Streams of Consciousness & Thoughts~~~

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homwardbound

Senior Member
Oct 24, 2012
16,420
448
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When is it time to take yourself out of people's lives?
Is it the moment you realize your lack of trust is hurting those
around you?
Is it when you don't know how to be anyone but who you are?
Is it when you no longer hear joy in their voice when they talk to you?
Is it when you hurt them and don't know how to pray away the fear
that causes you to hurt those around you?

I think I just answered myself. I think it is time to walk away from places
where I put myself in the position to hurt those who only want trust and
honesty. I am sorry for anyone I hurt from not trusting you to enter my life
and my world, enough to get to know ME. I pray you will learn to forgive
me. I just wanted to make friends and somehow get a piece of me
back a little at a time. I can't expect trust and faith to be given to me
when I haven't shown those things to the wonderful people here who
have touched a part of my heart in ten months. The past two weeks and
most especially the past 24 hours has shown me so much about myself
and I am not happy with what I see. I have to break lose of these shackles
of fear that bind my life. If you think of me, please just pray that I allow
God to do a miracle in my life and change me into who I need to be for
Him, because without that miracle how can I ever show the world God's
unselfish and trusting love.
Prayer is done for God to show and lead you and for you to hear his voice, and know error from truth
 

homwardbound

Senior Member
Oct 24, 2012
16,420
448
83
Sometimes people make no sense. Ok, a LOT, they make no sense. Particularly people who hoard things, though. In this case, I mean some of my husband's family...

The house we live in belongs to my hubby's grandmother. It was built by HER father, I'm not sure what decade that was. But the thing is, this house, and the piece of property it sits on, and the couple of sheds and everything in them, needs some serious TLC.

For instance, the floor inside the house is wood. But it has never, never been SEALED. Sanded and stained, yeah, but it's just...open to all the damage that can be done to a wood floor. I can't even mop it because the water would warp the wood. Anything that gets spilled on the floor leaves a stain. It scratches easily.

And my husband's grandma doesn't WANT to have the floor done properly because her dad "built the house this way, and it's going to STAY this way".

For that reason, she also is very hesitant to allow my husband to redo the electric (which is just downright dangerous and soooo very outdated). She doesn't want us to put a railing around the porch, even though I have 2 little kiddos that could fall off. She let us put hand rails by the stairs outside ONLY because the insurance company said it had to be done.

I just...

I sincerely appreciate what she's done for us by letting us live here, I really do. We needed a place to live while my husband was on unemployment and I was pregnant with my son, and the Lord provided for us.

I just don't understand why she won't let us do things that would preserve this house. What good does it do to hold so tightly to something that is falling apart? Why not keep it in good shape and make it last?


Sounda as if she is afraid to let go of past, a fear factor of some sort, praaying for her to be able to let go and see it needs to be done
 

homwardbound

Senior Member
Oct 24, 2012
16,420
448
83
I'm disappointed by the fact that I get disappointed so easily. I'm starting to believe I expect too much from life and people in general. I'm starting to think that for every good thing that happens to me, a bad thing must happen to equal the balance, or that I won't ever find love the way I understand it to mean. Maybe this means I'm a bad Christian who expects too much from the world. Not in a material way, rather in an emotional and spiritual'relational sense. I don't know....I would be concerned if I found that I love the world too much, but I also cannot imagine living knowing that I won't ever find something better than what I've found. Am I ungrateful?

Maybe I daydream too much. Maybe I just don't know what I want and I'm constantly looking for something for the sake of looking and I don't even realize . I'm tired of living in my world of 'maybes', always looking for possible answers to my issues.


As I'm writing this, I realize that I sound ridiculous. I'm also analyzing what I wrote and criticizing my own thoughts . Please someone turn my mind off.
For some reason we seem to just gofor what it seems we can't have. The challenge of getting someone or something, is forsome reason excitiing to go for and not always good for us to go for. Seems this is the way for all of us, just some more than others, yet with in us all, to at least desire the unattainable
 

homwardbound

Senior Member
Oct 24, 2012
16,420
448
83
I have been sick since Saturday. And -> I'm taking some medicine for sure. But it doesn't stop. I just don't understand-where does it all comes from? I want my normal life back.
View attachment 50471
Try an old southern remedy, boil vinegar water and take the boiling pot through the house and let it spread killing all the germs in the house, about half and half, boiling. It may stink but does kill the germs
 

error

Senior Member
Oct 23, 2009
1,244
10
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God must be very patient... I mean-after seeing so many videos where people treat animals so badly-I'm very ANGRY!!! Sometimes I wonder-how God can be so patient with us? What is wrong with our minds and hearts? How can we do something like that to someone who also has a beating heart. To someone-who also just wants to live. It makes me so angry and so sad at the same time. Esp. -cause I realize I can't do much about it.
 

error

Senior Member
Oct 23, 2009
1,244
10
38
Try an old southern remedy, boil vinegar water and take the boiling pot through the house and let it spread killing all the germs in the house, about half and half, boiling. It may stink but does kill the germs
hm....I don't think I have it.
 

