Too Many Divorces?

zeroturbulence · Aug 6, 2014

The woman at the well had 5 husbands and was a samaritan yet Jesus reached out to her and treated her with respect, kindness and mercy (https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=John+4&version=NIV)

I think we should do the same.

secularhermit · Aug 6, 2014

zeroturbulence said:

Absolutely, sir!

She wasn´t worst than any other woman (or man) and just see what she did to turn people to Jesus (probably the 1st interracial evangelist). She acted coherently, since that moment on.

I´m very aware of this too:

P.S.

i just wondered: If a person was a killer? If He was a robber? What would be my real attitude to him (or her)?

Test_F_i_2_Luv · Aug 7, 2014

hoss2576 said:

For purposes of marriage/dating, divorce pretty much is a deal-breaker. I've long desired reciprocation, which in my case means I'm looking for a woman who has never been married, doesn't have children, and who is saving herself for marriage.

For purposes of the body of Christ...being brothers/sisters in the Lord(Christian fellowship)...I'm more concerned that she is focused on her walk with the Lord and has made things right as much as possible with her ex's and God.

Five divorces is a lot...it would probably cause my eyes to bulge, and my jaw to drop. Yet, we have a forgiving and gracious God, and we all sin, so repentance restores the fellowship of believers.

jer2911 · Aug 7, 2014

Im just wondering, if we don't have a separation and divorce, are we going to have many divorces? I don't think so. Perhaps because our law allowed to divorce a person. Or is it because we are given a choice? If we stick to the marriage without that choice, what will you call the marriage? A Torture? What I know from the Bible in the OT, there should be no divorce but because of many reasons, it was allowed. Well, so sad the ratio of divorce, (not so sure of this), but it seemed 60/40 and that is in one place not as a whole. All I can do is sigh... to put oxygen in my tiny brain *.*

Case to case basis. I pray for those who are divorce - full healing. And for those who are not - be on your knees and pray.

Que sera sera. Whatever will be, will be.

God bless everyone!

Wandering_Here · Aug 7, 2014

I would need to know the specifics. Some reasons for divorce are out of one's control, as in Shour's {REDACTED} example. But Raine listed some great questions. There have been many times when I asked why a marriage or relationship ended and the answer was "I broke up with him because he's crazy" or "His ex is crazy". My reply is "That's not an answer." It's a cop-out, it requires no critical thinking or analysis. If you're not willing to address the reasons why a marriage failed, how can you overcome those issues? I apply this thinking to failed long-term relationships as well as divorces.

seoulsearch · Aug 7, 2014

Wandering_Here said:

Exactly. I understand that many people are much more judgmental and unforgiving when it comes to someone who has been married several times, but I really don't think it's much different from someone who's had 10 relationships and never got married.

Some people are sincere in choosing to get married because they believe it's "the right thing to do" rather than just stay in a long-term relationship. I once read an interview with Elizabeth Taylor in which someone asked why she had been married so many times, and she replied that she was "old-fashioned" and believed in marrying rather than just having a relationship.

Now of course I'm not saying that this is a good or right example, but the reason some people have been married multiple times is because they believe, or were taught, that it was the "right thing to do" when you fell in love with someone (or thought you were in love with someone.)

I agree with everything that's been said here about taking each situation as a case-by-case scenario and learning what was behind the divorces, but I think it's also very important that having several failed relationships, even if they weren't married, is usually just as much of a red flag.

Which could also lead to the question, "How Many Relationships is Too Many?" I just don't believe it would be fair to see someone who's been married three times and, let's say only had relationships with those three people to be somehow any worse or deserving of more judgment than someone who's had 10 relationships, especially if they've lived with/slept with several or all of the people they've been involved with.

secularhermit · Aug 7, 2014

Judmentalism?

If a person is too short (or tall) i will not love them.

If a person is too old (or too young) I will not love (neither marry).

If a person is too rich (or too poor) I will not love (neither marry).

If a person haven´t fished high school or her / his college, I will not love neither go dating.

The lists are larger!

Just a sigh I needed to breathe.

