What Christian Men Are Looking For

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Donkeyfish07

Guest
#61
#61
Misty77 said:
Most [not all]of the Christian couples I see are of an average guy with a much prettier wife. The guy is a 4 and his wife is a 9. Their integers don't match. And it concerns me that many Joe Schmoes place that same expectation on their future spouse as though God owes them a woman who looks like she just walked off a movie set or a fitness magazine. T Of course your significant other should be beautiful in your eyes! I just think that some of us need to broaden our view a little bit.
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I'm curious as to how your rating the men.....I've always looked at it like our looks mean pretty close to absolutely nothing on however your 1-10 works. It's quite possible for a 4 in looks to be considered a 10 if your a man, depending on personality/social life.....at least that's always been the way I looked at it. Seems true enough to me. I don't think I understand what you mean by a 4.

Question though....I do agree with you on the perceived imbalance there.....but why would a guy choose to settle for less than what he actually wants when he doesn't have to and can actually get it? I mean what incentive is there?
 
Fenner

Fenner

Senior Member
#62
Jan 26, 2013
7,507
111
0
#62
This makes me wonder what number I am? Hmmm, welp who cares, that was fleeting.
 
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Donkeyfish07

Guest
#63
#63
rachelsedge said:
I almost made that same comment, about being halfway there! :p

To me, when I hear guys say "Well, we're wired to be more visual" it just seems to be an excuse to ogle and put physical looks on a pedestal. The way it's approached makes it seem like 1) Girls aren't visual and 2) they are allowed to get hung up on looks because they simply can't help it.

On the other hand, you often hear "Girls are wired to be more emotional". Again, I think that gives off the excuse of 1) Guys are not emotional and 2) Us females are allowed to let our emotions run us because we can't help it.

I know that God created males and females different. I'm not saying that I don't think it's true; I think that men tend to be more visual and women tend to be more emotional. But that should never be an excuse, and often when I hear "I'm just wired that way", that's exactly what it is.

Hopefully that answered it. :)
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I agree with Catherder..... it's never an excuse to be pervy........but hey, I do think it's true....not that it makes it a good thing but we are that way ya know.
 
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Donkeyfish07

Guest
#64
#64
CatHerder said:
Even though physical attractiveness fades over time and is not nearly as important as her other qualities, physical attractiveness is a factor. I'm getting sick of men being thought of as shallow or feeling like they need to apologize for having preferences.
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I actually tend to think we are, in general. You may be an exception but I think the majority of us meet anyone's definition of the word. I don't really disagree with anything Misty said about men in general.
 
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kayem77

Guest
#65
#65
This thread started as something good and positive and now it's like...

oprah-running-away-from-things-lion-king.jpg
 
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djness

Guest
#67
#67
rachelsedge said:
42.37 times. :p

It's funny that every time a "What Men Want" thread comes up, looks/attraction is always brought up, but not so much on the women's threads. Guys are visual, but you know what, girls are too. I think that "Guys are visual" is as much of a cop out as "Girls aren't visual". Us females don't get to play the "We aren't attracted to how a guy looks, just his character" card. Can't we just accept that physical attraction does play a part, and if it plays too much of a part, do you really want to date that guy/gal anyway?
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I like the fact that you and meggars are at least honest.

I have sat in cc for hours on end and listened to women talk about what guy is hot but as soon as a guy says he thinks a woman is good looking our entire half of the human race gets called shallow. It's nice to know that at least two women are willing to be honest with themselves and what they want.
 
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kayem77

Guest
#68
#68
I think no woman can deny that we are attracted to physical appearance too. When I read the OP, I thought that was implied in the text. The point was, and correct me if I'm wrong, that physical appearance is not what matters the most. You can be attracted to a hot guy/girl and start dating them, but then you realize that they don't have a strong relationship with God and don't care to change that. You realize that they don't appreciate your personality. You realize that she doesn't support your decisions or that he isn't there for you when you need him. And that's when you wake up and say.....what matters the most is not how hot someone is. Isn't that the message for both men and women?
 
Misty77

Misty77

Senior Member
#69
Aug 30, 2013
1,746
45
0
#69
Donkeyfish07 said:
I'm curious as to how your rating the men.....I've always looked at it like our looks mean pretty close to absolutely nothing on however your 1-10 works. It's quite possible for a 4 in looks to be considered a 10 if your a man, depending on personality/social life.....at least that's always been the way I looked at it. Seems true enough to me. I don't think I understand what you mean by a 4.

Question though....I do agree with you on the perceived imbalance there.....but why would a guy choose to settle for less than what he actually wants when he doesn't have to and can actually get it? I mean what incentive is there?
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Just because I don't value a relationship based on appearance, doesn't mean that it isn't noted. :)


In reference to settling, I understand completely. It could be that since I live and work near a lot of affluence, that the level of attractiveness is supplemented by the financial success of the men. There is a disproportionate number of unemployed, wealthy wives (some could even be referred to as "trophy wives) here in the suburbs north of Dallas compared with other areas (LA not included).


