-
Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.
If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!
To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.
Honestly, what is beauty?
To me its not the absence of ugliness but the way a person respects and carries themselves.
To some Heavy is bad, but if a woman isn't cutting herself and hating every inch of her body, it doesn't need to be negative. People feed off the vibes we give off about our image. If I hate my body or my face or whatever, I can't get mad when other people do to.
I'm attracted to confidence, contentment, and optimism.
If someone is complaining about winding up as the lonely cat lady, 24/7 I'm going to start to believe her. Whether I want to feel or not, I simply cannot block out all of the contempt a person feels for themselves. And its not up to me to change their mind. Trust me, I've tried again and again but, at the end of the day people are going to see and believe what they want to about themselves. I am not the magical undo the damage genie. I can't bear the full burden of being someone else's self esteem. If their compass doesn't point that way, not only can I not fix that, they are going to have a cognitive dissonance and eventually think I'm just lying to them.
I'm kind of a fat guy. I don't care so much anymore. I'm happy with me. I'm confident, comfortable, athletic and if I really went crazy about fitness it would probably be for my own vanity, not because I think I really need it.
To me its not the absence of ugliness but the way a person respects and carries themselves.
To some Heavy is bad, but if a woman isn't cutting herself and hating every inch of her body, it doesn't need to be negative. People feed off the vibes we give off about our image. If I hate my body or my face or whatever, I can't get mad when other people do to.
I'm attracted to confidence, contentment, and optimism.
If someone is complaining about winding up as the lonely cat lady, 24/7 I'm going to start to believe her. Whether I want to feel or not, I simply cannot block out all of the contempt a person feels for themselves. And its not up to me to change their mind. Trust me, I've tried again and again but, at the end of the day people are going to see and believe what they want to about themselves. I am not the magical undo the damage genie. I can't bear the full burden of being someone else's self esteem. If their compass doesn't point that way, not only can I not fix that, they are going to have a cognitive dissonance and eventually think I'm just lying to them.
I'm kind of a fat guy. I don't care so much anymore. I'm happy with me. I'm confident, comfortable, athletic and if I really went crazy about fitness it would probably be for my own vanity, not because I think I really need it.
D
That's awful, I really feel for you and your sisters.
As for the bold part, it is sad.....but it's true....there's no point in denying it. It's a pre-requisite. I tend to think there is always a man out there somewhere that will think any given woman is beautiful though.....no matter what the "consensus" is among the average male population about how she looks.
The hands down absolute most unattractive woman I've ever seen in my life......had a hormone imbalance.....it caused her to look more manly than an average woman and she grows facial hair at such a rapid rate it's impossible for her to keep it 100% under control ALL the time. She has a heart of gold though and would give her last dime to feed the poor. She has a boyfriend that I don't think any lady here would say is bad looking, and he's a really great guy. They've been together for like 3 years or so. If she can find someone....ANYONE can find someone.
As for the bold part, it is sad.....but it's true....there's no point in denying it. It's a pre-requisite. I tend to think there is always a man out there somewhere that will think any given woman is beautiful though.....no matter what the "consensus" is among the average male population about how she looks.
The hands down absolute most unattractive woman I've ever seen in my life......had a hormone imbalance.....it caused her to look more manly than an average woman and she grows facial hair at such a rapid rate it's impossible for her to keep it 100% under control ALL the time. She has a heart of gold though and would give her last dime to feed the poor. She has a boyfriend that I don't think any lady here would say is bad looking, and he's a really great guy. They've been together for like 3 years or so. If she can find someone....ANYONE can find someone.
I accepted that guys were highly attracted to looks a long time ago. I grew up with a gorgeous twin, guys always after her, me always overlooked, and I have gorgeous friends now.
However, these are things I keep in mind that keeps me from being as bitter/resentful as I used to be:
1) Looks matter. In both guys and girls. That can't (and shouldn't be) denied. How much emphasis is put on them depends on the individual. It's a shame that so much is put on them by some people. It matters, but it shouldn't be the defining factor. If it is, then in 40 years you're going to be sorely disappointed.
2) People have different preferences/what they're attracted to. While it seems that almost every guy likes that tall, thin, tan blonde with dimples when she smiles and beautiful eyes (I have a friend just like that), some guys also like other things in women. It can be frustrating that so much emphasis is put onto looks, especially if you don't fit the small category they seem to focus on (that goes for men and women alike), but that is what brings me to my last point...
3) Beauty is in the eye of the Creator. I have to accept that, even if it's not up to my standards or other standards, my Creator sees me as beautiful no matter what I look like. I, as well as other women and other men, are valuable in God's eyes simply because we are His and He formed us.
