything in the medical stuff.... to much blood and guts and poo.

 

[arwen83]

This is so tedious! Aaaah, I am going crazy! So close to being done this essay. SO DONE! I just don't care anymore. I don't care. Keep going arwen, keep going. God, give me the strength to finish this tonight.

 

[jimmydiggs]

why did my dust bunny collection turn into a bean bag chair?

 

[zeroturbulence]

Ahhh finally had a decent workout after having injured my knee several days ago. I took it real easy on the elliptical, half worried that I was going to end up aggravating my injury. Still not able to lift as much or go as hard as I used to before all the interruptions started (illnesses, injuries) but it was enough to leave me feeling like I accomplished a lot. Now I'm hungry.

 

[rachelsedge]

Why do I have this "need" to be liked? To be noticed? Not in a center-of-attention way, but in a I-see-you (non-creepy) way.

Those who have read The Circle Series (Black, Red, White, Green) by Ted Dekker, I can't remember which book exactly, but a part that really, really hit my heart for some reason was when Thomas was in the water, and the voice (God) said something like "Thomas. I see you. I love you." Christ ALWAYS sees me. Sometimes I wish He wouldn't, but yet...it's so comforting to know that He always sees me. I never leave His sight. I don't have to look or act a certain way to be seen by Him, to catch His attention. As if I ever strayed from His sight.

Who am I trying to impress? Why do I care so much? Isn't Christ's standards and my relationship with Him the most important? Why do some things seem to matter so much?

On an unrelated, totally opposite end of the spectrum note, why must YouTube insist on constantly changing?!

 

[Searching4Truth]

We have enough to just get by.
Hallelujah.

 

[paulr]

I should be studying now...have an exam day after....but somehow not feeling to leave CC for now.

 

[DuchessAimee]

I'm gonna ramble.

When people ask questions, I tend to answer. Even when they're rhetorical, I have an answer for them. I may not be the correct one, but honestly, it usually is. Since I was a teenager people have come up to me (even strangers) and started telling me about their problems. I've held strangers as they've cried telling me about what's going on in their life. And I've offered them comfort, truth, and wisdom when I could. But I struggle to let someone do that for me. It's not that I don't want people like that in my life, but I'm picky. I'm extremely careful in who I confide in. Even with facebook! I'm watchful what I post, who I friend/let friend me, pics that are posted, people I interact with. See, I grew up with people that used me. I could play piano, I could sing, I was artistic, I was smart, I was from a certain type of family. So I learned that everyone wanted something, but no one wanted me. And for a long time I thought that was how life worked. You used me, I used you. That was the way the world was, and I was very much in the world. But things are different now. I'm different now.


Yesterday, while talking to my best friend, she asked me about my Myers Briggs personality type. I told her I was an INTJ and we began to talk about how it fit me. I began to think about how INTJ's trust people. Once you have my loyalty, you've got it. I will cheer you on, encourage you, defend you, love you, take care of you, and not think twice about it, but I will watch to make sure you don't go off the reservation. There's always a part of me that's held in reserve. It's not like I can't trust people, it's just that I'm very careful. I don't think that's bad either. Solomon tells us to be gentle like doves and as wise as serpents.


And I don't see why people hold me in such high regard. I'm just some chick in california who's bound and determined to become a nurse. I'm just me.


I've got two finals tomorrow, it's almost 11pm, and I've just finished reading 1 John. I'm wondering if I should move to 2 John or Galatians. Maybe Romans. Romans is my favorite.

 

[DuchessAimee]

Sometimes I hate that I can see through people and all their... sometimes I wish I didn't know.

 

[arwen83]

I talk big a lot. I am always one foot out the door, ready to get on a plane. Ready to leave this place. But have to stay because I don't have the money available. If only I had abundance of money right now, I would just screw it all and go take a plane somewhere. To be completely honest, if I had the money, I would probably come up with another reason not to go. I am overly idealistic, and too scared to actually make a move. It's all talk. And I wish it weren't so. Maybe it will be different one day.

 

[DuchessAimee]

I'm hungry, which is really inconvenient. Instead of going to the store today, I studied. I should have gone to the store too. I could go now, but the 24 hour store isn't in the best part of town. Although it wouldn't be the first time I went to that store at 2 am. But I also have to get up in 5 hours to get ready for my finals tomorrow. Nah. Nix the store. I'm going to bed. Good night people of CC.

