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first, i'm so glad that you had such a great time last night. it was lovely to hear it. sometimes, having fun is the very best thing for us. and you certainly deserved that time.
i am also going to acknowledge that i recall you were lamenting about even going. see? sometimes we just have to go and push ourselves out the door (myself included!). and i'm so glad that you did just that.
second, i spent some time in prayer for you, your mom, and your family this a.m.
you are all in my thoughts and prayers, dear one.
*hugs evs*
i am also going to acknowledge that i recall you were lamenting about even going. see? sometimes we just have to go and push ourselves out the door (myself included!). and i'm so glad that you did just that.
second, i spent some time in prayer for you, your mom, and your family this a.m.
you are all in my thoughts and prayers, dear one.
*hugs evs*
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I'm so happy there are still decent people on this earth, who respect God and others. They view you as a person, with ideas, morals, opinions, etc; and not as a dead object used for nothing other than their every whim. They keep people believing there's someone who cares, no matter what you've done or said to them. You can tell them anything and they'll think no less of you in the end; they're always trying to encourage you to do better, even when you don't listen to them. It's these people that you just can't help caring about and trying to give them the same beautiful respect they give you.
To all the decent people I know, I love you! Please don't ever change your openness, you're willingness to learn, to love, to encourage, and overall brighten other people's lives. We all need a little brightness because today's world is so dark. You're wonderful, and there's not end to the gratitude in my heart for the priceless privilege that God gave me in knowing you.
To all the decent people I know, I love you! Please don't ever change your openness, you're willingness to learn, to love, to encourage, and overall brighten other people's lives. We all need a little brightness because today's world is so dark. You're wonderful, and there's not end to the gratitude in my heart for the priceless privilege that God gave me in knowing you.
We've all done that I think. I've had oatmeal for dinner two nights in a row now. I make the husband and kids something to eat and I have oatmeal. I know oatmeal isn't bad for you or anything, but I think we all just sometimes feel like not doing anything really difficult. I have to buy some more fish.
M
I just drove nearly 20 miles to a big electronics store to return something, only to find out that I had forgotten to put that 'something' back in its box. At least I remembered the receipt. 
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My Daughter has been on a roll lately. This morning she wanted to go to Build A Bear, we're not going to Build A Bear. It's expensive and yeah, it's expensive. Anyhow she was all mortified about it, so I said to her, you know what? You're a lucky girl, you have a good family that loves you, food a home, and to much stuff. So she said to me, I am a poor girl, no one ever listens to me.
Oh my gosh the drama.
Oh my gosh the drama.
I just drove nearly 20 miles to a big electronics store to return something, only to find out that I had forgotten to put that 'something' back in its box. At least I remembered the receipt.
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On an unrelated note, I think I need to head to Fry's . . .
I
Hi all!
I really really really tried to go back & read the last 3 or so weeks of streams posts that I missed,but ummm...my attention span today is that of a gnat. (or something really tiny & pointless as such)
Thanks for the prayers,those of you who have kept me in your thoughts. It's been an insane past 3 weeks. The first nearly 2 of those being pretty amazing,but of course this is my life we're talking about here,and I just can't have nice thing's. lol Srsly though,I only have myself to blame this time around with the mess I had to deal with. Of course there was one incredibly insane factor that I never saw coming that prompted all this misery,yet still,in the end I only have myself to blame. I can't point the finger at other's for my pain or sadness or anger. I want to. But truth be told you obviously cannot sin "a little" and think that you will walk away from it w/out some sort of scratches & bumps.
I really can't get all into everything right now,and I'm not sure if I ever will. (at least publicly) Maybe a few select peeps one on one whom I trust not to be gossipers...not because I care what other's think of me so much,as it would be to "protect" other parties.
I would like to say that God is faithful,even in the midst of the insanity and deep sadness...I never "felt" Him once this past week,but I know w/out a doubt,if not for many of you here & other's praying for me,I sure;y would have ended my life.
Yes I was that utterly crushed & confused. I admit it. I'm not ashamed to say for one second that if I knew with certainty that an attempt to kill myself would have had 100% result in ending my life,I would have!
I'm not the type who is ultra doom & gloom,or woe is me typically. I haven't been that sort of person since I was a teen.