Those sound cliche, but honestly...it's been the only way I've been able to work towards accepting myself. No, I will never be a drop-dead gorgeous model who all the guys go after. But I must learn to be content in the way that I look and who I am in Christ or else I will disappointed every day of my life. I'm okay with a guy who wants to date me because he thinks I'm pretty. I want him to think I'm pretty. However, I also want him to look at my heart and my character, as well, and in the end, while looks matter, those are the more important things.
I also believe that the whole "Guys are wired to be more visual" is a total cop-out, but that's probably more for a different thread.
However, these are things I keep in mind that keeps me from being as bitter/resentful as I used to be:
1) Looks matter. In both guys and girls. That can't (and shouldn't be) denied. How much emphasis is put on them depends on the individual. It's a shame that so much is put on them by some people. It matters, but it shouldn't be the defining factor. If it is, then in 40 years you're going to be sorely disappointed.
2) People have different preferences/what they're attracted to. While it seems that almost every guy likes that tall, thin, tan blonde with dimples when she smiles and beautiful eyes (I have a friend just like that), some guys also like other things in women. It can be frustrating that so much emphasis is put onto looks, especially if you don't fit the small category they seem to focus on (that goes for men and women alike), but that is what brings me to my last point...
3) Beauty is in the eye of the Creator. I have to accept that, even if it's not up to my standards or other standards, my Creator sees me as beautiful no matter what I look like. I, as well as other women and other men, are valuable in God's eyes simply because we are His and He formed us.
Those sound cliche, but honestly...it's been the only way I've been able to work towards accepting myself. No, I will never be a drop-dead gorgeous model who all the guys go after. But I must learn to be content in the way that I look and who I am in Christ or else I will disappointed every day of my life. I'm okay with a guy who wants to date me because he thinks I'm pretty. I want him to think I'm pretty. However, I also want him to look at my heart and my character, as well, and in the end, while looks matter, those are the more important things.
I also believe that the whole "Guys are wired to be more visual" is a total cop-out, but that's probably more for a different thread.
Studies have shown that women judge each other's looks more than men do.
Women's ideals for what is attractive are way thinner than what a man's ideal is
http://www.nytimes.com/2013/11/19/science/a-cold-war-fought-by-women.html?src=me&ref=general
Read this article. Its fascinating.
Women's ideals for what is attractive are way thinner than what a man's ideal is
http://www.nytimes.com/2013/11/19/science/a-cold-war-fought-by-women.html?src=me&ref=general
Read this article. Its fascinating.
D
Those sound cliche, but honestly...it's been the only way I've been able to work towards accepting myself. No, I will never be a drop-dead gorgeous model who all the guys go after. But I must learn to be content in the way that I look and who I am in Christ or else I will disappointed every day of my life. I'm okay with a guy who wants to date me because he thinks I'm pretty. I want him to think I'm pretty. However, I also want him to look at my heart and my character, as well, and in the end, while looks matter, those are the more important things.
I also believe that the whole "Guys are wired to be more visual" is a total cop-out, but that's probably more for a different thread.
I also believe that the whole "Guys are wired to be more visual" is a total cop-out, but that's probably more for a different thread.
M
I will be the first chick to admit (well maybe not, but i can't be bothered to read EVERY post...lol) looks matter to me and i don't believe it doesn't matter to any other woman out there. That said, the assumption when someone says that is that they are claiming to desire the social/cultural ideal of beauty/handsomeness in another individual but thats not necessarily the case. What attracts me...what IIII find handsome isn't necessarily in line with what others consider attractive. If i were to say i prefer a podgier guy and that i'm not attracted to the built "greek adonis" look, am i still shallow? Or does that really only depend on the nature of my preference rather than the fact that i have one at all.
That said, the assumption when someone says that is that they are claiming to desire the social/cultural ideal of beauty/handsomeness in another individual but thats not necessarily the case. What attracts me...what IIII find handsome isn't necessarily in line with what others consider attractive. If i were to say i prefer a podgier guy and that i'm not attracted to the built "greek adonis" look, am i still shallow? Or does that really only depend on the nature of my preference rather than the fact that i have one at all.
The emotional responses to male posters commenting on looks is a perfect example of how NOT to be (keep in mind that I am talking about once in a relationship, not in a chatboard debate). You may think, "What does he risk by stating that?" For stating his preference, he risks getting judged as being shallow. When you argue that his position is shallow, you invalidate that his opinions and preferences actually matter. I'm not going to go back and double check, but I don't recall anyone stating that they are insisting on supermodel looks or "Hollywood beautiful" as a standard. Looks are important, yes, but it's not the only thing. And I've seen enough posts here to see that different looks are attractive to different people.
Rach, your one of those women that are really beautiful....but doesn't believe it about yourself. You have no problems in the looks department at all. How many times do I gotta tell ya?
