The "nice guy" or "nice girl" routine
- Thread starter spunkycat08
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C
I don't hate the nice guy, but they're not attractive. They friendzone you unknowingly immediately by being a perfect gentleman, have female just friends and expect the woman to lead. Most nice guys here are married, feminists love them. They listen very well. If that's what they mean with a 'nice guy'. The whole thing is nonsense to call those nice guys, since natural leaders can also be very nice. I preferred the dominant leader, because I can't and don't want to lead. They are despised a lot of times, but they're the ones that know how to raise their kids, which is very handy.
Sometimes, thoughts like these confuse the heck outta me. Perceptions are strange and unsteady things at times.
For example, both by the way I was raised and by choice, I always try to be courteous and kind. Civility, chivalry, Christianity, a certain sense of propriety in different aspects, and a type of composure or 'proper form'.
By all means, I try to be sincere and thoughtful. The golden rule, posturing (often striving to place your best foot forward), etc... and at times have been greatly appreciated for doing so. Who doesn't want to be treated with respect? Who doesn't like a little kindness with no anterior/ulterior motive?
Yet today... it's really strange how people can be sometimes. They'll take that as 'an act'. One lady in particular, when I worked for Starbucks, apparently thought I was being sarcastic in my attempts to be 'overly nice' (which I try to be equal with everyone/treat everyone the same). She felt the need to express to me what a series of expletives I was, and then took it upon herself take those feelings to my manager and even our district manager.
#peoplebecrazysometimes
Anyway, the above managers and my co-workers were like, "Who...Reece? NAH! That's definitely not right." To which I was thankful, but that hasn't been the only interaction I've had like that. I just find it really puzzling. Is it uncommon to experience genuine courtesy? Lol/sad face
Actually, that also makes me think of a lady I ran into while waiting in line at Chipotle one time. I just came in the door (in a good mood that day) and greeted here with a big smile, "Hey, what's up?! How are you?" type thing... to which she answered semi-awkwardly...kinda did a hesitant double-take; and then was like...
"Are you just friendly, or..."
To which (I picked up on the subtle 'Are you hitting on me/what do you want?) I was like, "Nah, I'm just saying hey. Is that weird?"
She responded to that with a big smile and resounding 'no', but that people in the city had been so mean and distant in comparison to what she knew growing up in a small town. I told here I was the same, having moved around a bunch and living in many small towns. We had a cool little 5 minute convo while waiting, and then said happy good-byes as she headed out the door.
(This should be a very normal, common-courtesy type interaction that changes strangers into acquaintances.)
...and yet, again, today...I don't know. People always seem to be...I don't know...doubtful? Paranoid? Sort of... It's like we're losing our ability to act appropriately friendly toward one another.
For example, both by the way I was raised and by choice, I always try to be courteous and kind. Civility, chivalry, Christianity, a certain sense of propriety in different aspects, and a type of composure or 'proper form'.
By all means, I try to be sincere and thoughtful. The golden rule, posturing (often striving to place your best foot forward), etc... and at times have been greatly appreciated for doing so. Who doesn't want to be treated with respect? Who doesn't like a little kindness with no anterior/ulterior motive?
Yet today... it's really strange how people can be sometimes. They'll take that as 'an act'. One lady in particular, when I worked for Starbucks, apparently thought I was being sarcastic in my attempts to be 'overly nice' (which I try to be equal with everyone/treat everyone the same). She felt the need to express to me what a series of expletives I was, and then took it upon herself take those feelings to my manager and even our district manager.
#peoplebecrazysometimes
Anyway, the above managers and my co-workers were like, "Who...Reece? NAH! That's definitely not right." To which I was thankful, but that hasn't been the only interaction I've had like that. I just find it really puzzling. Is it uncommon to experience genuine courtesy? Lol/sad face
Actually, that also makes me think of a lady I ran into while waiting in line at Chipotle one time. I just came in the door (in a good mood that day) and greeted here with a big smile, "Hey, what's up?! How are you?" type thing... to which she answered semi-awkwardly...kinda did a hesitant double-take; and then was like...
"Are you just friendly, or..."
To which (I picked up on the subtle 'Are you hitting on me/what do you want?) I was like, "Nah, I'm just saying hey. Is that weird?"
She responded to that with a big smile and resounding 'no', but that people in the city had been so mean and distant in comparison to what she knew growing up in a small town. I told here I was the same, having moved around a bunch and living in many small towns. We had a cool little 5 minute convo while waiting, and then said happy good-byes as she headed out the door.
