Well I wasn't always like this. I used to be the opposite of what I am now. It's just the last several years have taken its toll on me and all that negative stuff from my past seems to be how it started. As I get older, I'm losing my will to fight on and all I want to do is lay down and wait til God takes me home. I try to put on a 'normal face' for everyone to see, but it's hard to do that anymore because people around are often insensitive.
Anyway, it's complicated... I'm afraid to go back to work because of the horrible experience I went through on my last job. I was bullied and shunned by everyone even my boss and I gave 110% because I told myself I was working for God (but I never discussed religion with them). They were a clique and they simply didn't want me, plus there was a big age difference.
Also, I have no marketable skills anymore. I can't go back into pharmacy because now I'm very forgetful and have trouble thinking sometimes. On top of that, I worry about my mom. Her and my dad were both retired and spent all their time together. Now that he's gone, she's alone. I try to do little things to make her happy but I can't be around her too much because we don't get along. She's always contradicting anything I say about anything and she's always criticizing me. There's more but I've said more than i probably should already...
I miss Pennsylvania.