The Banned Game

[Lanolin]

What will Miss Jenny do on Great Barrier Island when or if she ever gets here? asked Kiwi Tahi.

Oh I dont know, there is nothing much to do here. said Kiwi Rua

Maybe she will make babies with her imaginary husband?

Kiwi Toru! You are such a joker.

Well, thats what we kiwis are meant to do on isolated islands, to boost the population.

Oh yea. Come on, lets find our mates and lay some eggs.

 

[Lanolin]

Dame Edna found her African Bubba after getting a tip off from Miss Bluebell that she could easily buy one through a Dixieland agent and get it internationally delivered via Fed Express who also had a lucrative line in human trafficking and slavery.

But it will cost ya.

How much? Dame Edna was quite desperate.

You'll have to buy up one of the states of Dixieland and we can rename it Everfresh Glade Land after you. We'll send you a quote.

Dame Edna wondered how she could cook the books so that Santa Claus wouldnt find out his secret surprise.

 

[Lanolin]

Lady Gaga was having a bad day. She had her period and it was raining frogs. She wished it would rain men instead. But maybe if she kissed all the frogs, they would turn into men?

 

[Lanolin]

Madame Doubfire found the title change to Priscilla, King of the Desert was not working. Since Lionel had left, the production had fallen into disarray. And if the worst scenario happened, SHE would end up playing Priscilla.

Miss BumBum had moved on to Bathurst and was now enjoying time on a reality show called Australian's Hottest Bogans.

We will need to get some foreign talent in. Dame Edna had told her as she left for her talent scouting trip. She was planning on adopting a bubba from Africa who could act.

Are you heading to the Sahara? Maybe theres more actors in that desert than ours.

Madame Doubtfire got in touch with Kardashians. Maybe on their books tthey had someone. Perhaps she could get this lass if she was willing to change her name to Priscilla. She looked flamboyant and was suitably attired for the desert.

 

[Lanolin]

Shania's agent said she was tied up doing a Las Vegas residency and wasnt ready for movie stardom....yet. But she knew of someone who might be suitable.

He has played one of the lead matinee idols on The Young and the Restless, and also played Sissy Clone on one of the Star Wars movies, and his stage name was Charles.

He would make a perfect Priscilla. Plus his girlfriend had a stage makeup empire, and was never short of fashionable frocks. Heck, she could be Priscilla if she wanted. She was also a fiery red head.

Wow she sounds perfect, said Madame Doubtfire. Can she speak Australian?
She know several languages. Plus get this, she has a law degree like the legally Blonde gal, Reese Witherspoon. So she can argue her way through anything.

Madame Doubfire wasnt sure that was all that relevant, but she figured if she spotted any loopholes in her contract, she would be sure to close them tight. Like a noose.

This will show up those Mosetarians and Rubylanders whos Queen of the Desert. She thought. Then when King Charles sees hes names sake and consort from the royal box at the Pineapple theatre, he would be sure to bestow his royal stamp of approval and wave on Evereverland, the next Tinseltown slash Bollywood.

Because what did they have? Only Bogan reality shows and Home and Away. And an empty opera house. pfft!
And those Lanolinlanders with their hobbit holes and wannabe street cred. what were they even trying to prove?

 

[Lanolin]

Maam you need to pay for your tickets please

Kate the Great hissed to her husband show them your dazzling white teeth. Surely they will recongise you and let us in.

Prince William smiled and said we will patronise your Big Pineapple if you take some photos of us.

The cashier said ok but the photos will cost you twenty five bucks.

 

[Lanolin]

Miss Dolly's imagination library was expanding, but she heard from Miss Bluebell that the wicked Miss Jenny was trying to censor books and ban babies from reading.

Are you sure? Its not her twin-step-half-sister-cousin?

Ah's sure as the ten toes on ma feet.

Bless your heart thanks for letting me know.

Miss Dolly wondered how sales of her new book with James Patterson would do if wicked Miss Jenny had her way. Perhaps she ought to change the title from Run Rose Run to....Run Forrest Run!

 

[jennymae]

“You think she’ll find out?” Ms Lanolin was looking at her fling while he was practicing on his teleprompter. “Who will find out what?” he said surprised. “Your wife, of course!” she elaborated. “Oh yes, that’s right…”, he stuttered, “you think she…what was her name again, will find out?” He looked at her with an empty stare. “You know, I think my wife’s gonna like you, I think you write great speeches “, he said enthusiastically.

