The Banned Game

[Moses_Young]

"I'm sorry," apologised the pretty girl at boutique, as she examined the all-expenses paid ticket to Jennymaesia, to visit Miss Jenny's beauty salon and have a complete makeover. Are either of you a Mister Moses Young?"

The two thieves shook their heads guiltily. "I'm Klaus", admitted Santa.

"Well, then," asked the pretty girl, "are either of you "the esteemed and wise E-Ruby of Rubyland" or "the greatly respected but somewhat bedraggled arch-nemesis of the Great Chieftain of Mosestaria"?

Again, the thieves shook their heads.

"I'm sorry sirs, but we can't accept this ticket. It appears to have been stolen!" exclaimed the pretty girl sternly, as she typed some numbers on the ticket into her computer.

At this rejection, the Empress of Lanolinland appeared to explode, and went on a rant about "awful and grainy security camera footage of customers", and complaining "Who gets their makeovers done on tv?" and something about her horrible eunuch Barry and spitting puppets.

Santa, who wasn't the real Santa, but was actually his evil brother Klaus Schwab started cursing at the poor reception girl, "You will own nothing, and I will be happy!" he declared menacingly.

Moses stood up in order to defend the poor girl from the thieves, but their crime exposed, they had quickly fled the beauty salon.

Moses sat back down again, and the girl, not losing her composure in the slightest, started calling somebody.

"Miss Ruby?" the Chieftain heard her ask.

"Well, it appears that you have an all-expenses paid ticket to Jennymaesia, to visit Miss Jenny's beauty salon and have a complete makeover. Some thieves turned up with the ticket, but fled once I uncovered their crime. I can have a jet pick you up in the next 20 minutes, and fly you over to us, if you'd like? It's all-expenses paid, so don't worry about costs or anything. I'm sure if you wanted to stop over anywhere on the way, that would be fine also..."

"Excellent. I will see you then," answered the pretty girl, and hung up the telephone.

 

[Moses_Young]

The Great Chieftain quickly sent a message to his clones. "Not the sissy one," he thought to himself. "That one's probably not good for anything. But the other two. I'll have them follow E-Ruby, just to make sure... well, to make sure nothing else goes wrong..." he told himself.

But somehow, the Great Chieftain wasn't able to entirely convince himself of his motives on this strange, last-minute request to his somewhat loyal copies...

 

[Ruby123]

Miss Ruby could not believe her luck. Some pretty girl rang her and asked her if she wanted to have an all expense paid trip off her island and flown to any place she wanted, plus a stop over at the famous Jennymaesian make over boutique. How perfect could that be. She could fly over to Jennymaesia, catch up with the two Empress's and Sissy ( or Charles, I think he has changed his name to) have a complete makeover (goodness knows she needed it) and then take back Rubyland.

She waited patiently for the plane to arrive. By this time her hair had grown down to the floor so it needed an entire chair to itself. Firstly I hope to have my hair cut and styled and of course I want my natural colour back she thought. As she made her way to her chair she spotted the two clones. "Clonies" she waved to them. "Are you going for a makeover too" she asked.
"Um, well yes" they said in unison.
"Marvelous" she said.
"What will you be getting done?" Miss Ruby asked.
"Um, I am thinking of getting um, my beard trimmed" replied Eagle One.
Eagle three giggled. "Maybe you should get your eyebrows shaped"
"Nonsense" Miss Ruby said. "When you go to the Jennymaesian makeover boutique, it is a complete makeover. It takes nothing less than the full day. Of course you get served lunch and champagne too. It is the best in the entire world. The royal family regularly go" Miss Ruby said.
She looked at the clones face thinking that this would delight them but they both look horrified.

 

[Moses_Young]

"The royal family?" exclaimed Eagle One in disgust.

"Maybe she means the pretty one?" asked Eagle Three.

"I don't think there is a pretty one," retorted Eagle One. "You mean the woman with the face like a horse?"

"No, no, no, silly. I meant the pretty one." Eagle Three repeated.

