When I was a wee little feller, I had a cat named Tiptop whom I loved and petted and stroked and Tiptop went with me everywhere and was the center of my universe. And when I was riding to school and Tiptop was in my handlebar basket like always, I hit a pothole in the road and the jolt threw Tiptop into on-coming traffic....
Now look - this was just a drill. I think you all needed a little shock to get off this "why am I single, what's wrong with me, what can I do, what's biblical" funk you're all in. I didn't own a cat named Tiptop and I didn't have a bike with a basket. It was a hic up and sometimes you just have to go up behind somebody and flick their ear.
Now, I'm sorry it came to this, but please - lighten up folks! What's wrong with you?