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V
WOAH... My girlfriend and I discussed this just a coupla of days ago, and those are the EXACT words she said! And I said almost the exact thing back! Rofl. I was like "Heck, I want YOU. I am fully committed to us now, and it will take God directly telling me 'no' or cheating for me ever break up with you." She still believes in a "One," and I don't =( I have no clue what to do....
Yeah, in my experience you'll never be able to pursuade her from this train of thought. It's rather annoying and self-destructive to the relationship. You can use any logical argument out there, but it's not going to do much. I would say that the next time she comes up with this just to use her own reasoning and ask her, "So when will you know whether you've found 'the one'?" Of course don't do it sarcastically. Just shoot her the question and see what she thinks.
If you two are getting along then my guess as to why she brings this up is simply because she fears you'll reject her and wants to know that you believe in a "One" and that she is that One. If you don't believe in a One, then that just leaves her open for rejection since - in her mind - you don't believe in being with her religiously. In that case your belief in a One would just be security for her? I honestly don't know what's going through her head though. That's just my take.
If you two are getting along then my guess as to why she brings this up is simply because she fears you'll reject her and wants to know that you believe in a "One" and that she is that One. If you don't believe in a One, then that just leaves her open for rejection since - in her mind - you don't believe in being with her religiously. In that case your belief in a One would just be security for her? I honestly don't know what's going through her head though. That's just my take.
P
Perfect partner? I wish I found mine but nope, not yet so far lol. I think we all have a 'few' people in this world who can be our life-long-partner in life. I'm not saying we should be jumping from one to another. Rather, if you 'missed' one, it's not the end of your life to ever get married and settle down. I don't wish to go through this earthly life being alone, but then again, I don't want to make bad choices like some people I know did. Rather, if I do meet anyone,I'll pray to God asking for His guidance and blessing.
A
im 23 and i used to look for the right one too (well...that was before) but unfortunately i had to learned it the hard way.. that there's is always a perfect timing for everything even relationships.. after all the broken heart i've got from the past then now i fully understand that its all worth it to wait for the one that God chose for us. it may take very long time (whenever were ready) but its all worth it when it lasts a lifetime... God knows best and even our hearts desires too, all we need to do is trust GOD. =)
N
That is the basis of all your concerns. We can't always fight our cravings and desires; but, if you give it all to God; you will be provided with all that you need. This is a problem I see with Christianity itself now; there is a pure lack of devotion to God. Why wait on the speed of God, when you can simply take matters into your own hands for some instant gratification right?
There seems to be this growing trend in this faith that believes you should live for the moment and recklessly enjoy life without any concerns; because, after all we can't possibly do anything wrong in the eye's of God right? What's a sin anyways? Jesus died on the Cross, none of that matters anymore! Blah...
Apparently people forget the lessons in the bible. Abraham, who wanted a child with his wife; how long did they have to wait? Look what happened when Abraham and his wife took matters into their own hands; ya, that turned out really well didn't it?
King Solomon and King David...Wow, lets not even go there, what a mess. lol
What you will always find in almost unison consensus among older couples is that; your best bet is to just wait it out. If you know yourself well enough; you know what is right and what is wrong for you. The most important thing is to always be honest with yourself. When God feels there is a need in your life for something more you will be provided for. You should not be concern yourself with who is around you and where you are at. Things will happen when they happen my friend.
Isaiah 40:31:
but they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength;
they shall mount up with wings like eagles;
they shall run and not be weary;
they shall walk and not faint.
Colossians 3:1:
If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God.
Romans 13:12-14:
The night is far spent, the day is at hand: let us therefore cast off the works of darkness, and let us put on the armour of light.
Let us walk honestly, as in the day; not in rioting and drunkenness, not in chambering and wantonness, not in strife and envying.
But put ye on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make not provision for the flesh, to fulfil the lusts thereof.
There seems to be this growing trend in this faith that believes you should live for the moment and recklessly enjoy life without any concerns; because, after all we can't possibly do anything wrong in the eye's of God right? What's a sin anyways? Jesus died on the Cross, none of that matters anymore! Blah...
Apparently people forget the lessons in the bible. Abraham, who wanted a child with his wife; how long did they have to wait? Look what happened when Abraham and his wife took matters into their own hands; ya, that turned out really well didn't it?