It's funny that every time a "What Men Want" thread comes up, looks/attraction is always brought up, but not so much on the women's threads. Guys are visual, but you know what, girls are too. I think that "Guys are visual" is as much of a cop out as "Girls aren't visual". Us females don't get to play the "We aren't attracted to how a guy looks, just his character" card. Can't we just accept that physical attraction does play a part, and if it plays too much of a part, do you really want to date that guy/gal anyway?
D
42.37 times.
It's funny that every time a "What Men Want" thread comes up, looks/attraction is always brought up, but not so much on the women's threads. Guys are visual, but you know what, girls are too. I think that "Guys are visual" is as much of a cop out as "Girls aren't visual". Us females don't get to play the "We aren't attracted to how a guy looks, just his character" card. Can't we just accept that physical attraction does play a part, and if it plays too much of a part, do you really want to date that guy/gal anyway?
It's funny that every time a "What Men Want" thread comes up, looks/attraction is always brought up, but not so much on the women's threads. Guys are visual, but you know what, girls are too. I think that "Guys are visual" is as much of a cop out as "Girls aren't visual". Us females don't get to play the "We aren't attracted to how a guy looks, just his character" card. Can't we just accept that physical attraction does play a part, and if it plays too much of a part, do you really want to date that guy/gal anyway?
Oh it always comes up....lol, I was hoping it wouldn't go there but it did. I still don't understand how it's a cop out. Care to enlighten me? What is it copping out of? I R confused
I didn't see a need to since he qualified the rest of it as already being in a relationship. It is a different beast, so to speak.
Please don't think that I ever indicated that it is more godly to date a troll or someone who never bathes. This argument is not binary: there are degrees to which we can agree or disagree. There is just a very high standard for beauty that is set, and it seems that men in the church hold that bar even higher. Most [not all]of the Christian couples I see are of an average guy with a much prettier wife. The guy is a 4 and his wife is a 9. Their integers don't match. And it concerns me that many Joe Schmoes place that same expectation on their future spouse as though God owes them a woman who looks like she just walked off a movie set or a fitness magazine. Of course your significant other should be beautiful in your eyes! I just think that some of us need to broaden our view a little bit.
Please don't think that I ever indicated that it is more godly to date a troll or someone who never bathes. This argument is not binary: there are degrees to which we can agree or disagree. There is just a very high standard for beauty that is set, and it seems that men in the church hold that bar even higher. Most [not all]of the Christian couples I see are of an average guy with a much prettier wife. The guy is a 4 and his wife is a 9. Their integers don't match. And it concerns me that many Joe Schmoes place that same expectation on their future spouse as though God owes them a woman who looks like she just walked off a movie set or a fitness magazine. Of course your significant other should be beautiful in your eyes! I just think that some of us need to broaden our view a little bit.
I was referring to knee-jerk reactions as soon as a guy admits that looks are a factor.
It's unfair that many great women don't grt noticed because of their looks. Once noticed however, her godly characteristics are a factor in keeping a godly man. And I think that they even contribute to a wise man noticing her.
In my limited dating experiences, I have gone out with women who most would consider attractive as well as some who would be considered unattractive. I've enjoyed the process of getting to know them all.
Even though physical attractiveness fades over time and is not nearly as important as her other qualities, physical attractiveness is a factor. I'm getting sick of men being thought of as shallow or feeling like they need to apologize for having preferences.
It's unfair that many great women don't grt noticed because of their looks. Once noticed however, her godly characteristics are a factor in keeping a godly man. And I think that they even contribute to a wise man noticing her.
In my limited dating experiences, I have gone out with women who most would consider attractive as well as some who would be considered unattractive. I've enjoyed the process of getting to know them all.
Even though physical attractiveness fades over time and is not nearly as important as her other qualities, physical attractiveness is a factor. I'm getting sick of men being thought of as shallow or feeling like they need to apologize for having preferences.
I
Some one love them and they love return and add lots other darling qualities to that.
What beauty is in a body filled or not is individual how one sees that.
How one feels beautiful, feels loves, feels seen , cared for, filled with in and without and one with who and all one is.
I think woman could be more shallow than men and they are shallow in a really educated deep way. I think many men are deeper than woman.
I think it is beautiful when some one stands for who they are and there true colours but un4tunately many people cheat and I think it is ugly to do such things to feel and look beautiful.
Such as skinning rabbits alive and storing in tiny cages or taking elephant ivory , having dog tied up 24/7 because you stole it from real owner , stealing petroleum, attatching face to a face is a "newi" they want energy and colours, light and vibrations from this other face. a real person who feels awful cause others are stealing from it.
So many people have plastic surgery and they even have surgery of there time and genitals and surgery to look like some one else.
They even do so with horses and theres ways of taking energy ,colours from say a pure breed and specially steal the coat so another horse feel beautiful.
