Streams of Consciousness & Thoughts~~~

[Fenner]

Ugly, I don't come on here much anymore but when I'm back I'm glad to see you posting, it's like a familiar sense that a maybe not a super close friend, but a friend that yeah maybe he say's stuff I wouldn't, but I like him anyway friend.

I can relate to some of what you post, I have never been an overly confident person and I can have some pretty bad anxiety. Like you said, when things are good, it's in the back of your mind that thing's might be bad again. I recently read The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath. An old book but a good one. She described life with depression like living in a bell jar, you can see the good and you so desperately want to live it and feel it, but you can't . When I've been depressed I've had people say, well snap out of it, wish it was that easy. When I go through it I literally feel like I can't focus and my head is in the clouds. I can head you, I can see you, I will smile for you and give you a that a boy, but like you said it can feel fake.

But back to you, I just want you to know you're not alone.
A

 

[LittleBit1987]

So, ontop of everything I personally have going on in my life... My best friend her dad passed away this morning, she has family... But I'm the only one who actually gives a flip about her and her kids. She's been my best friend for years... And I can't even be there for her during this difficult time...

Life just sucks. Period.

 

[shineyourlight]

The awkward moment I was sitting in a coffee shop doing my homework and a guy approached me as he was leaving and said, "I was going to hit on you, but then you pulled out a Macbook," and he walked out the door.

 

[MollyConnor]

The awkward moment I was sitting in a coffee shop doing my homework and a guy approached me as he was leaving and said, "I was going to hit on you, but then you pulled out a Macbook," and he walked out the door.

Who needs condescending guys like that anyway...

 

[melita916]

The awkward moment I was sitting in a coffee shop doing my homework and a guy approached me as he was leaving and said, "I was going to hit on you, but then you pulled out a Macbook," and he walked out the door.

stuff like this never happens to me.

then again, if i'm not at work or church, i'm at home living the hermit life. lol.

 

[MollyConnor]

stuff like this never happens to me.

then again, if i'm not at work or church, i'm at home living the hermit life. lol.

I'm a hermit too! It's too hot to go outside.

 

[zeroturbulence]

So, ontop of everything I personally have going on in my life... My best friend her dad passed away this morning, she has family... But I'm the only one who actually gives a flip about her and her kids. She's been my best friend for years... And I can't even be there for her during this difficult time...

Life just sucks. Period.

Oh that's horrible. Sorry for you and you're friend, Littlebit.

 

[cinder]

It's really tough being a person whose mental and emotional status isn't consistent....

Well, I've been wondering how you are doing (and feeling like a bad friend because I haven't even taken the time to drop a PM and ask). Sounds like you're dealing with a lot of perfectionism and feeling like you aren't good enough, but not necessarily having an achievable (or even realistic) idea of what good enough is, and a lot of discouragement, heartbreak, and isolation on top of that. Some observations I would like to share though (and feel free to skip if you don't want to hear them):

I think I've learned that both apathy and being on an emotional hair trigger are both normal reactions to being stressed (and you've got enough stress for a whole city full of people). It doesn't make you a bad person (or a bad Christian) to have limits on how much you can take. And it doesn't make you an any worse than normal person to be short tempered, grouchy, rude, or jerky when you're under such emotional stress. Just makes you normal. And your true friends and those who care about you understand that, and they will keep coming back. It's just really hard to believe anyone likes you when you don't like yourself very much at the moment.

But as to being honest about yourself, you left part of it out. You're someone who finds the courage to get up every day and face the world even though it's likely to be a day filled with pain and frustration. You're someone who retains enough compassion that rather than constantly complain about your circumstances you seek to advise others with the wisdom you have so they can make their lives better. You're someone who has found that it's a lot easier to know the right thing to do than to do it, but you've avoided the coward's way out of self justification. You're no more hypocrite than the rest of us at that; none of us consistently follow our own advice.

But to pass on some advice that helped me: When I first got back from overseas, I didn't want to talk to God because it seemed like he'd already asked a lot and if I stopped to listen he'd just ask me to give more and I felt like I didn't have anything left and wasn't willing to even try to do anything more. My re-entry counselor finally challenged me to just take 5 minutes a day to ask God what he wanted to say to me and listen, not what he wanted me to do next, but just what he wanted to say. She also had me read the book One Thousand gifts (which I found horribly fluffy and unrelatable) but that did challenge me to try to find just one thing a day that could be a spot of good and that I could be thankful for (and yes there were definitely repeats).

Anyway, non touchy feely equivalent of hugs for you, and if you ever want to talk or just get stuff out or whatever do feel free to PM me (just don't take that I don't know what to say that might help as me not caring).

 

[AbigailZeke]

I'm a hermit too! It's too hot to go outside.

The hermit life isn't so bad! On my days off, I really just sit quietly in my bedroom, read a book, drink hot tea while video calling my family. And let the day go by, and I consider it time well spent.

 

[Roh_Chris]

I can never lead a hermit life. At the most, I can do it for half a day if I am really tired. But after that, I gotta step outside and do something.

I'm curious to know.. what are your MBTI personality types_

 

[shineyourlight]

I can never lead a hermit life. At the most, I can do it for half a day if I am really tired. But after that, I gotta step outside and do something.

I'm curious to know.. what are your MBTI personality types_

ESTJ ftw.....

 

[zeroturbulence]

I am 95% introvert... that's all you need to know..

 

[cinder]

I'm the most introverted person you'll ever meet, except you won't meet me because I'm staying at home.

 

[AbigailZeke]

I can never lead a hermit life. At the most, I can do it for half a day if I am really tired. But after that, I gotta step outside and do something.

I'm curious to know.. what are your MBTI personality types_

It changes lol. Long ago, I was INTJ, then became an ENFP, then INFJ. Now, ISFJ.

I give up on personality types.

 

[MollyConnor]

I just took a test on it and it says I'm INFJ-T.

Advocate personality.

 

[melita916]

I don't remember which one i am.

I do remember the test i took had a list of fictional characters matching my personality test. The only one I remember is Hannibal Lecter :/ lol

 

[MollyConnor]

I don't remember which one i am.

I do remember the test i took had a list of fictional characters matching my personality test. The only one I remember is Hannibal Lecter :/ lol

I got Rose from Titanic and Aragon from LOTR.

 

[shineyourlight]

It changes lol. Long ago, I was INTJ, then became an ENFP, then INFJ. Now, ISFJ.

I give up on personality types.

When I was studying to be a life coach, the woman who trained me fully believes that your personality cannot change. I disagree with her wholeheartedly.

I definitely agree with you - it does change.

 

[shineyourlight]

Disney Character Myer's Briggs Personality Types!

Which ones are ya?

https://ohmy.disney.com/movies/2014/04/14/what-is-your-disney-personality-type/

 

[Roh_Chris]

ESTJ ftw.....

Heh heh..

I'm the most introverted person you'll ever meet, except you won't meet me because I'm staying at home.

Introverts are very interesting people. It takes a lot to get them to open up. I think introverts make lifelong friends.

It changes lol. Long ago, I was INTJ, then became an ENFP, then INFJ. Now, ISFJ.

I give up on personality types.

Personality types keep changing! It's completely acceptable. Knowing your MBTI type will help others understand you better.

ZeroT and Molly - noted.