Markum1972

Senior Member
Mar 25, 2013
1,165
32
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Brothers and sisters,

Last night I was spending some time just quietly with the Lord thinking when this came to me. It really convicted me and yet encourages me to walk in love towards all.

I was thinking about how many times we talk about God's love. We sometimes repeat it like a mantra saying, "God's love... God's love..."

Yet some people say, "I am better off without that person in my life."

If this statement is true, then it is also true for everyone. If that person is an offense to you, then it would be likewise to the entire body.

However, most people I hear saying this are not saying it because it is a part of the body that has become an offense and needs to be delivered up to Satan for the destruction of the flesh so that they might not perish. For that would be an act of love and open rebuke.

But instead they are saying it from a place of bitterness, malice, and unforgiveness. It is an act of condemnation, which is the working of iniquity, within which Jesus said that He does not know such people and will tell them to leave Him.

You may think you are doing it to protect yourself but let me ask you. Is that an act of faith or fear?

We all need to remember that saying that we love God, but hating our brother (not acting towards them as described in 1 Corinthians 13) makes us a liar and the truth is not in us.

Let's stop making our battle about flesh and blood and blaming others for when we fall into temptation. You can remove a person from your life, but you cannot remove your own heart from within you.

So then, now for the encouraging part:

Remove the sin. Love conquers all. That love that we profess is for all and is to be manifested through us as His people. If you lack understanding, ask God. If you don't know what to do about that person that you see struggling, ask God.

Humble yourselves. Read 1 Corinthians 13 and see if your works, your fruits, are bearing love to the person that you struggle in your thoughts with. Stop being afraid of what they can do to you. Know that God's grace is enough for you. Be still and know that He is God. Keep your mind upon Him that you would receive peace concerning that situation that surpasses all understanding.

If your comfort zone is disrupted, then maybe it needs to be that way so you will stop idolizing things above God. If God was able to guard Daniel among the lions, then what more is He able to do for you with the gift that you were given.

Grace and peace be to all of you through our Lord, Jesus Christ. Amen.
 
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shawntc

Senior Member
May 7, 2010
729
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What's it called when apathy and boredom become not just a momentary thing, but a lifestyle? I feel like there's a word for that.
 

Markum1972

Senior Member
Mar 25, 2013
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What's it called when apathy and boredom become not just a momentary thing, but a lifestyle? I feel like there's a word for that.
Slothfulness... I think is the word you are looking for. It is one of the things that God hates.
 
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Rose_of_tranquility

Guest
Trust is something that I believe now has to be given until someone has proven themselves untrustworthy.
I've had a real hard time with the fear of trusting people knowing they can hurt me. It is something I've
spent many hours in prayer over. Then I decided to walk
away from CC. I felt I wasn't contributing what God wanted me to because I was so scared. When I walked away with the intention of not coming back until God fixed me, I sent a pm to only two people. One of those people had every reason to be upset with me for giving up. Instead the reply they sent me instead was one of God's love, compassion, and understanding. As a result, I called that person and we talked and talked about how I felt. Their response was that it should be you people I work on putting my trust in and that "running away" was not going to help my fear of trusting. Only two people ever pm'd my name while I was away, yet I wasn't upset. I had only put enough of myself in telling two people. Why would anyone want to pm someone who didn't ask to stay in contact with people or who has shunned repeated attempts from people asking for me to open up or what I might need prayer for. I am sorry to those people who had tried to touch my life. This is my name now. I will be having the other one deleted.

The reason behind the name change and its meaning is simply that I want to be a new creature in Christ. The rose is symbolic for the blossoming, growing, and opening of myself to others for His name sake. Tranquility is what I have set out to let God do in my life over the past five years. I am a huge work in progress but please bear with me. I'm having Robo delete the other name in 24 hours.

Lastly, I want to thank you, J, for being a rock in the midst of my hurt and confusion. Thank you for teaching me and never taking the easy way out in telling me like it is.
 
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GreenNnice

Guest
Stream, stream, stream. Stre-eeeee-am, streeeeeeee-am, stream, stream, stream, whenever I'm a-lone, all i need to do is stream and dream of knowing God's plan for me will keep me from feeling so blue :)

Working in my warehouse yesterday was killer. If the work itself's hardness didn't get me that night in arrears big-time (I thank God that the cramps I started to feel lying down in bed never materialized past quick 'knots.') , then, the rat stuff surely did. I HATE rat ! I am thankful God gave me work outside of my warehouse the past couple years because my warehouse was just not working out as an income producer for me. I love how the Lord lead me, takes care of me, even when I'm thinking that things are not good in one way, as I explained before (one door closes, another opens), He assuages that pain of thinking in His own way. I'd like to say it wasn't a big deal financially, but, for me, it was, it is, I am wanting to just rely on Him. I think, when I think about money, I still have a lot of things to learn and learning to trust in Him for it's use, even when doors 'close' when I use it, I need to trust that another door 'opens.'

Learning to lean, learning to lean, I am learning to lean on Jeeeee-eee-sus. Finding more power than I ever dreamed, I'm learning to lean on Jeeeeee-sus.

