You can vehemently protest all you want....
As far as my wife goes...she can probably write my exact thoughts except better because "I are we" ALWAYS. We share the same thoughts.
Simple lesson from Genesis: "It is not good for man to be alone"
Man and woman are still created to live symbiotically with each other. The model has not changed just because we have modern conveniences. It has everything to do with our attitudes that you can't see because you have yet to live in symbiosis with anyone. (Even though you were once married)
And where you and Lynx both are all upset about the reflection I just put up for you to see...I didn't create the image. I simply noticed it. I didn't want that image coming from me when I walked into the classroom.
Where I'm not one for "following the crowd" simply because they are the crowd "it is not good (not holy, not pure) for man to be alone. And being single is being alone.
You currently believe you are better being single. I completely disagree. There is another aspect of life you haven't had that is better. And where I know that your married female friends complain about their husband's constantly they haven't exactly found it either. Their assumptions about the singles always being available for free babysitting is another big red flag that they still have yet to learn the "good" parts of being married.
I'm sorry you are not always right (except in your own mind) on this one. I/we am going to side with God and not you in my opinion on this one.
There is a very good life of symbiosis that exists with married couples. It happens. It exists. It is good. Together, in marriage, we become more than the sum of our parts. It's God's design....take it up with Him if you don't like it.
I would like to ask you an honest question, John. And not out of spite or bitterness or anything like that, but more as if I were a daughter and if you were a father figure.
If you and your wife were in a stage of becoming more of each other's at-home caretakers and were having some problems (not being able to drive as much, etc.) with serious health issues pending... And you knew that in time, you and your wife would be much more dependent on others, what would you want your single adult daughter to do?
Choice A -- Stay within close vicinity to help as much as possible and look after you and your wife as you get older (and more reliant on help.)
Choice B -- Go across the country to marry someone she has known 20+ years and would be an excellent match, but have to leave you. You can't or won't be able to make the move with her, and the couple can't move to where you are due to his situation on the other side of the equation (after all, marriage is about making two people one, and his situation dictates him staying there, or they would be abandoning HIS parents.) And what if you or your wife dies, leaving one of you alone? Would you want your daughter to live her own life, or to look after yours (or that of your wife?)
Which would you have her choose?
Your daughter's own security, both present and future, in moving and marrying, but without being able to see you more than once or twice a year? Or would you rather choose yours or your wife's own comfort and security by having her nearby to help?
I am genuinely curious as to what you would choose for her if given the opportunity.
THIS is why I disagree with statements about singles being selfish, flirty, etc. We all have issues with sin, no matter what form, and every married or single person fights their own demons. No one is exempt. Some even fight the very same demons, even if their marital status is different.
But to dismiss all singles as narcissistic flirts who think only of themselves all the time -- it's just not true. Sure, some are, but we've all met plenty of marrieds who are that way as well.
Some of us singles COULD be like you (married,) but most of the single peers I have at this stage in life are caught in the same situation as myself, having to measure the best for those we love as being better than what might be best for ourselves.
After reading Beckie's response saying that she didn't understand the point of one of my posts, I wondered if my last post might come across as unclear as well.
This last post is mostly in response to your statement that God Himself says it is not good to be alone, as well as the point you made in another post that sometimes the cure is even more painful than the disease.
And so I was asking you, how does one discern between the two, and how do you tell which one is the cure to be administered?
In my own life example, you would say that God said it is not good to be alone, and that if I have a problem with that, I can take it up with Him. You say that because of this, the better choice (the cure for my disease of being alone) is to marry.
But God's highest calling in our lives isn't to cure our loneliness or to make it so that we aren't alone. His biggest concern for each of us is our spiritual growth.
So again, in your example, you see being alone as the disease and marriage as being God's cure for this state. But what about the other factors of life that come into play? As mentioned, I have had opportunities to get married. But, as we are to think of others and not just ourselves, I have to think of my parent's risk of being left alone.
And so if they too are facing the disease of being alone and God says that being alone is not good (even if it's in a different way,) and my NOT getting married due to circumstances is the cure to THEIR disease, which one now takes priority? My own needs and wants, or theirs?
If MY loneliness is the sickness and getting married is the cure, what happens if it in turn exacerbates and causes rapid development in that same sickness (loneliness) for my parents? What happens when your cure is a major contributing factor to someone ELSE'S disease? What would God have us choose, especially when He says the greatest love for someone isn't to marry, but to lay down your life for those you love?
I know many other singles in this same predicament. One gave up independence across the country to make sure an elderly relative has someone to watch over them 24/7 and can stay in the safe and familiar environment of their own home. Another doesn't have much time to date or meet a potential husband because she is literally too busy helping to raise a myriad of other parents' children. I have no doubt that even though she doesn't have a biological child, God is going to credit an entire pack of children to her in heaven, because she has been so crucial to their care. Another has sacrificed social activities in favor of being a volunteer tutor for younger students, because she feels called to help the next generations.
This is why it feels dehumanizing to be knocked down to the bottom of the social ladder and dismissed as attention-seeking airheads just because we are single.
The Bible tells us to pick up our cross, deny ourselves, and follow Him. For some, that thing that has to die on the cross is the hope of marriage, and it's not particularly by an actual choice in which both answers are equally weighted, but rather, it's an illusion of a force "choice" dictated by circumstance and not what one truly wants.
In your own situation, and feel free to correct anything I'm getting wrong, you wrote that your in-laws have made poor financial decisions that has put them in a place of great need. If you and your wife are to help them, it will be at a great burden to you both.
So which are the diseases and which are the cures in this situation? I'm sure you're asking yourself the very same questions.
If your in-laws bad choices are their disease, does that mean your help is the cure? If you do decide to help your in-laws, is it a cure, or is it enabling them (and furthering their disease?) Would also be a disease to you and your wife, since it sounds like it will cause you a world of additional stress and inconvenience?
But if you DON'T help your in-laws, which is the disease, and which is the cure? If the decision is made to do what makes you and your wife happiest and most comfortable, will God say it's a sickness that needs to be addressed (selfishness?) or will He see it as your own right to maintain your own cure (what's best for your own selves)?
I'm asking these more as hypothetical questions, as I know there are no black and white answers. And as you told me that I needed to review the simple Biblical lesson that "it is not good to be alone," one of the most popular verses in my family that gets recited is, "Whoever does not take care of their own family is worse than an unbeliever." How does it fit for you regarding your wife's parents?
These are the kinds of agonizing merry-go-round life-altering puzzles are ones we are ALL going through, and I personally see this as putting both marrieds and singles on a somewhat level playing field in at least one area of life -- the dynamic of serving others.
In my own life, I know the ultimate purpose of our lives isn't to not be alone or to get married or have a family -- it is to serve. And so, for my own situation, the question became, "Who needs my service more in the present circumstance -- my parents, or a husband?"
As much as I could love a husband, my parents became the love of my life when my original husband deserted me, and they helped bring me back to life. I always say that my original husband ripped out my soul when he left, and this whole time, God and those who have stood by me are helping me to grow it back. And I in turn believe God has led me to show them the same loyalty.
He may very well open to door for me to serve both my parents, a husband, and his parents all at once, but for now, I feel I know where I need to concentrate my biggest efforts.
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