"She's been dead 25 years already!" exclaimed Eagle One. "I sincerely doubt she means the pretty one. Besides, the pretty one wouldn't need to go. It's all the others that do."

"If pretty ones don't need to go to the Jennymaesian makeover boutique, then why is E-Ruby going?" asked Eagle Three.

"She just told us! Weren't you listening? She is going to have her long, glorious hair trimmed and styled, and is having her natural colour restored," retorted Eagle One. "I'm sorry about my younger clone, Miss E-Ruby, ma'am. He means well, but can be a little slow."

Miss Ruby waved away Eagle One's apology with her hand. "And what treatment will you be having, Eagle Three?" she asked, her bright eyes sparkling.

"My uhhhhh...." Eagle Three struggled to think of a body part to improve. "...Nose..."

Eagle One stiffled a snort of laughter.

"Oh?" exclaimed E-Ruby, a little surprised. "I didn't know the boutique dealt with noses."

"Well, y'see, it's too.... errrrr.... long. I'm going to have it.... ahhhhh... shortened," Eagle Three explained, feeling a little embarrassed that he couldn't have imagined a more normal sounding excuse like Eagle One.

"Well, I'm sure when Miss Jenny is finished with you, you'll look like a totally different clone," E-Ruby answered kindly. "Would you clones like to fly to Jennymaesia with me?" she asked.

Both clones nodded as the jet arrived, and the trio embarked on their next mission.

 

[jennymae]

Ms Jenny had a lot on her plate of late. Somebody wanted to assassin her, she didn’t even know whom she was to be watching out for. A mean spirited rumor pointed its greasy finger at the feminine division, but that couldn’t be, that division was like her own baby and like any proud mama she was mighty fond of it. Why had colonel Rabbit-Hole stepped forward? He had actually blamed lieutenant B. Arnold of the feminine division for plotting against her. It was something familiar with her name though? Arnold? B. Arnold? Like in Benedict Arnold? Of course, a lieutenant carrying the feminine version of the name of the infamous traitor had to be guilty of something. Well, she couldn’t spend more time on this now. Before long Ms Ruby and the clones would come for their total makeover.

“Ms Ruby, what a delight to see you after all these months”. Ms Jenny hugged her long lost friend and offered a polite nod for the clones. “Please have some champagne before we get down to the makeover business”.

Ms Jenny fetched her magic makeover gear and the show was on.

 

[Lanolin]

Rachel put down the phone

Well, Mr Young is as an idiot, thinking he can clone himself like a photocopier and be on Young and the Restless cos Ive killed him off in the ending. And the Jennymae lookalike

What?!

All the ladies, Megs, Rachel, Keisha, Mrs Hairy, Lanolin, the REAL JennyMae and Miss Ruby were relaxing on the Calypso sipping their mocktails. The Tour of Beauty cruise had picked them up and they were sailing on the sparkling South Pacific Ocean relaxing on their deck chairs in terry cloth robes and cucumbers on their eyes. They had just has their spa treatment.

Yes, said Rachel. They all die in a horrible helicopter crash over Shittimstan but its like the ending to Thelma and Louise / Grease where they fly off into the distance so it makes you think they have had a happy ending cos they are escaping their miserable lives.

Keisha laughed. I didnt see that one coming.

Yea they couldnt sustain that one for too long. It was becoming ridiculous.

Too bad about Mr Young, I guess he was really desperate to get into the fake Jennymaes panties.

Well Mr Hulk soon sorted them out.

Are you still, going with him Rach?

Rachel said meh I changed my mind.

 

[Lanolin]

Sir Peter Jackson now had his dream cast for his next horror movie. It had been his passion project, rehabbing out of work ex soap stars and making them over into zombies.

King Kong 2 now renamed Queen Kong and the seven guinea pigs had made a full sweep of the Academy Awards. Mrs Hairy won for best actress, Keisha Castle Hughes for best supporting actress, Mr Hulk for best actor, and the guinea pigs for best supporting animals. (Their mini Oscar stauettes were nicknamed the Munchkin Awards) .

