I used to have back hair, but I shaved it all off, because one day I woke up and got out of bed and immediately went outside (shirtless) to get the newspaper at my front door, and apparently my back hair was all matted down in weird patterns resembling crop circles.
At that very moment a group of UFO enthusiasts happened to walk by my house and saw my back and took photos of it and sent those pictures to NASA as proof that aliens exist and are indeed visiting our planet.
Even though I shaved off all my back hair, the UFO enthusiasts camp out on my from lawn holding up signs that say "We Still Believe"