“Let’s just get going”, Ms Lanolin said. He started whistling on “Ol’ Hippie” on the sidewalk while they were waiting for the ride. The agents were never far away.

A black SUV pulled up and an agent opened the door. “Thank you”, he said, “me and my wife are going to watch that new show with Julie Andrews.

 

[Lanolin]

King Charles opened parliament in his new Kingdom of which Larry was Chief Mouser.

 

[Lanolin]

President Lanolin laughed at Miss Nees romance about her and the teleprompter.

She's no Candace Bushnell though. Also she didnt get the details right. Lanolin wondered why she was now the subject of a chicklit novel.

Oh well whatever floats her boat. She made a mental note to thank Miss Nee and suggest that she improve her writing by adding more humourous characters for her next book.

 

[Lanolin]

The Queen Bees had fun on their Friday night tIk Tok singing Baby Love and sent it to all their random friends

Miss Zipmouth showed it to Baby Jade and said when you grow up you'll have a beehive hair do one day too. Maybe you could even be President of Lanolinland!

Mr Right had left another bunch of agapanthus by her door. There was also a free pizza because Baby Jade had now read 7 books.

 

[Lanolin]

Miss GoodBooks unearthed a Copy of Miss Jenny's hagiography. It was buried underneath all the other books in the stack collection and nobody had borrowed it. Because it hadnt even been catalogued. The cataloguers were unsure what to do with it. Was it fact or fiction?

Some of the chapters in it seemed too good to be true, like the account of Miss Jenny saving Rubyland from croc shoes, or that she had a built a Great Wall of mirrors on one of her borders. Or the chapter about how she grew her magical red hair long till it reached the floor and got into the Guiness Book Of Records. Also glossed over was her first marriage to a high flying Chieftain.

her family tree was very complicated with a dozen branches of related Maes. But the full color photos were great. There was a full double page spread of the layout of her mansion and surrounding gardens, and a list of all the interior designers she had used, and the architects and landscapers, and a five page acknolwledgments and thank yous at the back

Wow this out does Whiskey in a Teacup for a Vanity Publication. But too bad we couldnt enter it. Besides. shes not a Lanolinlander so, she would have been disqualified anyway now we've made new rules about the criteria .

 

[jennymae]

Ms Jenny smiled when she read Ms Lanolin’s response. Well, she’s not boring and she’s got an eye out for the details. Regarding the horrendous lack of humorous characters Ms Lanolin of course was right, they really could use a furry kiwi.

 

[Ruby123]

I typed a whole big story on here last night but didn't post it. It was most informative and usually it remains but is gone. I suppose there is no way of getting it back is there???

 

[Moses_Young]

The Great Chieftain felt a little bit sorry for his arch-nemesis, and so got in touch over the International Spy Vision.

"Well, I definitely didn't delete it," he told E-Ruby. "It wasn't like it was just a useless old golden gate bridge to Eden Island or something. I mainly destroy only eyesores and rubble."

"Don't you type up your text in another piece of software?" the beautiful Tzipora asked E-Ruby. "That way, you can save as you go, and just copy and paste into the application when you're ready."

E-Ruby shrugged sadly.

"Sometimes if you reply to the thread you were typing for, a draft of the previous text is kept," added the Great Chieftain, trying to be helpful, but understanding that poor E-Ruby's story was most likely lost forever.

 

[Ruby123]

E Ruby thanked her enemy for the advice, then fed her laptop to the alligators. The alligator swallowed it whole then threw it up. Looks like E Ruby will need to type it again at some time

 

[Ruby123]

Miss Ruby and Morty were on flight to the Bermuda Triangle. It was Miss Ruby’s wish to lure the Lochness Monster from the Bermuda Triangle to the Ruby Triangle as he would be a great protector. The problem was how to get him to appear. He was rarely seen and lived somewhere on the bottom of the ocean. It was mid flight when Miss Ruby came up with a brilliant idea.

“Morty, they say the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. Perhaps if we cook some delicious meals on board the boat we hired, the smell of them may cause the Lochness Monster to make an appearance” Miss Ruby said. Morty nodded in agreement and so that is what they did as they sailed to the location of the LM.