When Peter Jackson stepped up to accept the awards on their behalf he thanked the Academy, God and President Lanolin for her ministry of Creative Arts making it all possible.

Mrs Hairy (nee Miss Silky) and Keisha couldnt make the awards as they were away on their cruise but they were given their golden statuettes on the night by the Red Beanies in a mock awards ceremony by proxy.

Keisha hugged Mrs Hairy and said you want to swap? Mines dark chocolate and yours is milk. Mrs Hairy unwrapped the gold foil, broke the Oscars both in half and so they had half each.

Rachel asked jokingly where's mine?

Keisha said dont be greedy gal you now have a lifetimes supply of peppermint chocolate trumpet icecreams that anyone would kill for.

 

[Lanolin]

Miss Greenlips Hine was alone in the Beehive office, looking after LanolinLand. There wasnt all that much to do as President Lanolin had left everything in clear and present order, Bubba had been uplifted by her mother and the guinea pigs had long been adopted and started their own lives out in the brave new world.

Was it empty nest syndrome that had her nearly switching to the soaps to bingewatch the Young and the Restless on MTV Netfix?

Rachel had msged to her to say 'must watch final episodes! '

When she saw what happened to the young guy and the restless gal she didnt know whether to laugh or cry. The Young guy was a narcissist and the restless gal was a willing victim and they had got themselves into a such a deep plot hole that nobody could dig them out.

It took a helicopter and several flashbacks to get them over to Shittimstan where they could be together forever.

Miss Greenlips Hine msged Rach to say Great Ending! You go gal!

Then she went to feather her Moa's nest, said goodnight to the kiwi and the cat, and fell into a deep sleep.

 

[Lanolin]

The tour of beauty gals were bonding over mocktails.

Love your outfits Megs. Ive always wanted to make a difference, but people are so shallow these days and only care about what you wear, and what you look like not what good you do in the world. Im so glad so many little girls in Shittimstan will be able to be clothed in beauty and not looked on as trash just because they couldnt afford a certain designer brand.

Megs smiled, but with sadness. It hurt her too that people judged her just based on what colour outfit she wore, what colour lipstick and what colour hair, as if there was just one way all women had to dress and said her husbands late mother just wanted the media to focus on her important work to raise awareness on landmines and AIDS victims, not whether she was wearing a bra or not under her shirt.

Rachel had her own cross to bear. She said growing up she was too tall. had buck teeth, her hair was unruly and she always got bullied by the other girls at Glenfield College. And then her ex husband had 'issues' with her blonde hair, every girlfriend and wife since she left him had been blonde, tall and leggy. Like they were clones of her. She said she got treated like she had no brains by a lot of men.

Mrs Hairy signed that growing up she always wanted to wear clothes, but nobody would let her at the zoo. The ladies were horrified. Mrs Hairy confessed she was part of a porn trafficking ring and had been taken captive as a young chimp an subject to teasing and torture.

what about you Lanolin?
Oh I was so poor growing up I didnt have many clothes and wore the same hand me down ones everyday while everyone else at school had the latest but it wasnt clothes that were the problem, people just judged me and assumed I wasnt native born just because of what I look like. They always thought I should go somewhwhere else as if I wasnt allowed to belong on the same bit of land they were just cos I didnt look like them.

Thats terrible

Miss Ruby what happened to you? Tell us your story. The ladies listend sympathetically as Miss Ruby shared the horrors of being stalked constantly by He who must not be Named.

He wouldnt let me alone. Even when I ignored him he was always looking at me! so creepy, and saying rude things about me with a smirk on his face. AND he always called me 'baby' like I wasnt grown up. But I know for a fact I am actually a few months older than he is. I should be calling him 'baby!'

Then the beautiful Empress Jennymae said I hear you sister. I have it in my power - I am going to fix He who must Not Be Named once and for all.

