"There's someone out there for everyone"

Mii · Apr 25, 2020

Well @Kojikun if it makes you feel any better...I'm 28 sans a romantic relationship. I've been on one "date" to homecoming when I was 14.

Do I believe in the Soul mate concept? No strictly speaking. I do think there are some people that the Lord made compatible with many people...imagine there being tons of sparrows...find one you like and follow the word.

but two Dodos? Maybe there are people out there where there legitimately is only one match and it requires the Lord's timing and your full submission to him in order for that to be a reality.

There's only a small minority of instances in scripture where the Lord "matched" someone. I'll be honest, I'm pining for that because I just want to be certain as I can be in the flesh and I'm willing to wait, but really my only criteria is mutual interest.

At this point I RARELY find myself interested in other females. It happens once a year if that, and it seems less and less likely.

With all the dead ends I feel bottle necked into some design...I guess that sounds a bit bitter and I am, I've been struggling with that a bit lately...but I'm sure he loves me and knows my needs. Wants are iffy though

cinder · Apr 25, 2020

Mii said:

I'm quite sure that in the world of dating there are many Dodos, it's the (hmm, big fancy, kind of royal majestic bird... eagle? Nah no one ever says they're looking for an eagle. Wow I can't think of one, and I'm just starting to realize that our bird names for people are mostly derrogatory: Dodo, chicken, turkey, vulture, peacock, goose, etc. ) that are rare and people are looking for. And now I'll let you all get back to your serious introspection about life and love. Or join me in my musings about why we're so biased against birds that we don't have any positive bird names or analogies for people.

Lynx · Apr 25, 2020

*Lynx steals an idea and runs off with it.

Mii · Apr 25, 2020

cinder said:

You know that actually brought a laugh. You are correct that it isn't anything "strictly" positive. Peacocking is something that I've "shied" away from like a stabled pony.

A dodo is somewhat of an "endearing" bird. It's err...different. I wouldn't say negative just uh...an acquired taste. I also sort of pick that because while it may look funny to others and a bit "silly" (like a peacock) it's unique to it's kind and also allows me to rest in the meme association of the humor vs the insulting/negative nature that some portrayals can be. Also maybe how we look and our uniqueness does bring a smile to the Lord in an endearing way not in a "laughable" fashion

Thinking harder...there are so many birdy things. If you say something so similar to someone else you are "parroting" or if you sell something in a market you are "hawking" both kind of negative...but on the maternal side you also have "nesting" which is at least neutral.

I've also thought of the birds of paradise. What unnecessary panache...but maybe not? Maybe to him, it's a unique song that completes his grand tapestry but for the bird itself...the complicated dance to attract their mate is exhausting and disheartening in its complexity but perhaps that's how he wrote their stories. They can say they think it will be worth it, but they will only know when they get there...and so they dance.

walkOnWater · Apr 25, 2020

as much as i want to disagree with this post but i kinda believe it's a little crappy too...
as much as i don't want to sound pessimistic but i think a romantic kind of love i a gift that is given to some people... not everyone...

and so i instead of sulking, i decided to fall in love with myself... try new things that makes me happy... try to get to know God more... and basically just be happy

Mii · Apr 25, 2020

walkOnWater said:

Yes alas it seems so. Much the same way a person can be called to the mission field or the pastorate and some just work a day job and go to church and lead a "regular" life. People say your workplace is your ministry but it is certainly not the same. People come to church intentionally for Jesus (among other motivations)...people don't go to work for that.

I content myself with the fact that probably there will at least be some romantic moments at times. I doubt there will be the fiery side of things and "true love" that, had I got married at 17 I'd probably espouse strongly.

I'll share a story though, that maybe love/marriage/parenting will be somewhat similar...

nix that...not the full story, but basically the first time I witnessed live birth on a farm...it "just" happened. It was powerful but there was almost an element of disassociation. It just "was" for that moment. One minute there was one sheep and then there were 2 and later 3. Surreal would be the word in a way. That's a far cry from the lovey dovey romance/fiery passion motif but it is "foundational love" like a deep rumble of an earth tremor that is felt but can be missed if one is looking for the surface level icing or even the cake...the cake stand is often overlooked.