Pure_Heart · Aug 7, 2014

Maybe the reason why there are so much divorce is because people no longer take marriage seriously like it was intended! Marriages are no longer considered Christian affair so people can get in and out as easily as they want because all you need is a certificate from just anybody. I haven't met a lot of divorced people because I come from a society where it is frowned at and couples choose to work out their differences rather than walk away from their union. And we don't have much divorce lawyers yet!

jsr1221 · Aug 7, 2014

Pure_Heart said:

The thing is lawyers don't even care. They get paid anyway and they all know one another. What do you think they talk about while having lunch? They talk about each other. Laywers are a huge cause for the divorces because they encourage it and encourage taking it to court. We're just dollar signs to majority of them.

Misty77 · Aug 9, 2014

Test_F_i_2_Luv said:

yeah. good luck with finding your own 40-year-old virgin who's family oriented but cool with the likelihood of not having kids.

Or maybe you can realize that many good women were married earlier in life, but for whatever reasons, that didn't work out. God doesn't owe you anything in regard to your match. Maybe you should be more focused on who God wants you to have than on who you want Him to send you. Maybe you would be the perfect dad to a fatherless child or the ideal husband for a woman who has escaped abuse.

Or you can continue to be only interested in fashioning the family that YOU think you deserve.

secularhermit · Aug 9, 2014

Test_F_i_2_Luv said:

Hi!

Those ladies exist, sir.

Do you know what hurt? They, sometimes, are like a funnel, asking the best for themselves (and their children) and I have seen more than a couple of people so jealous, selfish (and stingy) with the money you had to give YOUR OWN CHILDREN FIRST...

Set aside married, that is nothing, because I was about to married one with several unions and those 3 teens were different dads... Will I be concerned on her sanctification? That´s not my business, up to the moment she accepts all my faults and flaws (children and former "civil unions").

I have heard, I have talked to those who said, when being old: "When you die, what do I get..." and my own brother rose 3 kids and, the moment they were grown up, that mother left (though i can say my brother isn´t / wasn´t an angel.

The number of marriages or civil unions is not the problem, the problem is "me" inside the us and, if ANY of the mates carry children, the "formulae" is more complicated, not only emotionally but as money showed (and a mother often tries to feed her children first) and let´s thank GOD ladies are making more money than men. The sad thing is that there are luring factors that are endangering the loyalty or bed exclusivity of marriage that, the hint the scripture gave his priest, seems to best option for young men: Marrying virgins (and there are).

Lev 21:13 And he shall take a wife in her virginity.
Lev 21:14 A widow, or a divorced woman, or a woman who has been defiled, or a prostitute, these he shall not marry. But he shall take as his wife a virgin of his own people,
Lev 21:15 that he may not profane his offspring among his people, for I am the LORD who sanctifies him."

Test_F_i_2_Luv · Aug 9, 2014

Misty77 said:

yeah. good luck with finding your own 40-year-old virgin who's family oriented but cool with the likelihood of not having kids.

Or maybe you can realize that many good women were married earlier in life, but for whatever reasons, that didn't work out. God doesn't owe you anything in regard to your match. Maybe you should be more focused on who God wants you to have than on who you want Him to send you. Maybe you would be the perfect dad to a fatherless child or the ideal husband for a woman who has escaped abuse.

Or you can continue to be only interested in fashioning the family that YOU think you deserve.

I thought I'd apply John 15:7 to my life and circumstances.

Didn't write anything about her being 40 years old...

Misty77 · Aug 9, 2014

I was probably a bit harsh in my previous post, which is why I shouldn't post after midnight when my tolerance level is at its lowest. I'm sure you are a great guy, and we all have "wants" on our lists of qualifications of our future spouses. Some of them just shouldn't be deal-breakers. Boaz married a widow, Salmon married Rahab the harlot, and Joseph married an unwed mother. What I meant to say is that even if you PREFER a virgin or never-married, just be open to God bringing someone else into your path.

Similarly, guys who are just now getting your lives together in your late 30s and 40s: WOMEN YOUR AGE ALREADY HAVE TO HAVE DECIDED IF THEY ARE HAVING KIDS OR NOT. That's not saying that late 30s and 40s can't get pregnant, but they just can't count on that happening. If the good men aren't ready for marriage until after women their age have reached menopause, then they leave women to either have to settle for men of less quality, marry older men, or forfeit their ability to have children. It's not right, men. We need you to step up.