 

[Moses_Young]

Miss Jenny hurried to work on the first clone. "Beard trim, eh? Easy!" With a quick snip, snip, snip, Miss Jenny was finished, and Eagle One looked like a new clone.

He put his hand to his chin, to discover with alarm that it felt smooth! Somewhat humiliated, he was just about to complain before he saw the lovely girl at the reception desk smile at him. The smile was definitely for him - not for Eagle Three. At that point, he decided that Jennymaesians must have different customs to Mosestaria, and that he might get used to being a beardless man if it could help elicit smiles more frequently from the lovely reception girl.

"And how can we help you?" Miss Jenny asked the Great Chieftain.

The Great Chieftain raised his eyes from the magazine he was reading, and explained about his tooth. "I have a tooth that is causing me pain, Miss Jenny. Third from my left, top row. I was hoping you could replace it with something a little more golden."

Miss Jenny seemed a little taken aback by this request. "You know this is a make over boutique, right?" she asked the strange Mosestarian fellow.

The Great Chieftain nodded. "Yeah. I want you to make my tooth beautiful."

"But I'm not a dentist!" Miss Jenny exclaimed. "You could be injured!"

"It's a tooth!" countered the Mosestarian chap. "I'm not asking you to perform an appendectomy. Besides, the dentist up the road is asking 350 Jennymaesian crowns for the treatment. I figured it'd be cheaper to get it done here."

"350 Jennymaesian crowns, eh?" thought Miss Jenny to herself. She was not a greedy Empress, but she was an astute business-woman. At that moment, her loyal employee Charles came to see her and whispered something into her ear. Miss Jenny giggled. It was clear that Charles was a remedy for Miss Jenny's bouts of fury, just as she was the balm to cure his heart condition (not to mention his sissyness).

"Very well," replied Miss Jenny to the Mosestarian chap. "We will do it for 290 crowns. But due to the ehhh... brutality... of the procedure, it will need to be performed by my ...uh... Chief Dental Beautician, Charles, Duke of the Capital."

"He's Mosestarian," she whispered to the Great Chieftain, "so doesn't have any qualms about inflicting pain on others - or blood and gore. Those people are savage!"

The Great Chieftain nodded. 290 Jennymaesian crowns was still a lot for a tooth, but it was a good 17% cheaper than the dentist had offered. And the thought of being beautified by a fellow Mosestarian was the enticer that sealed the deal.

The Great Chieftain did not recognise Charles to be his defective prodigal clone, as Charles was wearing clothes befitting a Duke of the Jennymaesian court, and also a nametag that said "Charles". In addition, Miss Jenny had given Charles an earlier makeover (for a bargain price), to make him less barbarian-featured and more princely-looking.

Amidst the Great Chieftain's cries of pain and Charles' first tooth surgery from the far end of the beauty salon, Miss Jenny came to Miss Ruby and Eagle Three deep in conversation.

"I really think you should keep your lovely blonde hair, Miss Ruby. Just for a little longer. It's the perfect disguise - the Incredible Tommy would never recognise you. Once we've dealt with him, then by all means, have it restored to your even-more-beautiful natural colour."

Miss Ruby enjoyed talking with Eagle Three. He didn't seem as clever as his older clone, but he appeared to be very earnest. Also, he was a good listener - for a guy.

Something stirred in Miss Jenny when she saw Eagle Three. She had seen this strange man before... Something was different about him... Then she remembered angrily. This was the one who had stolen her magical hair, and left her flailing about ugly and bald, like an abandoned pigeon with wing-rot.

"And what can I do for you?" Miss Jenny asked Eagle Three coldly, pretending not to recognise the clone.

Eagle Three glanced nervously from Miss Jenny to Miss Ruby. He'd already told Miss Ruby he was having some nose-work done, but he'd have much preferred to change his mind now to a more expendable body part - a little toe-nail trim, perhaps? However, because he didn't want to lose face in front of Miss Ruby, he answered "My nose, ma'am. It's too long and calloused. At school, all the other little snipes used to call me a witch, because of the length of my nose. Even though I was a boy!"