Maybe you don't get married or even find the romantic love when you do...but the earth moving foundational love that is the Lord is certainly out there

Oh, I definitely think we shouldn't put our "lives on hold" or let bitterness steal our joy in walking with him. It may not be his plan...but finding our rest in him is a discipline. There's always going to be something we miss in life...so long as we don't miss him then nothing else really matters ultimately. In the moment it seems to, but I'm amazed at all the things that have "grown dim".

walkOnWater · Apr 25, 2020

Mii said:

Yes alas it seems so. Much the same way a person can be called to the mission field or the pastorate and some just work a day job and go to church and lead a "regular" life. People say your workplace is your ministry but it is certainly not the same. People come to church intentionally for Jesus (among other motivations)...people don't go to work for that.

I content myself with the fact that probably there will at least be some romantic moments at times. I doubt there will be the fiery side of things and "true love" that, had I got married at 17 I'd probably espouse strongly.

I'll share a story though, that maybe love/marriage/parenting will be somewhat similar...

nix that...not the full story, but basically the first time I witnessed live birth on a farm...it "just" happened. It was powerful but there was almost an element of disassociation. It just "was" for that moment. One minute there was one sheep and then there were 2 and later 3. Surreal would be the word in a way. That's a far cry from the lovey dovey romance/fiery passion motif but it is "foundational love" like a deep rumble of an earth tremor that is felt but can be missed if one is looking for the surface level icing or even the cake...the cake stand is often overlooked.

Maybe you don't get married or even find the romantic love when you do...but the earth moving foundational love that is the Lord is certainly out there

Oh, I definitely think we shouldn't put our "lives on hold" or let bitterness steal our joy in walking with him. It may not be his plan...but finding our rest in him is a discipline. There's always going to be something we miss in life...so long as we don't miss him then nothing else really matters ultimately. In the moment it seems to, but I'm amazed at all the things that have "grown dim".

oh how i love the last line you just said "we shouldn't put our lives 'on hold' or let bitterness steal our joy"... that say's it all!

God has given us so many other thinks to be grateful for and the root of bitterness if we keep comparing ourselves with what other people havce that we don't... so i think (and i am still learning) that we should just keep focusing on being happy!

1christian1 · Apr 25, 2020

Mii said:

Yes alas it seems so. Much the same way a person can be called to the mission field or the pastorate and some just work a day job and go to church and lead a "regular" life. People say your workplace is your ministry but it is certainly not the same. People come to church intentionally for Jesus (among other motivations)...people don't go to work for that.

I content myself with the fact that probably there will at least be some romantic moments at times. I doubt there will be the fiery side of things and "true love" that, had I got married at 17 I'd probably espouse strongly.

I'll share a story though, that maybe love/marriage/parenting will be somewhat similar...

nix that...not the full story, but basically the first time I witnessed live birth on a farm...it "just" happened. It was powerful but there was almost an element of disassociation. It just "was" for that moment. One minute there was one sheep and then there were 2 and later 3. Surreal would be the word in a way. That's a far cry from the lovey dovey romance/fiery passion motif but it is "foundational love" like a deep rumble of an earth tremor that is felt but can be missed if one is looking for the surface level icing or even the cake...the cake stand is often overlooked.

Maybe you don't get married or even find the romantic love when you do...but the earth moving foundational love that is the Lord is certainly out there

Oh, I definitely think we shouldn't put our "lives on hold" or let bitterness steal our joy in walking with him. It may not be his plan...but finding our rest in him is a discipline. There's always going to be something we miss in life...so long as we don't miss him then nothing else really matters ultimately. In the moment it seems to, but I'm amazed at all the things that have "grown dim".

You spoke of work and church and you are right. I go to work to fill my belly. I go to church to fill my soul...

Gregoryp · Apr 25, 2020

walkOnWater said:

this is what I have been doing for the past 8 years, and now a McDonalds employees is showing much interest in me :O she is much younger but thats no big deal I guess. Now I just need the courage to ask her out

1christian1 · Apr 25, 2020

Gregoryp said:

Good for you Greg! This gives me hope. After all this time (6 years} I am incapable of "picking up signs"from the opposite sex. LOL.. When will you see her next...

Gregoryp · Apr 26, 2020

1christian1 said:

my routine is to have lunch there every Sunday, but may have to get there earlier.

1christian1 · Apr 26, 2020

Gregoryp said:

Are you allowed to eat inside...