(This should be a very normal, common-courtesy type interaction that changes strangers into acquaintances.)
...and yet, again, today...I don't know. People always seem to be...I don't know...doubtful? Paranoid? Sort of... It's like we're losing our ability to act appropriately friendly toward one another.
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C
Sometimes, thoughts like these confuse the heck outta me. Perceptions are strange and unsteady things at times.
For example, both by the way I was raised and by choice, I always try to be courteous and kind. Civility, chivalry, Christianity, a certain sense of propriety in different aspects, and a type of composure or 'proper form'.
By all means, I try to be sincere and thoughtful. The golden rule, posturing (often striving to place your best foot forward), etc... and at times have been greatly appreciated for doing so. Who doesn't want to be treated with respect? Who doesn't like a little kindness with no anterior/ulterior motive?
Yet today... it's really strange how people can be sometimes. They'll take that as 'an act'. One lady in particular, when I worked for Starbucks, apparently thought I was being sarcastic in my attempts to be 'overly nice' (which I try to be equal with everyone/treat everyone the same). She felt the need to express to me what a series of expletives I was, and then took it upon herself take those feelings to my manager and even our district manager.
#peoplebecrazysometimes
Anyway, the above managers and my co-workers were like, "Who...Reece? NAH! That's definitely not right." To which I was thankful, but that hasn't been the only interaction I've had like that. I just find it really puzzling. Is it uncommon to experience genuine courtesy? Lol/sad face
Actually, that also makes me think of a lady I ran into while waiting in line at Chipotle one time. I just came in the door (in a good mood that day) and greeted here with a big smile, "Hey, what's up?! How are you?" type thing... to which she answered semi-awkwardly...kinda did a hesitant double-take; and then was like...
"Are you just friendly, or..."
To which (I picked up on the subtle 'Are you hitting on me/what do you want?) I was like, "Nah, I'm just saying hey. Is that weird?"
She responded to that with a big smile and resounding 'no', but that people in the city had been so mean and distant in comparison to what she knew growing up in a small town. I told here I was the same, having moved around a bunch and living in many small towns. We had a cool little 5 minute convo while waiting, and then said happy good-byes as she headed out the door.
(This should be a very normal, common-courtesy type interaction that changes strangers into acquaintances.)
...and yet, again, today...I don't know. People always seem to be...I don't know...doubtful? Paranoid? Sort of... It's like we're losing our ability to act appropriately friendly toward one another.
For example, both by the way I was raised and by choice, I always try to be courteous and kind. Civility, chivalry, Christianity, a certain sense of propriety in different aspects, and a type of composure or 'proper form'.
By all means, I try to be sincere and thoughtful. The golden rule, posturing (often striving to place your best foot forward), etc... and at times have been greatly appreciated for doing so. Who doesn't want to be treated with respect? Who doesn't like a little kindness with no anterior/ulterior motive?
Yet today... it's really strange how people can be sometimes. They'll take that as 'an act'. One lady in particular, when I worked for Starbucks, apparently thought I was being sarcastic in my attempts to be 'overly nice' (which I try to be equal with everyone/treat everyone the same). She felt the need to express to me what a series of expletives I was, and then took it upon herself take those feelings to my manager and even our district manager.
#peoplebecrazysometimes
Anyway, the above managers and my co-workers were like, "Who...Reece? NAH! That's definitely not right." To which I was thankful, but that hasn't been the only interaction I've had like that. I just find it really puzzling. Is it uncommon to experience genuine courtesy? Lol/sad face
Actually, that also makes me think of a lady I ran into while waiting in line at Chipotle one time. I just came in the door (in a good mood that day) and greeted here with a big smile, "Hey, what's up?! How are you?" type thing... to which she answered semi-awkwardly...kinda did a hesitant double-take; and then was like...
"Are you just friendly, or..."
To which (I picked up on the subtle 'Are you hitting on me/what do you want?) I was like, "Nah, I'm just saying hey. Is that weird?"
She responded to that with a big smile and resounding 'no', but that people in the city had been so mean and distant in comparison to what she knew growing up in a small town. I told here I was the same, having moved around a bunch and living in many small towns. We had a cool little 5 minute convo while waiting, and then said happy good-byes as she headed out the door.
(This should be a very normal, common-courtesy type interaction that changes strangers into acquaintances.)
...and yet, again, today...I don't know. People always seem to be...I don't know...doubtful? Paranoid? Sort of... It's like we're losing our ability to act appropriately friendly toward one another.
I once met a guy on the street who wanted to know the way and I didn't know so I biked towards there and back to see if it was the right way. Next day he had sent me a love letter hahahahaha.