Miss Jenny nodded knowledgeably. "I think you are suffering from... Pinocchio syndrome! Do you, perchance, have difficulties... telling the truth?" she asked the long-nosed man, staring directly into his eyes.

Eagle Three stared at the floor, as Miss Ruby gasped in shock at the here-to-fore unmentioned illness in the clone she thought she was starting to get to know.

Eagle Three nodded his head sadly.

"I can treat your nose," explained Miss Jenny mercifully. "But it will hurt. And if you continue to lie, your sickness will return with a vengeance!"

Eagle Three nodded his consent, and Miss Jenny commenced the application of anaesthetic balm, before getting to work with scissors and shaver on the extraneous portions of his beak.

Finally, it was Miss Ruby's turn. The other patrons had been serviced, and were now sipping champagne and/or nursing their beauty-sores. Miss Jenny smiled inwardly. At last, someone who was worthy of her talents. One who she would need to put in some real effort with, in order to effect a visible improvement. "What'll it be, Miss Ruby?" she asked.

 

[jennymae]

Ms Ruby’s long, blonde silky hair was first on the makeover list. The lack of a girls second best friend, a hairbrush, had made Ms Ruby’s beautiful dark hair descend into anarchy. Before long her hair looked like a bunch of tumbleweeds rolling through a deserted street in the freakiest town of Texas. Law and order needed to be enforced by the scissor rangers. They had pledged to uphold the hair but under the authority of the United Scissors they could also burn it to the ground in cases where all hope was lost. Ms Ruby’s hair had been such a case. Reforms wouldn’t suffice. A revolution was unavoidable.

The revolution of the scissor had left her head bald. An unthinkable situation for any girl. A beautiful face needs the frame of its hair. Foreign powers had been meddling with hair growing remedies only to leave her hair long and BLONDE.

Ms Jenny sighed. This could not be fixed by ordinary means. She had to go get her wand. She recited an ancient church father from the first church of Jennymaesia and flashed her wand. The blonde hair which looked like it was home dyed on a Saturday night in Mosestaria vanished like the memories of a nightmare when coffee was ready. Ms Ruby’s lovely dark hair was reinstated. “Shall we proceed?” Ms Jenny picked up a ruby red lipstick to symbolize that it was now time for the makeover of Ms Ruby’s face. “We shall”, Ms Ruby said while admiring her dark and beautiful hair.

Ms Jenny started prepping Ms Ruby’s skin for the makeup part.

 

[Ruby123]

Miss Ruby was well pleased with her makeover so far. Miss Jenny did the finest of jobs, she was known for her expertise, nobody could match. Even the clones were starting to look better. Miss Jenny decided to proceed with the facials next. She applied the paste to Miss Ruby's face and also to the clones. She placed pieces of cucumber on their eyes and told the three to relax whilst the paste did their magical work. Miss Ruby lay back relaxing and heard crunching. She looked up, it seems the two clones not knowing any better thought the cucumber pieces were a type of snack and were eating them.

"The food is a bit scarce" Eagle Three announced. Eagle One nodded in agreement. "I was expecting a bit more than a couple of cucumber slices" Eagle three said.

Miss Ruby giggled. She was about to explain the cucumber slices when Charles walked in. Charles was looking mighty fine. A completely different looking clone and his outfit was super stylish. Miss Jenny and Charles were known as the worlds power couple and Miss Ruby could see why.

Charles greeted Miss Ruby and his two clone brothers. He was excited for their makeovers and was eager to pick out their outfits to wear after their makeover. Charles was good with his fashion sense and took off to the third floor men and womens clothing section to pick out three outfits each for Miss Ruby and the two clones.

A new client was in the next room. Miss Ruby could not see him but heard him requesting a gold tooth. His voice sounded familiar almost like the voice of Mr Eyeball. She could not get up and take a look as the paste was starting to do its magic work on her skin and she did not want to interrupt the process. She would have to wait till later.