Gregoryp · Apr 26, 2020

1christian1 said:

no, it is banned here, maybe give her my number or Facebook account name on a piece of paper. But why cant she do that?

seoulsearch · Apr 26, 2020

Gregoryp said:

You should be the one to make the move.

She's an employee at the restaurant, right?

Maybe things are different over there, but over here, if you are an employee of an establishment, in many cases, making a move on a a customer or giving them your personal info would be considered sexual harassment, resulting in an immediate loss of their job.

This can depend on the establishment and the management, but it's generally not considered wise to hit on the customers, unless the place you're going to is promoting that kind of atmosphere as its business.

Also, this is just me, but if I were interested in an older man, one of the reasons for my interest would be the assumption that being older, he has more world experience -- and enough nerve to ask me out if he's actually interested.

That's just me though... Maybe things are different for her.

1christian1 · Apr 26, 2020

Gregoryp said:

Think that would be a perfect place to start. Go for it! Good luck!

Gregoryp · Apr 26, 2020

seoulsearch said:

You should be the one to make the move.

She's an employee at the restaurant, right?

Maybe things are different over there, but over here, if you are an employee of an establishment, in many cases, making a move on a a customer or giving them your personal info would be considered sexual harassment, resulting in an immediate loss of their job.

This can depend on the establishment and the management, but it's generally not considered wise to hit on the customers, unless the place you're going to is promoting that kind of atmosphere as its business.

Also, this is just me, but if I were interested in an older man, one of the reasons for my interest would be the assumption that being older, he has more world experience -- and enough nerve to ask me out if he's actually interested.

That's just me though... Maybe things are different for her.

now this is amusing, but I was praying in this subject an hour ago. And yes, the lord put it on me that yes, its up to me to declare victory , not her.

GWYW_Bob · Jun 12, 2020

Socreta93 said:

Good question. The hot cheerleader might not be best for the nerdiest kid in school, but that doesn't mean there isn't someone out there for everyone. I have pondered this question myself, especially when being alone from 24 to 53 ( no I wasn't in prison). Since the Bible instructs us to marry rather than burn and to let every man have his own wife and to let every woman have her own husband, that sounds like there has to be someone out there doesn't it?

What we run into is pickyness, unrealistic standards and expectations, wrong priorites, misspent time and so on, that can interfere with finding someone to marry. I wanted to marry a poor woman, so I could make her life better and take care of her. I didn't care how much money she had. Maybe God wanted me to marry a rich woman? Well, I married a poor woman and I love her dearly. Have been married five years.

Someone told me a long time ago that there just has to be someone for everyone if they need to get married that bad. Too often though men are told not to pursue a wife, which I think is ridiculous. Proverbs 18:22 says whoever finds a wife finds a good thing. "Find" is by searching. Are we looking like we must find a mate? Are we praying with importunity like Jesus taught us to pray? Do we weep like Hanna at not accomplishing what we believe to be the will of God?

Prycejosh1987 · Jul 25, 2020

Socreta93 said:

I didnt watch much Disney in my youth life, maybe Aladdin and Hercules and snow white, well i guess i have watched alot of Disney movies. I do believe there is someone out there for everyone, as in there are people like you and have your interests hobbies and persona, etc. Just believe anything can happen and take steps and do not be worried about rejection, it will come, just takes time.

Zdenek · Nov 9, 2021

The idea that there's someone out there for everyone is extremely utopic and idealistic and statistically impossible in real life, since there are more men than women below the age of 65 in the world. And it is even worse in countries with greatly imbalanced sex ratios like China or India, where millions of men will leave this life without ever having a single chance with a woman. But even while the ratios are less insane elsewhere, these still exist in all of the world's countries without exception and in the perjudice of men. Moreover, not all people want a relationship and not all who want are relationship or marriage material, so this may play out to a greater or lesser extent against either sex (it often does against men due to their numerical excess, though).

And the sad part of this, is that it's not necessarily the immature, unworthy or voluntarily single people who will see themselves affected by this.

Zdenek · Nov 9, 2021

Additionally, single men from countries where polygamy is a custom (particularly African countries) will also have an harder time finding a partner.

One of the main benefits of monogamy is that it allows much more men to have access to the opposite sex.

"There's someone out there for everyone"

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