My problem is with the expectations of what one is owed (yeah, women are guilty of this, too, but in other ways). It's when someone is automatically written off on surface value without taking the other qualities into consideration. And beauty is the most fleeting of all the qualities. Physical appearance changes with age, childbirth, stress, and health. It requires time and money dedicated to fighting the damage caused by the inevitability of time. Character, intelligence, strength, passion, and kindness are what you need to navigate life.
 
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Ugly

Guest
#70
#70
I've said all along, a woman needs to be physically attractive to me. By whatever standards that is for ME. Some women act like i'm evil for it. But oh well. They aren't interested in me anyways, so why should they care either way? I've yet to meet a woman who can 100% truly say looks aren't a factor for them anyways. They say it, but always end up with nice looking guys.
 
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Donkeyfish07

Guest
#71
#71
kayem77 said:
I think no woman can deny that we are attracted to physical appearance too. When I read the OP, I thought that was implied in the text. The point was, and correct me if I'm wrong, that physical appearance is not what matters the most. You can be attracted to a hot guy/girl and start dating them, but then you realize that they don't have a strong relationship with God and don't care to change that. You realize that they don't appreciate your personality. You realize that she doesn't support your decisions or that he isn't there for you when you need him. And that's when you wake up and say.....what matters the most is not how hot someone is. Isn't that the message for both men and women?
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Exactly. That was the whole point.....we could talk about the looks issue all day long. I know I personally place too much value on it, and it's a personal weakness.....but what you posted is great. The core qualities someone has is far more important. If your going to grow old with someone and stay with them your whole life....the looks are going to leave both of you. If anyone here is lucky enough to have that with another person in their life.....they're not going to look back on the last 50 years of being happily married and be the least bit worried about looks. It's a fleeting quality of youth.
 
Misty77

Misty77

Senior Member
#72
Aug 30, 2013
1,746
45
0
#72
kayem77 said:
This thread started as something good and positive and now it's like...

View attachment 63924
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I fail to see how it is no longer positive. We are logically exchanging ideas from various viewpoints, for the most part. That is how "iron sharpens iron." We flesh out our ideas and beliefs when they are challenged because we are forced to analyze our opponents (from a debate standpoint) and to defend our own positions. I actually think we are making headway, but I could be wrong.
 
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KJV15John11

Guest
#73
#73
Fenner said:
This makes me wonder what number I am? Hmmm, welp who cares, that was fleeting.
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On this thread, you are number 62. Just look at the number in the upper right corner of your post in the blue band. You're welcome. Anytime I can help. :)
 
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Donkeyfish07

Guest
#74
#74
Misty77 said:
In reference to settling, I understand completely. It could be that since I live and work near a lot of affluence, that the level of attractiveness is supplemented by the financial success of the men. There is a disproportionate number of unemployed, wealthy wives (some could even be referred to as "trophy wives) here in the suburbs north of Dallas compared with other areas (LA not included).


My problem is with the expectations of what one is owed (yeah, women are guilty of this, too, but in other ways). It's when someone is automatically written off on surface value without taking the other qualities into consideration. And beauty is the most fleeting of all the qualities. .
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Well society has changed though....since the feminist revolution thingy ma bobber.......women can work and make their own money now. We don't HAVE to be providers. Some women actually prefer to support themselves. We're just figuring out as a gender....hey, we don't have to do this anymore. We no longer have to bring any financial incentives to the table at all if we don't want to. The available number of beautiful women that do not expect us to provide for them is pretty high. Heck, it's 100% possible to go on dates and never even pay for dinner if you really want to do things that way.

I don't think it's so much a matter of what men think they're "owed"....it's more like there's just so many options to choose from. Of course, you would think it wouldn't spill over into Church circles the way it is but it seems to be that way.
 
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KJV15John11

Guest
#75
#75
For me, a woman's personality greatly affects her beauty. Just consider Angelina Jolie and Jazelle What's-her-face (Mrs. Tom Brady). Both have been advertised as the world's most beautiful women, and yet, I would rather spend my life completely alone than have to spend any time with either. Nothing can kill the attractiveness on the outside like the ugliness on the inside.
 
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kayem77

Guest
#76
#76
Misty77 said:
I fail to see how it is no longer positive. We are logically exchanging ideas from various viewpoints, for the most part. That is how "iron sharpens iron." We flesh out our ideas and beliefs when they are challenged because we are forced to analyze our opponents (from a debate standpoint) and to defend our own positions. I actually think we are making headway, but I could be wrong.
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Well it appeared to me that a thread which was supposed to be about how physical appearance, financial status, etc weren't the most important things in a relationship , was placing those very things on a pedestal. We all have preferences, it's not sinful, but to bring it up again and again is like saying ''hey this is not very important but, really, those things are awesome, seriously awesome, like really..'' I have nothing against exchaning ideas, I was just trying to understand what was being said here.