I was just in a very bad place...very dark...very hopeless. The past 2 years have been a nightmare. I thought somehow that maybe all of that was leading to something good finally in my life. Maybe it was. Maybe I just should have used wisdom & trusted God to be God & not give in to my flesh. (I don't even mean in the carnal/sexual way either) I mean giving in to "the wisdom of Jim" Yeah. Wis-DOOM,more like it. I'm not stupid. I know that you can't mix a little sin with God's word & think you will be blessed. Idiocy,right? Yes!!!! ...but,yeah I guess I thought God would give me a pass...yanno...just 'cause He knew my heart was "pure". He doesn't work like that...never has. He's consistent,and I am not.
All in God's timing. Sound's cliche'...still looks silly even to type it,but still TRUTH. I'm pretty broken. Emotionally,physically,and mentally exhausted right now. I've always tried to be open & up front with all of you here. Tried to be as "real" as I can be w/out hurting people's feeling's or sounding like a big fat drama queen,or whining like a spoiled kid. I have failed on all accounts many times,but I guess I still have to just try...keep pressing on...keep just being myself. (though I'm not even sure what or who that is anymore)
Again,thank you for all the prayers,concern & love that many of you have shown me since I've been a member here. No words can describe what you all mean to me.
Just a warning...for those of you who have me as yer' FB friend,you may see or have seen some thing's posted by some of my other friends (Christian and unsaved)..you may be seeing me post a few comments in a joking or sarcastic banter concerning my recent ordeal. Plz don't be offended. I will try to keep the swearing to a minimum. laughing my buns off..er..uh...(that's a joke...kinda)
I really really really tried to go back & read the last 3 or so weeks of streams posts that I missed,but ummm...my attention span today is that of a gnat. (or something really tiny & pointless as such)
Thanks for the prayers,those of you who have kept me in your thoughts. It's been an insane past 3 weeks. The first nearly 2 of those being pretty amazing,but of course this is my life we're talking about here,and I just can't have nice thing's. lol Srsly though,I only have myself to blame this time around with the mess I had to deal with. Of course there was one incredibly insane factor that I never saw coming that prompted all this misery,yet still,in the end I only have myself to blame. I can't point the finger at other's for my pain or sadness or anger. I want to. But truth be told you obviously cannot sin "a little" and think that you will walk away from it w/out some sort of scratches & bumps.
I really can't get all into everything right now,and I'm not sure if I ever will. (at least publicly) Maybe a few select peeps one on one whom I trust not to be gossipers...not because I care what other's think of me so much,as it would be to "protect" other parties.
I would like to say that God is faithful,even in the midst of the insanity and deep sadness...I never "felt" Him once this past week,but I know w/out a doubt,if not for many of you here & other's praying for me,I sure;y would have ended my life.
Yes I was that utterly crushed & confused. I admit it. I'm not ashamed to say for one second that if I knew with certainty that an attempt to kill myself would have had 100% result in ending my life,I would have!
I'm not the type who is ultra doom & gloom,or woe is me typically. I haven't been that sort of person since I was a teen.
I was just in a very bad place...very dark...very hopeless. The past 2 years have been a nightmare. I thought somehow that maybe all of that was leading to something good finally in my life. Maybe it was. Maybe I just should have used wisdom & trusted God to be God & not give in to my flesh. (I don't even mean in the carnal/sexual way either) I mean giving in to "the wisdom of Jim" Yeah. Wis-DOOM,more like it. I'm not stupid. I know that you can't mix a little sin with God's word & think you will be blessed. Idiocy,right? Yes!!!! ...but,yeah I guess I thought God would give me a pass...yanno...just 'cause He knew my heart was "pure". He doesn't work like that...never has. He's consistent,and I am not.
All in God's timing. Sound's cliche'...still looks silly even to type it,but still TRUTH. I'm pretty broken. Emotionally,physically,and mentally exhausted right now. I've always tried to be open & up front with all of you here. Tried to be as "real" as I can be w/out hurting people's feeling's or sounding like a big fat drama queen,or whining like a spoiled kid. I have failed on all accounts many times,but I guess I still have to just try...keep pressing on...keep just being myself. (though I'm not even sure what or who that is anymore)
Again,thank you for all the prayers,concern & love that many of you have shown me since I've been a member here. No words can describe what you all mean to me.
Just a warning...for those of you who have me as yer' FB friend,you may see or have seen some thing's posted by some of my other friends (Christian and unsaved)..you may be seeing me post a few comments in a joking or sarcastic banter concerning my recent ordeal. Plz don't be offended. I will try to keep the swearing to a minimum. laughing my buns off..er..uh...(that's a joke...kinda)