King Solomon and King David...Wow, lets not even go there, what a mess. lol
What you will always find in almost unison consensus among older couples is that; your best bet is to just wait it out. If you know yourself well enough; you know what is right and what is wrong for you. The most important thing is to always be honest with yourself. When God feels there is a need in your life for something more you will be provided for. You should not be concern yourself with who is around you and where you are at. Things will happen when they happen my friend.
Isaiah 40:31:
but they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength;
they shall mount up with wings like eagles;
they shall run and not be weary;
they shall walk and not faint.
Colossians 3:1:
If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God.
Romans 13:12-14:
The night is far spent, the day is at hand: let us therefore cast off the works of darkness, and let us put on the armour of light.
Let us walk honestly, as in the day; not in rioting and drunkenness, not in chambering and wantonness, not in strife and envying.
But put ye on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make not provision for the flesh, to fulfil the lusts thereof.
V
^^But there are many cases in the Bible where people chose wives without God just giving her to him, or without God directly telling him who to choose. Heck, in one, the guy didn't even choose-- his servant did! It's not always a "wait on God" thing ~_o
And I've been reading these fiction books from a Christian author, and they contain some Christian themes in them. The "Lost Books" series by Ted Dekker... Warning, there's some possible spoilers from the 4th book, Chaos.
A little back-story - The heroes came from Other Earth using 4 Books of History, and they are now on Earth. There are little white bats called "rousch" from other-earth, which are pretty much angels- messengers of Elyon (God). After the main even has been defeated, there's a conversation between the heroes and the rousch that go something like this-
"Now, [heroes]. You have a choice- You can either go back to Other Earth and help Thomas Hunter fight the Horde, or you can remain here on Earth. However, if you remain on Earth, you will still have a great evil to face."
"Does it matter which we choose?"
"Of course it matters! However, the choice is yours to make."
Basically, we have options. These options are, obviously drastically different in their outcomes, but none is really a greater good than the other. What the heroes did was basically look at their situation and feelings, and made a decisions based on that. They didn't ask special permission from God to see which choice they should make. They didn't wait on God to make one more obvious than the other somehow. They were presented with options, and they made one based on their own free will and discernment, which is WHAT GOD ASKED THEM TO DO.
I know it's a fiction story, but Imma look at it as a fable. It's the principle behind the story that counts, and it still applies in the real world. If God is TELLING you to wait, then listen to Him and wait. Otherwise, you have a free will and if you want, you can go looking for a partner. Which partner? Well, if God doesn't tell you "no," then it's OK (but be sure to ask Him). He's already said no to non-Chrsitians, so go ahead and rule all of them out. Everyone else? Just depends on your personal tastes =P
And I've been reading these fiction books from a Christian author, and they contain some Christian themes in them. The "Lost Books" series by Ted Dekker... Warning, there's some possible spoilers from the 4th book, Chaos.
A little back-story - The heroes came from Other Earth using 4 Books of History, and they are now on Earth. There are little white bats called "rousch" from other-earth, which are pretty much angels- messengers of Elyon (God). After the main even has been defeated, there's a conversation between the heroes and the rousch that go something like this-
"Now, [heroes]. You have a choice- You can either go back to Other Earth and help Thomas Hunter fight the Horde, or you can remain here on Earth. However, if you remain on Earth, you will still have a great evil to face."
"Does it matter which we choose?"
"Of course it matters! However, the choice is yours to make."
Basically, we have options. These options are, obviously drastically different in their outcomes, but none is really a greater good than the other. What the heroes did was basically look at their situation and feelings, and made a decisions based on that. They didn't ask special permission from God to see which choice they should make. They didn't wait on God to make one more obvious than the other somehow. They were presented with options, and they made one based on their own free will and discernment, which is WHAT GOD ASKED THEM TO DO.
I know it's a fiction story, but Imma look at it as a fable. It's the principle behind the story that counts, and it still applies in the real world. If God is TELLING you to wait, then listen to Him and wait. Otherwise, you have a free will and if you want, you can go looking for a partner. Which partner? Well, if God doesn't tell you "no," then it's OK (but be sure to ask Him). He's already said no to non-Chrsitians, so go ahead and rule all of them out. Everyone else? Just depends on your personal tastes =P
V
I never said anything about polygamy... But yeah, God wasn't displeased with random guys who took random wives. There are a few cases in the Bible where God told somebody to marry someone special, but there are a few cases, and was not what normally happened.
If God knows you'll do it if he doesn't say "no," and you ask Him, then if He really didn't what you to do it, He's said either "no" or "wait," right? If not, then why didn't He tell you no????