We all like a good looking man. We are not asexual. Men aren't either, and I get that. But as a woman, I wanna be appreciated for more than my looks. I wanna be complimented for my looks by my husband of course, but I wanna have a deeper emotional and spiritual connection. As Christians, I think most people feel that way.
 
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meggars

Guest
#77
#77
djness said:
I like the fact that you and meggars are at least honest.

I have sat in cc for hours on end and listened to women talk about what guy is hot but as soon as a guy says he thinks a woman is good looking our entire half of the human race gets called shallow. It's nice to know that at least two women are willing to be honest with themselves and what they want.
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''at least" we're honest, Rachel ;)......DJ, the implication is that it's still a negative thing to have to find a person attractive in some way for you to have a relationsihp with them. It makes it sound like ''Looks shouldn't matter, period....and it's dumb that you think they do but...I guess....at least you're not a liar?"

I think the problem lies in putting the desire to be attracted to the person you're with (or have the potential to be with) in a negative light. Why is it a bad thing to want to be attracted to your man/woman of choice? Were we not given eyes and a concept of beauty (subjective as it may be...)? Why wouldn't we use these things when factoring in what's important to us in a potential significant other? If attraction was never meant to play any sort of role in the propogation of the human race we might as well have been made into androgenous cookie cutter clones of each other rather than uniquely designed people put together by an artistic creator.

Ugly said:
I've said all along, a woman needs to be physically attractive to me. By whatever standards that is for ME. Some women act like i'm evil for it. But oh well. They aren't interested in me anyways, so why should they care either way? I've yet to meet a woman who can 100% truly say looks aren't a factor for them anyways. They say it, but always end up with nice looking guys.
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There it is! There's no reason to get upset if you don't match up to what a particular person finds attractive. That just means they aren't for you, so what does it matter what they want?...keep looking. Just because a person is looking for ''A'' and you are ''B'' is no reason to get offended. Just move on and find someone who wants ''B''. They're out there because everybody's concept of ''attractive'' is different.

Anyhoo...for those who think people shouldn't be attracted to the typically good looking individuals out there...is it fair to expect that nobody should be attracted to the typical thin/muscular, gorgeous/handsome person because it's "shallow"? Is it impossible to imagine that they would be perfectly decent and nice human beings who also deserve love? :p
 
Misty77

Misty77

Senior Member
#78
Aug 30, 2013
1,746
45
0
#78
meggars said:
I think the problem lies in putting the desire to be attracted to the person you're with (or have the potential to be with) in a negative light. Why is it a bad thing to want to be attracted to your man/woman of choice? Were we not given eyes and a concept of beauty (subjective as it may be...)? Why wouldn't we use these things when factoring in what's important to us in a potential significant other? If attraction was never meant to play any sort of role in the propogation of the human race we might as well have been made into androgenous cookie cutter clones of each other rather than uniquely designed people put together by an artistic creator.

There it is! There's no reason to get upset if you don't match up to what a particular person finds attractive. That just means they aren't for you, so what does it matter what they want?...keep looking. Just because a person is looking for ''A'' and you are ''B'' is no reason to get offended. Just move on and find someone who wants ''B''. They're out there because everybody's concept of ''attractive'' is different.

Anyhoo...for those who think people shouldn't be attracted to the typically good looking individuals out there...is it fair to expect that nobody should be attracted to the typical thin/muscular, gorgeous/handsome person because it's "shallow"? Is it impossible to imagine that they would be perfectly decent and nice human beings who also deserve love? :p
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I don't think anyone is arguing against dating attractive people. Appearance and character are not inversely related. I think the discussion is about whether men should open that pool of potential dates to those who don't fit the most rigid standards of attraction. To consider being a little more open-minded. Again, it's not binary. It's not either/or. Just a request to consider being a little more inclusive.
 
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Tintin

Guest
#79
#79
I think I wore out the Like button in this thread. But Kayem, please keep Oprah away from The Lion King. Or at least put her in Mufusa's place! :)
 
Descyple

Descyple

Senior Member
#80
Jun 7, 2010
3,023
48
48
#80
Grace-Like-Rain said:
All that... AND quoting Thomas Watson?? I feel faint...
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Hey Grace, I use Thomas Watson quotes as my flirtation anchor for all the Puritan-minded women out there, and it works every time!!!

Looks like it has worked yet again! And don't worry if you faint, I will catch you with my bubbly charm.

Now I'm going to go find another Thomas Watson quote to end this post with and seal the deal!!!
 
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