Poor Mrs Tizzy had been rather busy. Despite suffering a similar mental degeneracy as that attributed to Captain Biden (who was in actual fact an actor, rather than a true-to-life president as you or I might aspire to be), her certifiable insanity was as far as their similarities went.
She for instance, never made a habit of inappropriately sniffing the hair of others. Neither had she ever abused children. Neither did she have a deviant and crack-addicted son, who financed his addiction to dope and weak-willed women by stealing from the public purse. But Mrs Tizzy could no longer remember all of these things. Her mental state made it too difficult.
What she did remember, however, was that someone called President - or was it Empress? - Lanolin had sent her a bill which amounted to about 1500 hours of full-time care. She had received the invoice on the eve of her 95th birthday. Mrs Tizzy couldn't ever remember having put her young Tzipora into child care with anyone called Lanolin, but she was well aware that her mental faculties were not the best, and she didn't want to cheat anybody.
So she was doing as best she could to earn enough money to repay the debt. After her romantic advances had been rejected by Eagle Two - he had explained that although he liked her as a friend, statistically speaking, she was probably not in the best of health at her age to bring his children into the world, and besides, they were sort of related anyway, with her being the mother to his clone-step-mother Tzipora - she had found work wiping dishes in a Jennymaesian restaurant.
Earning money by dish washing and cleaning was no obstacle to Mrs Tizzy - she had learned to work hard, ever since her husband was murdered some 20 years ago - or was it longer? - time did seem to fly these days.
"You see," she said, speaking to the chef who she shared a kitchen with, "Mr Tizzy was a senior diplomat in the Japovian government. While entertaining a foreign diplomat - a certain Captain Biden, I think his name was - the foreign diplomat took an unnatural liking to our young daughter, and thought he could simply purchase her like one would purchase a goat or a cow. He presented us with a large quantity of cash, and asked us to sign the adoption papers."
The Chef kept busily preparing his orders for the night. He hadn't asked the strange, ancient woman to speak, and didn't want to encourage her, but she continued.
"Normally," she replied, "any Japovian would simply have run that deviant pervert through then and there, and the problem would have been resolved. But because this pervert was also a foreign diplomat, Mr Tizzy didn't want to cause a serious diplomatic incident by being involved in an incident where the accusation of 'murder of a foreign diplomat' would surely be used against Japovia."
The chef nodded.
"But Captain Biden wouldn't take 'no' for an answer. He offered more money. He threatened my husband's life. He even threatened war with Japovia. At the time, we thought it a laughable threat. My husband restrained himself not to kill the man, but I do think the boot mark my husband left in his *ss probably remains to this day..."
"Anyway, unbeknownst to my husband at the time, one of Captain Biden's many companies had already purchased the plug that kept Japovia afloat, above the roaring, surging oceans in which it was situation. It was a simple matter for Captain Biden to have the plug removed, and Japovia quickly sank to the bottom of the ocean."
"My daughter and I were able to evacuate in time, but my husband, as one of the senior diplomats of Japovia, insisted on waiting until all other Japovians were evacuated. Unfortunately," Mrs Tizzy wiped a tear from her eye with a washing-liquid covered rubber glove, "Japovia sank beneath the waves before the evacuation was complete."
"A touching story ma'am, truly," answered the chef, wondering what it would take to get the dish washer to remain quiet. "And you believe this Captain Biden is now the president of the United States?"
"Oh no, that's not him," answered the lively old woman. "He looks totally different. He has a kinder face. He makes me laugh," she smiled. "No, the only reason they have that actor on television is that the real Captain Biden - an evil and cruel man - well, I think he finally got what was coming to him. Although I'm sure he forged those adoption papers for our Tzipora, I made sure he never got access to her. So the young kids these days - if they 'Google' for my daughter's records, or refer to controlled organisations such as 'ancestry.com' - they will get a totally wrong impression of my daughter's lineage."
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