C
Yesterday I saw glass on a bike road, so I kicked it all to the side, otherwise a bike can drive over it. A guy came on a bike. I said: Watch out! There's glass here! No response, just rides straight through it and pretends I don't exist.
At the office a guy tried to pass me quick on the right so he was at the door quicker, then outside one just bumped into me, just keeps walking. Lol chivalry is dead in Holland, except with the neighbour.
So often they just yell at me: go away! while I may drive on that road too, they just don't know the rules. Once I yelled back: SHUT UP!! because he also cursed and called me names for riding there.
At the office a guy tried to pass me quick on the right so he was at the door quicker, then outside one just bumped into me, just keeps walking. Lol chivalry is dead in Holland, except with the neighbour.
So often they just yell at me: go away! while I may drive on that road too, they just don't know the rules. Once I yelled back: SHUT UP!! because he also cursed and called me names for riding there.
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C
Lol this is from a British guy who lives here:
One of the key differences between Dutch and American men is their approach and use of everyday manners.
There’s no concept of politeness or chivalry in Dutch society, and speaking with the bluntness of a five year old is positively encouraged, this can lead to some of the following:
Pregnant women, having the bloody cheek to expect a*Dutchman to*give up their seat on public transport
“It’s not my fault that you got yourself pregnant"
Refusing to hold doors open for women 'Do you want emancipation or not?'
“You’re a lot heavier than your tinder profile photo suggested”
One of the key differences between Dutch and American men is their approach and use of everyday manners.
There’s no concept of politeness or chivalry in Dutch society, and speaking with the bluntness of a five year old is positively encouraged, this can lead to some of the following:
Pregnant women, having the bloody cheek to expect a*Dutchman to*give up their seat on public transport
“It’s not my fault that you got yourself pregnant"
Refusing to hold doors open for women 'Do you want emancipation or not?'
“You’re a lot heavier than your tinder profile photo suggested”
K
Married woman here who picked the "nice guy" and am happy and blessed every day because of him. I can't stand that other type of guy,in your face,obnoxious. I dont know why any woman wouldn't pick the nice guy.My husband does all he can do to make my life better and I thank him everyday for all he does.Nice guys finish first in my book.
To me, this nice guy/girl vs non nice guy/girl argument is based on worldly, lust-rooted, lust promoting, socio-psychology based agenda. We are called to be set apart, so what does scripture say about all this.
It doesn't matter! Want to know why? Oh, I bet you know why, if Christ is not the head of that person's life it doesn't matter what they are. You'll be unequally yoked - that's it, done, finished, crash and burn - so don't bother.
Now, I assume this person is equally yoked with you and Christ is leading their life, then they should be practicing truth and not deception. I think we all are called as Christians to be kind, so a person may just be exhibiting generosity and graciousness, kudos to them. I think if it's a hypocritical display of niceness however to gain favor then they should be corrected. For men or women, deception isn't the way to go in Christ, so I'd encourage that person to be more authentic rather than condemn them because your reproof may steer them to a more authentic life.
It doesn't matter! Want to know why? Oh, I bet you know why, if Christ is not the head of that person's life it doesn't matter what they are. You'll be unequally yoked - that's it, done, finished, crash and burn - so don't bother.
Now, I assume this person is equally yoked with you and Christ is leading their life, then they should be practicing truth and not deception. I think we all are called as Christians to be kind, so a person may just be exhibiting generosity and graciousness, kudos to them. I think if it's a hypocritical display of niceness however to gain favor then they should be corrected. For men or women, deception isn't the way to go in Christ, so I'd encourage that person to be more authentic rather than condemn them because your reproof may steer them to a more authentic life.
J
Actually the mere mention of nice guys/gals has reached a point of my wanting to turn my back on someone when I hear it (in person).
I was raised to be a nice guy, and I've more than paid my dues because of it. (insert loud farting noise now...)
My response is that we are who we are, if someone considers a nice person as game for mistreatment, then I know what I'm dealing with and they will watch my backside walking away. I'm not referring to anyone here, I'm speaking of people I deal with or have dealt with in the past.
Me thinks way too much has been made of this nowadays.
I was raised to be a nice guy, and I've more than paid my dues because of it. (insert loud farting noise now...)
My response is that we are who we are, if someone considers a nice person as game for mistreatment, then I know what I'm dealing with and they will watch my backside walking away. I'm not referring to anyone here, I'm speaking of people I deal with or have dealt with in the past.
Me thinks way too much has been made of this nowadays.
