The Banned Game

[Lanolin]

The beehive workers all went to the Jade Dragon Golden Fortune Number one BBQ Seafood Garden Restaurant for yum cha.

Gee doh wei?

Bat goh yun

Nge shun yeu mei yoh cha yum?

Heung pein

Hu hu

President Lanolin poured out the tea for her guests on the lazy susan. The trolley came round laden with dim sum

Har gow, siu mai, dan tart, har chow fan, yu dan! Called out the waitress. She uncovered all the foods in their steaming baskets.

Everyone looked at President Lanolin helplessly as they waited for her to translate.

 

[jennymae]

Dat lea nu, Ms Jenny oainnat ahte dan presideanta Lanolinlandis lei nu fiina experta. Nu fal, dat ileat dehalas, son loai su bardnii.

 

[shittim]

Hairy ( totally perplexed) says to jennymae- "That's easy for you to say!"

 

[Lanolin]

Kevin tried stabbing his spring roll with his chopsticks but he couldnt pick it up so he just picked it up with his fingers instead.

President Lanolin took pity on him and asked for a fork.

Nee yoh de geh do charn bon sow go gweilo ma?

 

[Lanolin]

Charlotte waited for Empress Ruby to pick up. She went straight to voicemail

Gidday Empress Ruby's phone. I'm busy right now pranking the not-so-Great Chieftain but leave a message after the tone and I'll spam you right back.

Beep!

Charlotte left message.
Empress Ruby this is your biggest fan Princess Charlotte. Me and my family are coming to see you tomorrow! I've got a new dress! I cant wait! Can you call me back on mamas phone?

Charlotte put the smartphone back in her mamas handbag as her mama got out of the shower. Kate had calmed down and was now wrapped up in her fluffy white bathrobe and slippers. She flopped on the King sized bed that was laden with cushions, and bolsters made of thick Egyptian cotton with 500 thread count.

Charlotte hugged her mother. Mama! I had the BEST day at the Big Pineapple! But tomorrow will be even better.

Kate asked why darling what are we doing tomorrow? She glanced at her husband who was now in front of the mirror in the ensuite flossing his teeth. His sunburn on the back of his neck was really bad.

We're going to see Empress Ruby!

The Red Queen?! Kate closed her eyes and saw red.

 

[Lanolin]

Keisha asked Mrs Hairy if she had seen It Came from Mosetaria yet. It had just come out.

Mrs Hairy signed no, she had been too busy organising her presidential campaign. But she was watching The Crown and had become somewhat addicted.

That royal tv show? I watch that too! Kate is a nasty piece of work isnt she? She's like the green eyed monster.

Mrs Hairy felt sorry for Kate though. It looked like she would rather wear anything else than another yet another Princess dress, hat and pointy shoes. That was why she was always taking her clothes off. Mrs Hairy felt like saying to her be free! Go au naturel! Prince William would look better in a dress though, or at least a kilt.

 

[jennymae]

Prince(ss) Willie-May wearing a dress? Ms Jenny’s fashion empire knows how to put a dress on every living critter on earth, be it women, men, dogs, cats, wildlife or livestock. We support your right to wear a dress for cash.

 

[jennymae]

Hairy ( totally perplexed) says to jennymae- "That's easy for you to say!"

It sure is.😂

 

[Lanolin]

The International Horror Film Festival was not going well. The showcase film, It came from Mosetaria had bombed. It was an official box office flop. Hardly anybody in Lanolinland went to see it except a handul of bogans and nobody was interested in anything coming out of Mosestaria.

The rest of the horror films sank without a trace as everyone was too tired to go out at night to see them. Only go if you have insomnia, the wags were saying.
Ten rotten tomatoes
Baby yaga looked to cute to be a monster.
Titanic 2 was better!

Sir Peter was going to have to go back to the drawing board. He soon had an idea for another film, directing Chipmunks. It was going to be called The Fishing Chipmunks and would be about the one that got away.

 

[Lanolin]

Madame Doubtfire got a call to get a womens soccer team together as Rubyland had dropped out of FIFA or were no shows. President Lanolin had advised Kevin to call DEAD because she knew from experience that if he called Empress Ruby, the call would go straight to voicemail and he'd get spammed.

The Matildas arent going to make it and we cant rely on Mosetarians who only have Socceroos! All their women are locked up. Thats probably a humans rights violation but they've never been called out on that, said Kevin. Evereverland, you are my only hope.

My best players are the Priscillas said Madame Doubtfire. But they cant play in their stilettos Im going to have to find some suitable footwear for them. You might need to give me some time to go shopping.

She found that Target had special on Crocs so she bought 11 of them in various sizes for Nicole, Kylie, Kath, Kim, Muriel, Rebel, Elle, Liane, Jocelyn, Linda and Bindi. They would have their practices on the field at the Unicorn trotting club and would have to watch where they stepped.