The first meal Miss Ruby made on board the boat was her world famous pizza’s with the additional topping of pineapple, her favourite. The boat and surrounds were filled with the delicious smell but unfortunately the LM did not make an appearance.

Morty then fried sausages and onions. This always lured customers from Bunnings. Unfortunately still no appearance.

“Maybe we should try making fish and chips the bogans food” Morty said, and so they did with no success. Miss Ruby felt quite discouraged and went to sit down outside on the deck.

Morty continued to try for Miss Ruby and decided to cook chicken on the rotisserie. The waft of the chicken filled the entire boat. Miss Ruby started having panic attacks. It was all too much for her. A Mosterian man cooking chicken. The memories of grandma Rubina being poisoned with salmonella from a chicken cooked by a Mosterian man was all too much. She felt very queasy and ran to the side of the boat. As she looked down the purple head of the LM appeared. It seemed that he liked roast chicken.

Miss Ruby squealed with delight and hugged Morty her handsome companion.

“We got his attention Morty” she grinned.

 

[Moses_Young]

The Great Chieftain of Mosestaria and his beautiful-but-deadly, purportedly part-Jewish, Japovian warrioress Tzipora, and Tzipora's adopted son Bubba, watched the International Spy Vision attentively.

The Great Chieftain had been feeling a little sorry for his arch-nemesis with the inadvertent loss of her literary magnum opus due to the failure of her laptop, right up until the point the Loch Ness Monster appeared. After that, he started feeling more jealous than sympathetic.

Tzipora spoke first. "Well, if that isn't the second ugliest thing I have ever seen in my life!" she exclaimed, as the terrifying creature reared its distinctly purple head.

The Great Chieftain of Mosestaria wasn't so much assessing the Loch Ness Monster's aesthetic qualities, but more interested in the infamy that would come with capturing said beast, or perhaps, slaying it and mounting its head on one of the more prominent walls in his Antarctic fortress.

As if reading his thoughts, Tzipora stated firmly "You are not mounting the head of that thing anywhere within one hundred meters of my quarters".

The Great Chieftain frowned slightly. His warrioress was a useful asset to have around, but she did come with some frustrating peculiarities. A one hundred meter radius meant that the head of the foul beast and his valuable warrioress wouldn't fit in the same fortress. "Perhaps he could build her a small cabin just a hundred meters or so outside the range of his visitor's lounge?" he wondered.

"I wouldn't worry about smiting the beast, oh Great Chieftain," Mordecai announced, as he entered into the visitor's lounge. "Besides likely breaching any number of local and international environmental regulations on the preservation of endangered fauna, imagine how Empress E-Ruby of the Ruby Triangle would feel knowing that all her hard work to capture this creature had benefited her erstwhile arch-nemesis, and it was now safely guarding his Antarctic bunker from wandering tourists."

The Great Chieftain nodded. "Very well then. Tzipora, you are right. It would be unthinkable to have the abominable, purple head of this creature mounted in our fortress. Instead, we shall capture it from E-Ruby and Morty, and have it guard our Antarctic island."

"An excellent plan, oh Great Chieftain," Tzipora replied.

"Bad Mordecai," said the Great Chieftain, beckoning to the other Mordecai of the same name as his cousin. "Please prepare for us the speedboats. And please pay special care to ensure that mine is the reddest, and the fastest."

 

[Lanolin]

Time was running out for the Mosetarians. Would He who must not be named play his cards right?
Or would he end up playing the Joker?

Morty the mortician mortgage broker looked at his hand. He had Batman, Superman, Spiderman and the Incredible Hulk. But no Joker. Dang.

Miss Ruby was down to her last shoe. There was a big pile of clothes on the floor and she smelled something burning....

 

[jennymae]

Ms Jenny was watching the SpyVision+ channel. One of its extra features was a paper magazine where you could win shades and secret lipstick if you picked the right answer to the weekly riddle. This week they asked how to install a hidden camera in the kremlin. Ms Jenny didn’t know the answer to that.

Miss Ruby appeared to be rolling in the Loch Ness monster. The Chieftain was jealous of her. Finally the world was back to normal. No more fake news from the LanoVision so far, but inevitably that broadcaster was just warming up for its next cheap shot.

Maybe she ought to start jamming their transmissions? Ms Jenny knew a guy who gladly would help her, but then he probably would insist on taking her out for dinner and the whole nine yards. What would Charles say? She decided to let it go.