They can actually take some ones inner beauty and steal it in a way.
charisma and so forth is charming and all but i valued my shadow to be worth more than my light.
I find it unattractive to do such things to feel and look beautiful.
I have seen men whom others think "oh beautiful" whom buzzing but i do not find them attractive because they are not nice or because they "cheat" so much to feel and look beautiful.
Many cheat to get lighter skin also and it does work and they shadow people they jealous of and stealing from and lie about them .
It is not the meat or body just but the energy and spirit inside it and the colours and when some one steals some one elses coat and colours like many i know then that is unattractive the real owner feels bad and may be tortured for coat etc and they dont care.
This lack of care is ugly.
Torturing animals and humans to feel and look beautiful and having no care is ugly and then prancing around showing off some one elses coat and energy and colours.
Have seen news about this and what extent people go to.
This is christian people as well with childrena and families...
I dont find most of the stars attractive nor do I see them as respectable pros for behaviours been going on and petroleum theft, holo casting , stealing, cheating and etc
I cant respect that.
Maybe 10 % out of 100 are good or 1%...
Then again makes one appreciate the real ones.
A catholic man i spent time with but never met in person used to say he would know me by my shadow . I also said this to some people i was working with that my shadow is worth more than my light cause i was being shadowed .
We stopped seeing each other one reason was his company he keeps.
I say we may all want many things same when comes down to it.
Some one can feel connected with, close and intimate , committed ,live well with and much more.
What beauty is in a body filled or not is individual how one sees that.
How one feels beautiful, feels loves, feels seen , cared for, filled with in and without and one with who and all one is.
I think woman could be more shallow than men and they are shallow in a really educated deep way. I think many men are deeper than woman.
I think it is beautiful when some one stands for who they are and there true colours but un4tunately many people cheat and I think it is ugly to do such things to feel and look beautiful.
Such as skinning rabbits alive and storing in tiny cages or taking elephant ivory , having dog tied up 24/7 because you stole it from real owner , stealing petroleum, attatching face to a face is a "newi" they want energy and colours, light and vibrations from this other face. a real person who feels awful cause others are stealing from it.
So many people have plastic surgery and they even have surgery of there time and genitals and surgery to look like some one else.
They even do so with horses and theres ways of taking energy ,colours from say a pure breed and specially steal the coat so another horse feel beautiful.
They can actually take some ones inner beauty and steal it in a way.
charisma and so forth is charming and all but i valued my shadow to be worth more than my light.
I find it unattractive to do such things to feel and look beautiful.
I have seen men whom others think "oh beautiful" whom buzzing but i do not find them attractive because they are not nice or because they "cheat" so much to feel and look beautiful.
Many cheat to get lighter skin also and it does work and they shadow people they jealous of and stealing from and lie about them .
It is not the meat or body just but the energy and spirit inside it and the colours and when some one steals some one elses coat and colours like many i know then that is unattractive the real owner feels bad and may be tortured for coat etc and they dont care.
This lack of care is ugly.
Torturing animals and humans to feel and look beautiful and having no care is ugly and then prancing around showing off some one elses coat and energy and colours.
Have seen news about this and what extent people go to.
This is christian people as well with childrena and families...
I dont find most of the stars attractive nor do I see them as respectable pros for behaviours been going on and petroleum theft, holo casting , stealing, cheating and etc
I cant respect that.
Maybe 10 % out of 100 are good or 1%...
Then again makes one appreciate the real ones.
A catholic man i spent time with but never met in person used to say he would know me by my shadow . I also said this to some people i was working with that my shadow is worth more than my light cause i was being shadowed .
We stopped seeing each other one reason was his company he keeps.
I say we may all want many things same when comes down to it.
Some one can feel connected with, close and intimate , committed ,live well with and much more.
42.37 eh? I must be halfway there by now
Oh it always comes up....lol, I was hoping it wouldn't go there but it did. I still don't understand how it's a cop out. Care to enlighten me? What is it copping out of? I R confused
Oh it always comes up....lol, I was hoping it wouldn't go there but it did. I still don't understand how it's a cop out. Care to enlighten me? What is it copping out of? I R confused
To me, when I hear guys say "Well, we're wired to be more visual" it just seems to be an excuse to ogle and put physical looks on a pedestal. The way it's approached makes it seem like 1) Girls aren't visual and 2) they are allowed to get hung up on looks because they simply can't help it.
On the other hand, you often hear "Girls are wired to be more emotional". Again, I think that gives off the excuse of 1) Guys are not emotional and 2) Us females are allowed to let our emotions run us because we can't help it.
I know that God created males and females different. I'm not saying that I don't think it's true; I think that men tend to be more visual and women tend to be more emotional. But that should never be an excuse, and often when I hear "I'm just wired that way", that's exactly what it is.
Hopefully that answered it.