 

[Lanolin]

Guy Fawkes night came under festivals and celebrations which was categorised as recreation in President Lanolins ministry portfolio.
It was always November 5th and the Lanolinland population was tired of all the havoc that happened when fireworks went on sale for ten. days prior. It was like allowing people unfettered access to buy guns. Everyone went trigger happy.

Evereverland had already banned them except for public displays when a rogue skyrocket went off and burned down one of Dame Ednas prize phoenix palms. The bangers also scared Santas unicorns.

With the dogs banished to the South Island maybe it wouldnt be so bad as their ears were more sensitive but she still had wild horses and sheep and cows that were frightened and not used to the noise.

A decision had to be made. After consulting her lazy susan wheel of fortune dim sum at the Jade Garden Golden Fortune Lucky number one barbecue seafood restaurant, and His floofiness Mittens on the matter, President Lanolin decided to buy up all the fireworks and have a free public display from Rangitoto Island, which she set the volcano to erupt from 9 oclock at night till 10 pm.

It would be shown on the Lanovision for all those who didnt live in Auckland and couldnt see it from their verandahs.

 

[Ruby123]

Miss Ruby returned to the Ruby Triangle with Morty and Lochie the purple creature.
The paparazi flooded to the Ruby Triangle to take pictures of the fascinating creature. News spread all over the world.
Unfortunately sitting in jail, Kamala the he she read the article and started making plans to escape and make her way to the Ruby Triangle. Everyone on the island was in grave danger.

 

[shittim]

Look out Miss Ruby!

 

[jennymae]

Just for the record, Ms Jenny manufactures lifeboats. Right now they come with a discount if you join “Jenny’s Life Saver Organization.” The annual payment is affordable and gives you access to all sorts of nice things.

Unfortunately we have some trouble with our new lifeboat, the Kamala class. Turns out it can be hard to find during an emergency because of its chameleon like color. Also it doesn’t work when the waves are higher than 5 ft. We are sorry to reveal that there won’t be any money back on this one, since it was obvious to any customer that the boat would be flopping.

 

[shittim]

 

[Lanolin]

At Piha the surf lifesavers spotted something coming in off the west coast beach near Lion Rock.

The red flags were out but seemed someone was caught in a rip. The lifesavers decide to rescue whoever it was anyway as they didnt discriminate. Except for dogs, they rescued anyone who was drowning.

Keisha's helicopter was also called out for the emergency as someone had rung 666 and needed pizza.

 

[Lanolin]

Dr Chris Warner received an invitation to the nurses flat bbq that weekend in his locker. Rachel had printed off invites using the staff printer, as she didnt want it going viral on the Shortland Street facebook page, and everyone coming and crowding their flat.

The bbq was bought out, it was an original aussie weber kettle model, and Mrs Hairy had donated her sack of charcoal for the occasion. Dr Warner wondered if he would be called on to cook. He was quite good at burning sausages.

He also wondered if this would count as the third date with the gorgeous Rachel.

 

[Lanolin]

We're going to see Empress Ruby! announced Princess Charlotte as she got into the SUV. The Family Fun Adventure was up bright an early the next morning to head wherever the kids wanted to go - Prince William was driving, but as he had no idea what to do next in Australia and Kate wanted to stay at the hotel and bum around watching Home And Away on their giant penthouse hotel tv with Louis and George, he got to spend quality father-daughter time with Charlotte.

Does she live far Princess?

Charlotte punched 'Empress Ruby's dollhouse' into her mamas phone. She had begged to borrow it as it had google maps. The voice on google maps said Empress Ruby leevs en Eden Island. Head straight to the Golden Gate Bredge and you will reach your destenation.

Prince William wondered if he would have to pay a bridge toll, and took some plastic aussie coins to put in his new wallet just in case.

 

[Lanolin]

How Maui Fished up Lanonlinland was pretty good, but then another late entry came througn in the Lanolinland picture book awards and Baby Jade liked that one too.

It was The Adventures of Mittens , Wellingtons Famous Purr-sonality

 

[Lanolin]

Miss Goodbooks was weeding her library and doing stocktake. She pulled a lot of dog books from her shelves, most of them were worn and tatty, ripped and shredded to bits were dog-eared and some had teethmarks on them.

She soon had a big pile she was going to withdraw and send to the South Island dog prisons.
There was the entire series of Hairy Maclary, Dog Man, and Pig The Pug, Hot Dog!
Dork Diaries Puppy Love
The Puppy Place
Because of Winn-Dixie
The Famous Five
and all the Scooby-Doo and Clifford books.

She also said goodbye to Madeline Finn and the Library Dog, which was one of her favourite books, but it had a dog in it so had to go. Nevermind she still had Mr Muggs the Library Cat, Theres a lion in the library, and Library Mouse.