I'm beginning to wonder about myself. Friends have always been an odd thing for me. It seems like they come and go. The glue that keeps the friendship together is proximity. There are some people who I suppose I was friends with at uni, that I don't really have the desire to call up. Sometimes I like to just do my own thing. Most often if I have the option of going out to a party or out for drinks with a group of people, I make up some excuse not to go. I find that I have to force myself to be social. Don't get me wrong I will strike up conversation very easily, and know how to hold on a conversation and make a person laugh. But I guess its context and who I am with.
In my early 20's, I belonged to a sorority and had many friends in my chapter and from the guys fraternities. On top of that, I was out going to social activities, volunteering, recruitment, rush week, greek events, formals, all that jazz. People change though, I've changed. Now I am fine with going out for sushi or coffee alone. Shopping alone. Staying at home. I've come to the point where I don't care to make new friends. I don't care to join a Christian bible study group to be able to bond and meet people. I don't care to volunteer to meet new people.
Sometimes I wonder what people think of me when they see me eating alone, or sitting alone at starbucks on my iPhone. A part of me is quite content with the freedom that I have. But another part of me wonders if there is something wrong with me. Is it depression? Is it a defense mechanism? Is it just that you've gotten so use to people coming and going in and out of your life, that you just don't want to put the effort in? Is it natural introversion? I am not sure, but all I know is that right now, I feel content (though a bit concerned) with being on my own.