EDIT: Also, God said "no" to polygamy somewhere along the line anyway ~_o
If God knows you'll do it if he doesn't say "no," and you ask Him, then if He really didn't what you to do it, He's said either "no" or "wait," right? If not, then why didn't He tell you no????
EDIT: Also, God said "no" to polygamy somewhere along the line anyway ~_o
S
i agree to an extent, i think this whole perfect person can be just a dream. I would like to believe that God has prepared someone for me to spend my life with. It also depends on your decisions, sometimes you can have a amazing person before you but if you set yourself to think they are not the one, then you can miss your chance to be happy. but overall i choose to believe that God created me and my future husband thinking that one day we would meet and live for his glory.
C
What a topic. Does God choose, or do we? Is it fate? Does our 'soul mate' exist, or are there many compatible partners that God would approve of amd bless? I once believed that God knew who my wife would be and that she was predestined for me, just one. And God gave me a supernatural vision of her and revealed her to me. I met her a short time later and i felt God told me that it wasnt the right time yet, so I gave it back to Him in trust. Then after a few years of Christian growth and excitement and an awesome supernatural walk with God, I was lured back into the drug scene. I went through two relationships also, still believing that my wife was the girl in the vision, and that God, when He revealed her to me, knew all of the choices i would make and where i would end up and that at some stage she would be my wife. ( I even shared my dream with both girlfriends and told them that i believed that God had revealed my wife to me.) That vision was 13 years ago. I since have recommited to fellowship and to the service of God in the Church setting and have been going from strength to strength over the last 5 years in my relationship with Him. I never doubted once that she would be my wife. It was like i had a gift of faith for it. But during my second relationship, which ended with me attending church full time again, some concepts began to be introduced to me that I hadnt known before, the main one being that personal prophecy is conditional, even if conditions arent specified, and that our choices can cause us to miss out on God's best or negate them. That was a tough one to come to terms with as I had believed a certain person was going to be my wife for 10 odd years, and now there was the possibilty that i could have forfeited it because of my choices (which at the time i didnt feel i had a choice, as i was deeply hurt and wounded from the past and it took years to work through to a place where i could even choose for myself without being driven by needs) "So what now then" i thought? If it has been forfeited then do i still have a wife ahead of me? is she a different person now? is this one as hand picked as the first? And how will i find her ( in God's timing of course). Where i was once so sure, now the whole topic was plagued by uncertainty.In the world things are so differnet, for example, there is no question of "is this Gods choice for me?", but more "am i attracted to this person"? And usuallly people hook up with other people they feel or sense will fulfill needs within their lives, not looking to give but to get, being in NEED of love, lonley or just meeting by 'chance' and hitting it off, spending more time together getting more serious depending on what the circumstances, and the intenion of both party's, until the relationship becomes very knitted and they move in together or get married and then see what happens. There is no foresight in the world (of the omniscient variety) but they just hope for the best. And theres a lot of painful splits and disfunction, and relationships are faaar from what God call love and respect.
But in the Christian world we have access to a God that knows all and and He is within us. We are - or should be - accountable to others, to leaders, who watch over our lives. Some have their partners revealed to them in a vision or a dream, some get a leading or check in their spirit regarding relationships, but theres still a lot that operate as the world does, still having deep needs unmet, unwhole, desperate, needy, without God truely being first place in their lives. But sometimes its so hard. Im part of a congregation that has very few single females that i would consider as a potential wife ( i dont want to sound like im desperate to have a wife, i could happily go either way but God has revealed that i will have children and a family and that it is His plan for me and im 33 now haha) the church im in only has about 60 people, and we dont really go to any christian events or other churchs, so the potential of meeting someone in my social circle is pretty slim, unless God supernaturally brings her into my life. And if He does then we are back to "shes the one" that God has prepared and brought into my life, opposed to me choosing a "compatible" wife - which how do i know if shes compatible anyway, i know nothing about her or who i would be compatible with or who a relationship/ marriage would work out with. Only God has that ability to know who is suited. Do i go looking for a partner? do i socialize, date, and use that process? Or do i just trust and be open to opportunity?
Different religions have different views about partners, so does the world. But its pretty hard to get a clear view of what the biblical/ Godly view is with stepping over into some of the philosophies - ie predestination/ fate, soul mates, etc
But this is what i think could be considered biblical.