 

[Moses_Young]

The Great Chieftain groaned. His gold tooth didn't hurt like his previous tooth had, but his mouth was somewhat tender. The Chief Dental Beautician had moved on, presumably to inflict further beauty on other patients, but Moses had endured all the beautification he could for one day. "At least I saved 60 Jennymaesian crowns on the procedure," he thought to himself. "It's not about the money, though. It's about teaching dentists not to overcharge, just because people are in pain. How will ordinary Jennymaesians afford such healthcare otherwise?"

As the Great Chieftain made his way out of the reception area, he noticed that the esteemed and wise E-Ruby of Rubyland, his favourite arch-nemesis, was also having a makeover. She had a couple of those cucumber slices over her eyes, so she couldn't see the Great Chieftain. The Great Chieftain was pleased to note that her dark and beautiful hair had returned, and she no longer looked bedraggled. Miss Ruby's body seemed to be glowing due to a strange magic paste covering her skin - for making her look even younger, Moses guessed, although why someone so young would want to look even younger, he couldn't really say.

He loitered a little, agonising over whether or not to leave some flowers, a small box of (Jennymaesian) milk chocolates and a mildly insulting - but also encouraging - note to say that he had decided that when he finally conquered Rubyland, he would exile E-Ruby to Eden Island, rather than do what her great, great, great, great Grandmother Rubina had done to poor Moses the Oldest (her personal chef who accidentally gave her salmonella). Moses went on in the letter to explain that it was all really the butcher's fault, who sold poor Moses the Oldest the chicken, but not to worry about being exiled to the island, because he would ensure she would have her groceries delivered every other week, and have a reasonable-speed internet/phone connection, and as many slaves as she wanted to keep the island in good order...

Eventually, the lovely girl at the reception desk had to explain to Moses that although there wasn't a specific rule in Miss Jenny's beauty salon against writing letters, writing a particularly long letter might be construed as an excuse to secretly breach the "no gawking at patrons" rule, and would he mind very much leaving the premises as she didn't want Miss Jenny to sack her in case Miss Jenny thought the girl was allowing Moses to break the rules, just because he was more handsome now with his extra gold tooth. Moses quickly agreed, as the Lanolinland propaganda machine had also published some pretty defamatory fake news about him lately, and he didn't want to give them any more ammunition.

As the Great Chieftain left the premises, he noticed a tall woman wearing the uniform of the Jennymaesian Feminine Division entering into the beauty salon. It was the 6’2” woman who had insulted the other JFD ladies before. The Great Chieftain shook his head. He doubted the JFD had conducted the suitable feminine background checks on that one before employing her.

 

[Lanolin]

Meanwhile the penguins and the possums were collaborating on SSSS and had set aside a storage area in the vast ice crystal cavern, one side had gifts for boys and the other had gifts for girls, all sorted by age.

They were all boxed up in shoe boxes that Megs Pegs Legs and Wigs had kindly donated for the cause.
Each shoe box was full of contents and no two were exactly alike.

The possums were in charge of quality control and the penguins were on guard watch to make sure nobody spoiled the surprise.

Lanolinland had had sent over requests and names for every child under 12.

Santa was sure that some of the names were actually OLDER than 12 but he figured that, he would fufill them anyway, as perhaps it might be the first time they had ever received a gift in their life.

 

[Ruby123]

The giant 6'2 woman stopped the Chieftan.
"Excuse me sir, have you paid your bill" the giant woman enquired.
"Why yes of course I did. To the Empress herself" replied the Chieftan rather annoyed.

The giant of a woman asked what work he had done as she could not detect it herself. The Chieftan still annoyed showed the woman his golden tooth.

"Nice work Sir but I detect you could use a facial too" the woman suggested and with this she grabbed the Chieftans arm and escorted him back into the boutique and into the facial room where Miss Ruby and the two clones were allowing the magical paste to do it's work. Eagle three removed his cucumber slice off one eye to see who the new client who would be joining them was.

