Streams of Consciousness & Thoughts~~~

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lil_christian

lil_christian

Senior Member
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Mar 14, 2010
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Fenner said:
Yuck, lilchristian. I totally just slept all night. :)
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I had so much fun, though! It was something called a Rock-A-Thon. My youth group basically rocked in rocking chairs for 12 hours (with a 5 minute break every hour). We did this to raise funds for church camp. Everyone was really laid back and we got to just take the time and talk to each other and get to know some new people a bit better and got to hang out with others I already know pretty well. :)
 
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kenthomas27

Guest
#13,665
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iTOREtheSKY said:
Hi all!
I really really really tried to go back & read the last 3 or so weeks of streams posts that I missed,but ummm...my attention span today is that of a gnat. (or something really tiny & pointless as such)

Thanks for the prayers,those of you who have kept me in your thoughts. It's been an insane past 3 weeks. The first nearly 2 of those being pretty amazing,but of course this is my life we're talking about here,and I just can't have nice thing's. lol Srsly though,I only have myself to blame this time around with the mess I had to deal with. Of course there was one incredibly insane factor that I never saw coming that prompted all this misery,yet still,in the end I only have myself to blame. I can't point the finger at other's for my pain or sadness or anger. I want to. But truth be told you obviously cannot sin "a little" and think that you will walk away from it w/out some sort of scratches & bumps.

I really can't get all into everything right now,and I'm not sure if I ever will. (at least publicly) Maybe a few select peeps one on one whom I trust not to be gossipers...not because I care what other's think of me so much,as it would be to "protect" other parties.

I would like to say that God is faithful,even in the midst of the insanity and deep sadness...I never "felt" Him once this past week,but I know w/out a doubt,if not for many of you here & other's praying for me,I sure;y would have ended my life.
Yes I was that utterly crushed & confused. I admit it. I'm not ashamed to say for one second that if I knew with certainty that an attempt to kill myself would have had 100% result in ending my life,I would have!
I'm not the type who is ultra doom & gloom,or woe is me typically. I haven't been that sort of person since I was a teen.
I was just in a very bad place...very dark...very hopeless. The past 2 years have been a nightmare. I thought somehow that maybe all of that was leading to something good finally in my life. Maybe it was. Maybe I just should have used wisdom & trusted God to be God & not give in to my flesh. (I don't even mean in the carnal/sexual way either) I mean giving in to "the wisdom of Jim" Yeah. Wis-DOOM,more like it. I'm not stupid. I know that you can't mix a little sin with God's word & think you will be blessed. Idiocy,right? Yes!!!! ...but,yeah I guess I thought God would give me a pass...yanno...just 'cause He knew my heart was "pure". He doesn't work like that...never has. He's consistent,and I am not.

All in God's timing. Sound's cliche'...still looks silly even to type it,but still TRUTH. I'm pretty broken. Emotionally,physically,and mentally exhausted right now. I've always tried to be open & up front with all of you here. Tried to be as "real" as I can be w/out hurting people's feeling's or sounding like a big fat drama queen,or whining like a spoiled kid. I have failed on all accounts many times,but I guess I still have to just try...keep pressing on...keep just being myself. (though I'm not even sure what or who that is anymore)

Again,thank you for all the prayers,concern & love that many of you have shown me since I've been a member here. No words can describe what you all mean to me.
Just a warning...for those of you who have me as yer' FB friend,you may see or have seen some thing's posted by some of my other friends (Christian and unsaved)..you may be seeing me post a few comments in a joking or sarcastic banter concerning my recent ordeal. Plz don't be offended. I will try to keep the swearing to a minimum. laughing my buns off..er..uh...(that's a joke...kinda)
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Good to read you again Itore! Usually when somebody counts down like you did they either launch or blow up on the pad. Good to see you launched.


Good to see you flew....
 
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iTOREtheSKY

Guest
#13,666
#13,666
kenthomas27 said:
Good to read you again Itore! Usually when somebody counts down like you did they either launch or blow up on the pad. Good to see you launched.


Good to see you flew....
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Thanks KT! LOLz well..I suppose even if you fly a few feet & crash & burn,you were at one point technically flying. Right? *crosses fingers*
 
lil_christian

lil_christian

Senior Member
#13,670
Mar 14, 2010
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I got gluten-free and vegan candy bars today. They were on sale. Originally 2.75, I got those babies for 1.90. Oh yeah. Never heard of a vegan Snickers before? I'm eating one right now.
 
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iTOREtheSKY

Guest
#13,671
#13,671
lil_christian said:
I got gluten-free and vegan candy bars today. They were on sale. Originally 2.75, I got those babies for 1.90. Oh yeah. Never heard of a vegan Snickers before? I'm eating one right now.
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I wasn't aware that non-vegan snickers had meat in them. lolz..or is it the dairy that is the non-vegan thing. It's so confusing. I'm more of a Mars Bar man myself...always liked almonds. Now I really want a candy bar. The dude I am staying with is bringing me home some cheesecake tonight when he gets back from work. Nothing says sensible eating habits than cheesecake at 10 at night. lol
 
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MarkMulder

Guest
#13,672
#13,672
lil_christian said:
I got gluten-free and vegan candy bars today. They were on sale. Originally 2.75, I got those babies for 1.90. Oh yeah. Never heard of a vegan Snickers before? I'm eating one right now.
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............
 
lil_christian

lil_christian

Senior Member
#13,673
Mar 14, 2010
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iTOREtheSKY said:
I wasn't aware that non-vegan snickers had meat in them. lolz..or is it the dairy that is the non-vegan thing. It's so confusing. I'm more of a Mars Bar man myself...always liked almonds. Now I really want a candy bar. The dude I am staying with is bringing me home some cheesecake tonight when he gets back from work. Nothing says sensible eating habits than cheesecake at 10 at night. lol
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lol, yeah anything made by animals (butter, meats, lard, gelatin, even honey) is considered not vegan. So vegan means it's not made with any type of animal product.
 
lil_christian

lil_christian

Senior Member
#13,674
Mar 14, 2010
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MarkMulder said:


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It was actually pretty good, y'know. :p I mean, it didn't taste exactly like it (but then again Snickers puts in a whole lotta junk nobody needs but it enhances the taste.) but it tasted good and it felt good to finally have something good tasting that was safe for me. :p
 
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MarkMulder

Guest
#13,675
#13,675
lil_christian said:
It was actually pretty good, y'know. :p I mean, it didn't taste exactly like it (but then again Snickers puts in a whole lotta junk nobody needs but it enhances the taste.) but it tasted good and it felt good to finally have something good tasting that was safe for me. :p
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I'm sorry!
When you can eat about anything, like me, you tend to forget there are people who can't.
I just asumed you were a vegan.

 
zeroturbulence

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
#13,676
Aug 2, 2009
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lil_christian said:
lol, yeah anything made by animals (butter, meats, lard, gelatin, even honey) is considered not vegan. So vegan means it's not made with any type of animal product.
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So vegans are basically like food nazis. Interesting o_O
 
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iTOREtheSKY

Guest
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#13,677
I don't think I'd enjoy the world quite as much if I couldn't have honey.
 
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iTOREtheSKY

Guest
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#13,679
zeroturbulence said:
I think the bees would agree. :D
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They'll agree to just about anything if you talk to them nicely. The big fuzzy bumble bee's especially...oh man,such push overs. lolz
 
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