What a topic. Does God choose, or do we? Is it fate? Does our 'soul mate' exist, or are there many compatible partners that God would approve of amd bless? I once believed that God knew who my wife would be and that she was predestined for me, just one. And God gave me a supernatural vision of her and revealed her to me. I met her a short time later and i felt God told me that it wasnt the right time yet, so I gave it back to Him in trust. Then after a few years of Christian growth and excitement and an awesome supernatural walk with God, I was lured back into the drug scene. I went through two relationships also, still believing that my wife was the girl in the vision, and that God, when He revealed her to me, knew all of the choices i would make and where i would end up and that at some stage she would be my wife. ( I even shared my dream with both girlfriends and told them that i believed that God had revealed my wife to me.) That vision was 13 years ago. I since have recommited to fellowship and to the service of God in the Church setting and have been going from strength to strength over the last 5 years in my relationship with Him. I never doubted once that she would be my wife. It was like i had a gift of faith for it. But during my second relationship, which ended with me attending church full time again, some concepts began to be introduced to me that I hadnt known before, the main one being that personal prophecy is conditional, even if conditions arent specified, and that our choices can cause us to miss out on God's best or negate them. That was a tough one to come to terms with as I had believed a certain person was going to be my wife for 10 odd years, and now there was the possibilty that i could have forfeited it because of my choices (which at the time i didnt feel i had a choice, as i was deeply hurt and wounded from the past and it took years to work through to a place where i could even choose for myself without being driven by needs) "So what now then" i thought? If it has been forfeited then do i still have a wife ahead of me? is she a different person now? is this one as hand picked as the first? And how will i find her ( in God's timing of course). Where i was once so sure, now the whole topic was plagued by uncertainty.
In the world things are so differnet, for example, there is no question of "is this Gods choice for me?", but more "am i attracted to this person"? And usuallly people hook up with other people they feel or sense will fulfill needs within their lives, not looking to give but to get, being in NEED of love, lonley or just meeting by 'chance' and hitting it off, spending more time together getting more serious depending on what the circumstances, and the intenion of both party's, until the relationship becomes very knitted and they move in together or get married and then see what happens. There is no foresight in the world (of the omniscient variety) but they just hope for the best. And theres a lot of painful splits and disfunction, and relationships are faaar from what God call love and respect.
But in the Christian world we have access to a God that knows all and and He is within us. We are - or should be - accountable to others, to leaders, who watch over our lives. Some have their partners revealed to them in a vision or a dream, some get a leading or check in their spirit regarding relationships, but theres still a lot that operate as the world does, still having deep needs unmet, unwhole, desperate, needy, without God truely being first place in their lives. But sometimes its so hard. Im part of a congregation that has very few single females that i would consider as a potential wife ( i dont want to sound like im desperate to have a wife, i could happily go either way but God has revealed that i will have children and a family and that it is His plan for me and im 33 now haha) the church im in only has about 60 people, and we dont really go to any christian events or other churchs, so the potential of meeting someone in my social circle is pretty slim, unless God supernaturally brings her into my life. And if He does then we are back to "shes the one" that God has prepared and brought into my life, opposed to me choosing a "compatible" wife - which how do i know if shes compatible anyway, i know nothing about her or who i would be compatible with or who a relationship/ marriage would work out with. Only God has that ability to know who is suited. Do i go looking for a partner? do i socialize, date, and use that process? Or do i just trust and be open to opportunity?
Different religions have different views about partners, so does the world. But its pretty hard to get a clear view of what the biblical/ Godly view is with stepping over into some of the philosophies - ie predestination/ fate, soul mates, etc
But this is what i think could be considered biblical.
I should firstly be in faith toward God that He has a plan for me, and if He has revealed to me that im to be married then even if i dont know how it works or how its going to happen i can believe that God does and that He has my best interests at heart and I can trust Him to work on my behalf in this area and bring it to pass. So if im doubting its going to happen (like the israelites in the desert) just because i cant see how it could possibly happen then i need to keep coming back to my Father and putting my trust back in Him, instead of entering into dispair. This also will strengthen my faith and deepen and reinforce my relationship with Him - as a by product. God calls us to forsake the world and its pleasures to a large degree and to take up our cross and follow Him, so instead of looking at the pleasures of the world, and the desire to be with the woman that you see everyday (because they are awe inspiring creations of God!) but to devote yourself to Him and His choice for your life because this is what it takes to become faithful. First to God, then to yourself, then to a wife/ husband if that is what God intends for you. Because if we are look 'out there' to have our needs met we are not relying on God as our all sufficiency, and when we do come into a relationship we will be still looking 'out there for satisfaction instead of to God, and our needs can never be met by anything but God - they are unsatiable. I think when we are lost in His Glory, seeking Him that these other things fall into place, because the God who loves us is the giver of gifts, He know what is important to us and He wants to bless us with the most special displays of His goodness because He is a Person and the best kind of Person. He is Love
Second i think it is so important to submit to His process of character developemnt in our lives, to be perfected in the Love of God, so that we can be good husbands and wifes, a blessing, not a person full of things that dont honor God or others, full of self seeking and pride and unable to be honest and supply the things that families need to grow. If we hold on to our own lives God cant make us into people that are His heart to the world.
So to me its not so much a matter of knowing how it all works but putting your faith inthe hands of the One who does.
Hope this helps