"Great Chieftan" Eagle three announced. "So glad you decided to indulge in Miss Jenny's makeover. It's magical stuff" he said appreciatively. The Chieftan motioned to the clone to be quiet as he did not want Miss Ruby to know he was there as their two countries were feuding, although things had admittingly settled somewhat. Eagle three did not seem to get the hint and proceeded to talk.

The Chieftan was escorted to the beauty recliner to join the others and the paste was also applied to his face along with the cucumber slices. Now there were four clients receiving their beauty treatments.

Miss Ruby lay very still, wanting to run out of the room as she was unsure what her fate would be trapped in a room with the Chieftan who had on numerous previous episodes tried to have her murdered. Eagle three proceeded to talk. The Chieftan had no choice but to reply. As he answered the clones question Miss Ruby detected that Chieftans voice was also the voice of Mr Eyeball. She felt very confused. Could they very well be the same person. As many thoughts ran through her mind a loud commotion was going on in the next room.

It seems Mrs Hairy was getting rather impatient waiting for her appointment to start and Miss Lanolin was trying to calm her down.

"Oh great" the Chieftan thought. "Just what I need. Miss Lanolin will see him getting some beauty treatment and report it in all the magazines and news that he regularly received facials, when in fact this was his first time.

The Chieftan lay there not knowing quite what to do so he did the only thing he could think of. He grabbed both cucumber slices and munched on them complaining that it was not much of a lunch to serve to a great Chieftan like himself.

Miss Jenny was lunching in another room with Charles unaware what was unfolding in the facial room.

 

[Lanolin]

Dame Edna was busy with he help of the house penguins redecorating the rest of the Ice hotel suite getting it ready for the main event in December. It would take a while as the previous occupant had paid the barest attention to creature comforts except for the lazyboy chairs there was nothing that was homely or inviting and the walls were painted stark white. The only splash of colour was the screens showing the Baby Shark video

When she went to the disposal unit she was horrifed to find it was full of trash and not emptied or even sorted into recyclables. It was mostly energy drinks, cheese wrappers and frozen pizza boxes. And Japovian blue milk bottles. Taped to the side of the unit was a handwritten note - do NOT throw into the ocean!

Oh dear, she said to the penguins. We must send this back to where it came from, it looks like Japovia.

Dame Edna went to her suite and opened the drawer to the bedside table. Inside was a Gideons Bible. She opened it up to read the scripture in various langauges and then saw a piece of folded paper tucked inside.

It was a letter addressed to Miss Ruby

Dear Miss Ruby

I was wrong to threaten to kill you 490 times. Will you please forgive me?

From the Chief of Sinners
Moses

 

[Moses_Young]

The Great Chieftain was somewhat annoyed. He thought he had escaped the beauty salon and any potential repercussions from the insulting note he'd left behind for his arch nemesis, and he'd suddenly been dragged back into the Danger Zone. He now knew how Anthony Edwards must have felt in Top Gun, leading up to that fateful moment when the plane broke down at the crucial moment...

However, the Great Chieftain was no Goose, and even if he had one, he was not about to let it get cooked due to the forwardness of a treachurously named Jennymaesian Feminine Division agent with Gigantism, who obviously hadn't been properly screened for all the traits of femininity. At first, he'd tried peeping out from behind the cucumber slices placed over his eyes by eating them, and pretending he had thought they were lunch. However, the attractive girl at the reception had reminded him that the "no gawking at patrons" rule still applied to other patrons, and the cucumbers were there to beautify his eyes as much as they were to prevent peeping. As frustrating as this was, the Great Chieftain didn't want to get the poor girl sacked by his breaking of the rules, so he decided to comply. He'd heard Miss Jenny could be fairly temperamental like that.

Peeping out from behind his cucumber slices just enough to read his phone, he quickly dialed Mordecai. His cousin sounded overjoyed to hear his voice.