Also, most people in their 30s or later have sexual pasts, perhaps with kids or a marriage or two behind them. Who are we to think that we are better than them? I get it. For those who have demonstrated a PATTERN of bad decisions--not just one bad decision--you need to hear a "come to Jesus" moment. As believers, our lives need to be exemplified by forgiveness, grace, and self-sacrifice. We are not promised a picket fence-type of life, so I don't think that we need to demand perfection from our prospective mates.

secularhermit · Aug 9, 2014

Absolute and fair !

After certain age those things are to be considered, less quality and less and less (though love exists) and I think this is also true.

Pro 5:18 Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth,

Ecc 11:9 Rejoice, O young man, in your youth, and let your heart cheer you in the days of your youth. Walk in the ways of your heart and the sight of your eyes. But know that for all these things God will bring you into judgment.

Ecc 11:10 Remove vexation from your heart, and put away pain from your body, for youth and the dawn of life are vanity.

Ecc 12:1 Remember also your Creator in the days of your youth, before the evil days come and the years draw near of which you will say, "I have no pleasure in them";

Mal 2:11 Judah has been faithless, and abomination has been committed in Israel and in Jerusalem. For Judah has profaned the sanctuary of the LORD, which he loves, and has married the daughter of a foreign god.
Mal 2:12 May the LORD cut off from the tents of Jacob any descendant of the man who does this, who brings an offering to the LORD of hosts!
Mal 2:13 And this second thing you do. You cover the LORD's altar with tears, with weeping and groaning because he no longer regards the offering or accepts it with favor from your hand.
Mal 2:14 But you say, "Why does he not?" Because the LORD was witness between you and the wife of your youth, to whom you have been faithless, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant.
Mal 2:15 Did he not make them one, with a portion of the Spirit in their union? And what was the one God seeking? Godly offspring. So guard yourselves in your spirit, and let none of you be faithless to the wife of your youth.
Mal 2:16 "For the man who does not love his wife but divorces her, says the LORD, the God of Israel, covers his garment with violence, says the LORD of hosts. So guard yourselves in your spirit, and do not be faithless."

secularhermit · Aug 9, 2014

And I loved you!

jeremyPJ · Aug 10, 2014

secularhermit said:

This reminds me...my hair stylist, also a Baptist, popped the question on me one day. "So what about Hitler? What if he accepted Jesus in his final days? Would he be saved? Something for us to think about..."

I don't know why she brought this up, she likes to exhibit her piousness sometimes. I didn't quite know what to say.

violakat · Aug 10, 2014

jer2911 said:

Moses only allowed it to protect women, because at that time, men were throwing women away. And if they tried to find another husband, many of the men would accuse them of adultery, so that woman was killed, despite the husband already having found another wife. So in a sense, divorce was occurring long before it was legally allowed.

Misty77 said:

That same unwed mother (Mary) was still a virgin, unless of course you don't believe that she was a virgin. Her situation is completely different from someone who ran around on her fiance. And yes, she was already engaged to Joseph long before she became pregnant with Jesus. Don't go twisting that situation to suit your whims.

Misty77 · Aug 10, 2014

violakat said:

It seems you are reading into what I wrote, not taking it at face value. I only said that he married an unwed mom, which is true. My only point is that sometimes the path that God has for us doesn't match what our expectations are.

For your benefit, I find that it's more beneficial to clarify someone's stance before accusing them of twisting scripture.

violakat · Aug 11, 2014

Misty77 said:

I maybe have been to tired to respond to your earlier comment, and quite possibly read incorrectly, or too quickly, I do apologize. What you said previously did not sound anything like what you are were saying just now.

Kendrick · Aug 29, 2014

Mark
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10:2

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And the Pharisees came to him, and asked him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife? tempting him.

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10:3

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And he answered and said unto them, What did Moses command you?

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10:4

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And they said, Moses suffered to write a bill of divorcement, and to put her away.

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10:5

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And Jesus answered and said unto them, For the hardness of your heart he wrote you this precept.

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10:6

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But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female.

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10:7

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For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife;

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10:8

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And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh.

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10:9

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What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.

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10:10

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And in the house his disciples asked him again of the same matter.

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10:11

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And he saith unto them, Whosoever shall put away his wife, and marry another, committeth adultery against her.

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10:12

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And if a woman shall put away her husband, and be married to another, she committeth adultery.

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Too Many Divorces?

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