 

[iTOREtheSKY]

It's 4:53 am on the east coast for me right now. As always I have been up & down most of the night. My back has been killing me tonight. No amount of Alieve stops the spasms.
I don't have the $$$ to get this stuff checked out. Besides,everytime I go to the doctors they can never find out what's wrong with me.
"Gee,Jim we we've just taken 100 gallons of your blood,cut you open,x-rayed yer' whole body,run every test known to man...everything's fine,but we have no clue as to why your oxygen level hovers at 70% most of the time,or why you have been in pain for the past 20 yrs..can we have our money now?"
I need you Dr. Jesus!
My coffee is ready.
One of my friends finds it strange that I always brew an entire pot,even when it's just me alone.
Habits die hard (with a vengeance,part 8)
I would never want to physically lose an eye,yet I find people who wear an eye patch fascinating.
I don't know why it bothers me,it just does. Maybe I am just nosey,but it drives me crazy when someone who was a chrisitan either backslides or just turns away completely & renounces their faith,and never tells why.
This particularly annoys me when it's a musician.
I even wrote to one asking why he was so vague in interviews about what made him stop writing about God & basically turn away from the faith. Never got a response.
I feel like a failure in almost 70% of the things that I do...I just never talk about it.
Even when I was considered to be in a leadership role at my old church,I always felt I was the weakest link.
This coffee is good.
5:16 am now.
I want to go somewhere with someone and do nothing.
Jurassic Park in 3D opens today. I admit I am tempted to buy into the hype,but will it be worth the $14???
I almost think I'd rather see the Evil Dead re-make.
I know I won't go to either. Both are opening day films & to be honest I hate filled theaters. If I were rich I would have my own personal home theater like those goofball sports people on MTV Cribs have & never use.
I would use mine.
Only 6 friends over at once.
You get beaten & kicked out if you talk through the film.
That's not very loving,Jim!
I think I need to browse another thread.
- Selah

 

[leelee]

My hand really hurts....I feel so stupid for it even getting hurt, I am so frustrated and disappointed with myself. I am not sure how I am going to pay my bills with no wages. Stupid hand. My bruises are sort of a pretty blue/purple colour. Wisebeardmans post made me lol, too much poo indeed. I need to have something to eat so I can take my painkillers. I wish I could go to work today, I really like that ward and feel bad for letting them down.

 

[Ugly]

This music has some weird sounds. I wonder how they do that.I don't want to drive 25 miles again this week, to see the doctor. I want to go to sleep. I want my laptop screen fixed. I hope i'm not really tired tonight at my dads b-day party. Wow, that's an even weirder sound than the other song. *mind goes blank

 

[leelee]

Having not injured my hand for about 10 years I have never realised how much you use it, it is of course my dominant hand and I have discovered many thing very difficult, feeding my pets was one. Cooking is another one. Living by myself down here means I don't really get help and when I did call on my friends help they were all too "busy". Which makes me wonder, am I spiteful enough to refuse to help them the next time they ask?

This is nice, I have many rambling weird thought. Not so much today as I seem to be very focus on the pain in my hand. But normally, like would cockroach shell make the best coating for a spaceship?

 

[Ugly]

sobieski....

 

[Ugly]

me love you long time. (for those of you who saw this in the other thread, its stuck in my head now.)

 

[MissCris]

I hate new situations. Anything I haven't done before scares me to death, and if I know ahead of time that I'm going to have to go it alone, I spend that time freaking out. I'm fine if someone is there to "hold my hand". I'm fine the next time I have to do (whatever it is).

I'm so tired of people making "constructive" comments about everything I do. When you have kids, suddenly everybody has advice to offer, whether you asked for it or not (I didn't). My kids are fine, thankyouverymuch, now shh and stop telling me I need to do everything different.

My sister is a soul-sucker. Every time I talk to her, she's so negative and critical of EV.ER.Y. thing that by the time I'm done, I feel like I've been hit by 6 trains and steam-rolled. And I can't bring myself to tell her to get her own life and stay out of mine, because I'm a door mat. Not even a cool door mat that says something like "Go Away!", but more like...a chunk of astroturf.

I wish I stood up for myself more often.