I should firstly be in faith toward God that He has a plan for me, and if He has revealed to me that im to be married then even if i dont know how it works or how its going to happen i can believe that God does and that He has my best interests at heart and I can trust Him to work on my behalf in this area and bring it to pass. So if im doubting its going to happen (like the israelites in the desert) just because i cant see how it could possibly happen then i need to keep coming back to my Father and putting my trust back in Him, instead of entering into dispair. This also will strengthen my faith and deepen and reinforce my relationship with Him - as a by product. God calls us to forsake the world and its pleasures to a large degree and to take up our cross and follow Him, so instead of looking at the pleasures of the world, and the desire to be with the woman that you see everyday (because they are awe inspiring creations of God!) but to devote yourself to Him and His choice for your life because this is what it takes to become faithful. First to God, then to yourself, then to a wife/ husband if that is what God intends for you. Because if we are look 'out there' to have our needs met we are not relying on God as our all sufficiency, and when we do come into a relationship we will be still looking 'out there for satisfaction instead of to God, and our needs can never be met by anything but God - they are unsatiable. I think when we are lost in His Glory, seeking Him that these other things fall into place, because the God who loves us is the giver of gifts, He know what is important to us and He wants to bless us with the most special displays of His goodness because He is a Person and the best kind of Person. He is Love
Second i think it is so important to submit to His process of character developemnt in our lives, to be perfected in the Love of God, so that we can be good husbands and wifes, a blessing, not a person full of things that dont honor God or others, full of self seeking and pride and unable to be honest and supply the things that families need to grow. If we hold on to our own lives God cant make us into people that are His heart to the world.
So to me its not so much a matter of knowing how it all works but putting your faith inthe hands of the One who does.
Hope this helps
As a living-breeding human being, it's completely natural to want a mate. Animals also mate all of the time. That's why we spay and neuter our pets, to control the pet population, right Bob Barker? We as humans and the species of earth want companionship. It's the way of life on Earth. Meet, mate and build a family. So with that said no-Christian is losing focus on God for wanting a relationship. You're not being selfish, so if things don't work out with some girl, it's not a bad thing.
I've seen too many Christians talk about future spouses. Why don't we ever discuss future friends, future pets, future cars, future homes, future jobs, future cloths, future food. We're always wondering about this future. Which is great. The future however, is determined in every moment that leads up to it. In each moment, we control destiny. It's like some Christian watched "Back to the Future II" 8x in a row and then preached a sermon at church the next day.
In 7th grade, I liked a girl. I wanted to marry her on sight. I was a christian. I felt convicted to only marry one girl. So with two sides of that ball, I combined them. Walloh, she became "my future wife". From 7th grade-12th grade she was single too. Come to find out, as I've grown, I've begun to realize this girl really did like me the entire time. I just didn't talk to her until my senior year. Then I had sports and couldn't make it to church. Before I knew we had the church senior banquet. I didn't talk to her the entire night, though she must have given me 3-4 openers. I just figured, high school was over... and any potential between us was over.
In retrospect, all I had needed to do was take shots.
So I've dated four christian girls in the years since. It's not like they don't work out because I'm cursed because I missed my window with the girl in middle and high school. Things just don't always work out. I just justified her being my future wife for guilt that I liked a girl I wasn't married too or not sure I'd marry.
I personally feel churches are condemning teens to insist on waiting on future spouses to prevent teenage pregnancy in the church. I mean in my 18-30s group they never said "future spouse" once. It's like growing up in church means they future doesn't occur until age 18. If a kid gets a girl who isn't is wife pregnant, well... at least it won't hurt the youth ministry now.
That's why Christian youth are so stuck on this "future spouse" concept.
This now creates a new problem. Through out your high school years you're surrounded with girls your age. During this time "waiting" on your "future spouse" until you're over 18. Well, something funny occurs after high school... everyone disappears. Now that you're all ready to go... the girls vanish. Now an adult you find a lack of dating options as a problem. So it's either strike in high school or marry a woman off eharmony.com when you're over 40.
C
I got your back on this one. When do we really know when we're doing right or wrong in God's eyes or not?... aside from scripture. We know the word but seriously it's like those who know the word the most over analyze every ticky-tac thing. I mean when two dogs mate, are they doing wrong? I completely agree with marriage, but seriously... are some Christians waiting for a sign to announce "***This is the ONE... MARRY her... August 22nd, 2011***" or "***That's the wrong one, that's Joe Bag O' Donuts future wife***"... "Oh, my bad Joe Bag, didn't mean to have dated your future wife five years before you met and all... no hard feelings? I'm gonna still get a wedding invite right...?"