"Moses!" exclaimed Mordecai, over the telephone. "We thought you were dead! We returned to our secret Antarctic bunker, and that strange crone from Lanolinland and her... uh... man-servant... and I use the word man in the loosest sense possible - were setting up camp. We tried to call you... a number of times!"

"Yeah, sorry," explained Moses. "I had my phone on silent."

"We sent you hundreds of text messages, also!" Mordecai told him.

"Ah, my phone doesn't have a lot of memory," Moses explained. "I usually delete all but the most important messages."

There was a brief period of silence on the other end as Mordecai processed these facts, so Moses continued. "Look, I'm trapped in a beauty salon in Jennymaesia. I need you and Tzipora to spring me out of here."

"Well, Tzipora keeps complaining she's busy with Bubba, but I'm sure she'll make time for you, oh Great Chieftain."

"Excellent!" declared the Chieftain. "Get here quickly. The Lanolinland propaganda machine has published some pretty uncomplimentary articles about me recently, and I don't know if my reputation would survive if it became public that I was attending a beauty salon."

"What's the Great Chieftain doing in a beauty salon?" Moses heard Tzipora ask Mordecai in the background. "He's already the most beautiful man in the world..."

"Look, tell Tzipora I'll explain everything later. I just need you two here ASAP, before news gets out that the Great Chieftain of Mosestaria was caught preening himself like some over-conceited peacock."

With that, the Great Chieftain of Mosestaria hung up the phone, and retreated from discovery beneath the welcome concealment of the cucumber slices.

 

[Ruby123]

The chieftan ended his phone call to Mordecai when the Lanolin paparazzi burst through the door taking snapshot after snapshot of the Chieftan having a facial. The Chieftan did not know this as the cucumber slices were blocking his view. He did wonder why though there seem to be so many flashes of light. He thought it was just the magical paste doing its thing.

Charles formerly known as Sissy burst through the door with his selection of outfits he chose for Miss Ruby and the two clones. Surprised he was to also see the Great Chieftan lying on a recliner with the facial paste slapped onto his face.

"Great Chieftan, I am honored that you made your way to Miss Jenny's beauty boutique. My lovely fiance will be joining us shortly. She is just touching up her makeup. We just had lunch and you know how much of a perfectionist she is" explained Charles.

"Where is Miss Tzipora" he asked. At the mention of her name both clones removed their cucumber slices to see what the answer was. All three clones did not think highly of Tzipora as she dropped them on their heads when they were young. Plus all three clones had seen her argumentative side.

Miss Ruby was hoping if she just continued to lie still she would not be included in this scene but much to her dismay Eagle three dragged her into the conversation.

"Miss Ruby have you met our wicked step mother Tzipora" Eagle three asked. Miss Ruby removed her cucumber slices and answered.

"Why yes Eagle three I have met Miss Tzipora. In fact my private detective from Rubyland revealed to me that it was Miss Tzipora that was behind the removal of my organs. The whole thing had been orchestrated by her" Miss Ruby said angrily.

 

[Lanolin]

Miss Greenlips Hine turned on her insta feed. Rachel was updating it now with Tour Of Beauty pics, and Megs Pegs Legs and Wigs also had one called 'Every single outfit Meg wore' that Harry was sending out every six hours.

She had a massive wardrobe full of dresses and he was keen to get though them all, as that way they could raise the most funds for the little girls in Shittimstan.

Miss Greenlips saw the pics of everyone having their facials done tagged #cucumberheaven and #wearamask
Included was the beauty recipe that everyone could make at home

Looks like they are having so much fun, Miss Greenlips Hine thought wistfully.

 

[Lanolin]

Lanolin and Mrs Hairy had a floral mandala session while they were waiting. Mrs Hairy's design was an intricate work of art. Lanolin encouraged Mrs Hairy to do more and enter the annual Lanolinland picture book awards.

I'm sure Queen Kong and the seven guinea pigs will be a hit with the judges. Toddlers love any stories where good triumphs over evil.