The Lord leads. It's not easy, a lot goes on in our lives, to the left and the right of Him, not to mention behind us, making us succulently want to cross to that way, where wide is the ungated community of love but, it's going to feeeel gooood, real good, but, it's NOT His Love. Right? His Love is given us as we follow Him, and, without fail---and, OH, there is temptation out AHEAD of the path, too, ahead of Jesus. The gaze is death in disguise, a 'falling' gaze, it is a 'flesh' staring back at us, with longing eyes, with lying eyes, telling us, "Come here, YOU ARE NO GOOD FOR NOTHING, the starer tells us, saying, "But this will soooooo simply make you feel sooooo good"-- in His perfect timing, will turn around and SHOW us something(s): make it soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo worth it for our NOT having given in to the lusts of life all 'around' us, Love, finally, seen, not shown through obedience, His blessings for us, sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo many, soooooooooooooooooooooooo undisguised . :)


I am going back to work in my warehouse again and just doing a lot of work that is not my fave, for sure, but, the Lord leads, we are to follow Him, and ,we are to go, go, go, with a smile , so, I will pray, on my knees, I will :)
 
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GreenNnice

Guest
I pray your days all go grandly folllowing Him, for then we know, don't we, your plans will be grand, He is faithful, He is Lord, He who began a good work in you will complete it. There is 'a lot' in that verse of the bible. God bless you and you bet when I ask for prayer from you all for safety to my day and accomplishment as He leads me to work, which I'm doing right now :) , I'm not just, as now, praying for you all to have great days, I'm praying over ANY thread that the Spirit in me prompts me to pray for you, I see a little, human things, He doesn't just see a lot, He sees everything. Keep your streeee-eeeee-ams coming, we all thank msarwenbaggins for that, don't we :) Keep on dreaming for His will for your life, it will be grand, your life will be glorious as you give Him ALL the glory and TRUST in Him :)
 
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Ascension

Guest
God must be very patient... I mean-after seeing so many videos where people treat animals so badly-I'm very ANGRY!!! Sometimes I wonder-how God can be so patient with us? What is wrong with our minds and hearts? How can we do something like that to someone who also has a beating heart. To someone-who also just wants to live. It makes me so angry and so sad at the same time. Esp. -cause I realize I can't do much about it.
Well Said .
 

error

Senior Member
Oct 23, 2009
1,244
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They say exercise is better than any pill. I say -> music is better than any pill.
[video=youtube;CbNtJh7muKM]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CbNtJh7muKM[/video]
 

Markum1972

Senior Member
Mar 25, 2013
1,165
32
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Apathy + Boredom can also = chronic depression
I'm thinking it is the same thing. Chronic depression is not sin, it is the result of sin as we know that the wages of sin is death and all things pertaining to death. It would appear that chronic depression would be the result of slothfulness then. The cure? Diligence. Rise up and labor in the kingdom of God. The harvest is plenty but laborers are few. :)
 

lil_christian

Senior Member
Mar 14, 2010
7,489
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What little desire I had for a boyfriend is soooo gone right now. Not because of a single person or anything like that. Just an accumulation of things I've seen lately.


And plus, inner beauty is SO MUCH MORE important than outer beauty. Is that person gonna look "hot" when they're 60 or 80? Unless they've undergone numerous cosmetic surgeries? No.


527154_342073255871908_201129022_n.jpg


286189751290836288_t0cb23WK_c.jpg


As I said, no single thing has brought it up inside of me other than my own thoughts and an accumulation of things I've seen lately and has been creating inside of me just a realization that a relationship/marriage is not the end-all, is not a goal in life, and it's not our main focus. Our focus is Christ and our goal is getting closer to Him. What our job is is to prepare ourselves for whoever God's got for us if He's called us into marriage.
 
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iTOREtheSKY

Guest
*picks up quarters minus one CatHerder stole lol*
I am such a dork...I can see that eventually I will drive away the person in my life I care for. I am too open about things..I have no filters. When will I learn? normal society does not conduct themselves that way. Christians..even less so. I rarely exhibit the natures of Christ. I don't know why..or how to be a better man. It seems to elude me. All I do & say...for all it's worth...worthless. If not of Christ,it all means nothing. I am thinking now that God can never trust me with anything precious. I feel like a beast...a bull in a china shop...running rampant. There are so many times that I wish I never felt emotions. Why do I speak & never think about what someone else might feel by my speech? The older I get..the more I realize I have learned nothing. I even wonder at times how God could ever have chosen me to do anything for him. Ha! Wouldn't it be funny in a tragic sort of way if he didn't? Maybe I have believed a lie. Not that God is a lie...but that I actually have a "grand purpose" for him to use me. Could it be that I just am here...a mistake? They say God never makes mistakes,but sometimes my heart fails me and I think that I am just a waste of space...never knowing what way to turn next. I would ramble more,but CatHerder took that last quarter.
 
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Rose_of_tranquility

Guest
Itore, God doesn't make mistakes.
You have to have faith in God and in yourself.
His direction in your life is all you need.
His will in your life is all you should desire.
Everything else will fall into place.

Trust in Him!!!